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A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

How to stop procrastinating and do what you know you should do

posted by B. Dave Walters

“Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter. Cold or warm. Tired or well-rested. Despised or honored. Dying…or busy with other assignments. Because dying, too, is one of our assignments in life. There as well: “To do what needs doing.” Look inward. Don’t let the true nature of anything elude you. Before long, all existing things will be transformed, to rise like smoke (assuming all things become one), or be dispersed in fragments…to move from one unselfish act to another with God in mind. Only there, delight and stillness…when jarred, unavoidably, by circumstances, revert at once to yourself, and don’t lose the rhythm more than you can help. You’ll have a better grasp of the harmony if you keep going back to it.” Marcus Aurelius

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Keep Pushing!

Keep Pushing!

I recently had the honor of being invited to participate in a new group aimed at helping people create the lives they dream about by focusing on your goals in 30 day chunks. If you’re looking to make changes quickly, I highly recommend you check out the 30 Day Collective.

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The question posed was “what’s a change that you wanted to make and for some reason have not been able to, or something that you wanted to pursue and just can’t seem to stay motivated to do so.”
In addition to some direct coaching, I answered all the questions that were submitted to me, two of which I thought would be valuable to share with you:

“Looooooooooosing weight. I always have this little voice that make me believe that tomorrow will be the perfect day to start my new diet. So today, it is time to celebrate = to eat, to drink. And for 30 years, I have been believing this little voice!”

“I am a procrastinator. This began in 1991 when I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that I am working with a coach to spiritually resolve. However, until my physical energy returns, I would like some advice on how to feel better about myself right now, and to parlay that into partitioning what energy I do have into accomplishing priorities. Too much?”

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I talked about both of these questions at length on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with: How to do the things you know you should, and stop doing the things you know you shouldn’t. How to make change, lose weight, get motivated, and much, much, more! Click here to listen.

I put these two questions together here, since although they seem different on the surface, at their core they are the same: Not doing what we “should” do. This problem of procrastinating on the things is not new, and can happen to even the most ‘enlightened’ of souls. The Apostle Paul complained about this exact same thing in the Book of Romans: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

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So how does one break this cycle?

The first thing to do, is take a look at your ‘shoulds’. Are these even things you really want to be/do/have? The first questioner wants to lose weight…why? The second person wants to be able to ‘partition energy into accomplishing priorities’…why? As you dig into these things you are telling yourself you ‘should’ do, it may not even be your wish at all. You might have absorbed the voices of your parents / significant others / friends / society so thoroughly you’ve fooled yourself into thinking it’s what you want, but it may not be at all. And, it’s also possible that your goals have changed. I had a goal of running a marathon, until after getting injured repeatedly and getting too skinny for my own tastes, I realized it wasn’t what I wanted after all. I dug and found that what I REALLY wanted was to prove to myself that I could stick with something difficult for a long period of time. Once I realized that, I was able to adjust my actions and hang up my running shoes.

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Next, ask yourself what exactly do you want. It’s not enough to say you ‘want to lose weight’; how many pounds, and by when? If you want to ‘handle priorities’, what exactly do you want to be able to do with your time? If you want to save money, exactly how much do you want to put away, and by when? The more vague an idea is in your head, the less power you will feel; this works for goals and for worries. If you find yourself using words like ‘always’, ‘never’, ‘everybody’ and ‘nobody’, chances are you aren’t feeling particularly powerful at the moment. Always remember specificity is the path to power.

Once you know exactly what you want, ask yourself: Exactly what will doing this gain me, and what will not doing it cost me? Get as clear as possible on the positive benefits of changing; how you’ll feel once you reach your goal weight, or the sense of accomplishment you’ll have when you accomplish something that you once couldn’t do. Imagine as vividly as possible the last time you felt that way in your life, and if you don’t have a good example imagine what it will feel like. Start anchoring yourself as often as possible in the mentality of this thing having already arrived. Don’t focus on it coming, since it will always be somewhere in the future; focus on the reality of it being here NOW.

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Ask yourself why hasn’t it happened already, and why this time is different. The Human mind is a strange thing. We all have a certain way we see ourselves, and anything that gets too far away from this self image can be uncomfortable. So if we’ve spent 30+ years looking at ourselves as overweight, we will find ways to continue seeing ourselves that way, even if we don’t want to. If you over-identify with having a chronic illness, you’ll always mentally hold yourself back. You can counter this by taking in stories of people who have had bigger challenges than you have, and still overcame them to do great things. Like Helen Keller said: “Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” Make a conscious choice to finally move forward, and let nothing and no one stand in your way!

