Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Law of Attraction in Action: “I Have to Take the Good With the Bad.”

LOAlogoBLOGThis is post 277 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.

I recently had something negative almost happen and told a colleague how relieved I was to avert it and her response was “You have to take the good with the bad.” I asked her why? She said that’s how life is.

I replied, “Not my life!” I’ve heard people going though a rough time who also had the “I have to take the good with the bad” attitude. They always sound resigned to having to accept bad stuff into their lives, as a given, in order to get better stuff. This is not true!

You don’t have to take bad almost as a trade-off for getting good. This belief puts the bad in your vibration? In order to manifest the good you want, only good should be in your vibration, Expecting bad as part of your life experience attracts bad stuff to you. Why tell the Universe you expect bad and that you believe it’s OK? Of course stuff can happen that you don’t like for many reasons. But a conscious expectation shouldn’t be one of them.

The more you keep your expectations on just attracting good stuff, the stronger the vibration for the Law of Attraction to pick up on. You don’t have to have bad with your good, unless you expect to. Your thoughts create your reality. Make sure you focus yours on positive stuff.

See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series HERE.
*************

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Getting Heard

mouthtalkingWe’re often so proud of ourselves for making the effort to communicate that we don’t pay attention to our approach. Becoming aware of how you present your thoughts and ideas can get them across more clearly. Simply paying more attention to yourself can help. Ask yourself,  “Is this how I’d like someone to talk to me?”

I tell women in my classes if you want to quickly shut down many a man’s hearing system, say those four little words!  “We need to talk.” When a man hears this, he knows something unpleasant is coming, so why listen?  Defenses come up.

Guilt distorts people’s hearing. If someone’s guard is up while you’re saying how you feel, he’s thinking ahead to his defense. So  how can you get heard  objectively? Starting with a positive statement can lower resistance and make ears more receptive.   I’ve interviewed both sexes and see a pattern.  Men often state a problem in a matter of fact tone. Women tend to have more emotion, often reflecting annoyance, impatience, etc..  Men get listened to more. Any wonder why?

Changing your methods of communications takes work. Self-awareness takes time. But it’s worth the effort when you get the responses you want…finally!
*************

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Who Have You Made God?

from morguefile.com

from morguefile.com

A woman recently told me with pride how after reading my book, All Men Are Jerks until Proven Otherwise, she was able to leave Jack, her boyfriend who she had put up on a pedestal as imperative to be with. She explained with embarrassment that she treated him like the God of her life. His desires ruled her and he dictated her behavior for a year. Zoë didn’t think she could live without Jack and worshipped him like a God. Meanwhile Jack walked all over her, taking advantage of being her God.

Jack thought it was OK to pick Zoë’s appearance apart. She’d jump and try to change whatever he didn’t like. Each critique tore her self-esteem down a notch or two. Once Zoë left the relationship she was relieved to be free of Jack as her God and turned to the real God for spiritual guidance. She vowed not to make anyone else that important and began too build herself back up with self-love.

When I was a DoorMat I made certain people in my life VERY important to my happiness. Hearing Zoë made me realize that I gave them God-like power over me. I was scared of losing them and I jumped to do their bidding, since my need for their approval and presence in my life was crucial to me.  This is common for people pleasers. Often you might make a romantic partner your God, who you look to for what to do, how to look and to behave. Or it could be your boss who you hold in God-like regard, like they know more than you or seem omnipotent because of the job they do.

Or an older relative may be someone whose love you think you need and you’ve seen him or her in a God-like aura since childhood. Or you may have a friend who has the qualities you yearn for and you need to spend time with him/her, so they become anointed as God. Of course none of this is healthy for your soul. While I do believe that God is in all of us, don’t worship anyone in your life as a God. That reinforces your being a DoorMat to them.

In my DoorMat days I had one of the kinds of friends who make you wonder “Why would someone like her wantt o friends with someone like me.” Lana was beautiful and came from a rich family. She wore gorgeous clothes and people flocked to her which I enjoyed being part of. I looked to her like a Goddess and worshipped her, doing everything I could to keep her happy. When she moved away I realized what a burden her friendship had been.

Make yourself the most important person in your life. Since God is in you, you can have Him with you all the time. When you look to someone as your God you give them power over your life that hurts you. Look inside yourself and find God. As your faith gets stronger and you begin to love yourself, you’ll be less likely to turn someone into a God who dominates your life.
*************

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Has the Economy Changed Your Work-Life Balance?

