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Oh My Stars

matthew currie astrology moon in capricorn(Since The Moon is often associated with the conditions of one’s childhood, here’s Part Ten of a twelve-part series about the Moon in your birth chart — your emotional comfort zone — written from both the perspective of a standard astrological interpretation and a children’s story from the perspective of each Moon Sign. I’ll tuck you in later.)

MOON IN CAPRICORN

Just as Moon in Sagittarius is the life of the party, Moon in Capricorn is the clean-up crew that necessarily must follow afterwards. You have a reputation for being calm, contained, and maybe a little distant. This is because you have a tremendous depth of feeling that needs to be protected by maintaining emotional self-control. This can either eventually drive you (or those who care about you) completely nuts. Moon in Capricorn often comes across as managing its personal relationships with ruthless efficiency, which may be wise but isn’t terribly romantic.

You usually find one thing, place, or person in which to place your sense of emotional security. If that’s another person, you are probably fairly young (and haven’t learned how untrustworthy humans can be) or fairly old (and have spent most of your life overcoming your suspicions). Your defensiveness can be strangely appealing to other people who enjoy solving emotional mysteries, and can be frustrating as hell to everyone else. Moon in Capricorn strives for emotional self-sufficiency, which is as admirable as it is impossible.

THE MOON IN CAPRICORN STORY

“Tell me my name and you can have your baby!” The little man said.

“It’s Rumpelstiltskin!” the Miller’s Daughter said triumphantly.

Rumpelstiltskin pondered this for a moment, and then removed a contract from his back pocket. “Here you go,” he said as he handed it to her. “Spell it right, otherwise the agreement is void!”

The Miller’s Daughter thought about this for a moment and then filled in the form. Rumpelstiltskin examined it and found that, surprisingly, she had gotten it right.

“Okay then,” he said. “Now all you have to do is find a Notary before midnight to make it legal and binding.”

“But it’s 11:30 at night! And it’s a Saturday!” The Miller’s Daughter shouted in disbelief.

Rumpelstiltskin chuckled. “You shoulda read the fine print on the original agreement, sucker.”

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matthew currie astrology moon in sagittarius(Since The Moon is often associated with the conditions of one’s childhood, here’s Part Nine of a twelve-part series about the Moon in your birth chart — your emotional comfort zone — written from both the perspective of a standard astrological interpretation and a children’s story from the perspective of each Moon Sign. I’ll tuck you in later.)

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MOON IN SAGITTARIUS

You are probably what people consider to be “the life of the party.” Unfortunately for you, you also bring that vibe to court hearings and funerals where perhaps that vibe doesn’t belong. People with Moon in Sagittarius are often described as “irrepressible,” and for good reason: there are many times when you can (or should be) repressed. You are caring and sympathetic and have a hard time seeing other people down or depressed. This makes you a supportive friend and makes you tend to take it far too easy on people who should be considered your enemy. This all changes when you find what you think is a “worthy target,” at which time you switch from “easygoing” to “unbearable.” Moon in Sagittarius can become depressed, and on those rare occasions when it does, it throws everything into it.

Moon in Sagittarius often enjoys a wide circle of friends and often takes a playful, fun approach to its closest relationships. This is a problem when your partner gets tired of you always being out playing with your friends. You mean well, of course, but have a hard time understanding that no, we can’t always “just get along.” Moon in Sagittarius functions best in an environment of like-minded individuals, which (in your case) often means children and/or dogs. You often have a gift for seeing the future, which is a good thing, because you don’t pay enough attention to the here and now.

THE MOON IN SAGITTARIUS STORY

“Little pig, little pig, let me in!” The Wolf shouted at the Brick House. After a moment, a silver projectile launched from the upstairs window and landed at the Wolf’s feet. It was a beer can.

“Okay, drink that first!” a voice said from inside.

The Wolf did so, and began to shout again at the House. “Little pig, little pig –“

Another can flew out the window. “Not yet. Keep drinking!” the little voice said from inside the house, where loud dance music soon began thumping.

This process repeated itself for another hour and a half. By the end of the evening, The Big Bad Wolf was inside the brick house, lying on the floor and moaning “I love you guys!” to his new-found friends. He spent most of the night alternately singing and complaining about his lackluster love life to the Three Little Pigs.

The next morning, The Big Bad Wolf awoke before the pigs did, and he promptly ate them.

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matthew currie astrology moon in scorpio(Since The Moon is often associated with the conditions of one’s childhood, here’s Part Eight of a twelve-part series about the Moon in your birth chart — your emotional comfort zone — written from both the perspective of a standard astrological interpretation and a children’s story from the perspective of each Moon Sign. I’ll tuck you in later.)

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MOON IN SCORPIO

Moon in Scorpio has a difficult reputation among a lot of astrologers. People with this placement are often accused of being jealous, controlling, spiteful, and hard to get along with when they are annoyed. That’s unfortunate, because it isn’t your fault that people are so unfaithful, stupid, and disagreeable. It’s just lucky for everyone else that you are here to set them straight, until they either get the point or stop breathing.

