God's Comic

God's Comic

Fast cars and no seat belts

posted by Brad Stine

Americans know what they want when it comes to cars. We love convertibles for example because it’s the open air. It’s part of our heritage. Americans love to travel, and we are the experts. We travel everywhere we go, otherwise, we wouldn’t get anywhere. We are the lineage of a people that were willing to die for an idea. You had to be a special breed of human to start America. People came in boats in the 16th century. Boats!

They traveled months through heavy seas and if you don’t think that was courageous, they brought their kids! Kids on a 6-month journey! I can’t travel 4 blocks with my kids and their whining w/o wanting to hit myself in the head with a hammer! Not the sea traveling kids, they didn’t complain. They threw up a lot, but they didn’t complain. Then the Eastern seaboard was created but that wasn’t enough for these visionaries. They traveled west to create this free Republic and got in covered wagons and went months and months through rugged terrain and the kids didn’t have ipods, or Iphones, or texting or snap chat or radios or rabies shots and the kids weren’t whining,” Are we there yet?” you know why? Because there WAS NO “THERE” YET! We are going to make a there.

Thus was born the greatest country the world has ever known. Was it hard? Yes, because we knew that hard was good. When a place is hard to get too, you appreciate it when you arrive. It’s also where we taught our lineage how to travel in the vehicles they trusted and liked.

Ford, that great American company made it affordable and practical to travel, they gave the people what they wanted. Now were trapped by government regulations on emissions, and environmentalist terrorism if you prefer a big, safe, SUV.

You want to teach kids to appreciate car travel? Here is an easy experiment. Make it dangerous to travel again! First thing we could do is get these airbags out of the cars. When I was growing up we had dashboards made out of metal. You got in a wreck, you paid for it! You were weeded out so the good drivers had more room. Now the people have bags for everything. It’s like a funhouse to get in a wreck in this country.

Kids nowadays look confused because they’ve never been in a bagless car. They thought cars always had bags, they thought the model T had bags. They weren’t as sophisticated just a pygmy with a paper sack. (Picture blowing up sack and holding it out). Kids don’t understand innovation. They have had bags and a mandatory seat belt. When I was growing up we set in the front seat, no bags, no belt, and you know what protected me? Mom’s arm. How many crash dummy tests did it take to realize this ain’t working?

Kids nowadays have been given bags, seatbelts and spent the first 6 years in the back seat in a 5 point harness car seat and they probably learned to ride a bike wearing a helmet the BIG BABIES. If I wore a helmet riding my bike my friends would have beaten me up! We are the lineage of a group of people that broke from the most powerful country of the 19th century to become the most powerful country in the 20th.

We have gone from a group of people that were taught if you work hard enough, get innovative and don’t complain you can be anything you want, TOO a group of people that now need signs warning them that coffee is hot! If you didn’t know coffee was hot..PUT A HELMET ON!!

We are Americans and know what we like. Car dealers represent us, not environmentalists and progressive ideologues. We like convertibles, fast cars, and the dealers know it! Let the people decide! Not only is it common sense, you might actually make a profit!

Another Year is here!

posted by Brad Stine

Around this time of year we always comment that another year has come and gone. But has it really? I mean we have arbitrarily created the calendar year based on the earth’s rotation around the sun or something to that effect.

But just because it does rotate consistently doesn’t mean we had to choose that as our system of years. Haley’s comet comes around once every 75 yrs or so. What if we decided that every time Haley’s came by it was a year?

Think how much younger we all would suddenly be. The Bible say’s that to the Creator one year is like a thousand and a thousand is one year. So you could at 30, for example, theoretically be turning 30 seconds old or 30,000 years old based on your measuring system.

Of course there was the tried and true hourglass that apparently took an hour to finish but only ran when you decided to turn it thus making a day much shorter if you chose. I think sundials were one of the first timekeepers but were pretty much only reliable in the Sahara.

If you lived in Seattle and didn’t want to be late for work back in the sundial days you were better off setting up a cot at your work station and get up when you heard any commotion.
God created the idea of time (since it is only an idea, being eternal there really is no 7:30 or whatever, but I digress) and gave us a way to measure it based on darkness and light.

He had to separate the two so we could tell them apart otherwise everyone would think they lived in Seattle as I already mentioned. We talk about time like it is alive. It is a good time to start a new resolution. It’s about time I turned over a new leaf. There is no time like the present.

Actually all there is when it comes to time is the present. Each moment you exist is all you can rely on since none of us can control our existence and none but God decide when time is up.
The one thing you are expected to control is your attitude during the moments of existence.

We are not supposed to grow as Christians to show God how holy we are getting. Instead we are to practice such an unusual lifestyle of gratefulness, love and compassion for others irrespective of our own condition that we drive fellow humans to desire a life like ours. Do people watch your life and say“I want what he has?”

This is why I imagine God says without faith it is impossible to please Him. Faith relies on what we believe God to be based on His Holy Book. We live for substance we hope to grasp one day in a dimension both similar and dissimilar to our familiar 3rd dimension, we commit to evidence even when we don’t see it using three dimensional eyes but a “sense” of faith that is tangible and allows us what would be considered an extra-sensory perception to “see”.

This is the life of the believer that we all not only should strive for but are expected to. In time we’ll get there, just stay clear of Seattle.

Christmas with a capital C

posted by Brad Stine

As of this writing the GoFish song Christmas with a Capital C is one of the most requested songs on Christian radio. This song sampled my Christmas rant from “Put a Helmet On!” and has well over 18 MILLION hits on YouTube.