HeadshotDo you feel like your life is changing with the changing economy? It can really throw off your work-life balance. Today my guest is Bob Epperly, author of Growing Up After Fifty: From Exxon Executive to Spiritual Seeker,. He worked in management at Exxon Research and Engineering Co. for more than 20 years, finally becoming a general manager, and later was a senior executive in two startup companies. Having spent much of his professional life creating win-win environments for employees and employers and co-authoring a book entitled, “Interactive Career Development: Integrating Employer and Employee Goals”, he now coaches people who seek life-transforming career change. During the last quarter century, he has made spiritual self-realization and psychological integration his top priorities. Epperly and his wife, Sarah, live in Mountain View, Calif., and have three grown children and four grandchildren.  Below he shares suggestions for improving your life:

Has an Employer’s Market Further Skewed Work-Life Balance?
5 Tips for Ensuring a Desirable Lifestyle 
By: Bob Epperly

With the unemployment rate below 7 percent, lower than it was even five years ago and down from a peak of 10 percent in October 2009, many are breathing a sigh of relief. But the effects of a long bout of high unemployment are sure to have thrown off the balance of employee well-being.epperly Book Cover

The jobless rate does not take into account those who are underemployed, including over-skilled workers in menial jobs and those with too few hours. For those lucky enough to have decent employment, many feel insecure and are willing to skew their work-life balance into a tailspin, with exaggerated emphasis on their career.

I was a CEO and former Exxon general manager when I realized at age 55 that the joys of even a very successful career cannot make up for what’s missing when we neglect the other parts of our lives. Since most people cannot afford to simply refuse the demands of their job, here are some tips for correcting a work-lifestyle imbalance:

•    It’s never enough. Ambition is admirable, but if it’s all that drives you, no matter how much you accomplish, it will never be enough. If professional ambition is more important to you than anything else in your life, that’s a red flag that your life is dangerously unbalanced. The consequences will be painful feelings of emptiness, lack of fulfillment, and having missed out. Take steps now to restore balance, beginning with personal, non-work relationships.

•    No one ever says, at the end of their life, that they should have worked longer and spent less time with family. When it’s all said and done, life is short, and many realize that time is life’s most precious resource. Intense focus on work tends to deprive professionals of opportunities with their loved ones – moments and memories that cannot be replaced. Set goals for how much time you’ll spend giving your family 100 percent of your attention each day and week, and stick to them!

•    Make communication a top priority! The importance and value of real communication cannot be overemphasized. More important than speaking is listening. My relationships immediately improved when I began listening very carefully to what was being said.

•    Only you are responsible for your life. The Serenity Prayer goes a long way in work-life balance; it reads: “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Recognizing that I am responsible for my life and focusing on the aspects of it over which I have influence, while recognizing those I need to release, has been pivotal.
•    Accept who you are. This can be challenging; it demands courageous self-reflection and letting go of the need for external approval. When a friend asked me, ‘Do you think the world is ready to accept Bob Epperly just as he is?’ I suddenly saw that I had always felt I had to accommodate; that I wasn’t okay as I am. I started to give myself permission to be me.
*************

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

Previous Posts

Law of Attraction in Action: Assuming the Worst
This is post 280 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. When you’re going through a problem it’s easy to get worked up in a negative direction

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Can’t vs. Don’t Want To
We often use words incorrectly. You may say one thing and mean another, without even realizing it. Often it’s done unconsciously. But it’s important to be aware of excuses you make for not

posted 12:01:08pm Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Are You a Needy People Magnet?
Do you find yourself surrounded by people who need you for something? Do you tend to end up with romantic partners who need fixing? It’s common, especially for DoorMats who have people pleasing as part of their M.O.  I did when I was a DoorMat. These needy folks would bring me down with their dem

posted 12:01:49pm Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »

Overcoming Obstacles--interview with Jenn London
Beautiful Sorrow  is a true-life story memoir written by Jenn London, a talented singer/songwriter and a self-love ambassaador for The Self-Love Movement™. She’s overcome a multitude of sorrowful parts of her life, from  childhood obesity to immense family tragedy. Her optimism, determination

posted 12:01:39pm Apr. 10, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Fear of Technology
This is post 279 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. I admit that I’m not comfortable with new technology. I get nervous trying something new

posted 12:01:44pm Apr. 08, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.