I am a Libra, born October 13th and have found that balance is an essential ingredient in my wellness cookbook. Some work, some play, some rest. Time with friends and family, time in solitude. Time to dance and sing, time to meditate and veg. Kind of a bio-psycho-social version of Ecclesiastes. I find myself singing along to Pete Seeger’s musical rendering of Turn, Turn, Turn as I contemplate what I will share here.
Had another in a series of medical tests today…known as European Thermography, which was ordered to find out what was cooking with a breast nodule that was an ‘incidental finding’ when I had a CT scan for lung lesions. The lesions haven’t grown since their detection in July, which may mean that they are remnants/scar tissue from bronchitis or pneumonia. The body parts that I refer to as ‘the girls’ seem to be in good shape too. We looked at the impact of my zipping and zooming on my adrenals. I have been known to say that I was “running on adrenalin and fumes,” and was “burning the candle at both ends until there was no more wax left.” I would then laugh it off. Not doing that any more.
The session also included a Heart Rate Variability Test which showed a need to slow my pace. I sometimes feel like a racehorse who is constantly galloping on the track and not out to pasture Revving my engine, running on the hamster wheel. I have been going to cardiac rehab 3-6 times a week since July and have pushed my physical and emotional edges to the point of fatigue such that I need a nap right afterward. Do I take one? Not always, since responsibility calls. I have dramatically slowed my pace since my 12 hour plus days when I slept a fraction of that amount at night. My mind was awhirl with work related thoughts and my body couldn’t quite quiet down enough for restorative rest. These days, I work from home and create a sane schedule. I sleep 7-8 hours a night now.
I am exploring the reasons behind this still obsessive need to prove that I can do it….whatever IT is. Maybe it harkens back to being a child with asthma who didn’t want to get left behind. Perhaps that little girl who wore clunky orthopedic shoes and felt different wants to throw off all restrictions. One of the questions that was asked by Dr. Denise Kelley in whose office I received this wake up call, was what my fears were. I am not afraid of death (or public speaking, which many place at an even higher level than dying on the hierarchy of fears), but I do have trepidation around being incapacitated and needing to depend on others to take care of me. And so I have been pushing myself in different ways than I did before. I have wanted to bounce back and have forced recovery. Heeding the message, I took a nap this afternoon.
This Libra is learning that if she wants the scales to be in balance, she needs to be too.