Sassy Spirit

Sassy Spirit

Healing is Natural.

posted by jperry

I fell on my knee the other day. Long story short, I landed on my right knee hard. (Dramatic story and boo-hoo on my website.) Two days later, I’m ready to get back to exercise and me, but I can’t.

Yesterday, I had to go up and down the steps like a little kid, one at a time, which is super annoying. I couldn’t kneel without some pain. Not sharp, just sore. My body was wondering what we are doing, acting like an old lady. I iced it and didn’t do anything crazy, just normal life.

Today, it’s not sore to the touch and was fine going up the steps.  Healing has begun.  Put some arnica get on it.  Doing what feels right.  I posted a question on Facebook this morning about any physical therapy or yoga stretches that would be good. Of course, I opened myself up to all points of view and opinions by bringing it up. I can be super protective of my vibe and know others mean well. I don’t let everyone in on if I’m working on something or my energy is off balanced until I find my knowing. Worry and fear based energy or pity feels terrible to me. Everyone else’s experiences aren’t mine. I listened with love to all the comments, but then it just started to feel like crap. I deleted the thread and after this post, I’m putting the “injury” type vibe to bed. I am good at listening to my body and am uber aware of my own “stuff.” I always get my gems of clarity and see this will all work out perfectly for me.  It’s a reminder for me to honor what others feel as their truth, answers, and soul whispers even if I don’t agree.  I try to only give me two cents if asked anyway.  I’ll be sure to remind others I have faith in them. It’s a dance. With my kids, hubby, parents, I can go into fear about stuff too, out of love.

It’s all more trust lessons.  As I was driving today, I heard the Rod Stewart song, “Forever Young” and of course started crying about my daughter going into her Senior year of high school next week.  I’m a goober and I own it.  I have to trust. I have to trust God. I have to trust the love was enough. I have to trust I was enough. I’m a ballsy chick with a mushball heart, who was a young mom who always felt like she was messing up.  My daughter has turned out amazing.  She actually inspires me.  So underneath all the physical stuff, like this falling on my face, and my knee giving out is a fear of moving forward.  My career is taking off and I’ll keep pushing myself and getting bolder. But in my life, the juice of my experience, my family is everything.  This time next year, my oldest daughter will be off to college, my oldest son will be off to high school, middle son into 3rd grade, youngest son starting kindergarten, the baby girl will be 1 1/2, my mom will be 70, my hubby will be 40.  It’s a WOWSA year.  A lot of change.  As I drove along taking in all my feelings, I asked myself, “Can I put this sad energy to bed?”  And I got that I can just change my take on it.  Not to be morbid, but next year who’s to say whether I’ll be here or any of us?  Meaning, I must be present and enjoy all the moments with our family.  Savor all the good moments instead of mourning that they’re be no more moments like it.  They’ll be different special moments.

Balance is key.  This summer I was juggling working and my kids.  Time to get clear about what I want and recenter.  Healing on all levels.  As for my knee:  My knee will heal.  Sometimes we hurt ourselves and it just heals. I’m old school like that. I will be smart and listen to my body. Rest is called for and I am a go-go-go girl so I will adjust and it will be all good. Working my abs and arms today because movement is still what my body craves. I am resilient. I am strong. I am open to receive healing. I listen to my body. I receive my signs loud and clear. I move forward with ease. I am Divinely loved and supported by the Universe. Much love and many blessings. (And when it’s all better, I’ll appreciate my legs even more. Thank you, body, for all you do for me.)

The Road to Myself

posted by jperry

Driving along in the darkness, music as my friend, insights and feelings flood my awareness as gems. Sunroof open to the night sky with sounds of nature and the breeze kicking up the smell of just purchased favorite flowers of Stargazer Lily to cleanse my mama heart. August restlessness of tantrums, messy rooms, and summer boredom call me to balance deeper and often. Words want to play with me and yearn to be heard, so I listen.

In my twenties, I wanted to escape my being and life at times. I could never trust my body, as it gained weight, lost weight and it still didn’t look good enough and anxiety imprisoned me at times. I’d picture actresses in Hollywood and supermoms in my own town to hold the secrets. I wanted to be them. Their children so well-behaved and husbands of GQ style, their magazine lifestyles with homes of perfection. Always crying at the right times, anger level of a soft tone and strength, appropriateness on par, never doing anything to be ashamed of. I longed to be always right, play that role, never doubting my okayness. I felt I was losing my marbles at the same time as gathering a bag of marbles, marbles of mistakes.

