A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: I STILL don’t know what to do with my life…HELP!

posted by B. Dave Walters
You have all the power!

You have all the power!

Question submitted via Formspring:
“Hi, I’ve been reading some of your posts, really interesting and encouraging, I kinda feel better and not that lost but I can’t stop thinking about what I can do. The thing is that I’m one more person that doesn’t know what to do with her life. I’ve just finished university but the career I studied, I don’t precisely love it, I’m just okay with it. Anyway I’ve become interest in music, learn how to sing and play the guitar, start a band and try my luck but am I allow to dream that high? I mean I don’t think I have special talents to sing, I also have to see reality right? what if what I want to do is out of my physical possibilities? what should I do? what if i was just not born with the talent some others have? This is my life, I’m always wanting things that I can’t achieve cause I’m just talentless or I’m thinking the wrong way? I don’t know how should I’ve being thinking about this, about wanting to do things in which I’m not good at, even if I try and try and try…. Thanks!”

Of all the articles I’ve ever written, “I don’t know what to do with my life…HELP” has always been my most popular; and not a week goes by that I don’t have someone ask me this very thing.  We even talked about it at length on this week’s episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters.

The key to creating anything to you want is to ask yourself a few simple questions:
First, what do you not want?  What in your life would you most like to change, and what about your potential career seems the most unpleasant?    Maybe you don’t want to work in an office all day, or maybe you don’t want to do any sales work.  Maybe you don’t want to have to work for minimum wage, who knows.  Take a piece of paper and write it all down.

And I do mean write it down.  Understand that if you feel resistance towards doing this one small thing, and you let it stop you, then your chances of creating anything are almost zero.  Decide right now that you are done flaking and letting yourself down; today is a new day.

Once you have figured out what you don’t want, then look at what you do want.  To answer your specific question, what do you want to accomplish by becoming a musician?  If you are old enough to have finished University, but don’t know how to sing or play an instrument, chances are music is not your bliss, and it’s just a way to escape the seemingly boring corporate life that lay ahead of you.  So what is it that appeals to you about being in a band?  Is it expressing yourself?  Being in front of a crowd?  Or just being ‘free’?  As you make your list of things you do want, focus more on how you want to feel, rather than specific things.

There are several reasons why this is.  First and foremost, focusing on feelings is the foundation of using the Law of Attraction.  And even more important reason is you shouldn’t cling too tightly to any particular vision of the future. You may intend to be a famous musician, but God/The Universe may intend for you to be a famous song writer, actor, teacher, or anything else.  Like Buddha said, attachment is the root of all suffering.  You can miss out on blessings by focusing exclusively on how you believe things should be.  While you need to have a vision for your life, your job is to focus on how you want to feel and WHY you want to feel that way.   That way you can create what you are trying to be, do, or have, while leaving room to be surprised by what life has in store.

And finally:  Make a plan and do it.  Again, to answer your specific question, no you aren’t dreaming too big; it is impossible to dream too big.  However, be clear on the fact that things take time.  Consistency is the key.  Do something, SOMETHING, every single day towards creating what you are trying to be, do, or have. You have the same 168 hours a week everyone else has, and with proper planning there really is time for everything.  It may be doing online research, emailing experts, writing a single sentence, or practicing your skills for 5 minutes.   If music is interesting, start practicing singing and playing every day right now.  Whether or not you go pro, it will enjoy it, and feel better for it.  Talent is important, but talent without hard work is meaningless; and someone who works hard consistently will beat someone who’s talented but lazy ten out of ten times!

I want to give you a challenge, and I tell you in advance it’s something most people will not take the time to do…but it’s also the exact reason most people fail to get results in their life!  Take the time to write down your goals for the next few years: You need at least one 6 month goal, 1 year, 3 year, 5 year, 10 year, and 25 year goal.  It might seem strange to be planning something so far out, but I can tell you for absolutely certain that if you are blessed to live that long the time will feel like it passed in an instant.

