Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Keeping Your Emotions Out of your Finances

Photography by: ©Michael B. LloydI talk a lot about how your emotions affect what you manifest. They can also affect how you handle your money. My guest today is Matthew T. Shafer, author of The Future of Your Wealth.  He’s a graduate of American University, where he obtained Bachelor of Arts and Master of Arts degrees in economics, with a concentration in International Financial Markets. In 2005, Matthew attended the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkley, where he obtained the title of Certified Investment Management Analyst (CIMA®) and joined the Investment Management Consultants Association (IMCA). He has been named one of the top 1,000 Financial Advisors in the U.S. by Barron’s Magazine (2009) and has received several national recognitions, including “Premier Advisor” by the National Association of Board Certified Advisory Practices (2012). Here’s what he has to say about avoiding emotional investing:

4 Tips for Keeping Your Emotions from Dictating Your Financial Future
By Matthew T. Shafer

You’ve probably heard of emotional eating, but emotional investing is a problem that needs to be recognized society-wide, especially since the economy has been in such sharp focus this past half decade.

The words of an experienced mentor have proven to be spot on throughout my career: No matter how smart they are, most people don’t know what to do with their money. It isn’t that people are ignorant, and it isn’t that they are incapable of analyzing investment opportunities. The challenge occurs when emotion clouds judgment.

People become too optimistic and enthusiastic when their investments are on the rise, and too fearful and skeptical when they see a decline. This holds true for all income levels. Here are some tips for avoiding the No.1 detriment to your financial well-being.

•    Create a buffer of expertise. It’s impossible to completely separate your emotions from your finances. But you can create distance between them by putting experts in the middle. During the financial crisis, I had a number of clients who would have made painful mistakes if I hadn’t helped them manage their emotions.

•    Sometimes, you have to do the tough thing. Financial advisors, too, experience emotional responses to market crashes and other startling events. That’s why it’s tough to exercise discipline, and caution against overinvesting in assets that are hot. Why? For the same reason buying a home during the peak of the real estate market turned out to be a poor decision – because bubbles burst. Similarly, the best time to invest is when prices crash.

•    Build your knowledge; it breeds confidence and prevents panic. The more I can educate clients about how markets work, and the cycles that they go through, and what is going on now, the more confidence I believe those clients will have in their investment strategy. On the other end of the spectrum, people tend to get more emotional about things they don’t completely understand. I think that’s basic human nature.

•    Don’t let malaise dominate your future; embrace optimism where you can. Today, I believe the number one emotion that clouds the future is pessimism. Even though we’re coming out of the Great Recession and things are starting to improve, a lot of people are still scarred by their experiences of the past decade, fearful that our world has permanently changed and we face insurmountable problems. Excessive pessimism is just as detrimental to your future wealth as too much optimism; balance and objectivity based on solid information will serve you best.
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Law of Attraction in Action: Making the Best of What Happens

LOAlogoBLOGThis is post 281 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

Things don’t always go the way you planned or hoped for. That’s how life works. But when that happens, it’s important to keep negative emotions at bay, because they will keep you from manifesting what you need next.  Remember—all negative emotions affect your vibration, which needs to be highly positive to help the Law of Attraction to work in your favor. Your response to your situation can help you attract more, or block it.

So what can you do when you’re feeling disappointed, or very upset with an outcome? Make the best of whatever happened! When you do that, you’ll attract better stuff in the future. If you focus on making the best of what-is, no matter what it is, it’s easier to manifest in the future.

For example, my client Ben called me when he didn’t get the position he’d applied or in his company. He was very upset and began to badmouth his boss for not going to bat or him. When I advised him to make the best of it, he didn’t think he could. He was angry. I asked him to focus on his blessings. He went to work grateful that he still had a decent job, even if he didn’t get the one he wanted.

Ben focused on his pleasant work environment and the people he enjoyed working with and let go of his anger about not getting the promotion he wanted so badly. Two months later his boss offered him an even better opportunity. Now Ben’s vibration got strong. Had he let his disappointment rule his attitude and outlook on the future, he may not have gotten his great new job.

Making the best of whatever happens to you helps you move forward with a good vibration. That feeds the Law of Attraction’s ability to help you manifest good things and people who make your life brighter.

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series HERE.
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Rewriting Elizabeth Barrett Browning

* SL book_cover

 

Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I borrowed it for the title of the book I’m giving away through The Self-Love Movement™—How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways. To build self-love, it’s good to think in those terms. I suggest you rewrite the poem.

