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Our Lady of Weight Loss

Our Lady of Weight Loss

This Friendship Day: How to Dump Your Toxic Friends :)

Be Your Own Best Friend ~ contact Janice Taylor, Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

Be Your Own Best Friend ~ contact Janice Taylor, Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

Hellooooooo Tushkateers, Devotees of Our Lady of Weight Loss, and those who through divine inspiration have landed on this page.  Did you know that August 2 is Friendship Day? I heard it on NPR just this morning so it must be true.

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I was thinking that I might share a gaggle of friendship quotes and get soppy about how much I love my friends, you guys especially, but Our Lady of Weight Loss interrupted my train of thought and insisted that I share my 7 tips on toxic friendship.

Chewing the Fat
7 Tips:
The Do’s and Don’ts of Toxic Friendships

Dear OLofWL ~  A few weeks ago, based on something I read in one of your books or in one of your blog posts (forgive me, I’m not sure where), I started to notice which people in my life have a negative effect on my weight loss efforts.

One friend, in particular has repeatedly told me that I’m never going to reach my goals (weight loss or otherwise).   I’ve asked her to stop, but whenever I point out that she’s undermining my attempts to move forward in life, she makes light of the situation and basically tells me that I’m too sensitive.

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We’ve been friends for a long time.  On the one hand, I am tempted to cut her out of my life completely, but on the other hand that feels a bit harsh.  Want to do?  Any thoughts on toxic friends?  ~ Mary Beth C., KC, MO

***

Dear Mary Beth C., KC, MO ~  Based on your friend’s inability to hear you and ‘own’ her unsupportive comments, I am going to venture a guess and suggest that she is stuck in her own narrow view of life, unable to see beyond her own struggles.

Negative people often do slow us down, drain our energy, as well as create stress and anxiety, none of which is useful or helpful. What to do?  Here are a few thoughts on:

7 Tips:  The Do’s and Don’ts of Toxic Friendships

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1.  Do Not Give Them a Piece of Your Mind.  When people, particularly friends and/or family members, are unsupportive it really ticks us off, because we understandably have expectations as to how they are going to show up in our lives.

Telling someone off, giving them a piece of your mind is a very bad idea, because it is negative in its own right. I rarely use absolutes like ‘never’ and/or ‘always, but in this case it is appropriate.   The recipient of your negativity will never see it your way.  They will defend their position.  You will defend your position.

2.  Do Feel Your Upset.  To be clear, I am not suggesting that you do not feel your upset, your anger, and/or your frustration and disappointment.  Breathe into it, feel it, and release it.  This will allow you to come from a place of clarity.

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3.  Do Create Boundaries.  You can either, with love in your heart, slowly but surely let the person go; or you can limit the time you spend together.

In these modern times, we are blessed with caller i.d., which means that you do not have to pick up every phone call.   Nor do you have to accept every invitation.  If you do choose to get together with this person, tell them that you can meet from say 2:00 pm to 3:30 pm for tea at a certain café that serves fruit.  You decide where – a place that supports your healthy living goals; you decide the amount of time that feels okay for you.

4.  Do Not Apologize or Justify Your Actions.  You simply do not have to explain yourself.  Please take that in on a cellular level and hence forth, when you find yourself launching into your ‘reasons’ why you can ‘only’ spend one hour together, or why you are choosing a fruity location … stop mid-stream.  Again, there is no need to, you don’t have to justify or explain yourself away.

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5.  Do Be Open to Healing.  Each and every one of us is traveling on our unique paths, which are circuitous in nature.  You just never know when your friend (or relative) is going to have an aHa, mind changing moment.  To be clear, that does not mean that you have to keep them in your life as you once did, but you can ‘hold a space for healing.’

6.  Do Not Feel Guilty.  You are a good person, a kind person, and you need to be your own best friend; in fact, you need to be your own good mother.  You are not dumping your friend, you are not abandoning your friend; you are simply letting go of the current state of friendship, as you hold a space for change.  Guilty is heavy; let it go.

7.  Do Seek Positarians.  Positarians are people who may not have much in common with the exception of their positive mindset about life.  But, hey, that’s enough, isn’t it?

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The best way to find the positarians is to keep an eye and ear open, and when you hear someone saying things like “Good Morning” with great enthusiasm, or when you see someone finding the most positive way of negotiating life in the face of obstacles, know that you have stumbled upon a positiarian.

Positiarians are lovers of life, and their goal is to spread the happy word. (NOT the icing! Sound familiar?)  They look at the bright side, and they are gifted at finding silver-linings.

I hope that provides enough to chew on, Mary Beth (and any and all who are reading this) to give yourself permission to let go of the toxic people in your life – either by letting them go entirely or greatly limiting your interaction with them.

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***

Happy Friendship Day!!!!!

For more fat burning friendship, visit:  Kick in the Tush Club/ Facebook page!!!

Spread the Word …. NOT the icing!

Janice Taylor
wise * fun * utterly useful

Sign up for the KICK in the TUSH CLUB monthly e-newsletter, sign up here.
To join the FACEBOOK/KITT Club, click here!
For one-on-one coaching, contact Janice.