And the time will pass whether or not you make the most of it, so resolve now that you are drawing the line, and going to both live out of your intention and live into the life you are trying to create.  Since you have a choice, the most important choice any person can make: At what point are you going to decide this is it?  At what point are you going to decide you are going to be in control of your life, and make it your work create what you want to be, do, or have?  You have to resolve to put 100% of your efforts into becoming who you want to be, or accept that you’re going to live your life on other people’s terms.

And if not now, when?  And I leave you with one last thought:

“No beating yourself up. That’s not allowed. Be patient with yourself. It took you years to form the bad habits of thought that you no longer want.  It will take a little time to form new and better ones. But I promise you this: Even a slight move in this direction will bring you some peace. The more effort you apply to it, the faster you’ll find your bliss, but you’ll experience rewards immediately.”
― Holly Mosier

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Become a supporter of my work:  http://www.patreon.com/bdavewalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

The Spiritual Lessons of Superheroes

posted by B. Dave Walters
Earth's Mightiest Heroes

Earth’s Mightiest Heroes

As of the time of this writing, San Diego Comic Con is starting up.  I’ll be appearing on a panel on Spiritual Themes in Comics on Saturday at 6 PM in room 4…stop by and see me if you’re in town!

For now, I’d like to explain why super hero comic books and movies are worth experiencing, and more importantly why the mythology that made films like the Avengers possible is worth paying attention to.

The reason why this film is so compelling, and why super hero movies are so popular in general, is because they speak to a basic human need.  Since the dawn of time, people have been telling stories about heroes.  Think about it, across time, we could have been telling stories about anything; and yet a few basic ideas keep coming up again and again.

Why?

One of the biggest discoveries of the 20th century was Joseph Campbell’s discovery of The Heroic Journey.
In a nutshell, the Heroic Journey is a story where “a hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.”

Have you ever noticed that Star Wars, The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, and now the Avengers are all basically the same movie?

What the Heroic Journey teaches is that certain stories keep getting told again and again across time because they apply to all of us, and the stages we all have to go through in our own quest for spiritual growth.  It’s outside the scope of this article to explain all 17 steps of the journey here, but it would serve you well to read them and see how it applies to what you’ve gone through up until now, and will probably face in the future. Wikipedia gives an excellent overview of the stages, and how they apply to famous stories and even bible passages.

For our purposes here, let us talk about mythology, and how it still applies to our day to day lives.
You may be wondering, what does mythology have to do with the Avengers?  The short answer is: everything!

Thor and Loki come directly from Norse mythology; Captain America is basically Perseus, slayer of Medusa.  Hawkeye is the Greek god Apollo, and the Black Widow would be Artemis, or possibly Athena.  The Hulk would be Gilgamesh’s wild friend Enkidu, and Iron Man would either be Hephaestus or possibly Icarus.

But more importantly mythology was never meant to be a collection of ‘boring old stories’, but the living breathing history of the human race. It’s a combination of actual events and fundamental lessons that should never be forgotten.

The Avengers (loosely) combines to major aspects of Greek Mythology; in the previous movies we’ve seen each of the characters go through their own small Heroic Journey, which lead them from their humble beginnings to becoming the heroes we know and love.   Now this film shows the journey as the team transforming from a group of individuals, into Earth’s Mightiest Heroes!

Again, rather than give any details about this movie, let us look at how our ancestors used mythology to teach us about who we are and where we come from.

For instance, in Greek Mythology  Cronus, God of time, overthrew his own father Uranus who was the God of the Sky.
Then Cronus married Rhea (Goddess of motherhood and female fertility), and had his own children: Zeus (God of sky and weather, law, order and fate), Poseidon (God of the sea, rivers, flood and drought, earthquakes, and horses) and Hades (the King of the Underworld, the God of death and the dead). In time, Cronus’ children overthrew him like he’d overthrown his own father, a cycle that played out again in the hero Theseus’ life, and his prophesied salvation of humanity.  Theseus’ story was told very recently in the extremely popular movie Immortals.

But here is why this story is important:
Beyond just an interesting story about war, deception, intrigue, and sex (as if that wasn’t enough!), these stories give an insight into the very foundation of reality and all of creation.  Notice, Cronus (Time) is the offspring of Uranus (the Sky) and Gaia (the Earth). Without an earth and sky to observe, how would we even know time was passing? Once the limitations of a 24 hour period was established, it was possible for the Earth’s own creative ability (Through Gaia’s daughter Rhea) to combine with time (Cronus) to give rise to weather and seasons (Zeus), oceans, tides, and droughts (Poseidon) and even death and an underworld (Hades).

