For thousands of years poets and philosophers have commented on the complexities of the human heart and how difficult it can be to find True Love — and that was before people had to remember their username and password on a dating site. All the same basics still apply though, and if you want to understand a person’s Love Style in their birth chart, you start with Venus. Let’s have a look at the basics for the first two Venus Signs, and then check out their recent activity on the Internet as they search for love and companionship in between watching adorable kitten videos)
VENUS IN ARIES
Venus in Aries is no blushing bride or wallflower: she’s into adventure. This is considered a “debilitated” placement for Venus, and maybe that’s why she isn’t so “ladylike” in this Sign. Venus in Aries often needs more than the average amount of attention in a relationship, but if you’re doing the relationship right, your partner will return the favor. Venus in Aries people are good at (and are fond of) impulsive romantic gestures, surprise gifts, and stalking. Even women with Venus in Aries like to be the Knight in Shining Armor in their relationships in one form or another. If someone can find a way to keep the excitement ongoing in a relationship with this Venus, they’ve got someone they can keep for life. Probably, that is, until she gets bored.
“Dear PantherFan66: Thanks for writing back! To answer your question, yes I am still available and still interested. So here’s what I propose: Friday, 8 PM, Mickey McFlynn’s. Get there 15 minutes early — I want one of those tables in the back corner. Order the nachos to start. I won’t be hungry, but I want to watch your technique. You have a maximum of 20 minutes to discuss your romantic past, then it’s my turn. We’ll stay there until 11:15, at which time we can either leave together or I can pretend to get a call telling me my place is on fire and I’ll leave. If I’m still there, we can come back to my place, have sex for 45 minutes, and if you do a good enough job, we can catch a movie Saturday.”
VENUS IN TAURUS
Earning the affections of someone with Venus in Taurus can be like trying to pry the lid off the sweetest jar of pickles on the shelf: it’s a lot of work, you’ll be expected to strain, and (if that lid ever comes off) it’s worth the effort. Venus in Taurus is more fond of food and material comfort than the average person, and probably has some talent at providing one or the other. Affections are strong and steady with this placement. Venus in Taurus has mastered the art of the cuddle. She have a lot of the qualities that people look for in a mate, which is probably why Venus in Taurus tends to be a little lazy in the pursuit of love… when you’ve got the goods, let the other guy do the work. This Venus Sign comes equipped with a good sense of fashion and a bad sense of compromise, so it’s important that your mate look good, and look good with you.
“Hello gentlemen. I’m an affectionate and caring woman who is seeking her soul mate. I don’t particularly care what you do for a living or what you look like, provided you are employed in the financial sector, and are at least a 7.5 out of 10. I would prefer a man who takes care of himself and exercises regularly, as this will help balance out my fondness for anything deep fried. If this sounds interesting, write me today. Also, please send an outline of what you plan for our first date, and a description of the car you’ll pick me up in (Prius owners need not apply). Race is not important, but I prefer a man who doesn’t clash with my new living room set, which I am still paying for.”
NEXT TIME: Venus in Gemini and Venus in Cancer (or, “how to get happy with Yappy and Sappy”)
“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
-Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland
(No real spoilers here. You’re safe, for now)
I admit it. I thought I was going to be clever the last time I wrote about HBO’s The Leftovers. Season Three — the final season for what’s shaping up to be one of the greatest artistic statements ever made on American Television — concerns itself with the seventh anniversary of The Sudden Departure: a mysterious event where an apparently random two percent of the world’s population simply vanished, without explanation or return. I wrote about the show in terms of Saturn. You see, seven years is one quarter of a Saturn Cycle, and that’s a time when…
No. It’s not that simple. We are both part of and yet separate from the astrological process, just as we are more than just our DNA or upbringing or circumstances. No one system describes us completely, and each perspective on us is subject to uncertainty. In astrological terms, that’s much more a parallel to Neptune than Saturn.
Saturn limits us and constricts us and makes the electronics stop working when we need them to. Saturn does things in the concrete and material world. It makes our loved ones vanish without ever giving us a proper answer as to “why.” Neptune speaks in the languages of spirituality and fiction and visions and madness. And just because you don’t understand a language doesn’t mean that someone is lying to you with it. Saturn demands answers in its language, and Neptune provides them in fluent Neptunian. Poor Saturn. He’s limited to grasping at those answers in terms of One God Who Is Three Who Is One, or Low Amplitude Denziger Radiation, or whatever.
Don’t entirely understand the dogma? Just go with it, okay? There’s some Truth to be found here somewhere. there is meaning in the madness of those left behind by The Sudden Departure, even if the madness is what you see first. Salvation and absurdity are subject areas both Neptune and The Leftovers understand all too well.
Neptune brings us transcendence, the collective fever dream of an impending Apocalypse, and the hope for a Savior. Saviors are funny things, though. Sometimes they’re real and sometimes they are imaginary. Sometimes they’re a fraud, and sometimes they are the fulfillment of our prayers. Some are born into humble circumstances to a young mother who can’t find a place to stay. Some claim the title in order to gain power over others who are in pain and are seeking Salvation. And, who knows? Maybe next time it could be a cop named Kevin. I guess we’ll see, won’t we?
