Entering the office of Debra/Deva Troy today in order to experience the modality called Facial Reflex Therapy created by Lone Sorensen, I already had a clear idea of what I wanted to work on. Although the hands-on aspect of the treatment is designed to work the systems in the body, they are also entering into the realm of the mind and emotions. One thing I had noticed over the past eight weeks since beginning the process, was that my feelings, which I had kept tamped down for awhile, had begun to re-surface. The impact of hormones, I wonder? I have no problems feeling and exuding a sense of joy, wonder, excitement and love. Sadness and anxiety had not felt like my friends for quite awhile and I knew that they were a necessary aspect of the entirety of my being. After having watched the Disney/Pixar movie called Inside Out, I was even more certain that I needed to let flow whatever I had been holding back.
A few days ago, I had awoken with a feeling of anxiety over how wonderfully my life was unfolding. Silly, huh? I took note that I was calling in multitudes of writing and speaking opportunities. All that I had seed planted for was coming to fruition in beautiful ways. So, why the trepidation? Fear that it would all fall apart. Fear that I wasn’t up to the task. Imposter syndrome had kicked in and was taunting me that I would be found out to be a fraud. None of them pleasant thoughts. Through the help of insightful friends, I had come to recognize the illusion of those beliefs, that God had created in me, the spark of desire and the gift of the ability around these areas. I was reminded that I had earned all of these opportunities and I needed to just relax and breathe into them. Those things I can do
Deva and I also spoke about claiming our abilities and using them in service to the world AND getting well compensated for them. Nothing mutually exclusive about them.
Then in the wee hours of this morning, I awoke from a disturbing dream. I was sitting in my car when this little girl, with blond hair parted in the middle, looking more like a wig than her natural hair, approached slowly. There was no expression on her face. Her eyes were round and the pupils were dilated black circles. I sensed that she wanted to get into the car and in slow motion, I locked the doors which kept her out. I had the feeling that she was ‘soul-less’ and wanted to suck mine out of me to replace what she had lost. Having learned about the nature of characters in dreams, I know that she is an aspect of me. What part, I ponder, feels like an empty shell, not able to see what is front of me, needing to find a host for its parasitic needs? The other thing I wondered was whether she was part of a recurring dream theme or if I had done several instant replays in this one so that it felt like she kept showing up. Either way, I need to have a chat with her and find out what she wants me to know, so she can be at peace as well.
On the table, once again, I found myself in deep relaxation mode, determined not to nod off. My resolve was tested, as I work myself up snoring. As always, I left rested and refreshed, ready to be facing life however it presents itself, with all of my full flung feelings.