Add to that the continuing evolution from huge general concepts like Uranus as the entire sky, and the entire Earth (Gaia) down into a more concrete time (Cronus) and femininity (Rhea) into the even more distinct forms of their children Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades. And their children are even more specific.

For instance, Aphrodite (Goddess of Love) has an affair with Ares (God of War) to give birth to: Deimos (fear, dread, terror), Phobos (panic), Harmonia (harmony), and Eros (love). Passion and aggression can unite to create both beautiful and terrible things.

Thousands of pages have been written about mythology across thousands of years, so there is far more that could be said then I have space to write.
If you want to find some easy introductions to mythology, see Immortals, or Clash Of The Titans (new or old)! Or NBC did a great version of the Odyssey a few years back and there is also Troy, which was like the Illiad without the Gods, but still tells a good story.

Or even go to the book store or library and check out a children’s book on mythology; don’t feel embarrassed, it is easier to get started when it’s written in plain English! Every nation on Earth has their own mythology, if Greek isn’t your thing, maybe Chinese, African, Native American, or some other nation or culture’s is! No matter what, I hope you start a love affair with the same stories that have captivated the minds of people for thousands of years.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

Expectations and the Law of Attraction

posted by B. Dave Walters

“There were two ways to be happy: improve your reality, or lower your expectations”
― Jodi Picoult

The truth.

The truth.― Jodi Picoult

Question submitted via Formspring:
“How can I use the Law of Attraction to remove negativity?  I believe with all my heart I’ll achieve my goals, but people around me are always telling me it will never happen.  Now I am over thinking it and afraid I’m making it harder for things to manifest.  What should I do?”

We talked recently about how to avoid disappointment and feel at peace, and a big part of that was managing your expectations.  We aren’t upset about how things are, but that things aren’t how we want them to be.

One of the hardest things to grasp about mastering the Law of Attraction

is being committed to what you want, without being attached to when or how it manifests.  You have to trust that the Universe knows what you need even better than you do.  Your job is to be clear on what you want, and take action towards creating it every single day.  Everything else is up to the Universe.

Opinions vary as to whether or not you should talk about what you are manifesting with other people or not, since the truth is most people won’t be able to see past your current state, and your goals will sound silly.  So, if you are the type of person that having people doubt you is a positive motivator to work harder to prove yourself, then by all means, tell the world.  However, if you are the type of person that having people doubt you will make you start doubting yourself, then don’t share it with anyone.  In the end, it’s not up to them anyway; it’s between you and the Universe.

So if you are having trouble with people in your life not believing your goals are going to manifest, the solution is simple: Stop talking to them about it!  Remember, it’s always easier for them to pull you down and laugh than to take responsibility for changing their own lives!

If you stay focused, and most importantly take action *every day*, your goals will manifest, it is inevitable.  And when they do, you won’t have to explain anything to anyone, they’ll see it for themselves!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

How to Avoid Disappointment and Feel at Peace

posted by B. Dave Walters
Be careful!

Be careful!

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.”
-Eckhart Tolle

On a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters  we talked about how to avoid being disappointed, and how to feel at peace, along with how to release the pain of the past, let go of past hurts, how to access the true power of your mind, and much, much, more!

So today, I’d like to give you the simplest and most powerful tool possible to avoid disappointment, but first I’ll give you some clues as to what it is:

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
―Alexander Pope

“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”
― Sylvia Plath

“I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep my expectations.”
― Bill Watterson

“Look. I have a strategy. Why expect anything? If you don’t expect anything, you don’t get disappointed.”
― Patricia McCormick

“Know that everything is in perfect order whether you understand it or not.”
― Valery Satterwhite

“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.”
― Paulo Coelho

“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for  I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.”
― Marcus Aurelius

“Life is pain, this is the first Noble Truth.  The root of all pain is attachment, this is the Second Noble Truth.”
-Buddha

Yes, the secret is this: If you do not expect anything, then you will not be disappointed by what life brings to you.  On the surface, this might seem at best pessimistic, and at worst impossible, but I promise you that it can be done!