Start by saying what you love about you and then add what you do to practice self-love. Hand write it and keep your ode to yourself handy. Read it out loud when you can, to remind yourself of how much you love yourself. Mine is below.  Use it as a guide to write your own ode to yourself.

 

 

 

How Do I Love Me? Let me Count the Ways
How do I love me?
Let me count the ways.
I love me for my big heart,
I love me for my curvy body,
I love me for my spirit,
I love me for my twinkling smile,
I love me because I’m me.

How do I love me?
Let me count the ways.
I love me by I’ve deciding to be my own best friend,
I love me by accepting my imperfections,
I love me by stopping my negative self-talk.
I love me by taking good care of my heath,
I love me by allowing time for things I enjoy,
I love me by clearing out toxic people from my world,
I love me by making my needs a priority,
I love me by knowing I deserve the best.
I love me because I know that I’m one of God’s children an He loves me,
And He wants me to love myself,
I love me by treating myself with kindness,
And I am committed to continue loving me for the rest of my life!

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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely

Have you ever jmouthust wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP!

I’d go to get my haircut, looking forward to reading my book while under the dryer but the woman next to me would grab my ear and not let go. Or I’d go for a relaxing massage and the person giving it to me would chat about her problems as I tried to chill out, which ruined a lot of the pleasure. Yet in my DoorMat days, I never thought to let the person know I didn’t want to have a conversation. It seemed polite to listen. I never considered that I had the right to silence and it wasn’t just about the other person. Back then everyone else was more important than me.

While it’s not in the constitution we all have the right to silence.

There are a lot of yakkety yakkers out there, looking for someone to yak to. The worst can be when someone begins to talk your ears off when you’re stuck and can’t just walk away, like during a haircut or on an airplane. Depending on who it is, sometimes I’m fine with chatting when I’m in the chair. But there are times when I don’t want to listen to the person’s problems or opinions. Have you experienced this? You can nicely explain you need quiet by being straightforward:

•    “I was looking forward to sitting in peace after a hectic week.”
•    “ I know you’ll understand I just want to chill and rest my brain.”

My biggest issue is when I go to a café or to my little park in the summer with my laptop, and strangers come over to ask questions about my computer or are interested in what I’m writing. That used to drive me crazy as I’d be sucked into a conversation with someone who was bored and wanting someone to talk to when I’d come to write. After a few of those incidents, I now tell the person that I hope they understand that I came to have a quiet place to write and can’t talk. Usually they take it well.

You’re not obligated to listen to anyone who you didn’t purposely meet up with to socialize. On a plane, if someone babbles, I smile, open a magazine or my laptop or put on headphones. It’s not rude to not talk to a stranger. They’re rude to insist. Uncomfortable situations call for polite boundaries. Sometimes you can give someone a message by not paying attention to them putting your attention into what you’re reading or your electronic device. Sometimes it needs to be spelled out that you don’t want to talk.

I once went for lunch with my laptop to work on a project and wanted to be alone. My waiter was chatty. It was an off-hour so he might have been bored. I politely said I wasn’t in the mood to talk. He continued, asking why a pretty woman like me was sitting by myself. When I said I needed to get work done and that required silence, he just laughed and kept chatting. So I gently asked him to please do his job—take my order and nothing else. He got an attitude but shut up. Sometimes there’s no nice way to shut people up. It’s your choice to put up with it or let them know you’re not going to chat.

The latter feels great once you get over the discomfort of feeling you might not seem polite by not engaging in a conversation. I call it self-empowerment!
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Previous Posts

Keeping Your Emotions Out of your Finances
I talk a lot about how your emotions affect what you manifest. They can also affect how you handle your money. My guest today is Matthew T. Shafer, author of The Future of Your Wealth.  He’s a graduate of American University, where he obtained Bachelor of Arts and Master of Arts degrees in econom

posted 12:01:03pm Apr. 24, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Making the Best of What Happens
This is post 281 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Things don’t always go the way you planned or hoped for. That’s how life works. But wh

posted 12:01:35pm Apr. 22, 2014 | read full post »

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  Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I borrowed it for the title of the book I’m giving away through The Self-Love Movement™---How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways. To build self-love, it’s good to think in those terms. I suggest you rewrite

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely
Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP! I’d g

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