What do you do when you’re too shy to even walk over to the woman of your dreams? Here’s how to gain the courage you need to approach her and lose your shyness forever.
For men, shyness is probably the single most common problem when it comes to offline dating. That’s because if you’re too shy to approach a woman, all of your other fine qualities are wasted. You might be the world’s finest conversationalist, a great listener and have a huge heart, but no woman’s ever going to find out if she never meets you. A recent study by Meetville showed that shy men have a tendency to think of internet relationships as easier, safer, and better controlled than in-person relationships.
Fortunately, it’s easy to gain confidence – it’s not something you have to be born with and it’s not something that only comes from wealth, career success or fame. You can learn to be confident enough to approach any woman, no matter how shy you are.
Most shy men stumble on the first step – plucking up the courage to walk across the room. Knowing how to talk to women is just as important, but that’s a topic worthy of its own article. Here’s a three-step plan for overcoming shyness that’ll let you rapidly gain confidence and approach any woman.
Deal with your Fear on the Intellectual Level
Acknowledge that what you’re about to do isn’t impossible – You meet new women and talk to them every day, even if it’s just the girl on the checkout. The problem isn’t what you’re about to do, it’s how you see it – overcoming shyness is all about understanding that the problem lies between your ears.
Imagine your Worst-Case Scenario
To almost all men, this is the woman yelling at them or making them look stupid in front of the rest of the room. Now realize that this is extremely unlikely to happen unless you either approach at the wrong time (say, when the woman is drunk), or approach badly (with a cheesy line or groping). Neither of these are things you’re going to do. This only leaves the very rare, completely random bad reaction that could happen to any man. Letting fear of this stop you is like never leaving your house in case you’re hit by a meteor.
Understand that getting a ‘No’ is Not a Bad Thing
This is the most important step of all. While the worst-case scenario is very unlikely to happen, once you start approaching women you will hear ‘No’. There are plenty of ways to reduce the amount of negative responses you get, but none of them – not even the ‘magic’ methods favoured by the pick-up artists – will guarantee that you’ll never get a ‘No’. This is because there are a vast number of factors that will always be out of your control. Everything from past relationships the woman has had to the mood she’s in at that exact moment can affect the answer you get. Even the things you can control – like your clothes and hair style – don’t have a ‘perfect’ solution that will ensure you’ll never get a ‘No’.
Simply put, this isn’t about approaching women and getting a ‘Yes’. It’s about approaching women. The ‘Yes’ will take care of itself, all else being equal. It doesn’t matter whether you have to approach two women or two hundred to get the ‘Yes’ you want – once you realize that approaching is easy.
Overcoming Shyness Forever
What’s left? Experience. This article allows you to get over your fear and make the first approach – the second will be infinitely easier. The fastest way to erase your fear forever is to make tens of approaches in just one night: approach every woman you see. Soon you’ll be able to approach any woman, however beautiful. What do you say to them once you’ve approached? Try this article on talking to women.