Think about the last thing that you were upset about; a minor annoyance, or even something bigger.  Now ask yourself: Was what actually happened *bad*, or simply not what you thought was going to happen?  Boiled down to their essence, very few things are ‘good’ or ‘bad’ in and of themselves, they just are how they are, and we make them mean what we make them mean.  But more often than not, the meanings we attach to things are only causing us harm. There’s a story of a man with two daughters, one owns and umbrella shop and asks her father to pray for rain.  The other makes pottery for a living, and asks the father to pray for sunshine…which is the ‘right’ answer?

If there is a person that you’ve had a disagreement with, ask yourself: Were your expectations reasonable?  Did you clearly express to the person what it is you need, and why?

Here is a test: If your best friend was in the exact same situation, what would you say to them?  As you know, human beings have an INFINITE capacity for self-deception, and looking at a situation like it’s happening to someone else can often make it easier to see.

So, the next time you feel disturbed by something, stop yourself and ask: What’s really happening here? Is this situation actually ‘bad’ or am I hung up on something? And is that something I can release right now and go with the flow?  And if not…what can I do to change it?

Since, as Plato said “there are two things we should never be upset over: What we can change, and what we cannot.”

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

A Message from Your Future Self

posted by B. Dave Walters

“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.”
-Thomas Merton

You have all the power.

You have all the power.

Beloved,

Once again, it has been ages since we last talked.  Too long. Of course, I have been here watching, and I see your confusion.  You’re wondering what to do next; how to cross the seemingly infinite gap that lay between you and the life you dream about.

I have sent this message to tell you many important things, but the most important is this: The past is not a prison, and the future is a choice.  Your choice. It may seem hard right now, but there is bad news, and there is good news.  The bad news is, you will only get from this life what you create for yourself; no one is going to do it for you.  The good news, however, is you will get from this life what you create for yourself!

When it looks like your dream is never going to happen, that there is no possible way for you to make it happen…remember something important:

“Because your own strength is unequal to the task, do not assume that it is beyond the powers of anyone else; but if anything is within the powers and abilities of man, believe that it is within your own power also. “
-Marcus Aurelius

What this means is: Emulate success.  There is no need to reinvent the wheel.  Anything you want, anything you hope to accomplish has been done before, many times; probably by people who had much harder lives than you do.  So, find out how they did it, and you do it, too.

If you want to start a business, find other men or women who started businesses around your age, or doing something similar.  Don’t be afraid to contact them directly and ask them questions, especially if you won’t be a direct competitor. Same if you want to move to somewhere new; find people from your country who’ve moved where you want to be and ask them how they did it. Human beings are innately good, and you’ll be amazed at the wellspring of knowledge and help that is available if you will only ask.

However.

While it’s good to get ideas about how to make your goals manifest, it’s not what’s really important.  What you really need to know is why you want it.  Knowing what is easy; knowing why is power.  This is also the secret of the Law of Attraction.  True co-creation with the Universe can only happen when you spend every day focused on your goal, why you want it, and how you will feel when you attain it.  Do all that you can, and trust the Universe to handle the rest; release it, without fear or anxiety.

As long as you are taking action, every single day, victory is assured.  The reason why you want to focus on your ‘why’ rather than ‘what’ you want is the Universe may have different plans for you; your ultimate destiny maybe so much brighter that you can’t even imagine it now.  Be patient with everyone, especially yourself, since things take as long as they take to manifest.  If you plant a seed and dig it up daily to check on it, it will never bloom.  You have to water and watch over it, but trust the sun and soil to do their parts, too. Remember that forces are at work to send you whatever you need, whenever you need it; look back over your life and you will see this is the truth.

One more thing:

“Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”
-Harvey Fierstein

This is the greatest time in history to be alive.  Life can still be hard, but it has never been any easier than it is right now.  Life can still seem disappointing, but it has never been more fair than it is right now.  You can choose everything for yourself.  Your beliefs, who and how you choose to love, your politics, your career, everything.  In the end, there is and will always be only one person you have to please, and that is yourself.  Inevitably you will be called upon to compromise and make sacrifices for the ones you love, but you know in your heart and soul what it is you’ve been sent to this world to do, and don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of your God given mission.