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Give yourself a carrot to chase. This means set a specific, tangible goal, but make it small. If you want to write a novel, plan a reward for every page you finish; if you knock out one a day, then your novel will be done in less than a year. If your goal is to lose 50 lbs, plan a specific reward to give yourself every 5 lbs lost. Whenever I start a new workout cycle, I pick two outfits: One that fits right now, but not well; and one that won’t fit at all. Then half way through the program, I try on both and see how they fit; I do it again at the end. Often times it’s hard to see our bodies changing day-to-day, but this sort of thing gives you proof that you’re making progress. Side note: Always take before and after pictures when you start a new exercise program for this exact same reason!

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Do SOMETHING every single day. It always amazes me when people come to me with something they want to be, do, or have, and I ask them: What did you do today to make it happen? Nothing. What did you yesterday? Nothing. Well then, I may have discovered your problem! I can’t stress enough how important it is to be in action EVERY DAY. It doesn’t matter how small, if your goal is to lose weight then remember losing a pound a week if 52 lbs in a year. So any time you’re about to put something in your mouth, ask yourself: Is this getting you closer to, or farther away from your goals? If you want to be more productive, ask yourself: Is what I’m doing right now the highest and best use of my time? And by the way, any time you might feel compelled to say “I don’t care,” or ESPECIALLY “I can’t help it,” that’s a giant red flag that you’re about to make the wrong move. You have control over your mind and your actions, use it wisely!

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And finally, be gentle with yourself. Some days are going to be better than others, and you’ll have days that you back slide. Some days the chocolate chip cookies are going to win. Some days you’re going to stay on the couch watching Netflix. And guess what? That’s ok! The secret is to plan for them in advance! Give yourself a cheat meal, or an entire cheat day where you don’t have to work out and can eat whatever you like. Let yourself off the hook to be lazy and do absolutely anything you want from Saturday night through Sunday afternoon. Whatever discipline you decide on, give yourself a chance to let your hair down from time to time. And when you slip up and fall short, don’t make a big deal about it: Just admit you messed up and get back on the wagon. No drama, no beating yourself up, just get back on track. No big deal.

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And that’s it, that really is all there is to it. You can do anything in the world following the steps outlined here. It’s simple, but by no means easy! But if you clear on what you want—and why—and take action every single day, then success is inevitable. Just remember to enjoy the ride!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

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Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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Q&A: I love him, but I’m afraid all he wants is sex II

posted by B. Dave Walters

 

Question submitted via Formspring:

“I need advice. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 8 months now. We started out with a very casual relationship. We would hang out and we would have sex. That’s it. It was fun at first but as time went on I started to develop feelings for him. Now I’m in love with him. I’m crazy about this man. I recently expressed my feelings for him and he was shocked. We don’t have sex as often and we don’t hang out as often because of our very busy schedules. I forgot to mention there’s an age gap. I’m 21 he’s 29. I’m frustrated because I want us to develop into something more..but there’s so many obstacles in the way. The age difference isn’t that big of a deal to me but it might be to him. The base of our relationship also started off as sex and I feel like making that change is going to be difficult. I don’t know!! My thoughts are all scrambled!! Pleaseeee help me.”

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You have to know when to let go.

You have to know when to let go.

 

We have talked before about what to do when a man only wants you for sex.  I also spoke about this question at length on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with:
How to do the things you know you should, and stop doing the things you know you shouldn’t. How to make change, lose weight, get motivated, and much, much, more! Click here to listen.

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So, as always, let’s break this down into pieces:
You’ve been together ‘about 8 months’.
You started out ‘casually’, aka friends with benefits.
First it was just sex, but somewhere along the way you fell in love with him.
You told him, he was ‘shocked’ and now is ‘too busy’ to see you.
There’s an 8-year age gap.
There are ‘so many obstacles’ between you two being together (?)
You understand that it’s going to be hard to go from hooking up to a real relationship.

Well first: “I’m about to make a wild, extreme and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember men are never to busy to get what they want.”― Greg Behrendt, He’s Just Not That Into You

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I’ve got some bad news for you: The chances of this working out are slim to none.
I know that isn’t what you want to hear, but I say it for several reasons.  First and foremost, when you told him how you felt, he started withdrawing.  And no, he isn’t ‘busy’; he was just as busy when he had plenty of time to hook up.  If he is claiming he has no time for you now…see the above quote.

Most importantly, the key to a successful relationship is two people being on the same page: If you’re both just having sex, it can work; just dating, or madly in love; all can work.  But if you are after two different things, you’re in for trouble.  As someone once said to me, “be careful you’re not making love with someone who’s just having sex.”

