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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Rejected in Love, Accepted by Food

posted by Linda Mintle

pree pausev2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_BO1,204,203,200_Ann was on an eating binge. Oh it wasn’t because she was a compulsive eater or had an eating disorder.

It was because her boyfriend, Rob, decided to break it off. Ann was in the midst of grieving, but was not allowing that process to happen. She was medicating with food.

The body and mind are connected so when rejection hits hard, it is no wonder our appetites either leave us or kick in to gear so we don’t have to think about the present moment.

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People reject you. Food accepts you. Food tastes good and is a comforting distraction from the momentary pain of rejection.

Think of all the movies you have seen of women diving into the ice cream or comfort food to ease the emotional pain of rejection. Comfort food soothes us and makes us feel better. The problem is that we can’t eat away the pain. Food only covers it up. And we can’t focus on grief is we are numbing our momentary feelings with food.

Better to grieve the rejection and grab your thoughts. “This feels terrible, but I can get through it. I am hurting but eating away my feelings is going to result in feeling worse. Here’s where I need some self-care. Don’t add insult to injury. The last thing I want to do after a break up is gain weight and feel more rejection. Stay present!”

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If you can stay present with your feelings and not escape into the food, you will certainly feel the sting of the rejection, but you will be allowing the grieving process. Then, as you see that you can handle the heartache, you won’t need to go to the food for escape. And you won’t be tempted to eat away your pain–an important lesson in coping.

So if you’ve been rejected in love, resist that comfort food.

Stay in the moment, feel the pain, tell yourself that tomorrow will be better. Grief needs to be processed, and you will come through this with God’s help.

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The 3 Best Ways to Unwind

posted by Linda Mintle

natureI have a big academic paper  to write. This kind of task, like many we encounter at work, requires sustained energy and focus. But after awhile, we all need a break. So what is the best way to unwind for a few minutes?  Coffee, candy, stretching?

1) Take a nature walk. Researchers at the University of Michigan proved that performance on tasks that require sustained focus improved by 20% when subjects took a nature break. It has to be nature, not just any walk down a city street. Apparently the elements engage our minds differently than other types of settings. So if you have a park, arboretum, or nature trail near by, get on it!

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2) Stanford researchers found that people who believe they have unlimited willpower can work longer and keep their performance up. Good news for college students who need to power through studying for an exam or those of us who must make a deadline.  Just believe you can do it.

3) Go exercise or grab a healthy snack. This seems to be better than downing coffee to help with concentrate. Too much coffee can increase anxiety and leave you more stressed than before a break. And the choice of an energy boosting snack is better than one loaded with sugar and fat. So if you are yawning at your desk and need a boost, Health.com recommends 1/2 cup sliced banana or a small apple with 1 tablespoon of peanut butter, 4 wholegrain crackers spread with 1 tablespoon of hummus, 1/4 cup of dried fruit or nuts, 6 ounces of plain nonfat yogurt mixed with a tablespoon of granola, or a whole grain high protein bar,

 

 

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How to Empower a Child

posted by Linda Mintle

mom and sonI was at Costco grabbing a slice of pizza and watched a mom, her older son, middle daughter and younger son get lunch. They looked like they were having a great time. The mom was about to go and get food for everyone and wanted the three kids to sit at the table and wait until she ordered and brought back the food. She looked at the kids and pointed to where she would be, noting they could see her. She was calm, firm and structured. The kids were very attentive and appeared to be quite obedient.

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The oldest got all excited, raised his hand and asked, “Mom can I be in charge while you get the food?” The mom hesitated, looked uncomfortable and finally said, “No, your sister is more responsible.”

I cringed. You could see the hurt on the older boy’s face. He stared at the floor and looked like he could cry. “Inadequate” was written all over his face and my heart sunk. I hurt for him. I know the mom was trying to do the right thing but she missed an important moment to empower her son and give him responsibility.

A better approach would have been to respond to her son’s request with this, “OK what do you have to do to be in charge? Can you do that? Great, let’s give it a try since you are the oldest.” This would have empowered the boy and given him an opportunity to win his mom’s trust.

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I know as a parent I don’t always respond the best way. After the fact, it is easier to see better ways to handle situations. But sometimes it is the small interactions with our kids that can leave big imprints.

Look for those moments when you can empower your child to take responsibility. Encourage him or her to try new things and practice their growing independence. It might make you a little anxious but the benefit to the child is worth it.

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Breaking Free From Negative Self-Image

posted by Linda Mintle

All you have to do is listen to people comment as they walk around the mall. So many have a negative view of self. Everything from, “I feel fat today” to “I hate the way I look” can be heard.

Have you embraced a distorted view of yourself? Have you used the cultural standards of beauty and success to judge your worth?

God invites you to a personal relationship in which you can find ultimate acceptance. With His help, you can break free from a negative self-image. Review these points in order to correct your image.

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1. Have a proper understanding of what self-image is. A self-image is based on your own ideas of acceptance and accomplishment. A God-image is built on the inherent dignity and worth you have as His child. Nothing you do or accomplish impacts your worth.

2. God esteems you when people do not. God cares about your heart and looks at things that have eternal significance.  Scripture reminds us that we are accepted, secure and significant because we are His.

3. At the root of a negative self-image is a lack of true identity. If identity is based on anything other than who we are in Christ, it can be shattered. Identity in Christ is necessary to develop God-esteem. No matter what your past, salvation changes you to a new creation and immediately connects you to the person of God.

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4. Daily renew your mind with the Word of God. Value what God values. Change begins in your thought-life. As you think on things that are good, pure, noble, lovely and of good report, review the promises of God. Identify the lies of the enemy and ask God to reveal His truth about who you are.

5. Change your behavior. Stop striving for self-actualization and ways to be loved. Receive His unconditional love for you. Rest in Him and allow His love to transform you.

 

For more help in breaking free from negative self-image, order my small booklet as pictured above on the link below to the right.

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