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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

How to Empower a Child

posted by Linda Mintle

mom and sonI was at Costco grabbing a slice of pizza and watched a mom, her older son, middle daughter and younger son get lunch. They looked like they were having a great time. The mom was about to go and get food for everyone and wanted the three kids to sit at the table and wait until she ordered and brought back the food. She looked at the kids and pointed to where she would be, noting they could see her. She was calm, firm and structured. The kids were very attentive and appeared to be quite obedient.

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The oldest got all excited, raised his hand and asked, “Mom can I be in charge while you get the food?” The mom hesitated, looked uncomfortable and finally said, “No, your sister is more responsible.”

I cringed. You could see the hurt on the older boy’s face. He stared at the floor and looked like he could cry. “Inadequate” was written all over his face and my heart sunk. I hurt for him. I know the mom was trying to do the right thing but she missed an important moment to empower her son and give him responsibility.

A better approach would have been to respond to her son’s request with this, “OK what do you have to do to be in charge? Can you do that? Great, let’s give it a try since you are the oldest.” This would have empowered the boy and given him an opportunity to win his mom’s trust.

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I know as a parent I don’t always respond the best way. After the fact, it is easier to see better ways to handle situations. But sometimes it is the small interactions with our kids that can leave big imprints.

Look for those moments when you can empower your child to take responsibility. Encourage him or her to try new things and practice their growing independence. It might make you a little anxious but the benefit to the child is worth it.

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Breaking Free From Negative Self-Image

posted by Linda Mintle

All you have to do is listen to people comment as they walk around the mall. So many have a negative view of self. Everything from, “I feel fat today” to “I hate the way I look” can be heard.

Have you embraced a distorted view of yourself? Have you used the cultural standards of beauty and success to judge your worth?

God invites you to a personal relationship in which you can find ultimate acceptance. With His help, you can break free from a negative self-image. Review these points in order to correct your image.

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1. Have a proper understanding of what self-image is. A self-image is based on your own ideas of acceptance and accomplishment. A God-image is built on the inherent dignity and worth you have as His child. Nothing you do or accomplish impacts your worth.

2. God esteems you when people do not. God cares about your heart and looks at things that have eternal significance.  Scripture reminds us that we are accepted, secure and significant because we are His.

3. At the root of a negative self-image is a lack of true identity. If identity is based on anything other than who we are in Christ, it can be shattered. Identity in Christ is necessary to develop God-esteem. No matter what your past, salvation changes you to a new creation and immediately connects you to the person of God.

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4. Daily renew your mind with the Word of God. Value what God values. Change begins in your thought-life. As you think on things that are good, pure, noble, lovely and of good report, review the promises of God. Identify the lies of the enemy and ask God to reveal His truth about who you are.

5. Change your behavior. Stop striving for self-actualization and ways to be loved. Receive His unconditional love for you. Rest in Him and allow His love to transform you.

 

For more help in breaking free from negative self-image, order my small booklet as pictured above on the link below to the right.

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Listen to How to Let Go of Worry

posted by Linda Mintle

Today’s blog is the link to my radio show, The Dr. Linda Mintle Show, that airs weekly on Victory FM. The show is on Letting Go of Worry. Most of us need help in this area so here is the link. Listen and enjoy. There is practical help in this 30 minute show as to how to let go of worry and not become anxious or filled with worry and fear. Living a life of peace not only helps our physical lives, but is what God intended.

Click here to listen: This program and more is also available on my E-newsletter than comes out two times a month. You can subscribe for FREE on www.drlindahelps.com. Other shows on Anger, Teens and Media and Should husbands and Wives Give Advice to each other are archived on the MEDIA, radio tab as well. Enjoy! And hey, let’s do life together.

Dr Linda radio

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Anti-Bully Programs Get an F in Schools

posted by Linda Mintle

anti bullyThis month is anti-bully month and according to a new study, all this awareness of bullying may actually be making things worse! That’s right, schools with no programs have less bullying than those with the programs. Put up a poster to prevent bullying and you just may increase the behavior!

According to a study conducted at the University of Texas at Arlington and published in the Journal of Criminology (September, 2013), students at anti-bullying initiative schools are MORE likely to be bullied.  The reason according to bullying expert Start Twemlow, whenever you target a group of specific people, things get worse. These programs  may actually be giving bullies ideas on how to bully better. Not exactly the intended impact when it comes to prevention!

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Zero tolerance policies are not working either. In fact, the NEA gives these policies a big F for effectiveness as well.

And all the awareness leads to better reporting, which may look like the problem is on the rise.

Twemlow, a bullying expert, says our current efforts should consider a name change from anti-bullying to pro-kindness, not exactly a sizzling campaign you could excite people to support, but more indicative of the type of change really needed.

Bullying, he contends, is more about the adults, the resources that schools can’t afford, and over hauling the school’s climate and leadership. In other words, the school’s norms, values, and expectations would change in a positive way to support prosocial behavior. Kindness would be promoted. Now there is a novel thought!

So back to the drawing board for educators. Semantics aside, the real problem is a change of heart. Kindness is a fruit of the spirit. Maybe someone should suggest that taking God out of the schools may also have had an effect no one saw coming!

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