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So understanding that he’s now had every chance to form an emotional connection with you and has chosen not to, that should tell you everything you need to know.

I went into much greater detail about this, and what you should do next in the radio show recording I linked above; give it a listen and it will help you a lot.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

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Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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An Eclipse, an Equinox, and a Super Moon, oh my!

posted by B. Dave Walters

Friday, March 20, 2015 will mark a very powerful alignment of energies that will burn you up if you’re not careful, or propel you like a rocket if you make use of them!

Three major events are taking place, with several other events happening in the background.  First, it’s the Spring Equinox, one of two days of the year when day and night are exactly equal.  There’s a solar eclipse (!), and a Supermoon. Although they will be separated by a few hours, astronomical events aren’t like switching on and off a light switch, so we’ll be feeling the effects all at

You'll feel it, even if you can't see it!

You’ll feel it, even if you can’t see it!

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once, in some cases leading up to it and days, or even weeks afterwards.

One quick side note: Astrology is like a weather report, it doesn’t *guarantee* anything, just like a 50% chance of rain doesn’t mean a single drop will fall, or a guarantee of warm weather doesn’t mean there won’t be a blizzard!  So don’t make too big of a deal about this, or any other astrologically based thing you read, it’s just given you a clue to the flow of energy around you.  OK? OK.  So let’s look at how all these events intertwine, and what it means to you.

“A new moon occurs when the moon passes in front of the earth and comes between the sun and earth. A solar eclipse occurs when the new moon passes directly in front of the earth blocking out the sun’s light. A super moon, or pedigree moon, occurs when the moon is at its closest point to earth in its orbit. At this time its effects on the Earth’s oceans are larger than average. This is also a new eclipse cycle. Every 19 years eclipses occur in the same place and this is the first of a new cycle of eclipses in Pisces by the south node of the moon.

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To have all of these factors coincide together is unusual to say the least.” (source)

Solar eclipses function like new moons on steroids, and the fact that is happening during a Supermoon should make this an especially powerful time.  Since this is all happening in the sign of Pisces, which is about dreams, emotions, and introspection, very odd dreams and VERY high emotions should be expected.  Eclipses are also a time that our ego gets blocked, allowing our true selves to shine through, giving us a chance to sort of reboot. If you fell a bit short on those New Year’s Resolutions, this is a fantastic time to start over again.

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But along with that is a chance for greater empathy and an understanding of what’s going on in the hearts and minds of our fellow human beings. Mercury, planet of communication will also be in Pisces, and this is the end of a 3-year-long cycle of Uranus and Pluto being square to each other, which is all about social justice and change.  It’s no coincidence the march on Selma happened under these conditions, and the Ferguson demonstrations happened under this one.  Take this time to look not only within yourself, but outside of yourself to see how your actions and inactions are affecting the world around you.

Next, roughly 13 hours later the Spring (Vernal) Equinox begins. As we talked about before the equinox is about a time of transition.  Where the Autumnal Equinox was about turning inwards, focusing on yourself, and planting seeds and making plans, the Vernal Equinox is about moving forward and expanding.  Just like the Earth is starting to wake up from its winter nap in an explosion of new life, this is the time for you to start pushing into new and uncharted territories.  That book you’ve been meaning to write? Start it.  That class you want to take? Enroll. Now is the time to start emerging from your cave!

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So in conclusion, take this time to look inside yourself for clarity.  Answers on where you’ve gone wrong, what you should be doing, and what really matters to you; and above all else: Be HONEST with yourself.

Take what you find there, and put it into action; ride the wave of the planet’s forward push to start making progress of your own. And as always, do SOMETHING every single day to get you closer to where you’re trying to go.

This is going to be one of the most powerful times of introspection possible, and it’s either going to be a time of breakdowns or breakthroughs, so don’t take it personally if people are overly emotional or just aren’t themselves.  Keep your head up, go with the flow, and keep moving forward!

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What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

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Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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Are you growing, or just growing older?

posted by B. Dave Walters

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

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― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

This is true as it gets!

This is true as it gets!

As of the time of this writing, today is my 37th birthday, as well as celebrating the 4th anniversary of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters.  In honor of the day, I talked about several of the most common questions I receive:

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In honor of my birthday, we’ll talk about:
How to conquer FOMO, Fear of Missing Out.
How to have unshakable confidence.
How to know if you’re really in love.
How to trust, and how to forgive.
How to know why people do what they do, and what they’ll do next.

So here, I want to leave you with the number one thing that I have learned in my 37 years of life.  The good news is, this is the key to all power, and the secret to have absolutely anything you want to be, do, or have in this life.  The bad news is, you won’t want to hear it.

