How Good Are Your Personal Boundaries?

A personal boundary is the emotional, physical, or spiritual space between you and another person. Are your boundaries so loose that you often say "yes" while thinking "no"? Are they so rigid that you will never be swayed? Or are they just right--firm yet flexible? Take our quiz to find out.

Andrea Ferretti is deputy editor of Yoga Journal. She lives and writes in San Francisco.

Your co-worker constantly barges into your office and overstays her welcome. Do you:

Let her talk until you are sweating with discomfort and get rid of her by telling her you have to go to the bathroom.

Talk to her for a few minutes and then firmly tell her that you have to work.

Ignore her. She only goes away if you’re rude to her.

When a new friend invites you for her birthday dinner and you have to decline, do you:

Tell her that you’d love to, but you can’t make it this time.

Try to change the plans so she comes over to your place when it works with your schedule.

Apologize profusely, offering a 20-minute explanation for why you can’t make it, and then feel guilty about it.

When a close friend complains to you about a relationship problem you’ve heard a million times, do you:

Tell her exactly what she is doing wrong and how she needs to fix it.

Pretend to listen to her again even though you’re totally bored.

Listen to her but point out that she’s been having this problem for a while and suggest that she seek some guidance from a therapist or spiritual advisor.

You’re the lead on a project at work and, due to a miscommunication with one of your employees, the project won’t launch on time. Do you:

Tell your boss tearfully what happened and that you understand if she needs to fire you.

Figure out a reasonable new launch date and calmly tell your boss.

Fire the employee and inform your boss that it was your employee’s fault the project is late.

When the phone rings and you’re not in the mood to talk, do you:

Tell your roommate/partner/spouse to lie and say you’re not home.

Pick up the phone, tell your friend the truth, and tell her that you’d like to call her back later.

Act distant on the phone so that your friend will want to hang up quickly.

When you meet someone for the first time, would you touch them casually a few times on the back or shoulder?

No, I don’t like touching close friends intimately, let alone acquaintances.

Sure, if I immediately liked the person.

No, I think shaking someone’s hand is the most appropriate form of touch the first time I meet someone.

You think you’ve done a great job at work this year and you’d like a raise. Do you:

Set up a time to talk to your boss and ask her directly, providing examples of why you deserve it.

Take on extra projects and hope that she’ll reward you for working so hard.

Keep quiet about your desires but decide to find a job elsewhere if they don’t reward you within a few months.

When you’re throwing a dinner party, how concerned are you that everyone is having a good time?

Very concerned. If I notice that one person isn’t having fun I feel like I’ve failed.

Fairly concerned. I want my friends to have fun so I set the conditions for that to happen, but I can’t control everyone’s mood.

Unconcerned. It’s up to them to decide whether or not to have fun.

If a friend is in the midst of a bad break-up and feeling down, do you:

Feel sad to your core; it pains you to see others in pain.

Hope that she gets over it quickly because you honestly can’t think of anything to say.

Try to be there for your friend by listening to her and comforting her.

How would a new acquaintance describe you:

Cool or reserved; guarded.

Excessively huggy, warm, and willing to tell them your life story immediately.

Friendly, confident, and mature.

When you’re in a romantic relationship, do you:

Trust that your partner loves you or he/she wouldn’t be with you.

Tend to break up with people before the relationship gets too intimate.

Need reassurance that your partner loves you and thinks you’re attractive.

If your partner or someone in your family disagrees with you on an issue that you feel strongly about, do you:

Feel queasy. For some reason it’s scary when people close to you don’t see things the same way you do.

Accept that people can have differences of opinion and still love each other.

Blow it off. It doesn’t really matter how other people feel.

If a friend unwittingly touched you in a way that made you feel uncomfortable, would you:

Recoil and tell her that you never want them to touch you again.

Ignore it; she probably won’t do it again.

Discuss the situation—either in the moment or later that day—explaining that it made you uncomfortable and why.

If someone says something unexpectedly obnoxious—like you’ve gained or lost weight—do you:

Tell them calmly that it’s unacceptable for them to speak to you that way.

Insult them right back.

Feel ashamed and slink away.

When someone is direct and assertive, I:

Feel uncomfortable or threatened – Why do people insist on pushing me around?

Appreciate it – I like to know where people stand.

Feel neutral.

Do you ask for help when you need it?

Yes, from trusted friends and family.

No. I’m extremely self-sufficient. I don’t need anyone else to survive.

Yes, I solicit a lot of opinions, ideas, and help from all different sources when I’m in need.

Do you make friends easily?

Yes, immediately. If I like someone, I share the most intimate details of my life – and sometimes feel uncomfortable after.

No, it takes a very long period of time – if ever. I find it hard to trust people.

It depends on the person and how well we connect.

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