2020-06-04
1

Does the person use physical force or threats of force to make you do something you don't want to do, or to keep you from doing something you want to do?

2

Does the person use verbal weapons such as cursing, name calling, degrading comments, constant criticism, or blaming to get you to do something you don't want to do or to keep you from doing something you want to do?

3

Does the person curse at you, call you names, humiliate you in public, or degrade you when he/she is unhappy with something you do?

4

Does the person force or manipulate you to perform sexually in ways you do not want to?

5

Do you ever feel afraid of the person?

6

Does the person yell, curse, or hurt you physically when he/she is frustrated or angry?

7

Does the person threaten to alienate your children from you or use them to intimidate you into getting what he/she wants?

8

Are you afraid to disagree with the person?

9

When you share your thoughts and feelings about something important to you, does the person ignore, make fun of, or dismiss you?

10

Are you verbally and/or physically abusive toward the person?

11

Does the person always think he/she is right and doesn't stop arguing with you until you're worn out or give in?

12

Does the person make most of your decisions for you?

13

Does the person control the family money, giving you little or no say?

14

Have you given up things that were important to you because the person pressured you?

15

Does the person pout or withdraw from you for extended periods of time when he/she is angry or upset with you?

16

When you ask for a time out or don't want to talk about something anymore, does the person keep badgering you to engage?

17

Does the person lie to you?

18

Have you observed the person lying to others?

19

Does the person tell you something didn't happen when you know it did?

20

Does the person tell you he/she didn't say something when you're pretty sure he/she did?

21

Does the person depend on you to meet all his/her needs?

22

Do you feel more like a child than an adult in the relationship?

23

Are you emotionally devastated when the person is upset with you or doesn't want to be in relationship with you?

24

When you try to talk with the person about something that's bothering you, do you end up feeling like the trouble is your fault?

25

When the person does something wrong, does he/she blame you or anyone else for it?

26

Does the other person make excuses for his/her behavior (anger, jealousy, lies)?

27

Do you feel loved and cared for in the relationship?

28

Can you safely express an opinion that is different from the person's?

29

Does the person show interest in you and your needs?

30

Are you able to express your honest thoughts and feelings with the person?

31

When the person does something wrong, does he/she admit it and take responsibility for it?

Your result is:

You have answered "never" or "rarely" on nearly every question. Your relationship is not unhealthy or toxic. Every relationship has ways in which it can improve and grow, but rest assured that yours is starting from a healthy place. Based on your answers, mutual caring, mutual honesty and mutual respect are regularly demonstrated in your relationship.
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Your result is:

There are some toxic elements in your relationship even if they do not occur frequently. Mutual caring, mutual honesty and mutual respect are the bedrock foundation of all healthy relationships. When these essentials are missing or not practiced mutually, the relationship deteriorates and becomes unhealthy. If the problems are left unaddressed or unchanged, they will continue to hurt you, your partner, and your relationship. Begin to have a dialogue with the other person about the problems you're experiencing. Invite healthy change.
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Your result is:

In some ways your relationship is unhealthy and destructive. All healthy relationships require mutual caring, mutual honesty and mutual respect to flourish. Your relationship lacks some or all of these elements. Whether you are the victim or perpetrator, changing this pattern begins with you. Ask yourself what is your part? For example if you're a repeated victim, why have you allowed yourself to be treated in this way? Get some support to make changes. It's too hard to do it alone.
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Your result is:

You are definitely in a destructive relationship and likely in an abusive one as well. Destructive relationships contain some or all of these five elements: 1. Physical, emotional, verbal or sexual abuse. 2. One person is regularly overprotective, overbearing and controlling toward the other. 3. One person is overdependent upon the other to affirm his or her personal value and worth, to meet most of his or her needs, and to make most of his or her decisions. 4. One person demonstrates a pattern of deceiving the other through lying, hiding, pretending, misleading, or twisting information to make something appear other than what it is. 5. One person exhibits chronic indifference, neglect, or both toward the thoughts, feelings, or well-being of the other. Start taking steps to identify your patterns in this relationship in order to invite mutual change or step back from the relationship so that you can heal. You cannot make a relationship work all by yourself. You can make it better, but you can't fix this alone
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