The secret I this: You have absolute control over your life.  It is now, and will always be what you make it.  Your life right now, your relationships, your finances, your vocation, your body, and everything else are a direct result of the choices you’ve made and the actions you’ve taken up until now. And there’s nothing wrong with your life right now; it is exactly what it needed to be to get you to this point, and you are exactly who you needed to be to make it happen.  And in that, you are perfect. Right now, in this exact second, you are perfect.

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But if you want to be, do, or have, something else, you’re going to need to make some different choices and take some different actions.

If there is anything you are unhappy with in your life, I would ask what did you do today to make it better?  How about yesterday, or the day before?  If the answer to any of those is ‘nothing’, then I may have found the problem!  And more importantly, now you know where to focus your energy to start creating the change that you want to see.

Give that episode a listen (you can click here to listen), since I gave dozens of tips you can use to help you make that change.  Just remember, above all else: You deserve to have a life you are proud of; you deserve to have the very, very best.

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What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

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Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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How to feel happy, and be at peace

posted by B. Dave Walters

“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

In my Coaching work, a question that comes up again and again is how to feel happy, and be at peace.  For one reason or another, a person has something that has damaged their calm and is making them unhappy.

Every day is the greatest gift you can get.

Every day is the greatest gift you can get.

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I went back and looked at my most popular articles, and talked about all those topics on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters.  We talked about:  How to get up when you hit rock bottom, how to know what to do with your life, how to know if your lover only wants sex, and much, much, more.

So, how can you stay calm, happy, and peaceful?  The first thing is to pay attention to the meanings you are attaching to things.  When someone says or does something that hurts you, step back and ask yourself: What would you say if a complete stranger said or did this same thing?
What would you tell your best friend if they were in this exact same spot?
What would make someone say or do something like this?

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Everyone believes their problems are extremely complicated and unique in the world; when the truth is that’s VERY rarely the case.  The further you can step outside yourself and look at the situation like it was happening to someone else, the easier you can see the truth of it.

Now, there is no guarantee this truth will be easy to accept, or even make you happy in the short term.  The truth is like surgery: It hurts but it heals.  For instance, if someone doesn’t call you on your birthday, you can choose to be upset by that, or ask yourself: Why wouldn’t they call?  Early in the day, there may be 100 reasons: Their phone is dead, or they are at work, or tied up somewhere they physically can’t call.

But, as the day moves on, another realization starts to kick in: They didn’t call because it wasn’t important enough to call.  And when someone starts showing you that you don’t rank as a priority to them, they should stop being a priority to you, too.

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Which leads to the next thing to remember: Anything outside of you—people, circumstances, or anything else—only have what power over you that you give them.  Again, remember the ‘stranger’ test I gave above.  If the exact same words or behavior wouldn’t bother you from a stranger, then the words or behavior aren’t the problem, but the meanings you are attaching to them.  And this is something you can choose to release at any time.  Once again to quote Marcus Aurelius (who gave excellent advice on how to avoid letting other people hurt you):

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“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your opinion of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”

And finally, and most importantly: While it may be true that there’s always something to be upset about, there are ALWAYS more things to be grateful for.  Form the habit of looking for the good, or at least the lesson, in every situation you are faced with.  Pessimism is easy; anyone can look at a situation and see what’s wrong with it; there is nothing particularly noble or enlightened about being negative.  It takes a special kind of person look clearly and see all sides to be able to spot the good along with the bad.

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So really, that’s all there is to it: Be aware of the meanings you are attaching things; they are neither good or bad, but how we think about it makes the difference.  Realize if you’re unhappy, it’s up to you how you are looking at things, which can help you do whatever you need to do to change.  And once you can see things clearly, you can let go of whatever you need to let go of so that you can move forward.

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What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

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Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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How to motivate yourself…finally!

posted by B. Dave Walters

“It’s a New Year and with it comes a fresh opportunity to shape our world.

So this is my wish, a wish for me as much as it is a wish for you: in the world to come, let us be brave – let us walk into the dark without fear, and step into the unknown with smiles on our faces, even if we’re faking them.

And whatever happens to us, whatever we make, whatever we learn, let us take joy in it.

Every day is a new year!

Every day is a new year!

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We can find joy in the world if it’s joy we’re looking for, we can take joy in the act of creation. So that is my wish for you, and for me. Bravery and joy.”
Neil Gaiman

The New Year is upon us!  But I’ll tell you a secret: Every single day is a new year.  So while New Year’s Day is a good time to try and start making changes in our lives, every day is a chance to begin again and do better.

