Make Your Relationship Work


Valentine’s Day is often a day that single people loathe. It’s a non-stop red-and-pink reminder that you are single. I understand this. I know women who send themselves flowers at work just so people don’t realize that they’re alone. Again, I understand. But the truth is, being single on Valentine’s Day really isn’t that bad. And here’s why.

There are two kinds of single people on Valentine’s Day. The first group are the ones that show up in movies at home sulking, eating ice cream and watching Jerry Maguire wondering why Cuba Gooding, Jr cries in every movie he’s ever been featured in.

The second group, however, are the people who say f*ck it and go out on Valentine’s Day to the clubs or parties with the gazillion other single people wooking por nub in aw da wong pwaces. There are throngs of people out there who refuse to be held back by their singleness and actually go have fun, in the name of love, on Valentine’s Day. And let me tell you, there’s nothing more fun than a group of people celebrating love for the hell of it.

Party, party, party, let’s all get wasted. So not only can you find a good crowd of fun and attractive single people to hang out with, these are all potential suitors. Think about it, they know it’s Valentine’s Day and even in a small way probably wish they had a date, just because. What that means is that you can go out and meet your new boo (haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay boo) and celebrate the impromptu evening at a bar talking about the kinds of things that might make you all want to stay in touch once you both part ways. It’s the perfect day to meet somebody new!

For the low low.

I can’t lie, as a dude, when I think of Valentine’s Day, I think of the money drain. While I love the romance of the day, have you ordered flowers lately?? They cost two arms and one stanky leg. If you add in some jewelry or some nice other gift, you’re talking about going two dubs on half of a baby.

Oh, and two dubs = $200. That’s without the requisite dinner reservations at the eatery you’d never go to if you didn’t have to. Point is, we love our women so we do what is expected and hopefully something that isn’t, but women can get away with a card, some good lovin’ and lookin’ sexxy.

Either way, being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a downer. It can be a day to celebrate love anyway with a bunch of other people who want to do the same. So if you’re single come Monday, just find a bar to go and go meet somebody new. You never know who you could be talking to…it could be your last time meeting a prospective life partner.


miguel-bruna-503098-unsplashI usually avoid these battle-of-the-sexes type of articles, especially as we continue to discover that men and women aren’t so different after all. But when a popular magazine (even if it is Cosmopolitan) declares they’ve documented several areas in which women are better than men, I need to read that.

It’s not that I don’t believe them–you’re talking to a guy who happily admits that the women in his life are superior to him in innumerable ways–but these are some serious findings. Not surprising, mind you, just serious, even if you apply the usual naysayer’s caveats about questionable sources (hi, Daily News!) and methodology.

Read on and tell me what you think. (Note: this is an abbreviated list. Please read the full article here.)

Women learn better

study done at the University of Georgia and Columbia University found that women are better learners, and tend to be more attentive, flexible, and organized.

Women are smarter

According to a study of IQ tests from around the world by researcher James Flynn, women have higher IQs than men.

Women interview better

A study out of Canada found that women are better at handling the stress of a job interview. Women are more nervous prior to interviewing but perform better in the actual moment.

Women evolve hotter

A study revealed that women are getting better looking through evolution while men are staying the same. But isn’t that a subjective measure?

Women survive car accidents more often

Men are 77 percent more likely to die in a car accident than women, according to a study done by Carnegie Mellon University.

Women graduate college more often

We already know that female enrollment is higher than male, but the Department of Education’s statistics reveal that men are also less likely than women to graduate and get their bachelor’s degrees.

Women have stronger immune systems

A study done by McGill University indicated that estrogen gives women an edge when it comes to fighting off infections. This might explain why men don’t seem to handle illness as well as their female counterparts.

Women are better managers, especially in this economy
Women make greater bosses, some believe, because they are better listeners, mentors, problem solvers, and multitaskers than men. In a Daily News article, management expert Jay Forte said, “It’s a very service-oriented economy [right now]. Women are better connectors than men and more astute about knowing how to activate passion in their employees.”


A few weeks ago someone asked me, “What’s up with men and Asians? Why do you go so crazy for them?” The answer was simple, Asian women are considered “exotic”. There’s something different, appearance wise and culturally, that make them stand more than other women. While this answer may be true for many men, it’s not completely accurate. In most cases, this answer applies to American Men, or American Men in areas where there isn’t much diversity. I’m sure, at the same time this question was being asked, some women in Tokyo was asking her male friend, “What’s up with men and White women? Why do you go so crazy for them?”

Men, universally, are drawn to a woman’s uniqueness. There’s several ways a woman can be unique.

Some women are seen are more “exotic” than others. Look thru any male magazine and look at the type of women we stereotypically go crazy for. Very rarely are these the “Girls Next Door,” they are very distinct, unique looking women. I’m talking beyond just the size of a woman’s breasts and how toned she is, I’m talking about the physical and cultural attributes that make her different from any other woman. Depending on where you live, a woman with an accent, not common to the area, would general more attention. The same can be said about hair color, eye color, height, language, daily rituals, common clothing; the list is endless. There are very unique attributes to certain women, that captivate our attention.