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How to Be Eccentric, Clunky and Chunky.

Your Gain Is My Pain!  Contact Janice Taylor, Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

Your Gain Is My Pain! Contact Janice Taylor, Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

Lo n’ behold, in the not too distant past, I was invited to deliver a motivational talk for a prestigious company who was hosting a wellness immersion program, to which I wholeheartedly responded, “Yes.”

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They asked me what I’d like to call my talk. They needed a [juicy] title for their program. I said, “Blow the Fat Cells Out of Your Mind.” Seriously, folks – is that not that best talk title ever? They wondered, however, if I had a less “out there” (my words, not theirs) title.

“How about ‘Feed your Soul. Change your Weight?’” I countered.

To which they replied, “Great! But could we tweak it just a little bit to “Feed your Spirit. Change your Health.”

I said, “Sure. Fine. Go for it!” And I meant it, because it was a fine title, and I felt that they know their audience, and Soul to Spirit isn’t such a stretch, and I am in the business of surrendering and so I did. Surrender.

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Then, the person with whom I was speaking said, “Thanks for understanding.”

“Oh,” she continued, “and we love you. You want you to still be you.”

Good thing, hey? ‘Cause seriously folks, I wouldn’t know who else to be.

Be yourself.  Everyone else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde

After the phone call, I began to wonder if my talk was going to be too “racy” for them. What might they think or do when I pulled a “sexy vegetable” out of my bag?

Ready to Explore Your Authentic Self? - contact Janice Taylor, Life and Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

Sexy Vegetable Series:  The Cucumber by Janice Taylor

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What would they think when I announce that I hear voices and the patron saint of permanent fat removal is my BFF? Will they honk a horn and pull me off stage, call the “white coats” and take me away to the funny farm, or grin n’ bear it and never call me again for another talk?

The wheels of doubt were set in motion. It took me a minute to reel myself in, but I did. And then I remembered the following quote.

We are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or provide exempla for others. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our small piece, our little clunky, chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being. As the gods intended, we are here to become more and more ourselves. ~ James Hollis

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You are a unique serving, slice, sliver, piece, portion of Life. You are a rarity. Own your distinctiveness. Be eccentric, clunky and chunky!

For more fat burning authenticity, visit:  Kick in the Tush Club/ Facebook page!!!

Spread the Word …. NOT the icing!

Janice Taylor
wise * fun * utterly useful

Sign up for the KICK in the TUSH CLUB monthly e-newsletter, sign up here.
To join the FACEBOOK/KITT Club, click here!
For one-on-one coaching, contact Janice

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Green Tea helps to …. Burn Fat NOW!

Ready to Burn Fat? ~ contact Janice Taylor, Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

Ready to Burn Fat? ~ contact Janice Taylor, Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

The Zen master Hakuin used to tell his students about an old woman who owned a tea shop in the village. She was skilled in the tea ceremony, Hakuin said, and her understanding of Zen was superb.

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Many students wondered about this and went to the village themselves to check her out. Whenever the old woman saw them coming, she could tell immediately whether they had come to experience the tea, or to probe her grasp of Zen.

Those wanting tea she served graciously. For the others wanting to learn about her Zen knowledge, she hid until they approached her door and then attacked them with a fire poker. Only one out of ten managed to escape her beating.

***
Green tea, used for thousands of years in Asia, as both beverage and herbal medicine is now the subject of numerous scientific studies in the U.S. and abroad.

Research shows that green tea helps to prevent cancer and heart disease.  Green tea slows the aging process and may even reduce harmful blood cholesterol and blood sugar levels.  It has been known to prevent and reduce the pain of rheumatoid arthritis.

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Scientists in the United States and Switzerland published a study in the December 1999 issue of the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showing that green tea extract contained a substance that may help burn fat.  The Linus Pauling Institute explains that the weight loss is “apparently due to increased fat oxidation and thermogenesis.”

Put that in your teapot and drink it! (Green Tea contains caffeine).

A recap or recup, if you will!

Green Tea …
1. helps to prevent certain types of cancer
2. helps to prevent heart disease
3. slows the aging process
4. reduces harmful blood cholesterol and blood sugar levels
5. prevents and reduces the pain of rheumatoid arthritis
6. helps burn fat

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For more fat burning weight loss and wellness wisdom, visit:  Kick in the Tush Club/ Facebook page!!!

Spread the Word …. NOT the icing!

Janice Taylor
wise * fun * utterly useful

Sign up for the KICK in the TUSH CLUB monthly e-newsletter, sign up here.
To join the FACEBOOK/KITT Club, click here!
For one-on-one coaching, contact Janice

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Does NAMBY-PAMBY Fit You? -or- Buy a Doormat; Don’t Be One!

Ready to STOP Being a Doormat? - contact Janice Taylor, Life and Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

Ready to STOP Being a Doormat? – contact Janice Taylor, Life and Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian

This very morning, while sipping (okay, gulping down) our first cup of coffee (ahhhhh–here comes that first cup morning rush), Our Lady of Weight Loss and I simultaneously  clicked on, as in opened the link to, one of my favorite shopping sites, One King’s Lane.  (Look at me! Multi-tasking!)

