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Depression Help

Depression Help

31 Tips For Self Care

posted by tereziafarkas

31 tips for self care | Terezia Farkas | depression help | Beliefnet

 

Self care is good all year long, not just during the holidays. It’s always important to stop and listen to your own needs. But self care falls by the side of our lives too many times. So to remind you about self care, here’s some ideas and tips taken from  National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

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Here’s 31 tips for self care:

1. Take a walk outside

2. Write a love letter to yourself

3. Write about something you are grateful for in your life (it can be a person, place, or thing)

4. Create a happy playlist and a coping playlist

5. Treat yourself to a favorite snack

6. Watch your favorite movie

7. Forgive someone

8. Forgive yourself

9. Say thank you to someone who has helped you recently

10. Create a DIY self-care kit of things that make you feel better

11. Take your medication on time

12. Take a new fitness class at the gym (yoga, Zumba, etc.)

13. Plan a lunch date with someone you haven’t seen in a while

14. Pamper yourself with an at-home spa day

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15. Take a day off from social media and the Internet

16. Cuddle with your pets or a friend’s pet

17. Take the time to stop, stand and stretch for 2 minutes

18. Wake up a little earlier and enjoy your a morning cup of tea or coffee before the morning rush

19. Take a hot shower or bath

20. Take yourself out to dinner

21. Start that one project you’ve been contemplating for a while

22. Sit with your emotions, and allow yourself to feel and accept them. It’s okay to laugh, cry, just feel whatever you’re feeling with no apologies!

23. Cook a favorite meal from scratch

24. Take a 5-minute break in your day

25. Compliment someone (and yourself, too!)

26. Give yourself permission to say no

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27. De-clutter your mind: write down 5 things that are bothering you, and then literally throw them away

28. Donate 3 pieces of clothing that you no longer wear

29. Take the time to find 5 beautiful things during your daily routine

30. Take a mental health day from school, work, etc.

31. Take a nap

 

 

Twitter:  @tereziafarkas  #selfcare   #suicideprevention   #selfharm  #BeThe1To

* Click here to find out more about Terezia Farkas and Depression help

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Getting A Man To Talk About Depression

posted by tereziafarkas

getting a man to talk about depression | Terezia Farkas | depression help | Beliefnet

Getting a man to talk about depression is tricky. Guys are as emotional as women. Really, they are. Being human means emotions are the same for all genders. It’s social and cultural conditioning that separates the guys from the gals.  Manhood is image. It’s about swagger, toughness, and invulnerability. There’s a lot of time and effort dedicated to achieving a certain masculinity, a polished look of invincibility and male prowess. Depression is a chip in the polish, a character flaw, something that makes him broken goods.

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Getting a man to talk about depression

Men suck at talking about depression. They’re even worse at asking for help. Suicide is the number one cause of death for men under 50. According to GQ, only 25 per cent of men in the UK seek help for depression but the number of depressed men is about 50 per cent. Suicide is sometimes seen as the only way out if the guy believes he’s failing to be a man in a bad situation.

 

  • Getting a man to talk. A man needs a person he can really connect with, face-to-face. It’s about finding a person he can trust when it comes to talking openly and honestly about his pain. Instead of using the word depressed, it’s easier for him to talk about “being stressed” or being “overly tired.” Code words for depression. Talking about the stress or what’s making him tired can help him open up. Don’t rush it. He’s taking a big step by telling you how he feels. For some men, this is as far as asking for help goes. You can point out that you’ve noticed his behaviour has changed. Don’t be critical. Just mention it factually, like “You always seem to get stomach pains before work,” or “You haven’t gone to the gym for months.” You don’t need to ask if anything’s wrong.
  • Listen. Listening is a skill. You need to listen to and understand what he’s saying. Don’t add in your thoughts or insecurities to his message. Don’t assume he’s “really talking about something else” when he’s really talking about feeling listless. Men will complain more about physical pain than emotional anguish with depression. He may not even realize he’s depressed, just that his body aches and he doesn’t feel like doing anything. Everyone who is depressed lies. It’s not just a male thing. A smile doesn’t mean the guy is happy. Sounding energetic doesn’t mean he has energy. Listen carefully. There are undercurrents, signals that slip past and let you know he’s asking for help. If you’re not certain you’re reading them right, ask questions. Don’t be afraid.
  • Don’t go into fix it mode. Guys will mask depression with unhelpful or destructive behaviour and attitude. Guys turn to food, sex, drugs, alcohol or work because it makes them happy. They can become obsessed and addicted to the high that comes with that happiness. Some guys turn to the gym and become fitness addicts. Be understanding of the behaviour but know when to hold him accountable. Don’t try to fix his behaviour by telling him to see a counsellor. He’ll only withdraw, blaming you as the reason for his behaviour.
  • Don’t shame the guy. Depression has lots of stigma. Even though there’s more talk about depression and what it is and means to be depressed, most people hear the word and they think “crazy”, or worse. A man doesn’t want his boss or co-workers to know he’s depressed. It takes away from his status, affects the work load he’s given, and makes him look like broken goods in front of the world. A man might not even want his friends to know he’s depressed. Don’t belittle what he’s told you or shame him for sharing his feelings. Don’t take away all of his responsibilities and make him feel useless. He’ll know how much he can or can’t do. Offering to help him is okay.
  • Don’t ignore anything said about suicide. Death, dying, ending it – these words might pop up in a conversation. You need to acknowledge that you heard the words by repeating them to him. Ask if he has a plan for suicide, or what he’d consider doing to kill himself. Men tend to choose lethal and quick methods for suicide. If the man is working in an environment with access to highly lethal means, he’ll choose that as a way to end his life. Assess if he’s at immediate risk. If he’s not, make sure there’s a commitment by him to check in with you. But don’t just leave it at that. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

 

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Depression is one of those illnesses that doesn’t discriminate. Like cancer, it can get anyone. Depression’s brutality, victimization and abuse hit men and women equally hard. But guys have this image of what a man should be like, and how he should behave and feel. To get a man to talk about depression means you have to wait for him to open up about it.

