Some men feel that all women are gold-diggers.  Ladies, don’t get mad, but to some extent this is true.  And biology is to blame.  A woman is hard-wired to seek a mate that can provide for her while she raises a family.  And while the changing sensibilities of modern society have allowed many women to “have it all” (career, family, loads of stress…basically everything but a good night’s sleep) there are still plenty of ladies who harbor the now somewhat unpopular desire to stay home with the buns they spent nine months baking in the oven.

Silly maternal instincts!  However, these women should not necessarily be labeled as the malicious, money-hungry harpies that are implied by the term “gold-digger”.  True gold-diggers have no aspirations in the arena of marriage or motherhood unless they are as tools to secure eventual alimony and child support (children as accessories…ouch).  They will gladly hire nannies so that they can carry on their busy schedules of shopping, lunching with friends, and contributing your money to charitable organizations (when they aren’t pursuing their acting, singing, or other “artistic” pursuits).  If you happen to find yourself dating such a succubus, or worse, engaged to one, there are a few things you can do to get rid of her (or at least protect your assets).

  1. Run for the hills! That’s right, pull a straight up Houdini-style disappearing act.  Dump her, cut off communication, heck, change your phone number (or your name) if necessary.  Just get out as soon as possible.  And if you’re one of those guys who thinks the girls at strip club genuinely like you, this course of action is extra important.
  2. Cut her off. If you’ve been giving her lots of expensive gifts (tennis bracelets and nights out on the town) and taking trips to exotic islands hither and yon, let the well run dry and see how long she sticks around.  Five bucks says you’ll see her hair pins fly off her head as she zips away on her broom.
  3. Give away all your money. Okay, this might not be the best course of action for you, personally, so maybe just let her think you donated it all to charity or that you’ve been forced to file for bankruptcy.  Who knows, maybe she’ll buck up and pay the rent (likely with your credit card, just before she uses it to buy a brand-new getaway car).
  4. Find another girl. Nothing kills a relationship faster than divided attention.  Just make sure girlfriend number two isn’t also a gold-digger or you could end up with a Thunderdome situation on your hands as they duke it out for your fortune.  Actually, that would be kind of cool.  More likely they would put their heads together and come up with a better way to bilk you.
  5. Get a pre-nup.  If you somehow decide that this money-grubbing tramp is actually the girl of your dreams (where do you think trophy wives come from?), then you’ll either have to get a better job in order to give her everything her heart desires (since everything that’s yours will be hers, and then some) or else prepare an iron-clad pre-nuptial agreement.  If she refuses to sign, all the better.  You can keep her on as a mistress.
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