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Oh My Stars

Oh My Stars

Discount Ascension© Part 2: Frequently Asked Questions

posted by Matthew Currie

LAST TIME ON THIS BLOG: Your friendly neighborhood astrologer Matthew Currie was griping at length about New Age practitioners who tack “astrologer” onto their job description without really knowing much astrology, when he was suddenly struck on the head by a copy of Manly P. Hall’s The Secret Teachings of All Ages. At this point Matthew began to channel The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep, an ancient being of great spiritual power and the founder of Discount Ascension©, which embraces both lost ancient spiritual wisdom and modern culture into a single dynamic package designed to get you enlightened in a hurry.

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What is Ascension?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Ascension is when you move upwards and onwards as a spiritual being. In past this has usually been achieved by doing something called “dying.” However in the last few decades some sources have marketed ate notion of Ascension that involves becoming a Being Of Light and leaping out of your body and leaving those other jerks on Earth far behind as you become a profound spiritual being. This will not only make you a supremely enlightened luminous being, but save you a small fortune on funeral expenses.

What is Discount Ascension©?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Discount Ascension© is different because it will cost you less and get you results sooner. By “cost less” I mean it won’t take all of your income, and by “sooner” remember that I speak as an Enlightened Being, and to us all points in time and space take place on a continuum called Real Soon Now.

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What’s with the copyright symbol?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: It’s not a copyright symbol. It is an ancient Lemurian Glyph that contains a great deal of wisdom. The word it represents combines a number of concepts, including “unity with the divine,” “life purpose,” and “these statements are not legally actionable, so don’t even try.”

Why do I need to ascend?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: because as it stands right now your mind is trapped in your body.  Your body is a lumpy, squishy thing like a chrysalis. However, with the proper spiritual guidance, one day that chrysalis could break open and from within will emerge a beautiful rhinoceros.

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Why not a beautiful butterfly?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Are you kidding me? Butterflies never get their way with anything. On the other hand only a maniac interferes with a rhinoceros. Honestly, which would you rather be?

What are the symptoms I may be ready to ascend?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Headache, nausea, stress, irritation, a curiosity about Ascension… or a lack of those symptoms, or some combination of the above. You won’t know for sure until you have booked your first session!

What about previous ascended masters like Jesus, Buddha, Muhammad, Batman…?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: There have been many messengers throughout human history, but as time goes on their essential messages get corrupted. Many religions that once respected peace have now been turned to conflict and warfare. Buddhism eschewed materialism, but you can spend thousand on Buddha trinkets now without ever meditating even once. And that whole current storyline where Bruce Wayne is happily adjusted and has retired and Commissioner Gordon is Batman now? That’s totally bogus, and in your heart you know it.

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Have I had past lives?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Sure you have! Sign up for my exclusive course, “Oh No, Not This Crap Again!”

What about aliens?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Sure, all you want, why not? Sign up for my exclusive course, “Far Beyond TheRegular Weirdos: Maybe You’re One Too!”

Will you help me find my soulmate?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Yeah, you’ve got lots of those, no problem.

Will you help me find my Twin Flame?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Yes, and when you get sick of that one I’ll help you find another Twin Flame.

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Um, okay, Will this at least help me get a date?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Are you flirting with me? Because that’s nice, but you’re already getting the maximum discount.

What about Earth changes? Will there be Earth changes?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: You bet! Big scary ones too! Part of becoming an enlightened master under discount ascension is the ability to stay afraid much of the time… specifically, by maintaining the fear that you haven’t ascended far enough or fast enough before a swarm of earthquakes or the poles reversing or a sharknado gets you.
Yes. I know. This is a shocking thing to hear from an Ascended Master, but I remind you that all ascended masters say shocking things sometimes. Jesus once said: “Let the dead bury their own dead.” Batman once said: “I’ve taken enough grief about calling my g—–n car the g—–n Batmobile. I’m the g—–n Batman and I can call my car whatever the hell I want to.” What’s truly shocking is that you haven’t sent me your donation yet.

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What’s in it for you, Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep?
The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep sayeth: Most Ascended Masters become the focus of huge, wealthy global churches. All I am asking for is a three bedroom condo with a view and maid service. You get saved, and I pass the savings on to you!

Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

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Astrology And Discount Ascension©!

posted by Matthew Currie

It was recently pointed out to me that I am a part of something called “The New Age community.” This knowledge took me some time to process. it’s like being told that your neighborhood is technically Chinatown or Little Italy when you didn’t realize that.