Unfortunately, most people’s New Year’s resolutions is nothing more than a list of things they ‘should’ do, and ultimately won’t.  It becomes a list of all the things we are doing wrong, which will just make us feel guilty until it’s filed away until next December.

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So, how to break this cycle?

As you know, you can ask me anything, and I’ll either respond directly, write and article, make a video, or talk about it on the radio.  This is one of those times where I had to do all of the above!

First, on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, we talked about:
How to do the things you know you should, and stop doing the ones you know you shouldn’t!  How to change in an instant, and much, much, more!  Everything you need to make 2015 the best year of your life!

After I got off the radio, I realized I had more to say so I made a video about why your New Year’s resolutions haven’t worked in the past, and how to make them work every year from now on!

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So today, I’d like to give you a few pointers on how to get motivated to do the things you really want to do.  Notice what I said there: The things you WANT to do, not the things you should do.  Since as I pointed out in the video, anything you ‘should’ do is never going to happen.  Everything in your brain is wired to rebel against being forced to do anything.

So, the key is to set your mind on things that pull your forward, rather than push you from behind.  Ideally a good goal has a bit of pushing and pulling, the stick and the carrot as it were.  For instance, if you have a goal to lose 20 lbs, my first question would be why do you want to lose 20 lbs?  The number on the scale is meaningless, it only has what power you give to it.

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ANYTHING outside of yourself only has what power that you give it.

So maybe you want to lose the weight to fit into a certain outfit for a certain party, or to be ready for beach season.  But why does that matter?  To turn heads? Why does that matter?  Keep drilling down until you get to the core of what your motivation is.

I’ll tell you another secret, though: If your ultimate goal is some sort of external approval, you’ll never be satisfied.  This is one of the main reasons goals fail: Ultimately it wasn’t for YOU, but to get someone else’s approval. You don’t need anyone else to accept you, you only need to accept yourself.

So knowing that, maybe you instead frame it as “I want to lose 20 lbs in the next four months so that I can feel healthy and strong, and I can prove to myself what I’m made of.  I don’t want to feel like a prisoner in my own body and like I’m forced to hide from the world anymore.  I want to be able to step out on the beach and feel proud of all my hard work and everything I’ve accomplished!”

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See the difference?  There’s a goal, a deadline, a compelling ‘why’, AND a focus on how it will feel when it’s done.  Any goal you set should have this level of richness and detail.  And I’d submit that as you look back on the things you’ve accomplished in your life, you probably had this level of clarity as you worked at it.

Now, let’s say the things you want feel like they are so far away that you can’t even get started.  We talked recently about how to get up when you hit rock bottom, but more than that I’d say start with smaller goals.  If you are on the edge of being homeless, setting a goal to make a million dollars is the wrong goal; start out with focusing on stabilizing your current situation.

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Small, *consistent* progress is what makes the difference.  Remember to do SOMETHING every single day towards accomplishing your goal, and victory is guaranteed; and even better, you’ll enjoy the process.

One last thing: If there is some old habit or painful memory holding you back, this video will help you change it once and for all.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

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B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

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Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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Racism and the Law of Attraction (Video)

posted by B. Dave Walters

“I love America more than any other country in the world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.”
-James Baldwin

That's all there is to it!

That’s all there is to it!

Question submitted via Formspring:
“Hi, I am trying to find a way to apply the Law of Attraction to the police shooting of Micheal Brown. I am a black woman who has known racism, how do I understand this? I don’t want to harbor hatred but it is hard not too. I have also have a son.”

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I’ve been doing this for a long time now, and I always make it a point that you can ask me anything, you can even ask anonymously.  And I’ll either reply directly, I’ll write an article, do a video, or talk about it on the radio.  This is one of those rare times that I’ll do all of the above.

In the video below, I finally weigh in on Ferguson and New York, as well as where racism comes from and how the Law of Attraction can be used to counter it!

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I realized afterwards, that there’s was more to say about it (there’s always more to say about, unfortunately), so we talked about this again on a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, which ended up being a Law of Attraction master class, along with:

How the Law of Attraction can be used to change the world and heal rifts like in Ferguson and in New York. Why your goals aren’t manifesting, and how to get out of your own way so that they will, And, how you can start *today* building 2015 into the best year of your life, and much, much, more!

So here in this article, I want to deal with the specific question of how to apply the Law of Attraction to major issues like this, all while avoiding allowing bitterness to overtake you.  So as always, let us break this down into pieces:

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You are a black woman.
You have experienced racism, and are trying to understand what happened.
You don’t want to harbor hatred in your heart, but you’re concerned because:
You have a son yourself.