 

Twitter:  @tereziafarkas  #MensHealth  #selfcare  #suicideprevention

* Click here to find out more about Terezia Farkas and Depression help

If you’re struggling reach out. Here’s a few good places.

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

www.activeminds.org

www.thetrevorproject.org

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Recognizing Depression In Men

posted by tereziafarkas

recognizing depression in men | Terezia Farkas | author |depression help

 

Recognizing depression in men.

Being depressed and being a man doesn’t mean you have to pull up your panties, suck in the pain, and keep supporting others. As a man you need to recognize depression for what it is – a mental illness that physically and emotionally affects anyone who is human.

Male depression is often overlooked because generally men don’t like to talk about their feelings. Men often believe they have to be strong and in control of their emotions. When men feel hopeless, helpless, or overwhelmed by despair they tend to deny it or cover it up by drinking too much, behaving recklessly, or exploding with anger.

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Men find it difficult to talk about their feelings. Instead, they tend to focus on the physical symptoms that often accompany depression, such as back pain, headaches, difficulty sleeping, or sexual problems. This can result in the underlying depression going untreated, which can have serious consequences.

Suicide in men is higher than for women

In fact, men suffering from depression are four times more likely to commit suicide than women. Like anyone suffering with depression, it’s important to get help and talk to someone if you’re feeling suicidal. You need to talk honestly with a friend, loved one, or doctor about what’s going on in your mind as well as your body. The first step to coping with depression is understanding there’s no reason to feel ashamed. Then you can face the challenge head on and start working to feel better.

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Differences between male and female depression

There are some major differences between men and women when it comes to depression. Unfortunately, men are less likely to recognize their symptoms as depression, whereas women are quicker to realize they are depressed.

A man is more likely to deny his feelings, to hide them from others, or mask depression with other behaviour.

Differences Between Female and Male Depression

Women: Men :
Blame themselves Blame others
Feel sad, apathetic, and worthless Feel angry, irritable, and ego inflated
Feel anxious and scared Feel suspicious and guarded
Avoid conflicts at all costs Create conflicts
Feel slowed down and nervous Feel restless and agitated
Have trouble setting boundaries Need to feel in control at all costs
Find it easy to talk about self-doubt and despair Find it “weak” to admit self-doubt or despair
Use food, friends, and “love” to self-medicate Use alcohol, TV, sports, and sex to self-medicate

Reach out for help

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If you’re a man and feeling suicidal, please reach out and talk to someone. A good place to call is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

If you’re struggling reach out. Here’s a few good places.

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

www.activeminds.org

www.thetrevorproject.org

Twitter:  @tereziafarkas  #MensHealth  #selfcare  #suicideprevention

* Click here to find out more about Terezia Farkas and Depression help

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My Lost Words

posted by tereziafarkas

A little while ago, I lost my voice. My words. The expressions that represent the symphony in my heart.

When you lose something valuable, you search for it. You’ve probably been there and done that, and know the feeling. You look everywhere. Unless, of course, you don’t realize it’s missing. You go on doing what you do but eventually, at some point, you realize it’s gone.

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My words are my story, my song, about life and love and hope. They’re unique to me. Depression muted my words or turned them dark and nasty. I fought hard and long to get my words back. The ones that tell me I am good, loved and loveable.

I struggled to find those words in the darkness of that pit of hellish despair I had thrown myself into. Often I was misled and listened to words that made me try to kill myself. But despite those near death experiences, I kept searching. Until I finally found two of my words. Love. Hope.

Like anything precious, I kept love and hope close to my heart. Carried them through the darkness until I saw the light from those words and let it seep into me. I continued to fill my world with that light and positive words.

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But the darkness never truly goes away. It came back a while ago. It crushed against my chest, clouded the light, and spoke dark and nasty words. I fought the darkness, not wanting to be pushed too far back into it. I convinced myself I was doing a good job keeping it at bay. But my words went missing. Not all of them, just the important ones. The ones that told me I was good, loved, and loveable.

So I searched for them. I looked inside myself. Then I looked outwards. People are kind, and they gave me new words that spoke soul to soul. Healing words. Words that reached out and gave hugs in the absence of physical contact.

Then suddenly I heard my words again. They weren’t lost. They never left me. They were where I keep them. And they had been enveloped with me in the darkness. 

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My words are back and like most who suffer with depression, I need to listen to those positive words. Words of hope and love. Losing them doesn’t mean you won’t find them again or they’re gone forever. Reach out. Tell someone you’re suffering. Cling to their positive words until you recover yours.

There are lots of great organizations that can help you if you’re not handling your regression, or are thinking about ending your life. Please reach out for help.  xoxo T.F.

In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Twitter:  @tereziafarkas #selfcare #healing #suicideprevention

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