I was also looking for riches. But really I didn’t know the riches would come to be my words. That letting my writer girl out was the ticket to all I’d ever wanted. Those women I wanted to know what it was like to be them, the easy street was a facade I realized much later, but it looked so good. To be accepted, validated, and approved of, which now sounds dreadful. To live anyone else’s ideal would suck the living juice out of my soul stuff. Wild is more valueable to me, authenticity being golden. That’s a brilliance and greatness that even if you’re alone in your knowing or opinion, you feel whole. That fills you up like no person outside you can. A fullness. More would to come, of course, and still unfolds like a dance, a sensual dance with my spirit.

My thirties have graced me with some wisdom. I didn’t have to convince anyone is my worth when I actually knew my own. Too much and too little was perfectly me and fiercely just right. I still got hurt, most often myself, but only on occasion. And what would occur was that goddess fire would rise up and sweep us back up. We’d never stay down. We took that sensitivity, that vulnerability and realized that made us strong, like a badass of realness and mushyness. What freedom. Letting yourself be you. Soaring at thirty seven even when I need a rest, or it looks as if I’m still, my wings are thick and light at the same time. My truth sustains me. Thank you. My prayer for always.

What Yoga taught me this summer

posted by jperry

I hadn’t taken a group yoga class for years.  I’d see places I’d like to take, but nothing fit with my schedule or it would be something with the kids.  Really, I learned it’s easy not to take classes where you don’t know anyone.  I did the same yoga DVD during my last pregnancy.  It was so comforting.  It was not a challenge, it was a constant.  Do I like a challenge?  It depends.

When I first got down to that mat on the beach, I remembered I’m not that flexible.  I had forgotten that despite my might, I couldn’t force through poses, like persistence in exercise.  It was more like an unfolding. I was so grateful I don’t live in competition or I’d feel like a loser when yogis melted into pretzel shapes. My body and practice is mine and theirs is separate, if I focus on them, I will fall or get hurt, or not achieve my personal best and see the glory in just showing up and trying. I fell instantly in soul sister love with the teacher, Cailin Callahan, of Golden Buddha Yoga, and felt at ease in her presence.  Some teachers feel like home.  It was a few loves coming together that day, my love of the beach, sunshine, connection with the Divine, yoga, and movement with my body.  Then I decided to take a Kundalini yoga which I knew would be a challenge.  When we had to “Sat Nam” with our arms flappin’ like we were trying to take off, I didn’t know if I’d be able to do it. Doubt monsters were showing up big in that workshop and I ignored them and they disappeared.

I showed up at Hip Hop yoga and saw that in groups I can  be shy in the beginning, when they ask you to say your name and all the intro stuff, I have to tell my inner teenage dork that A.  We’re cool.  and B.  We’re gown up now.  (We’ll not really, but we look like a grown up.)  I bust out of my shell and let myself push through, thrive, and let the fire out.  Those two workshops with Cailin were some of the highlights of my summer.

I continued to do yoga and push through my own “limitations.”  In one class, two weeks ago, anxiety tried to kick my ass.  I had to fight with myself the whole class. It was surrender and prayer, me and God the whole time.

My yoga practice teaches me it’s the balance of challenge and to be.  Ebb and flow.  The tide crashes and begins again.  I must be flexible.  Adapt.  I’m afraid to fall.  I’m afraid to not succeed. I’m afraid I’ll get hurt.  Ahh…the gems of awareness.

Today, we had gnats that were flying around and drinking up my sweat from the sweltering sun on my brow.  I wouldn’t leave, no matter if one flew up my nose. (Close calls there.)  During shavasana, while we lay on our back, still as in meditation, my peace was not disturbed.  Magically the gnats were  gone.  There was an itch In my psyche that made me see I’m afraid of peace.  I’m afraid of too much peace, because then I’ll ultimately have a big wave crash and destroy it.  This could be the gnats in my life like tantrums from my four year old or problems in business.