Always remember that you can do anything, but you can’t do EVERYTHING.  We all have the same 168 hours in a week, the most precious capital we have.  The days are passing, never to return, and how you choose to spend them will define how your life manifests.

If you love someone, tell them.  If you are upset, say it.  If you need help, ask for it.  If you are afraid, face it. If you feel overwhelmed, admit it.  If you feel tired, rest.   Everyone and everything that comes to you will either be a blessing or a lesson, and as long as you learn something how can anything that happens ever truly be ‘bad’?

You are beautiful, you are powerful, you are infinite.  As Rumi said, do not feel lonely, because the entire universe is inside of you. You are never alone, for I am with you; I love you, and I am so very proud.

And finally, I leave you with this to meditate on:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”—-from A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

Q&A: I love him, but I’m afraid all he wants is sex

posted by B. Dave Walters
Don't create the problem....

Don’t create the problem….

Question submitted via Formspring:

“Mr. Walters, I’ve been seeing this guy for about two and half months now. We spend lots of time together, sometimes he’ll call me just to chat and to see how I’m doing, he’ll even bring me lunch sometimes when he knows I’m alone at home. Unfortunately, we spend most of our time in bed. I feel myself getting really attached to him, sometimes he’ll even come over just to watch a movie, but when I asked him if he wanted commitment a few weeks ago (I really felt myself wanting that from him), he said that his heart was still broken from his last relationship and that he wasn’t ready.

There was the odd time where I found things a little mysterious, and I asked him if he had another woman in his life, especially since for a while we were just sleeping together, and his answer was, ‘’What, you don’t trust me? I told you everything it is you need to know.’’ I really think he’s just not ready, but the problem is that I AM and I actually feel myself falling in love with him. I’m worried that the more time goes on, the more I’ll get hurt if he never wants to commit. I’m already obsessing about when he’ll call me next, etc. Is this healthy ? What should I do ? I don’t know if I’m ready to let go just yet in case I let an opportunity for love with this guy pass me by, but I’m torn between my needs and his. His last words to me were, ‘’let’s stay like this for now and all the rest we’ll see. Let’s take it one day at a time sweetie’’ . Is this guy playing me just for sex, or does he actually see himself spending more time with me ? Is there even hope for a relationship ? Hope you can help me out with this one, it’s really tearing at my heart…”

As always, let us first break this down into pieces:
“I’ve been seeing this guy for about two and half months now. “ That’s not a lot of time!

“We spend lots of time together, sometimes he’ll call me just to chat and to see how I’m doing, he’ll even bring me lunch sometimes when he knows I’m alone at home. “ So he’s attentive and affectionate, that’s good.

“Unfortunately, we spend most of our time in bed.” A guy who’s taking all the sex he can get? Also sounds pretty normal!

“I feel myself getting really attached to him, sometimes he’ll even come over just to watch a movie, but when I asked him if he wanted commitment a few weeks ago (I really felt myself wanting that from him), he said that his heart was still broken from his last relationship and that he wasn’t ready. “Not wanting to commit after such a short period of time is normal, and pending how long he was with his ex and how long ago the break up was, he may not be ready to any time soon.

“There was the odd time where I found things a little mysterious, and I asked him if he had another woman in his life, especially since for a while we were just sleeping together, and his answer was, ‘’What, you don’t trust me? I told you everything it is you need to know.’’ ‘For a while you were just sleeping together’…so that means you’re doing more than that now?  You asked him about committing even earlier in the relationship and although he hesitated, he still took the time to reassure you.

“I really think he’s just not ready, but the problem is that I AM and I actually feel myself falling in love with him. I’m worried that the more time goes on, the more I’ll get hurt if he never wants to commit. I’m already obsessing about when he’ll call me next, etc. Is this healthy ? What should I do ? I don’t know if I’m ready to let go just yet in case I let an opportunity for love with this guy pass me by, but I’m torn between my needs and his. “ Yes, but besides a label on your relationship, what exactly is it that you need that he’s not giving? And while wondering when you’ll next hear from someone you love is totally normal, *obsessing* over it is not healthy, no.