Uniqueness isn’t solely based on physical characteristics. There’s personality, activities, and personal preferences that make certain women more unique than others. The same way physical and ethnic traits can be deemed as unique, so are the other characteristics that make a woman who they are. For instance, a woman who loves a particular sport, or sports team, would draw more interest from guys who enjoy watching that sport or sport team. A girl who’s a Jets fan will always get my attention than a girl who just enjoys football, an example of an exotic woman would be someone who loves all of my favorite sports teams, can kick my butt in Street Fighter, and looks like a supermodel. For my friends, the combinations are different, different teams, sports, activities, and traits that make them who they are.

You can’t just look pretty, or just like sports, there’s certain combination that draw the attention of certain men. This isn’t a math formula, you can’t plugin-in “Likes Sports” and “Has Great Legs” to get a the guy that you want. Instead, you need to stand out from the other women in his life. Big boobs doesn’t just cut it.


Yes, I know, you want to lose weight, stop smoking, exercise and be better to yourself in 2019. Good for you; those are fine goals. But let’s get a little more specific in the coming year, shall we? I’m just gonna riff here. No one can do all these things, but try a few and see what happens.

1.     Smile more.
2.     Yell less.
3.     Take more bubble baths.
4.     Read more books.
5.     Be grateful.
6.     Give someone the benefit of the doubt.
7.     Drink champagne.
8.     Try a dish you’ve never had before.
9.     Refuse to worry.
10.    Ask someone out.
11.    Ignore a slight.
12.    Take that vacation even though it’s over your budget. The memories are worth it.
13.    Listen to reggae music.
14.    Turn off the computer and go outside.
15.    Buy an electric bike.
16.    Watch The Sound Of Music.
17.    Buy a foam memory mattress to sleep well.
18.    Stop expecting perfection.
19.    Judge less.
20.    Empathize more.
21.    Buy a better pillow.
22.    Volunteer for a good cause.
23.    Write someone a letter by hand and mail it.
24.    Start a journal.
25.    Watch a documentary. True stories are often more powerful than fiction.
26.    Tip well for good service.
27.    Don’t text and drive.
28.    Go for a walk in the woods.
29.    Listen more than you talk.
30.    Read Mary Karr’s The Liars Club.
31.    Drink more water.
32.    Thank a vet for serving.
33.    Get a checkup.
34.    Go to the after-work party once, even if you dislike your co-workers.
35.    Listen to old Bill Cosby comedy routines.
36.    Make the right choice, even if it’s the hard one.
37.    Grow something.
38.    Encourage someone.
39.    Forgive yourself.
40.    Go to a museum.
41.    Make something with your hands.
42.    Tell someone you love them, even if it’s embarrassing.
43.    Be honest.
44.    Learn CPR.
45.    Never give up on your dreams no matter how impossible they seem.
46.    Splurge on an article of clothing.
47.    Take a train ride somewhere.
48.    Focus on what’s good about someone instead of what’s bad.
49.    Stay at a bed and breakfast.
50.    Don’t give other people the power to determine how you feel about yourself.
51.    Take a day off for no reason.
52.    Be quick to praise.
53.    Be slow to criticize.
54.    Listen to the Les Misérables soundtrack
55.    Watch Roman Holiday.
56.    Do something that frightens you.
57.    Laugh loudly.
58.    Fart proudly.
59.    Order the special.
60.    Find time for quiet moments in your day.
61.    Call an old friend out of the blue.
62.    Make up with someone.
63.    Have dessert.
64.    Show respect for all living things.
65.    Skip that last drink–you don’t need it.
66.    Stand up for someone.
67.    Remember that grief is not weakness, but part of the healing process.
68.    Rid your life of people who are jealous, bitter, petty or mean-spirited.
69.    Read Shakespeare.
70.    Take responsibility for your mistakes instead of blaming others.
71.    Call your mom.
72.    Stop justifying bad behavior with “I was only kidding.”
73.    Tell someone what you love about them. Be specific.
74.    Put a puzzle together. It will relax you.
75.    Get a mammogram if you are over 40 or have a family history of breast cancer.
76.    Read a Harry Potter book.
77.    Do something nice without worrying about who gets the credit.
78.    Deflect anger with a smile.
79.    Laugh in the face of adversity. It won’t last forever.
80.    Sing aloud, even if you’re terrible.
81.    Spend more time with kids–your own or someone else’s.
82.    Play a board game.
83.    Ride a roller coaster even if it scares you.
84.    Make a list of things you like about yourself and read it when you’re down.
85.    Introduce yourself to the new person.
86.    Stop procrastinating. Do it now.
87.    Get a massage.
88.    Be generous.
89.    Leave town for the weekend.
90.    Sit in a hot tub.
91.    Expect the best in people.
92.    Rub someone’s feet. Preferably someone you know.
93.    Go to a comedy club.
94.    Buy new sheets.
95.    Work late less.
96.    Spend a day doing absolutely nothing productive.
97.    Ignore gossip and refuse to spread it.
98.    Do crossword puzzles.
99.    Skinny dip.
100.  Love people for what they are and forgive them for what they are not.
101.  Keep your promises and don’t promise what you can’t do.

How about you? What are your resolutions for the new year?

May your 2019 be filled with peace, joy, grace, and love.