A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
You know it’s not good to lie yet often we lie to ourselves. That might sound ridiculous but we do. Some people may see it as deluding yourself but when you tell yourself something that you know isn’t true, it’s a lie, especially when a piece of you doesn’t believe it, and you look for rationales to make it true. We often tell ourselves lies because we can’t face the truth.
Sometimes these lies are ingrained beliefs that we want to believe. DoorMats who try to please everyone often lie to themselves. For example:
* “Everyone likes me because I’m so nice to them.” I told myself that lie, even though I knew deep down that they probably just liked what I did for them. But telling myself that being a people pleaser meant that everyone liked me made me feel better.
* “I’m a very nice person because I do so much for everyone.” Ignoring your own needs to do for others isn’t nice—to you! It often makes you unhappy when your desires get put aside. Telling yourself that you’re a nice person doesn’t compensate.
Accepting lame excuses from people about why they can’t help you with what you need or why they hurt you or seemed to take advantage of you when you know they’re lying is lying to yourself because you’re afraid to challenge them and possibly lose someone.Lies can keep you in relationships with friends or romantic partners who you think you can’t live without.
* “He/she doesn’t mean to hurt me with criticism. He/she wants to help me be a better person.” We rarely believe that one but convince ourselves that it’s true to avoid breaking up with someone we’re in love with. So we lie to ourselves to tolerate verbal abuse, or worse.
* “She can’t help always being late or he doesn’t mean to always be short of cash when we go out.” If he/she is your only single friend you may be scared that if you make a fuss about it you may lose him/her as a friend, and have no one to do activities with.
Be careful about any lies you may tell yourself. They can keep you stuck in situations that aren’t good for you. They can keep you from leaving a dead end job or convince you that you’re not good enough for something you want but are scared to go after.
Lying to yourself just holds you back. Your life can improve when you become honest with you. That allows you to see what needs to be changed and know you must fix it. Facing the truth motivated me to leave DoorMatville forever. I accepted that everyone didn’t like me aside from what I did for them, and that was OK. It was more important to like myself and do what was best for me. Being honest with myself allowed my self-love to flourish. Love yourself enough to stop self-lies!
Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment—“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days.” and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.