The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Over the past few weeks, I have found myself (or actually lost myself) in a dark forest of despair, sadness, longing for something seemingly elusive, cracked open and grieving years of loss. Along with it came an unreasonable fear that I would never find my way out. Even as a professional in the mental health field, I felt awash in emotion that was confounding. I sought the counsel of wise friends and other professionals. I also incorporated practices that I had encouraged others to use.

*Prayer ( a bunch of conversations with the God of my understanding)




*Time in nature

*EFT (tapping)


*Equine therapy (offering Reiki to horses and reaping the benefit of their energy winging back to me)

*Working out at the gym



*Listening to music





*Chores (believe it or not, folding laundry and doing dishes can be quite therapeutic)

*Positive self talk that reminds me of my strengths.

*Bunches of hugs and cuddles

*Mini temper tantrums during which I would jump up and down, pound the mattress and rant about what was stewing and brewing.

*Crying ….lots and lots of crying.

Some not so startling revelations have arisen. The first is that I am human and am going to have uncomfortable feelings in my lifetime and no amount of attempting to sweep them under the rug will keep them from impacting me. I have the right to experience them in whatever manner they show up, with the caveat that I not use them to harm myself or anyone else. Covering over my vulnerability is like a little kid who hides under the blanket with the idea that if she can’t see you, then you won’t know she is under there. People haven’t gone away because I have shown them this aspect of me. Many have stepped up and offered a helping hand when I have felt like I was slipping over the edge. I also found myself swimming in love soup. I have come to realize even more powerfully how much love I have in my life and how it sustains me.

As I have been feeling like I am on this side of sanity, I am grateful.




Letting Go and Letting In

As much as I would like to think of myself as open minded, non-judgmental and forgiving, brewing underneath that image, is someone who clenches out of fear, can hold a grudge and cling to self righteous indignation. I have reluctantly peered out to witness with dismay that those aspects of myself have made me less accessible to life and love. I consider some of the resentments I have held on to for decades; one from my teens, a few from my 20’s and one four years ago.

Following the heart attack nearly a year and a half ago, I have been on a mission of sorts, to clean up anything that is still hanging around, for my own benefit and hopefully that of other parties involved. Last night, I was perusing articles on line on a topic of interest and I found several written by someone who I perceived had slighted me a few years ago, when she had originally been supportive. Over the years, I have grit my teeth when seeing this person’s name or image. I could feel it eating away at me and wanted the feeling gone. While in recent grief mode that has lasted for the past several weeks, it occurred to me that I have wasted far too much time invested in making other people wrong for living in ways that they may feel are self protective. In truth, their actions may have absolutely nothing to do with me.


I took the risk and reached out to her, sharing my feelings and wanting to clean up anything unresolved between us. I then let it go and went to sleep. I woke up to her loving response as she explained what occurred back then. She thanked me for caring enough to express my feelings. I feel lighter as a result. I can smile when I think of her.

There are others with whom I want to clean up the campground and say what I have withheld out of fear. This, in part comes from the uncertainty of life and how it turns on a dime and can change in a heartbeat. The other reason is that I have allowed these resentments and withholds to create impediments to moving forward in my life. I have dreams and desires that are blocked and need open roads for me to travel.


Some of these people have passed and the conversations need to take place in my heart and mind. Yesterday, my 28 year old son called me because he noticed that I wasn’t at my blissful best when I stopped by to see him at work. He offered his wisdom that I need to let go of the past, including regrets and resentments about my marriage to his father, which ended when Michael died, leave behind my fears and go for what I want in my life. He used the same words I have been telling myself that it really is okay to let other people take care of me for a change. Down came the waterworks. No surprise since the faucet has been cascading like a constant Hallmark commercial is playing on TV. Gratifying that he had no agenda other than to be loving and supportive. This stands out as one of the best conversations he and I have had.

As I continue to come clean with those in my life, I let go of what no longer is nourishing my heart and soul and open the door to more love than I can imagine at this moment.


Anchoring to Uncertainty

Lately I have been feeling adrift on a sea of ‘just don’t know’ in nearly every area of my life, from work to health, to relationships. It seems like I am buffeted about by the literal and symbolic winds of change, not sure on which shore I will land. While it can be exhilarating, it can also be downright terrifying. In this moment, I am caught between both states.

An overnight storm continued into the morning and as I am propped up with pillows and a blanket on my son’s couch, listening to the rain and wind do their dance together, I am typing through half mast eyes. Spent several hours last night on two visits to the ER with my son who had a head injury a few days ago. His symptoms exacerbated yesterday afternoon and he called me while I was en route from Atlantic City on a train and asked me to take him to the ER. Fortunately I was only a few stops from where he lives.