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More often than not, I find this site to be chock-a-block with a wide range of items, many of which are on the relatively inexpensive side that reflect a number of my fantasy lifestyles–from country chic to down home funky to sophisticated and urbane.

I sip, I click, I fantasize, I fill up my shopping cart, I close the computer.  I rarely buy (sorry One King’s Lane).  Unless, of course, it haunts me for a minimum of 24 hours, said item(s) are within budget, and I am fairly certain that the item is going to “change” my life for the better.  I have “buying” rules, which serve me well and could be applied to food, but that’s another matter for another day.

This morning’s sale entitled “Pets Welcome” featured a number of dog doormats.  One of which featured a pug.  Back in the day, in my former-former-former existence, I had a pug.  A pug and a great dane; Sheba and Merle Oberon, respectively.

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Anyway, a long circuitous story, but the doormats reminded me that some time back, I’d written a piece about doormats; about being a doormat.  And being a doormat does, sometimes come hand n’ hand with carrying too much weight; does it not?

With all that in mind, I thought–why not pull this fun, wise and utterly useful piece from the Our Lady of Weight Loss vault and share again!?!   So…have fun (a key component to a happy, successful, healthy life), take the doormat piece/quiz with a grain of salt (just a grain!), and oh yes, take the actual quiz.

If the quiz uncovers that you are a bit of a doormat, then simply make a small adjustment here n’ there so that you can let go of doormat status.  Small, gentle adjustments are wise.

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Ready?  Okay! Here we go!!!

Fat, thin or regular sized, be brave and take this true/false quiz!
Does the word “namby-pamby” fit you? 

True or False? How many of these statements do you identify with?

1. You do things for other people that you really don’t want to do that are clearly beyond the call of duty.

Example: Your neighbor pops in and asks if you can watch her kids for the afternoon. She says that she hasn’t had a break for at least a week, and she wants to take herself to the movies. You say okay, even though you haven’t had a break in … geeze Louise, it’s been so long you can’t remember … and you don’t even like her kids!

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True or False?

2. You lie because you want to accommodate someone else.

Example: Your daughter-in-law asks if you are busy on Friday because that’s the day she that works best for her to get together, and even though you have a fully loaded day and will have to go to great inconvenience to reschedule all, you say, “Oh that’s perfect, my calendar is free. Works for me!”

True or False?

3. When asked what your preference is, you defer to others, even though you strongly do have a preference.

Example: When asked what type of restaurant you prefer to dine in, you say, “Whatever you like.” And then … you end up going to a greasy spoon comfort food place that has absolutely nothing on the menu that you want to or should eat, and — by the way — you are miserable!

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True or False?

4. You make vague comments about things and expect people to read your mind and then you play the martyr.

Example: You tell a friend, “Oh my back has been acting up a bit lately. Sometimes when I stand for long period of times or walk too slowly, it goes into a spasm.” One week later, they call and say let’s go to a museum, and you are really put upon and peeved that they don’t get that a museum might activate your spasm.

True or False?

5. You stuff down your feelings with food.

Example: Instead of telling your son, daughter or friend that you are feeling neglected and yes, angry, that they forgot your birthday, you bake yourself a cake and stuff those feelings down with extra icing.

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True or False?

6. You are so wanting every one in the world to like you that you start to unravel and shift rather quickly into a ‘downward’ spiral at the thought of anyone not liking you.

Example: Your new friend hasn’t called you in a week and you begin to think, without even considering whether they are busy or not, that they just don’t like you. Feelings of sadness rise to the surface, anxiety sets in and the unraveling begins!

True or False?

7. You think you are ‘oh so good’ for overriding your feelings, putting others before yourself and being the doormat that you are!

Example: You look at the above list and identify with each and every statement and think that you are a good person for being uber-available to all, and that those who don’t drop their lives for others are selfish.

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True or False?

6-7 Trues? You are the … Biggest Namby-Pamby Ever.
3-5 Trues? You are … somewhat stable.
1-2 Trues? You are … strong enough!
0 Trues? You are … super-empowered and perhaps, maybe even a little too inflexible?

What to do? How to change it around? How to move from Doormat to Empowered Woman?

*  Learn to say “No” in multiple languages.

*  Answer any and all requests with: “I’ll get back to you on that later.” Thus, creating thinking time so that you can think it through and possibly find the courage to say “no!”

*  Schedule ‘non-negotiable’ time for yourself.

*  Or you could lighten up, for goodness sake, and laugh at yourself. Buy a doormat!

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Buy a doormat, don’t be one!” ~ Janice Taylor (feel free to quote m on that one!)  

For more weight loss and wellness wisdom, visit:  Kick in the Tush Club/ Facebook page!!!

Spread the Word …. NOT the icing!

Janice Taylor
wise * fun * utterly useful

Sign up for the KICK in the TUSH CLUB monthly e-newsletter, sign up here.
To join the FACEBOOK/KITT Club, click here!
For one-on-one coaching, contact Janice

 

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This Friendship Day: How to Dump Your Toxic Friends :)
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