Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely

Have you ever jmouthust wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP!

I’d go to get my haircut, looking forward to reading my book while under the dryer but the woman next to me would grab my ear and not let go. Or I’d go for a relaxing massage and the person giving it to me would chat about her problems as I tried to chill out, which ruined a lot of the pleasure. Yet in my DoorMat days, I never thought to let the person know I didn’t want to have a conversation. It seemed polite to listen. I never considered that I had the right to silence and it wasn’t just about the other person. Back then everyone else was more important than me.

While it’s not in the constitution we all have the right to silence.

There are a lot of yakkety yakkers out there, looking for someone to yak to. The worst can be when someone begins to talk your ears off when you’re stuck and can’t just walk away, like during a haircut or on an airplane. Depending on who it is, sometimes I’m fine with chatting when I’m in the chair. But there are times when I don’t want to listen to the person’s problems or opinions. Have you experienced this? You can nicely explain you need quiet by being straightforward:

•    “I was looking forward to sitting in peace after a hectic week.”
•    “ I know you’ll understand I just want to chill and rest my brain.”

My biggest issue is when I go to a café or to my little park in the summer with my laptop, and strangers come over to ask questions about my computer or are interested in what I’m writing. That used to drive me crazy as I’d be sucked into a conversation with someone who was bored and wanting someone to talk to when I’d come to write. After a few of those incidents, I now tell the person that I hope they understand that I came to have a quiet place to write and can’t talk. Usually they take it well.

You’re not obligated to listen to anyone who you didn’t purposely meet up with to socialize. On a plane, if someone babbles, I smile, open a magazine or my laptop or put on headphones. It’s not rude to not talk to a stranger. They’re rude to insist. Uncomfortable situations call for polite boundaries. Sometimes you can give someone a message by not paying attention to them putting your attention into what you’re reading or your electronic device. Sometimes it needs to be spelled out that you don’t want to talk.

I once went for lunch with my laptop to work on a project and wanted to be alone. My waiter was chatty. It was an off-hour so he might have been bored. I politely said I wasn’t in the mood to talk. He continued, asking why a pretty woman like me was sitting by myself. When I said I needed to get work done and that required silence, he just laughed and kept chatting. So I gently asked him to please do his job—take my order and nothing else. He got an attitude but shut up. Sometimes there’s no nice way to shut people up. It’s your choice to put up with it or let them know you’re not going to chat.

The latter feels great once you get over the discomfort of feeling you might not seem polite by not engaging in a conversation. I call it self-empowerment!
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

A Wake Up Call

032_Dain Heer_8743_portraitCan you easily recognize when it’s time to make changes in your life?  I’m thrilled to have Dr. Dain Heer as my guest today to give you suggestions for waking your consciousness. He travels all over the world facilitating advanced classes, workshops and seminars on Access Consciousness® and a healing process called The Energetic Synthesis of Being. He has written multiple books including Being you Changing the World. In his unique approach, he offers tools that empower people to move beyond their current limitations and into the life they truly desire.

Is Now the Time?
by Dr. Dain Heer

Have you noticed that the way things used to be done just isn’t working as well anymore?  Do you KNOW that it’s time for a change? In your life? And even more so in the world? What if now is the time? What if now’s the time to finally step into being everything you truly are? Let me ask you this: do you know that there’s something different about you? Do you sometimes wonder why other people are content to just continue living their lives without ever looking for something greater? What if you’re here to do and be something different than the people around you? 

What if you’re here to awaken a different reality? What if now is the time to awaken the consciousness that you personally, and we collectively, came here to awaken?

Let me present to you a different paradigm  – not just something you dream of, and judge yourself for not creating – no, a paradigm to start creating the true change you’ve KNOWN is possible your whole life!  And as you are able to be something different in your life, does it make sense that you might actually inspire others to realize change is possible? BeingYou_DainHeer_Cover copy 2

Are you aware that that’s really the only way change has ever actually occurred? By somebody being inspired by someone else and saying “Yes, I’ll have that.” Have you ever in your life tried to change someone else? How well does it work? Not at all, right? You get frustrated and they get frustrated…

From this other place of actually BEING the inspiration to change, you can be the one thing that will allow other people around and the world to know there is a different possibility.
What if THAT is what you’re here to BE? Are you ready?

1. First—make a demand: As in, “Hey, this is going to change and something else is going to show up!” Have you ever noticed that when you’re in relationship and you know it needs to change, but you’re not willing to demand that it change, and finally when you get to the point where “enough knowing it needs to, this is going to change, I don’t care if I die, I don’t care if they die, it doesn’t matter, I don’t care if the world ends, this is changing now!” Remember how quickly it changes? That is a demand.

2. Next—ask a question: Every question you ask opens up a completely different possibility and a new potential. After making this demand, then ask, “Hey, what’s it going to take for this to show up differently?” All of a sudden this doorway opens up you never saw before.  You couldn’t see them until you made the demand and asked the question.

3. Letting go of your limitation: Now, please tell the Universe that you are ready and willing to let go of all your decisions, conclusions, computations, judgments and projections you have around whatever you are demanding to change! Right now! Those are the things standing in your way! And 99.9% of the time, these limitations are something you bought from someone else.  Release them.  Return them to sender.  LET THEM GO! Bye bye! And now breathe.

3. Now—CHOOSE (and ACT)!  Your choice determines the potentials that will occur. In other words, you’ve got the demand, the question, the letting go of limitations—and it’s the choice that actually creates a different potential for the future. You have to choose (and ACT)!  You can’t just sit on your butt and expect change to occur!  In this reality, you still have to DO, TOO! Please don’t limit what can show up for you by refusing to act when it’s necessary. Asking is one very important step; it’s not the end. If you want to know what actions to take, simply ask this question every day, “What can I do today that will allow this to show up right away?”