“His last words to me were, ‘’let’s stay like this for now and all the rest we’ll see. Let’s take it one day at a time sweetie’’ . Is this guy playing me just for sex, or does he actually see himself spending more time with me ? Is there even hope for a relationship ? Hope you can help me out with this one, it’s really tearing at my heart…”

So, to be clear: After less than 90 days you have a guy who seems to be interested in you, who’s affectionate, thoughtful, open and caring…and that’s bad because he doesn’t want to put a label on your relationship?

It seems the issue is that your relationship got off on the wrong foot: You started with a foundation of sex that you are trying to turn into a foundation of love, and that’s a tough shift to make.  Ultimately, there are only two things you need to do now.

First: Be patient.  Everything you are describing is a healthy pace for a new relationship, especially one that got physical quickly AND has someone coming off a bad breakup.  Stressing because it’s not moving as fast as you want it to is just going to create a problem out of nowhere and complicate what you’ve got.

Second: Be very clear with him on what you need.  The issue isn’t a title, or a commitment; the issue is that you are looking for reassurance.  You want to know that he wants you for more than your body, which is understandable.  So if you want to go out and do more things together, say so.  If you want to have dates that you have to get dressed up for, let him know.  Understand that you’ve already allowed sex to become a major component of your relationship, and if you try to remove, or even reduce that now, he will withdraw from you.

It seems like you have a good man who cares about you, and that’s a good thing.  It seems he’s trying not to let his unresolved baggage, issues, and trauma from the past sabotage this one, and you need to do the same.  Notice, that you allowed him to form an early expectation of being able to come over to spend all your time together in bed…probably because you wanted him to love you.  And even now, your number one fear is that he doesn’t really love you now.

Look back at your past relationships and see how many times this pattern has played out; if I had to wager a guess it’s happened multiple times.  The only way to free yourself from this pattern is forgiveness.  Forgiving yourself for what you’ve done (and not done) and forgiving everyone who’s hurt you in the past. That’s the only way you can create the space to let this relationship grow into something healthy and lasting.

But in the meantime, relax and enjoy him.  Don’t spoil what you have obsessing over how you want it to be.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

It’s okay to not be okay

posted by B. Dave Walters
We all fall down

We all fall down

“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”
― Seneca

On a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters: Simple Answers to Life’s Hard Questions we talked about getting up after falling down: Being true to yourself, why we have difficulties, how to trust, how to forgive, how to create what you want in life, and much, much, more.

One of the things we talked about was the fact that it’s okay to not be okay.  There’s an idea floating around in some members of the self-development / Law of Attraction community that you can never have a bad day. That even admitting that you are feeling anything other than wonderful is some sort of mortal sin.  To which I would respond with:

36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Matthew 26:36-39 (NIV)

This passage is important for at least three reasons: First, if Jesus Christ, one of the greatest spiritual teachers of all time can feel down, *anyone* can.  Second, if he can admit it to his closest confidants, *anyone* can. And third, notice what he does next.

Does Jesus keep whining, moaning, complaining, or feeling sorry for himself?  No.  He turns it over to God and releases it.  He does all that he can, and trusts that everything will work out for the best.

That’s an important distinction: Things may not work out how you want them to, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t working out for the best.

So when you are having what may not be your best day, just remember: Admit it, vent if you need to, release it and keep moving forward; ever forward.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to love again

posted by B. Dave Walters
It's meant to be shared

It’s meant to be shared

“To be rejected by someone doesn’t mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person’s opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.”
― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart

Question submitted via Formspring.me/bdavewalters:

“Dear Dave,
I have just found your videos and what you say resonates. My mind understands but my heart struggles to get to that feeling place of love. How do I break the chain that has love and pain attached, preventing me from peace and joy?”

Thank you for the kind words! Like always, first let’s break this down into pieces:
“My mind understands, but my heart struggles to get to that feeling place of love” you’re feeling some separation between what you ‘know’ and what you feel.  “How do I break the chain that has pain and love attached, preventing me from peace and joy?” All of this totals up to only one thing: A bad break up.