A point I made in the video, as well as on the radio that I’m a large black male in America, which makes me about two steps away from being a large black bear.  Also, being from Little Rock, Arkansas, means I have experienced almost every shape and flavor of racism and intolerance you can imagine.  And yes, it will wear you down if you let it.  So as for how you manage it, a few things.

First, you said you’ve experienced racism, but you counter that with all the examples you’ve had dealing with people who didn’t behave negatively at all.   If I run into someone who’s rude to me, my initial assumption is that they are having a bad day.  My second assumption is maybe they are just a jerk.  A very distant third is they’re a racist.  Remember, the more you look for something, the more you tend to see it…even when it’s not really there.  Especially when it’s not really there!

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If you don’t want to hold on to hatred, the simple answer is: Don’t.

Never forget that police are human beings. And because of that, there are good ones and there are bad ones, and even good ones make mistakes. There are bullies and there are heroes, and all too often it’s the bad eggs that get all the attention. Not unlike the brakes on a car, no one notices when they are working properly, but EVERYONE knows when they aren’t.

Buddha said holding on to anger with the intent of hurting someone else, is like picking up a hot coal with the intention of throwing it: You are the one who gets burned.  And while some anger can be good—as long as it prompts us into healthy action—bitterness is a poison that hurts you, and ends up spilling onto the ones you love.  While we cannot let injustice go unchallenged, we also can’t let bitterness take over, or the haters win. And the haters must never, ever, win.

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And you help yourself by letting your son know there is bad in the world, but that there is FAR more good!  Teach him to be a good person, and to stand up for what is right; and to show him as many examples as you can of other people doing the same.  Never forget that now and always, there is much more that unites us than separates us, and we are all in this together.

There is and always will be darkness and injustice in this world.  You don’t beat darkness by allowing it into your heart; you beat it by letting your own light shine brighter.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

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Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

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How to finally attract what you want (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters
Don't wait!

Don’t wait!

“Do not wait: the time will never be ‘just right’. Start where you stand, and work whatever tools you may have at your command and better tools will be found as you go along.”
― Napoleon Hill

As of the time of this writing, New Years is around two weeks away.  Soon, people all over the world will be making their New Year’s resolutions…lists of changes they intend to make, that quite frankly won’t happen.

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But why?

Why is it that we set these huge goals that we don’t reach, and more importantly, how can we make sure this year is different from all the ones that came before?

On a recent episode of All About You with B. Dave Walters—the BEST show about *you* on the internet!—we talked about mastering change:

Why you aren’t attracting what you want, and how to change it, and how to make this coming year the best of your life! I also tell you how I managed to make more progress in 2014 than in the last few years combined!

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Now we’ve talked before about what to do if you don’t know what to do with your life , and what to do to have your breakthrough, so here in this article I want to talk about why most people’s resolutions fall flat.

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Because you don’t really want those things; not REALLY.  We make resolutions at New Years because we are ‘supposed’ to.  And more than becoming the dream shopping list from the Universe that our goals should be, they end up turning into an opportunity to beat up on ourselves.  I feel fat, so I ‘should’ work out.  I feel broke, so I ‘should’ make more money.  I feel lonely, so I ‘should’ get out there and meet people.  But any ‘should’ is never going to happen; only our MUSTS happen.

Now it’s true that all human action is based on one of two things: To gain pleasure, or avoid pain.  And as such, there can be some value in setting goals to move away from what you don’t want, but it’s less effective than moving towards what you DO want.  For instance, let’s say you set that goal that pretty much everyone has of getting into better shape.  If you make it about running from ‘feeling fat’ and whatever negative judgments  you have associated with that, then any time you miss a workout or fall short on your diet, you’ll use it as ammunition to beat up on yourself and feel even worse.

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However, if you make the goal about what you are trying to achieve, such as how good it will feel to get back into your old jeans, how fantastic it is to be able to do something that you once couldn’t, how great it is to feel confident and strong…and the ego boost of turning heads when you walk by, then working out and sticking to your diet becomes easy, and when you fall short, you’ll just get up and get back on track.  No drama required.

As a side note, if you do plan on getting into better shape—which you should, since there’s no greater investment than you can make in your own health—I highly recommend BeachBody’s programs. You can change your life in 30 minutes a day, but like anything, they only work if you do!  If you have questions or need help getting started, shoot a message to my good friend Coach John Tantillo and he can help you get started. http://johntfitness.com/

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Another reason why people’s goals don’t manifest is they don’t give themselves permission to want what they want.  They feel guilty for dreaming big, or worry about what other people will say, to which I tell you: It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.  What matters is that you look in the mirror and like what you see.

Who cares if the entire world approves of your life, if you are unhappy with it?

