Depression is a heaviness of the soul. When I feel depressed, my entire body feels its weight plus more. My arms dangle because if I try to lift them, it takes all my energy. My core feels like a dull rod has been staked through it. I muster my strength to do what […]
I’ve been away from writing for a month. I needed some time for my mental health. Since the beginning of this year, my neck was getting more and more swollen. Having renovated our house, I thought the swelling was from allergies to dust and insulation. It’s a good thing I started wondering why my neck wasn’t improving.
So, I visited my doctor and had an ultrasound. Turns out there’s a type 4 mass on my thyroid. The solidness of the mass could put it in a higher category, the one that’s most dangerous to be in. But the size is slightly below that threshold, so I’m in the moderately suspicious category. Either way, not good. I certainly wasn’t expecting this news.
What can, or should, I do for my mental health?
I cried the entire Friday I got the news. My mom suffered with cancer. Throughout those years, I had been her rock. I’d be calm when the news got bad. I’d be there, listening to and remembering what the doctors told her. But now, when I heard my own bad news, I froze. I went into shock. I didn’t ask half the questions I thought of after I dazedly walked out of the office. By evening, my head was spinning from worry, and my stomach was doing somersaults.
Fortunately for me, I have a great support network of family and friends. I scheduled an appointment for Monday, so I could ask my questions. I shared my anxiety and fear with people I trusted. Sharing in the burden of fear and anxiety to lessen my own. It’s actually a good idea, and one I’ve supported many times. Talking about your fear and anxiety takes it out of the darkness. Puts it into the light, where negative thoughts don’t like to be. Also, it takes self talk out of your head.
I was told to practice mindfulness. To think only of the day and what could make me happy that day. It’s tough doing that. But it can be done. The mass is there. For now. I have to wait to remove it, but it will be gone. Medicine is amazing these days. What could have killed decades ago, won’t today.
Where do I go from here?
That’s a good question. Even if you’re healthy, there are moments in life when you wonder, “Where do I go from here? What’s next for me?”
Being ill just makes getting an answer more urgent. It’s you against time. In my life, I have found that when you ask the universe for something, it will be delivered. Maybe not the way you expect, or looking perfect like you hoped. But if you wish for a positive outcome, put good energy into your thoughts, and surround yourself with people who love you, you’ve already managed to take a step forward into your future.
We all need a little bit of help sometimes. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.
If you, or someone you know, needs to talk, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
Find me on twitter @tereziafarkas