The song and my routine is simply a response to the politically correct nonsense that has essentially censored the age-old American tradition of celebrating Christmas in stores, schools and businesses.

Of course “Christmas” itself is not being censored in that there is still a break given to school kids nation wide that has somehow morphed into a celebration of snow and winter, because after all, who doesn’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside when they see slush and freezing rain?

It is the use of the word “Christmas” and its religious connotations that are being erased of course. The fact that we still have stores selling gifts, ribbon, trees, wrapping paper, tinsel, stars, ornaments, and the green and red theme colors is a sad testimony to what political correctness does to truth.

Even though all of these items are here ONLY because of Christmas, (not Hanukah or Kwanza or Ramadan) they pretend it isn’t there and by doing so it will force it to disappear. My beef with this fascism in the name of sensitivity by the way is not saying we shouldn’t be respectful of non-Christians and dissenting viewpoints.

My problem was that this tradition has existed for well over 150 years in America. It is not about forcing non-Christians to celebrate Christmas, it is the fact that it has been taken away from everyone. Removing something that always was, is a far cry from forcing it on others.

I could quibble about the immaturity and lack of tolerance from the small minority that is apparently outraged and traumatized by a dogmatic religion that would pound us over the head with such intolerant a concept as “Peace on earth good will towards men” when it suddenly occurred to me. Christmas is a gift.

Christmas is a celebration of God almighty humbling Himself towards His creation in creating an opportunity for humanity to be restored to fellowship with its creator. Yet even from its inception there were those that refused the gift. Those who want the grace and forgiveness and love but are adamant that they want nothing to do with repentance, humbleness, and sanctification.

What has happened in America is a natural outcropping of the fallen man and his rebellion. We will accept God in small doses and only under the caveat that we get to decide who God is and what role He will be permitted to affect our behavior.

We have the proof even in some Christian denominations that have kept the Jesus of “love” as long as love doesn’t conflict with the new cultural norm of morality. They allow the culture to define their faith instead of the purpose of Christianity and Christmas in redeeming culture.

Does Jesus love us all, you bet. Does love mean no perimeters for our choices? No. That is actually called hate. To allow someone to make choices that are repulsive to God without GENTLY and humbly steering them toward freedom isn’t love at all.

This idea was wonderfully dramatized in a film by the same name “Christmas with a capital C” which I co-star in and was a result of the song, which was a result of my rant, which is why you can watch it on Netflix right now if you choose. Though I would recommend watching with the whole family as it is a really good flick, irrespective of the fact I’m in it.

I guess what I’m saying is Christmas will never leave America. It will be celebrated by churches and in the homes of Christ followers who can decorate all they choose (for now). We are to offer the gift of Christmas to everyone and yet allow him or her the option to opt out. I feel sorry for America though.

It was at one time such a beautiful tradition for us all. We are post modern now folks and secular, and so now we are to draw inspiration from holiday tree’s and freezing snow and wind to truly bring us as a nation together. What a gift we’ve been given huh?

P.S. You can buy Christmas with a capital C on DVD for a gift or catch it on Netflix.

Thinking of Thanks!

posted by Brad Stine

This is Thanksgiving week and I think it is important that we seek to give thanks not just for the obvious but also for the mundane and overlooked in our lives.

Books, for example, are a vanishing item in our Internet new world. Ask a kid under 12 what is the latest book he has read and you’ll get an inquisitive stare and a mumbled “books? Oh yeah I read about books on the Internet.”

Books are always there to be read and re-read never losing their information and just patiently waiting to share with anyone that is literate. Funny you should mention books as I happen to have two I have written available in my website store.

My first is called “Being a Christian Without Being an Idiot”; kind of an autobiography. The second is called “How to think right” which was named originally in hardback “Live from Middle America..Rants from a Red State Comedian”, available at bradstine.com

But enough about me as this is about thankfulness. Another great thing to be thankful for is DVD’s. What a great holiday tradition to start watching a good family film together right after the feast.

Not that any come to mind but since we are on the subject why not pick up a copy of the newly released pro-life film “Sarah’s Choice” starring Christian singer Rebecca StJames. Coincidently I am a co-star in the film playing Uncle Clay, a middle aged man giving moral clarity to his rambunctious but all too immature nephew that got his girlfriend pregnant and what they are going to do next.

Not to mention “Christmas with a capital C” in my store or on Netflix, because if I did, some could accidentally interpret it as self-promotion.

I am going on a vacation with my family and am always thankful for a good CD that we can listen to along the way, some good music or even a comedy album. Even though mine are available on bradstine.com I don’t listen to them of course as that would be crass and self-indulgent.

The fact that some of you would consider buying some of my albums for yourself, (Like for example my latest “God’s Comic” or ‘”How to defend the Constitution without shooting someone”) as Christmas gifts is totally your right. Just leave me out of it as this column all about thankfulness.

I’m always thankful for God’s provisions like clothing. That is probably why I created my own t-shirts and hats with funny phrases on them to allow for my fans to have the same opportunity I have of not having to go through the winter topless.

Anyway I hope I was able to get you all thinking a little bit about others and how to never neglect giving thanks for the little things in life.

Me? I just trust God for my daily bread and am thankful He is always faithful so I don’t have to resort to self serving promotions about all the stuff available on my website bradstine.com at a discount to help your one stop Christmas shopping needs.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

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