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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Do You Keep The Commandment To Rest?

posted by Linda Mintle

man sleepingExodus 20: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your manservant, nor your maidservant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

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Rest…a commandment given, but not often followed in today’s culture. For me, I tend not to rest because I always have so much to do, but I heard a sermon Sunday that challenged me to rethink rest on Sunday.

I felt convicted, not because I wasn’t following the rule of the law, but because I didn’t really grasp the reason for rest. So after the sermon, I was intentional about resting, changing my perspective and trusting God to redeem my time.

My pastor talked about rest in the context of self-sufficiency. Our inability to rest is often motivated by our self-sufficiency. If we don’t keep working, the work won’t get done. It all depends on us.Yes, we must be diligent in all we do, but even God rested on the seventh day from His work of creation.

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Rest is more than an Old Testament law difficult to follow. It points to something spiritual.

We rest because we believe God is working for us, or in the case of salvation, the work is already done. Rest points to the work of Jesus. Jesus, our warrior King, has already won the battle and provides us rest in Him. He goes before us, He leads us, He provides and gives us rest.

The pastor went on to explain how the day of rest shifted from the Sabbath to Sunday because of Jesus. Jesus took our sin to the cross and gave us freedom from sin and eternal life.

“Thank you oh my father, For giving us your son,
And leaving your spirit, ’til the work on earth is done” (Keith Green).

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Rest begins on our first day of the week, rather than the last as was the case in the Old Testament. Jesus represents the new beginning. He was raised from the dead on a Sunday and so we begin our week with worship and resting in Him. The first thing we do in the week is to worship Him because the work is already done. We rest in Him, completely depending on Him, knowing that He works on our behalf. I can rest knowing that my life is directed, led and in the hands of my Savior. It is not all about me!

The sermon changed my perspective. Rather than wondering what I should or should not do on the day of rest in order to keep the commandment, I realized that Sunday, the beginning of my week, is my day to rest and worship God in all I do. I don’t work my way to God, He has already completed the work for me.

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Rest is a spiritual act. It declares the glory of God, His powerful sacrifice on our behalf and His Son who goes before us each day, working all things for our good.

Can you rest in that truth?

The pastor ended the sermon with a challenge, “Think of ways you can worship God on the day of rest.” Rather than trying to keep some legalistic law, worship!

Rest is an act of worship!

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15 Minutes to Build Trust

posted by Linda Mintle

Trust is foundational to any relationship. Today’s Blog is an audio blog. 15 minutes of Liberty Radio Journal. MMark Edwards and I sat down and talked about how to build trust in your intimate relationships. It’s worth your time!

Click on my picture to listen!

Dr Linda radio

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7 Myths About Infidelity

posted by Linda Mintle

affairMyth #1- Everybody is doing it.

Marital fidelity is still the norm even though Hollywood depicts it as a dying possibility. Survey data suggests that 15% of women and 25% of men confess to straying. While these numbers are still too high, they don’t suggest that everyone is being unfaithful.

Myth #2 – Affairs help a marriage.

This is absurd. An affair is a break of covenant and does damage. But all you have to do is read Cosmopolitan or Playboy (I am not suggesting you do!) and you will be given the idea that affairs can rev up a dying relationship. I’ve even heard some marriage therapists suggest an affair to an unhappy spouse. This is ridiculous and harmful.

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Myth #3 – Affairs are a result of lost love.

Usually it is the other way around–affairs bring on feelings of lost love. Affairs have more to do with the person who has the affair. It is a choice usually related to issues of identity and values. Friendship, not love, can be a primary motivator.

The reasons for affairs vary tremendously but the bottom line spiritually is a spouse who has strayed from his/her intimate relationship with God.

Myth #4-The affair is about sex.

Obviously affairs involve sex although 20% of people have what are called “emotional affairs” in which they admit to limited sexual intimacy. It is not that affair partners are better looking, more accomplished or sexually more impressive. It is a connection based on some fantasy or emotional tie that has overstepped its limit.

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Myth #5-It’s best not to know about an affair.

Because this behavior is a breaking of the covenant, it must be confessed to the betrayed. Lies and deceit will produce problems. Spouses often fear that if they confess, their partners will leave. This does happen. But when the betrayer is sincerely remorseful, has stopped the affair and confessed to God and you, then reconciliation should be tried.

Myth #6- Affairs are caused by the spouse.

An affair is a choice that is made by one partner. You cannot blame the other person for this behavior. Marital dissatisfaction may be a joint or loner feeling. But the decision of how to deal with unhappiness or dissatisfaction is made by one person. If there is any hope of repair, the affair must stop. Whatever the marital issues, the betrayed is not responsible for the betrayer’s behavior.

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Myth #7-An affair leads to divorce.

It can. An affair is a marital crisis and brings a set of problems that may intensify and change the landscape of the marriage. Certainly those in repeated affairs who cannot tolerate intimacy have more serious problems that make marriage difficult to sustain. But those who want to work on the marriage and feel guilty for the betrayal, have stopped and want to return to marital commitment should be given the chance. Affairs are sin. Sin can be forgiven and because of that forgiveness, we are to forgive one another. Once forgiveness begins, it is imperative for the betrayer to figure out what motivated the choice to act out and how to prevent it from ever occurring again. The power of the Holy Spirit in someone makes it possible to change and be faithful to vows.

 

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Do You Get Along with Your Mother-In-Law? 5 Tips to Help

posted by Linda Mintle

distress womanIn a few weeks, I will become the mother-in-law. For years, I have helped people in therapy deal with their  in-laws. In-laws can easily become out-laws in families.

In fact, researcher, Sylvia Mikucki-Enyart at the University of Wisconsin-Stevens Point polled mothers whose child was about to marry. She overwhelming found that moms were more worried when their sons married than their daughters.

Why?

Moms felt more uncertainty and insecurity with the daughter-in-laws to be, wondering how they might influence their sons when it comes to family relationships. Mothers also worried that the wife may change their sons in ways that would create distance. And daughter-in-laws wondered about their mother-in-laws, are they talking about me, going to be too involved, etc.

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When the two women dance around each other and don’t work out their relationship, distance can occur. The key is to work through the uncertainty of the relationship, defining it as you go. Sons need their mothers and new wives to work out their relationships. Mothers-in-laws can be strong advocates, helpers and supports to a couple.

So here are a few tips to help make those relationships positive:

1) Mothers do better when requests come from their sons. If something has upset his wife, a son should ask his mom to behave in a way that doesn’t upset her, not just tell her that she upsets his wife. Talk through strategies as to how to approach and solve problems quickly. But make sure those strategies are healthy. For example, a son can’t ask his mom to avoid problems. Relationships don’t grow that way.

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2) Daughters-in-laws should keep their mother-in-laws involved in the family. Spend time together and pick their battles. Like any relationship, spending time together and working through issues strengthens relationships. This relationship is too important to ignore or be a battle. Working through conflict is essential. Don’t keep problems inside and don’t avoid.

3) Both should avoid seeing their relationship with the son/husband as a competition. It’s not and both love differently.

4) The couple should be a team and present as a united front. This means couples need to work through the issues and decide how to deal with them together.

5) Two women come from two different family systems. Both need to learn to accommodate the other but work on healthy strategies for relationships. For example, if one woman doesn’t hold boundaries, that is an area of work. If the other avoids conflict, that needs to be worked on too. Dysfunctional family patterns should be addressed to improve the relationship. After all, feminist say we marry our mothers. When both women have worked on healthy patterns in their own families, the relationship between them will go better.

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