We have talked before about how to let go of someone and move on. For now, the first thing to remember, is just like the quote says only one person has rejected you, not the whole world.  And it’s easy to believe that one person’s opinion means more than the rest of the world combined, but I’ll tell you a secret: They only have what power over you that you give them.   Because in the end, they said and did what they said and did, and they did and didn’t do, what they did and didn’t do.  You can’t control that, but you can control the meanings you attach to it.  And you don’t *have* to let this person control your happiness any longer.  Don’t give away your power…they don’t deserve it.

Look back over your past relationships: Is this the first time you’ve had someone treat you this way? Or the fifth…or the twenty-fifth? If you find that you’ve manifested multiple relationships like this, then ask yourself what is it in *you* that is making you believe that you don’t deserve true and open love and affection?  I’ll give you a hint, though: Find out who and what you need to forgive  and you can break the cycle for good.

Think back over your past relationships and look for patterns, both for the type of person you’ve been involved with, and how you’ve behaved in the relationships.  Once you can see where you have gone off-track, you can make different choices in the future; once you can see it, you can control it.

Now, on the off chance that you’re not coming off a bad breakup, and you are asking the question more generally, everything still begins with forgiveness; forgiving the people who hurt you, and forgiving yourself, too.  You have to believe you deserve to be happy; to feel peaceful, loved and appreciated for who and what you are before anyone else will.  Remember, how much you love yourself sets the limit for how much you can love anyone else, and how much you will let them love you.

As long as you love yourself first, forgive everyone for what’s happened up until now, AND don’t punish the next person for the last person’s mistakes, everything will fall into place.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

Resolving to do better in 2014

posted by B. Dave Walters
Yes, yes you are. ;)

Yes, yes you are. ;)

Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.
-Oprah Winfrey

Every year around January 1, we take out a piece of paper and list our resolutions; all kinds of things we are ‘resolving’ to do better.

My question is: do you know where this year’s list is? And if you do, how many of your resolutions did you keep?

In these articles I talk quite a bit about change , gratitude, and optimism  but ultimately it’s just words if you don’t have a system and structure in place to apply it to your life.

As I sit down and look at my own life, I have to admit something painful: it’s not working like I want it to work.

Don’t get me wrong, I own a few businesses that keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, but I am not succeeding on the level I’d like to be succeeding at. So in the interest of ‘practicing what I preach’ I’d like to share with you the exact same steps and tools I am using for myself, in the hopes that you might gain something, too.

Step 1. Decide what you don’t want.
For example, are you tired of struggling to make ends meet? Perhaps you are unhappy with your body, or are tired of being alone. Write down (ideally on paper, but computers are fine) everything in your life you are unhappy with.

Step 2. Decide what having things they way they are is costing you.
What this means is, if you are overweight, that may be keeping you from going to the beach because you’re embarrassed. Or not having the right relationship leaves you feeling lonely and incomplete. For everything you listed that you don’t like, list all the negative repercussions you are experiencing.

Step 3. Decide what you DO want. 
Don’t hold back here, really write out your dream life. You may not make it there in a year, but you can still make progress every day. More importantly, you’ll NEVER get there unless you know what you want and start working towards it.

Step 4. Decide what you’re willing to give in order to have your goals.
I’ve realized an amazing thing: I have these talks with people, and they get all excited about how live can really be; we make a plan and they leave all excited.

And then they don’t do anything!

Realize that you’re going to have to do things differently to get a different result. If what you’re doing now was going to get you your goals, you’d already have them! So what are you willing to commit? Is it turning off the TV an hour earlier to work on writing that novel you’ve always wanted to write? Is it getting up an hour earlier to go to the gym before work? Is it joining a singles group so you can get out and meet new people?

A word of warning though: don’t commit too much too quickly. You may be able to jump into 3 hours of meditation or lifting weights every day, but if it’s too hard or too much you won’t keep up with the program. Your brain works similar to a thermostat in a room, it is designed to keep you within a comfortable range. So if you try to do too much, too fast you’ll find your desire evaporates and you go back to doing the same old comfortable things.