And finally, the biggest reason people’s goals don’t manifest is because they don’t DO anything to make them manifest!  Remember the Law of GOYA: Get Off Your A! Nothing changes until you do, and if you’ve set the right goal, one that makes you feel 60% excited and 40% terrified, then putting in the work becomes easy.  But remember, do something every single day that gets you closer to what you are trying to be, do, or have.  Every day…no exceptions!

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Losing a pound a week might not seem like much, but that’s 52 pounds in a year.  Writing one page a day is a novel in 6 months.  Running another mile a week is a marathon in around 7 months. Slow and steady wins the race, so don’t quit.

And above all else: Don’t wait!  Don’t wait for January 1, show the Universe you are serious by starting NOW! 6 Months from now, you’ll wish you started today, so get to it; trust me, you’ll be glad you did.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

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Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

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Q&A: “I’m trying to smile, but I’ve hit rock bottom….”

posted by B. Dave Walters

Question submitted via Formspring:
“Hello, I am on the journey of my life moving leaving everything i know to move to NYC by myself. I had to stay in a shelter and am still here. I

Rock bottom is a firm foundation to begin again!

have a job but the main reason for coming here was to evolve into a respected actor and writer. Haven’t got anything done and just living in a routine of work and back to the shelter. I need my training but can’t afford it. I’m going have to spend the holidays in here. Not to mention my continuous failure with women. My confidence in everything is at a bottom and I refuse to call my mom for support. I just know i need to change because who i am is a weak beans. People see me as angry or sad. I’m doing my best to smile through but I’m at bottom and don’t know what to do.”

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I understand your frustration, so let’s see what we can do. First, let’s break this down into pieces:
You moved to NYC by yourself (bravo!), but you’ve been staying in a shelter.
Your goal is to be a writer and an actor, but you’ve been stuck in the routine of surviving.
You know you need training to improve, but can’t afford it.
You’ll be in the shelter for the holidays (how long have you been there?)
You can’t get a date.
Your confidence is at bottom, but you don’t want to ask your mom for help.
You come across as angry and sad, and don’t know how to change.

Well, my first question would be: Where did you intend to stay when you arrived, and why aren’t you there now?  Although it may be you didn’t have a place lined up, and at least you have a roof over your head, so that’s a good place to start.  I’m actually going to jump ahead a bit to the point about not wanting to ask for help.  Really, you’ve got two choices: Ask, since if you need help, you need help; it happens to absolutely all of us sometimes.  There are two things I can tell you for certain do not exist: The Self-Made Man and the Overnight Success.  Everyone needs a hand sometimes.

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However, if you DON’T want to ask for help, then you have to admit this is what you are choosing for yourself and stop resisting it.  That’s like being sad about being trapped in a cage that locks from the inside; if your current state is preferable to calling home, then it must not be ALL bad.  Only you can decide if that is you being courageous, or blinded by your ego.  You might get an earful from her, but words can’t hurt you, and that’s part of what makes Mom, Mom.

Now, whether or not you choose to ask for help: If your goal is to be a writer, write.  Do something every single day that’s going to get you closer to your goal.  That’s what no one tells you about pursuing your dreams: It’s a long, hard, climb.  But writing is an individual sport, no one is stopping you from practicing but you.  Even acting can be done by yourself if you are acting out scenes.  You can choose to look at this time like Thoreau’s time in the woods, when you can focus on honing your craft completely free from distractions.

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Now you need training but can’t afford it, which happens.  The solution there is, start looking for a better job.  Don’t quit the one you’ve got, but start keeping your eyes open for the next thing.  Craigslist is fantastic for job hunting.  Because the day to day grind of surviving can and will consume you if you let it.  You have to consciously decide to put your foot down and make your creative work your focus, which your job exists to support.  Otherwise it will always be a ‘someday maybe’ goal.

As for the girls, I’ve got some bad news for you, man: Girls tend not to like sad, angry guys living in shelters; unless they are equally sad and angry, of course.  This is a time to focus on YOURSELF, and taking the next step in your journey.  The solution to how you feel right now is absolutely not going to come from another person; it will come from you and you alone.

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“There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”― Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings

The way to stop being angry and sad…here are 3 simple rules for a happy life.

One other thing, I highly, *highly* recommend you read the Meditations by Marcus Aurelius; it’s some of the best advice ever give for enduring tough times.

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In the end, this is the path you chose for yourself, and if you believe it is truly what you are meant to do, then you have to see it through to its conclusion.  And if you don’t believe it’s what you’re meant to be doing, do something else instead.  There’s nothing to be angry about; everything is under your control!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

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Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

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A crash course in creativity

posted by B. Dave Walters
Good advice!