Maintaining a sense of calm, as was modeled by my mother who was the rock of the family, I scooped him up and ferried him over. The doc diagnosed a concussion which required meds and strict instructions to take a few days off work, rest, refrain from playing soccer, looking at screens, playing video games. In other words, according to my 28 year old “Nothing fun.”

The idea of anchoring has come up a few times over the past week with one friend suggesting that I anchor my flitting butterfly self that sometimes feels at the whim of the cosmos and buffeted about helplessly.  I responded that it seemed like an anchor could weigh me down. His take on it was that it would help me feel more grounded. In conversation with another friend, it was posited that perhaps I need to anchor to uncertainty, since it is what I am experiencing it. Rather than resisting, he wondered how it would be for me to embrace it.  Not sure exactly what that would look like, so I am checking in throughout my days about what is the next thing that needs doing, flowing with the next emotion that arises, responding to the next need.  I am in constant communication with the God of my understanding, since perhaps It understands far more than I do about what to do. I am learning to be a worthy sailor and keep my ship of dreams from going adrift.


I’ve Decided

What if what we truly desire is as close as our thoughts?  How about the idea that our minds are like Velcro dartboards, or as I like to call them ‘heartboards’ that attract what we focus on? Over the years, I have marveled about the things I have intended that have come to be a here and now reality. When in the midst of the creation process, I have become impatient, wishing for things to happen more quickly. I need to remind myself that my timing and God’s is not always in alignment.

What happens when I choose peace and happiness over turmoil and chaos?  Magic. Wonder. Exquisite events. What happens when I experience spiritual amnesia and forget all of that? I can tell you first hand that it ain’t pretty. And I can admit that it is what I have been through over the last few days. Upped the ante on anxiety like, oh 1000%. Not prone to that state of emotion. I am not inclined to depression either, but have felt as if I was drowning in sadness. Major changes in many areas of my life. Was a walking waterworks. Crying at the drop of a hat. Hard-pressed to find my joy. Even the Bliss Mistress gets the blues. I continued to up level my vibration. I imagined myself seeing my way clear of the impediments that felt daunting and nearly impossible to overcome. I walked, danced, drummed, prayed and wrote my way through the jungle, mental machete’ at the ready.


This song perfectly reflects a key concept in the process.

“I’ve decided to be happy
I’ve decided to be glad
I’ve decided to be grateful
For all I ever had
I’ve decided to let go
Of all this pain tonight
I’ve decided to let go
Of all these demons inside

I know…I am blessed
I know…all I ever wanted was this
I know…I don’t need more
I’ve got… what I came for

I’ve decided to be open
For that little voice inside
Telling me I’m beautiful
It’s okay to be alive
I’ve decided to be kinder
To myself when I am sad
I’ve decided to be grateful”


My own determined demons have roared that I am either not enough of one thing or too much of something else.  They have snarled that no one is strong enough to support me the way I have carried others. They have sneered that I won’t be successful in all areas of my life and that ultimately, I will be alone.

Simultaneously, I am willing to accept the messages that remind me that gratitude is the key that opens the doors to my deepest heart longings and fervent desires.

Previous Posts

Taking On the Pain of the World
I am an empath. Rather like the Star Trek: The Next Generation character Deanna Troi, I can pick up on the emotions and sometimes physical sensations of others, whether or not I know them personally. It is both a joy and a challenge. I love ...

posted 9:21:33pm Nov. 30, 2015 | read full post »

God Singing Through Us
"Don't die with your music still in you."-Wayne Dyer Another powerful dream this morning, the remnants of which linger as I am typing these words. I was in a rural setting with a group of adults and children. A mischievous little girl runs up ...

posted 9:34:23am Nov. 25, 2015 | read full post »

Living in the Just Don't Know
"May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder." -John O'Donahue Tonight at dinner with my friend Chris, we were speaking about that nebulous place between here and there, one state of being and the next, ...

posted 8:18:31am Nov. 22, 2015 | read full post »

Being In The Flow of Life
Consider your life as it is right now.  Is it filled to overflowing with all that you desire, or does it feel dry and lacking in pizazz and juice? Take a moment to do an inventory of what you have going for you. Do you have a place to live ...

posted 10:10:21am Nov. 17, 2015 | read full post »

What Would Yoda Say?
Although he is a fictional character created by Muppeteers Frank Oz and Jim Henson, Yoda remains my favorite little green sage. His wisdom is exemplary and in his death, he melted back into the Force, as I believe we all do. One of the most ...

posted 5:01:42pm Nov. 16, 2015 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.