It’s better to do a little bit every day then do a lot and give up after a week.

Step 5. Do it!
I think you see the logic in this plan: if you truly understand what you want, why you want it, and why it’s better than your current situation, then you’ll be able to get it for yourself.

If you see changing as too hard, too much work, or not worth the effort, then you won’t (which is why most people’s resolutions never happen).

One other thing:
Some people say you should tell everyone about your goals, some say tell no one. Some people say to think about them all the time, some say put it out of your mind completely. So which is it?

Here is the answer: do whichever seems right to you.
If you are so excited you want to tell the world, do it. If sharing your plan with others makes you feel insecure, then don’t.
And think about it as much as possible without resorting to worry. The goal is to stay excited and enthusiastic; if you start feeling anxious or doubtful, put it out of your mind (but keep following the plan!)

It’s as simple as that.

 

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

Why you can’t sleep at night, and how to fix it.

posted by B. Dave Walters
Does this seem familiar?

Does this seem familiar?

In my Coaching work, one of the most common complaints I hear is of people not being able to sleep at night.  Whether it’s not being able to fall asleep, stay asleep, or not being able to get your mind to quiet down, there are a few things you can do to help fix it pretty quickly.

We are  assuming you’ve taken care of the simple things, like not having caffeine or exercising too close to bed time.  And of course, a glass of red wine before bed might solve your problem automatically!  However, assuming you’ve already taken care of the simple things there are a relatively small number of things that can keep you awake at night.

Before we begin, it’s important to remember a very important detail about sleeping: On your way to sleep, and immediately when you wake up, are the two best times to influence your subconscious mind.  It’s when your innermost self is the easiest to reach, and most easily influenced.  It’s the absolute best time to make use of the Law of Attraction.

But…what do most people think about on their way to sleep? What do you think about on your way to sleep?  Probably fears, worries, anxieties, and generally what you *don’t* want!

So the first step is simple, so simple that it’s easy to overlook: Give yourself permission to sleep peacefully. Consciously direct your thoughts to good things as you lay in bed. Make it your intention to fall asleep quickly, and sleep through the night. If there is something you’re trying to attract, this is the absolutely best time to think about it.  Just let your mind linger on how good it will feel when it arrives, but if you find your thoughts shifting to worry or impatience, think about something else instead.  If you can’t manage positive thoughts, at least focus on non-negative ones; sports you enjoy, movies you like, songs you enjoy, things like that.

Next, learn how to meditate if you don’t know how to already.  I’ll tell you a secret: One of the main reasons why you should never meditate laying down is because it’s so easy to fall asleep. Any sort of visualization slips you into the same state of mind that usually leads to sleeping.  However, since the entire point is going to sleep, laying down while you do it works pretty well!  I have recorded a meditation you can use not only to fall asleep easily, but to program your dreams or answer any and all questions you might have.

Finally, the last step is also simple, but it’s not easy: Figure out who it is that you need to forgive, and what it is that you need to release.  I’ll tell you another secret: Just because a thought pops into your mind, doesn’t mean you have to believe it. Look at everything that runs through your mind like someone else is talking to you; just like you wouldn’t let the ramblings of a crazy person on the street damage your calm, you don’t have to let your idle thoughts bother you, either.   However, your subconscious mind is on your side, and in their own way all your thought, dreams, and emotions, are trying to help you.

If there’s someone you can’t stop thinking about, have you forgiven them for what they did, or did not do? As always, forgiveness doesn’t mean you are saying what they did or didn’t do was OK; maybe it’s NOT OK.  Forgiveness simply means releasing your negativity and resentment, it’s something you do for yourself, not for anyone else.  If there’s something you regret, have you forgiven yourself for it yet?  If you did your best, have learned something, and hopefully tried to make amends, what else is there?  Like I said at the beginning, the first step is giving yourself permission to sleep.  If you can’t release your regrets, you’re going to have a hard time finding peace.

But I have good news for you: You deserve peace. You deserve rest, and you deserve to wake up every morning rested and happy.  And if you follow these few simple steps, it will show up for you faster than you can possibly imagine.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me: http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything: http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

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