Good advice!

In honor of the National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org), in which we are all challenged to write a 50,000 word novel in a month, I wanted to put together a very quick crash course in creative writing.  I can tell you having finished my book is the accomplishment I’m most proud of, there’s nothing quite so fulfilling as having done something you didn’t think you could, and overcoming all the obstacles and laziness that try to get in the way. I wish nothing more for you than having this feeling for yourself, so join up! Yes, I know you’re busy, but we’re all busy; we all have 168 hours a week to work with, so jump in; if not now, when?

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Although I think the spirit of the challenge is to just get a rough draft done, the number one thing you can do to make the process easier, is the very same thing that will make your book that much better: Having a solid structure.  I can’t think of anything that will torpedo your chances of finishing on time faster than just sitting down at the keyboard and writing whatever pops into your head.  That is a recipe for hard days when you have no inspiration, and a novel that lags and wanders all over the place.

So the way to counter this is through having your structure and the ‘beats’ (high points) of your story figured out in advance.  Once you have decided on the beats, filling in the events in between them because easy.  Once you have that, you have your story’s skeleton, so fleshing it out becomes easy.

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Well, easier.

The best structure I’ve found was written by Blake Snyder in his book Save the Cat.  Although the structure was intended for screenplays, I’ve applied it just as easily to short stories, comic books, and more.  You can find a quick overview of it here, although I *highly* recommend you read the whole book.  If you want to be a better writer, it really is the place to start.

Now that you have the structure in place, you’ll want to be clear on some of the details you want to include in the story.  Pixar’s 22 Rules of Storytelling will give you some quick guidelines for telling a story that people will remember.  Again, these rules were primarily aimed a film, but they are just as true about writing fiction:

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#1: You admire a character for trying more than for their successes.

#2: You gotta keep in mind what’s interesting to you as an audience, not what’s fun to do as a writer. They can be v. different.

#3: Trying for theme is important, but you won’t see what the story is actually about til you’re at the end of it. Now rewrite.

#4: Once upon a time there was ___. Every day, ___. One day ___. Because of that, ___. Because of that, ___. Until finally ___.

#5: Simplify. Focus. Combine characters. Hop over detours. You’ll feel like you’re losing valuable stuff but it sets you free.

#6: What is your character good at, comfortable with? Throw the polar opposite at them. Challenge them. How do they deal?

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#7: Come up with your ending before you figure out your middle. Seriously. Endings are hard, get yours working up front.

#8: Finish your story, let go even if it’s not perfect. In an ideal world you have both, but move on. Do better next time.

#9: When you’re stuck, make a list of what WOULDN’T happen next. Lots of times the material to get you unstuck will show up.

#10: Pull apart the stories you like. What you like in them is a part of you; you’ve got to recognize it before you can use it.

#11: Putting it on paper lets you start fixing it. If it stays in your head, a perfect idea, you’ll never share it with anyone.

#12: Discount the 1st thing that comes to mind. And the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th – get the obvious out of the way. Surprise yourself.

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#13: Give your characters opinions. Passive/malleable might seem likable to you as you write, but it’s poison to the audience.

#14: Why must you tell THIS story? What’s the belief burning within you that your story feeds off of? That’s the heart of it.

#15: If you were your character, in this situation, how would you feel? Honesty lends credibility to unbelievable situations.

#16: What are the stakes? Give us reason to root for the character. What happens if they don’t succeed? Stack the odds against.

#17: No work is ever wasted. If it’s not working, let go and move on – it’ll come back around to be useful later.

#18: You have to know yourself: the difference between doing your best & fussing. Story is testing, not refining.

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#19: Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating.

#20: Exercise: take the building blocks of a movie you dislike. How d’you rearrange them into what you DO like?

#21: You gotta identify with your situation/characters, can’t just write ‘cool’. What would make YOU act that way?

#22: What’s the essence of your story? Most economical telling of it? If you know that, you can build out from there.

And one last point,  from Kurt Vonnegut’s 8 Rules for Writing Fiction:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every sentence must do one of two things — reveal character or advance the action.
     *Note, you can also reveal theme, aka what the story is about.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a sadist. Now matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them — in order            that the reader may see what they are made of.
7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get                              pneumonia.
8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such         complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should                               cockroaches eat the last few pages.

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And there you have it!  It’s very possible you can (and hopefully will) spend the rest of your life honing your skills as a story teller, but this is the fastest, firmest foundation I can possibly give to someone just starting out.  Now go write something amazing, and remember to thank me in the introduction.  I’ll see you at the finish line!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

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Become a supporter of my work: http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

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