“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
“He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!”
-Monty Python’s The Life Of Brian
Everybody loves Venus. In your birth chart she rules your love style, the things you like to do when you feel lazy, and your fondness for sweets, among other things. These are all things we spend a lot of our time striving for, and these things are also the source of a lot of our heartbreak, waste, and heart disease.
There’s a temptation to call Venus “The Love Planet,” but that would be inaccurate — any love beyond the kind you feel for a really good cookie is a lot more complex than just one planet can cover. Venus in your birth chart also influences your attitude towards money and material resources. It might be more accurate to call Venus the “Sweetness and Light” planet. Those things are certainly related to how people feel about love and money, in much the same way that a flashy car ad is related to future breakdowns, overdue payments, and fender benders.
Did you know that Venus can kill you? Surprise! It’s true. Her style isn’t the same as the knife in the gut Mars prefers or the drug overdose Neptune might hand you or even that freak accident involving the truck full of cattle you read about in the news the other day (Uranus was driving it). When Venus kills you, it’s usually because she’s the bait in the trap.
See that? I just gave you a whole new creative angle with which to look at the role of Venus in your birth chart. Venus likes that sort of thing, and understanding how your own Venus works can help you tap into your creative potential.
Having said all that: yes, Venus does have a fair bit to do with who you love, how you love, and what you love. There are already plenty of “cookbook” descriptions of Venus through the Signs out there, so I’m going to be taking a slightly different approach… one that many of you may already have some experience with.
Have you ever written a personal ad, or read any? Odds are pretty good that you have. Personal ads are both the opening gambit in a potential relationship and (ideally) consist of a creative, catchy, or original way to express what we are looking for. Personal ads don’t always tell the truth, but the do tell a story: the story about ourselves that we’d like others (and ourselves as well) to believe. In the upcoming series on Venus I’ll be presenting here, we’ll have a look at the personal ads she put on the Internet during her last orbit, and some of her responses to the ads others placed.
And hey: why is a nice girl like Venus still single anyway?
I’m so glad you came to me in your darkest hour, Bill. That’s a large part of what I do when I consult with people about their birth charts. Normally, the process of doing a reading involves a lot of back and forth, questions and answers, and conversation in general.
That’s not what I’m going to do for you today, Bill.
Astrology isn’t merely the cataloguing of your components to tell you “who you are” or “what you should do.” Some astrologers complain (and rightly so) about “cookbook” astrology. “Oh, you’re a Gemini? Well, the text here says that means you talk a lot. Therefore, you talk a lot.” There’s a great deal of value in cookbook astrology. After all, planetary placements and aspects do have real meaning and have real effects.
But you (and every other human being) are more than that. You aren’t the recipe, you are the dish. A recipe can tell you how to combine the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies, and you can follow those directions and product an adequate end result. But that recipe may not specify that the butter should ideally be at room temperature (and not melted) when you work it into the dough. It won’t tell you that adding a touch more vanilla will improve the flavor. It won’t tell you that sometimes substituting one type of chip for another can make the cookies better or that pre-heating the cookie sheet can make the edges crispier.
So, go with me on this, Bill: instead of the usual reading, I’m going to look at your birth chart and transits, and give you the answer to the important question that I’m certain you came here to ask me… and then give you a completely non-astrological answer.
I’m looking at your birth chart, Mr. O’Reilly — based on your voter registration card, which is all we know about the matter: born September 10, 1949, in (we think) New York City. Even with that limited information, two things stand out about your birth chart. The first is an almost unaspected Mars in early Leo. Sure, there’s a weak and out-of-quality opposition from Jupiter, but mostly that loud and proud Mars of yours is running around with little to hold it back.
The other thing that stands out to me is your Jupiter in Capricorn, which is trine your Sun, but square your Moon, Mercury, Venus, Neptune, and Nodes. This complex makes you a forceful communicator, and quite possibly someone who is fascinated with power structures.
Under different circumstances, this could have made you a great reformer, a champion of the little guy, an epic historian — and in your own way, you have achieved much of that. But when combined with your Mars, which rules the sex drive, it seems that your Jupiter complex has been directed in large part towards taking advantage of your position of power. Specifically, I refer to the long string of sexual harassment claims (and resulting legal settlements) that have now cost you your job at Fox News.
Astrologically, this was all triggered by transiting Pluto conjunct your Jupiter… which means that transiting Pluto is also squaring your Moon, Mercury, Venus, Neptune, and Nodes. It’s no wonder things have blown up in your face. In a sense, it’s unfortunate there wasn’t anything more epic about your fall — something more Shakespearean, something that could be spun into another one of your best-selling books… not that you’re likely to have too many of those again in future.
So, Bill: I assume your question is “why is all this happening to me?” I’ve outlined all the astrology that went into it, but that really isn’t my answer. That’s a cookbook approach, and it’s not my job to recite dry details. Just today, and just for you, I’m going to give you a much more direct and honest response.
Why is all this happening to you? Because you deserve it, Bill. You deserve it.