One of your greatest capacities as a being is the capacity to choose. There is just one little catch: we think we should choose only the good (right) things and not the bad (wrong) things.  What if there were no judgment of, “Oh, this is a good thing,” or “Oh, this is a bad thing?” What if it were just, “Wow, I made that choice.” And if it works out well, choose more of that. If it doesn’t work out well, what if you could just choose again? That’s another aspect of the magic of you—the capacity to always choose again.

5. Finally—RECEIVE everything: For this to work, for things to change, you have to be willing to receive everything that shows up, with no judgment or exclusion. Trust the universe.  Trust YOU.
Please know, you don’t control when something shows up, or exactly what it looks like. The Universe does. The Universe is aware of INFINITE possibilities—possibilities that go way, way, WAY beyond every fantasy you may have of what the perfect—for example relationship—should look like.
Because you are not alone in the world, the Universe has to re-arrange a lot of people’s universes in order to create a major outward shift in the world. You may ask today and receive it in 10 years—or 10 seconds from now.

So if it doesn’t show up tomorrow—you are NOT wrong, my friend.It will occur. You have started! Right now . . . reading this . . . .And please know—it will probably look completely different than you’ve ever imagined. What if the possibilities you’ve always dreamed of actually could exist? 

What if it doesn’t have to be some far off thing anymore that seems impossible to achieve, impossible to have, impossible to be, impossible to choose? What if you, truly being you, are the gift and the change this world requires? Is now the time?
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Law of Attraction in Action: Assuming the Worst

LOAlogoBLOGThis is post 280 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

When you’re going through a problem it’s easy to get worked up in a negative direction. Your mind can begin to conjure up some “what ifs?” that could make it worse. For example, Lila’s computer began to crash often and make funny noises. She was working on an important work project. Her mind began to imagine a worst-case scenario path.

•    I’ll probably need a new computer.
•    My project will be lost. I’ll have to start all over again.
•    I won’t get it done on time.
•    My boss will fire me for it.

When she said all of this to me she was attracting these fears into her reality. Her project wasn’t getting done because the computer made errors. Her boss was threatening her.  When she calmed down I suggested she do positive affirmations about it all working out. Once she did I helped her get off that worst-case scenario path. She backed up her project and hired a good tech person who found a small problem in her computer. He fixed it fast and Lily was able to finish up her project. When she told her boss why she was delayed, he understood and cut her slack.

Getting worked up over assuming the worst outcomes from something that goes wrong can attract what you worry about. Your emotions that comeas you get worked up create the vibration to attract them. If you find yourself in that position, take a few deep breaths and say some positive affirmations like:

•    Everything will work out fine.
•    This too shall pass.
•    I trust that a good outcome is coming.

Drown out the negative concerns with them. Then find a rational solution, like Lily did with her computer. Just because your car is making a funny noise and stalling , it doesn’t mean you’ll have to drain your bank account to buy a new car. A good mechanic can fix it.Just because you lost a client doesn’t mea you  may not have a job soon. If you do a good job normally, that should keep you employed. Panicking attracts the things you’re scared of. Stay away from thoughts of the worst that can happen. Do what you can to get onto a positive path of knowing that everything will work out fine so you can attract a good solution.

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series HERE.
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To

Photo by singhajay via morguefile

Photo by singhajay via morguefile

We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not doing something. Your words can keep you from taking responsibility for your choices. For example, “I can’t” usually means a version of “I don’t want to,”

It’s easier to say “I can’t” but harder to say “I don’t want to.” ”I can’t“ kind of gets you off the hook. “I can’t” implies that there’s a reason. “I don’t want to.” makes you the reason. For example, you may be asked to do something that sounds hard or tedious. Your automatic response may be ”I can’t do it.“  but deep down you just may not want to try. So ”I can’t“ becomes a cop-out.

Pay attention when you say, “I can’t” when asked to do something. Ask yourself:

•    Do I just don’t want to do it?
•    Am I afraid to try?
•    Does it seem too hard to consider?
•    Does it sound unpleasant?

Don’t get into a habit of saying, “I can’t” as a substitute for the truth. At least be honest with yourself about why you can’t. Just because you don’t want to try, doesn’t mean that you can’t. Just because it seems hard, doesn’t mean that you can’t. Just because it sounds unpleasant doesn’t mean that you can’t. Sometimes when you stop the “I can’ts” you might discover you can get past the obstacle that makes you say, “I can’t”. If you don’t want to try take responsibility instead of copping out.

Empower yourself by owning your feelings. Figure out what scares you or makes you not wan’t to try and try to find a way through it. You CAN do anything you choose to so put some thought into your choices!
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Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Previous Posts

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely
Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP! I’d g

posted 12:01:09pm Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

A Wake Up Call
Can you easily recognize when it’s time to make changes in your life?  I’m thrilled to have Dr. Dain Heer as my guest today to give you suggestions for waking your consciousness. He travels all over the world facilitating advanced classes, workshops and seminars on Access Consciousness® and a

posted 12:01:58pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Assuming the Worst
This is post 280 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. When you’re going through a problem it’s easy to get worked up in a negative direction

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To
We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not

posted 12:01:08pm Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Are You a Needy People Magnet?
Do you find yourself surrounded by people who need you for something? Do you tend to end up with romantic partners who need fixing? It’s common, especially for DoorMats who have people pleasing as part of their M.O.  I did when I was a DoorMat. These needy folks would bring me down with their dem

posted 12:01:49pm Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »


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