If you are a part of a “community” like Chinatown or Little Italy, you will realize that geographic location is about all you have in common with everyone there… not even ethnicity necessarily. Tony is a great guy, but Giuseppe is a jerk… and stay the heck away from Paulie when he’s drinking. We are all individuals even though we are part of the same larger concept. It’s kind of like that.

Sometimes people will come to me with questions about UFOs or chakras or past life regression that I have zero expertise in, and I will gladly admit to that. However, it has come to my attention over the years that there are some practitioners of New Age Arts other than astrology who will pick up a copy or two of Dell Horoscope or breeze through a Sun Sign compatibility guide and then start billing themselves as a clairvoyant and an astrologer, or a tarot reader and an astrologer, or whatever.

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To me this is not simply like a used car lot that also offers “free balloons for the kids.” It’s more like a used car lot that also offers Pap tests. There’s no reason why a person can’t be both a good tarot reader and be a decent astrologer, but too often practitioners of one predictive art will tack astrology on to the end of their job description based on very little experience.

I am reminded once of a trailer I saw at a County Fair that had a sign out front that announced psychic readings within, with individual charges for astrology and tarot and palm reading and clairvoyance all from the same practitioner. I was tempted at the time to go in and only offer up one palm to read and say something like “I can only afford a very limited future.”

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Yes, some people know what they are doing with both tarot and astrology, or astrology and clairvoyance, or whatever… just as there are some people who are both doctors and engineers. But, you know… there are some people who make a living just by shoveling the same basic hoo-ha under more than one metaphysical banner.

So in light of this, I am now proud to announce that I will soon be offering classes on the brand new (yet really, really ancient) spiritual art of Discount Ascension ©, which I learned about from the Ascended Master whom I channel: The Right Reverend Rama Lama Ding Donghotep, who last walked our world in a fleshly form under the pseudonym of Jack Klugman.

NEXT TIME: you’ll have the rare and precious opportunity to enjoy the enlightening and liberated gift of Discount Ascension ©, which is far and away the most exciting and effective form of pre-Atlantean spiritual wisdom to have emerged in the last week, for ABSOLUTELY FREE (plus $8.95 shipping and handling)!  I hope you will all learn and grow from it, and will all enjoy sending me regular tithes as much as I will enjoy receiving them.

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Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

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The Daily Sky, August 16, 2015: Moon Opposite Chiron

posted by Matthew Currie

Moon in Virgo is genuinely sweet and caring and loves to take care of people. Chiron rules those old wounds but just won’t heal, or that you suspect should maybe just be left alone. What happens when you put the two of them together in an opposition?

I want to talk about my feelings.

No I want to talk about my feelings.

Shut up I want to talk about my feelings!

Get lost you moron I want to talk about my feelings!

…Wash, rinse, and repeat.

Today’s lesson? Be sensitive to others but don’t let them over do it. And don’t overdo it yourself. Can we just watch a movie or something instead?

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Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

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The Daily Sky, August 15 2015: Moon Opposite Neptune

posted by Matthew Currie

For many of us this is the end of a long and stressful week. No harm in blowing off a little steam on a Saturday, right? After last week’s sometimes funky aspects the outlook is good for having a good time today. Moon in Virgo isn’t usually known as a party animal, but when it is opposite Neptune (which is exact at 9:29 PM Eastern/6:29 PM Pacific, but remains in effect through the evening) anything can happen… especially when you consider that the Moon is still within conjunction range of Jupiter.

So: run wild a little this evening, whether that means buying a round for everyone at the bar or watching a movie online with some naughty bits in it. Either way, give yourself a break. but one thing to keep in mind? These aspects can also bring less constructive emotional outlets, so let me leave you with this warning via the wisdom of Sir Elton John… Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting.

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Want a free e-book? Sure you do! Click HERE!

Questions about your birth chart, or astrology in general? Want to know more about my big discount on readings for new clients? Want a free month of my NEW Subscription Service? Write me for details!

CLICK HERE to join the Oh My Stars Facebook Fan Page, and get exclusive content, an additional discount on a reading, more material on blog entries, AND ANOTHER free e-book!

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Discount Ascension© Part 2: Frequently Asked Questions
LAST TIME ON THIS BLOG: Your friendly neighborhood astrologer Matthew Currie was griping at length about New Age practitioners who tack "astrologer" onto their job description without really knowing much astrology, when he was suddenly struck on ...

posted 8:57:15pm Aug. 19, 2015 | read full post »

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