People with Moon in Scorpio have deep, intense feelings. If there is anything “surface” about you at all, it’s only for the same reason that the trap-door spider hunts the way it does: it’s more efficient to let your prey come to you and then be surprised. On the positive side, people rarely have to guess how you feel about them. You can be fiercely loyal and unswerving in your opinions. You can also be fiercely unswerving to avoid a collision with someone who is aiming for the same parking spot you had your eye on.

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THE MOON IN SCORPIO STORY

“M-m-my, wh-what b-big eyes y-you have,” The Big Bad Wolf stuttered nervously as the red pinpoint of the laser sight danced on his chest.

“That’s right… “Granny,” Little Red Riding Hood said. “And what are you going to do with them?”
“I — I’m going to… see you with them?” The Wolf hazarded.

“No!” Little Red shouted as she slapped the Wolf across the face. “you’re going to use them to find the kitchen. There, you will cough up Grandma, and you’re going to bake us cookies. Lots of cookies. And you’re going to do it until you get it right!”

The Wolf sobbed. “Isn’t some Woodsman supposed to come in at this point and end my suffering?” The Wolf whimpered.

“Change of plans, Wolfie,” Red said. “He tried to hold me back on the way over here. He won’t be going ANYWHERE for a while…”

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matthew currie astrology amy schumerComedian Amy Schumer released a special on Netflix on March 7th, and the reviews are either pretty good or incredibly bad — dependent, it seems, on whether or not you buy into what the trolls are saying.

As first reported by Splitsider.com, The Leather Special (which debuted on March 7th) accumulated a surprising avalanche of viewer ratings soon after it became first available. Unlike previous efforts by Schumer, the large majority of ratings were negative: as of four days ago, it had received 33 five star reviews and a whopping 710 one star reviews.

It turns out that this is apparently the result of a co-ordinated effort among a small but dedicated group of internet trolls, specifically those found in groups which are often called “Alt-Right.” If you aren’t familiar with the people who describe themselves in these terms — well, it’s too complicated for me to get into here. But if you are a woman or know any or actually like them or perhaps your mother or daughter is/was one, then you should educate yourself about these people.

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Comedians, like comedic tastes, are pretty individualistic. They aren’t the kind of people to readily shut up: after all, talking is the main component of the job. Another part of the job is handling hecklers. Amy Schumer (born June 1, 1981, time unknown, New York, New York) has sold out venues around the world with her comedy and has been known to verbally eviscerate hecklers. Given that she has a very close Mars in Taurus-Uranus in Scorpio opposition in her birth chart, we should perhaps be thankful that it’s only the deserving who have experienced her wrath.

This also raises the question of where “humor” comes from in a birth chart, and again, it’s complicated. Certainly the condition of Mercury and the Third House of the birth chart are factors (unfortunately, without a time of birth, we don’t know which planet rules Amy’s Third House), at least when it comes to communicating a joke.

Jupiter is traditionally associated with humor. In fact, the Ancient Roman alternate name for Jupiter (Jove) is where we get the word “jovial” from. And in his Jokes and Their Relation to the Unconscious, Sigmund Freud theorized that humor is related to what is otherwise being repressed, and thus can be considered a Mars function — a joke is just an observation of something being held back that had to fight its way through to be expressed.

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We can see both from Amy’s actions and her birth chart that she’s more than capable of putting some badly-behaved boys in their place, but astrologically those factors in the birth chart are only part of the story. We also need to ask about the timing involved.

Normally when we’re looking at transits affecting public image and career issues, we need to look at the Midheaven and its ruler, and the transits they are experiencing. In Amy’s case, we are at a disadvantage because we don’t know her time of birth, which determines these things. Nonetheless, there were some distinct transits happening this month for her that could indicate trouble.

First of all, transiting Jupiter is closely conjunct her natal Pluto. A Jupiter transit usually brings growth, expansion, and amplification… and Pluto rules a lot of very deep and explosive things. If this were a mere one-time prank, isolated in scope, we might not see something this big. However, the involvement of Pluto indicates this could be a part of something bigger to come… and this is not the first time the Alt-Right have used their powerful combination of Mad Internet Skillz, Loud Compensation For An Inferiority Complex, and Too Much Spare Time to focus on women in comedy. Consider the case of last year’s female-centric remake of Ghostbusters, which gained notoriety for having the worst-rated trailer of all time on YouTube.

I haven’t seen the new Ghostbusters, but I’ve seen the trailer and there is absolutely no way it’s the worst movie trailer of all time. The reason this film got so heavily downvoted on YouTube was that the haters put their efforts behind a huge online campaign to downvote the trailer. Apparently, your childhood action figures shouldn’t be remade with vaginas. Who knew?

Is this sort of thing likely to happen again? There is an all-female remake of Ocean’s Eleven coming, and Amy Schumer’s next major film role is scheduled to be Barbie, based on the iconic Mattel toy. That film is scheduled to be released in the summer of 2018… when transiting Saturn is square Amy Schumer’s Jupiter-Saturn conjunction, transiting Uranus is square her Nodes. Thus, we can almost certainly expect to hear of Amy getting trolled again. Unless, of course, the trolls suddenly grow up and get a life.

Nah… that ain’t gonna happen.

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