I love seeing how much more I know, understand, and grow when I’m honest.  I am going to carry this into the upcoming school year with my kids.  I’m not going to go through the motions. I’m going to balance the dance of challenging myself and just being, allowing more of my brilliance to bloom. Thank you.  I love you, Universe. Sometimes you just gotta get up, stretch out of your comfort zone and just try.  Just show up.

Ugh…that mom again.

posted by jperry

“That” mom is different for everyone. Some people dread seeing that mom that is perfect.  Some may not want to that mom who seems angry and on edge.  Yesterday, I was hoping I would not be that latter mom, as I was so her the day before.  I can have a lot of patience and then sometimes it seems like I have none…zilch…zero.  But it’s because a lot has led up to it.  My four year old is still adjusting to not being the baby and acts out, plus he’s four and they’re crazy.

As for being that mom that is perfect has NEVER been me.  I’ve always been too much something and not enough something else for that.  I met one of these moms recently and she had the figure, that perfectly highlighted hair, you already knew what her house would look like, and her kids will reflect her magazine cover of “This is what your life should look like.”  She is BFF’s with “Mrs. Should,” that woman who represents all your should in your own life.  I wanted to be that mom that is perfect, has it all together, not as many junk drawers as me…in fact, she has none.  Her drawers have organizers in them.  When I’d meet that mom in the past, I’d beat myself up.  In my twenties, I’d really want to be her.  Life looked so easy for her.  She made parenting look easy too.  Truth is, it’s not real.  Yes, there are women out there who maybe are really that mom in their home as well as their public persona.  But it doesn’t have anything to do with me.  I’m perfectly me. Comparison and competition will only make you feel like a loser at some point.  Just win at being you.  Focus on your own race, lane, green grass, life…and be that mom/dad/person who is happy with themselves.

Back to my beach day madness two days ago.  I could feel this older couples eyes on me when my son was acting up on the beach. The crowds had thinned out so there wasn’t as much distraction, as in you can’t see our crazy show going on.  “Stop throwing sand.  Don’t kick your brother.  Come here.  Seamus, Seamus….SEAMUS!!!!”  Yep, I’m that mom you judge for her kid being very spirited.  Good thing he’s cute.  When a mom is having a moment like that, smile at her.  It’s a reassurance without any words.  You’re telling her you’ve been there, you can see she’s trying and that her kid is not evil.  When she raises her voice and grabs his hand to show she means business and needs respect in order to keep her kids safe.  When you are that mom, on the beach, in the grocery store, on the playground, struggling with your kids and having the judgment eyes on you it can make you feel alone, angry, and like the worst mom EVER.   Less judgement and more compassion always feels better in our being.  We’re all trying to do our best for the most part.  Let’s try to lift each other up.  To see peace in the world, let’s be peaceful people with our minds and hearts on our own neck of the woods.  And relax.  Be easy on yourself.  Forgive and let go quickly. This goes for your kids and yourself as well.

Previous Posts

Healing is Natural.
I fell on my knee the other day. Long story short, I landed on my right knee hard. (Dramatic story and boo-hoo on my website.) Two days later, I'm ready to get back to exercise and me, but I can't. Yesterday, I had to go up and down the steps like a little kid, one at a time, which is super anno

posted 7:06:15pm Aug. 26, 2014 | read full post »

The Road to Myself
Driving along in the darkness, music as my friend, insights and feelings flood my awareness as gems. Sunroof open to the night sky with sounds of nature and the breeze kicking up the smell of just purchased favorite flowers of Stargazer Lily to cleanse my mama heart. August restlessness of tantrums,

posted 2:23:27pm Aug. 22, 2014 | read full post »

What Yoga taught me this summer
I hadn't taken a group yoga class for years.  I'd see places I'd like to take, but nothing fit with my schedule or it would be something with the kids.  Really, I learned it's easy not to take classes where you don't know anyone.  I did the same yoga DVD during my last pregnancy.  It was so com

posted 2:34:15pm Aug. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Ugh...that mom again.
"That" mom is different for everyone. Some people dread seeing that mom that is perfect.  Some may not want to that mom who seems angry and on edge.  Yesterday, I was hoping I would not be that latter mom, as I was so her the day before.  I can have a lot of patience and then sometimes it seems l

posted 2:56:19pm Aug. 17, 2014 | read full post »

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posted 3:21:11pm Aug. 15, 2014 | read full post »


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