You're experienced at removing wax from clothing.

In a blind taste test, you can identify different brands of tofu.

You don't flinch when someone throws water at you.

You kiss a man's hand more than three times every Sunday.

You know how to address the wife of a priest in more than three languages.

You know how to say "Christ is risen!" in more than four languages.

You can immediately come up with the date 13 days ago.

Your children think of monasteries as vacation destinations.

You know which chocolate candies contain no milk products. (Go Junior Mints!)

You are 20 and already have varicose veins.

You are 80 and can still touch the floor.

You don't mind going around with an oily forehead.

You bow reflexively before hirsute men in black dresses.

You have memorized the 50th Psalm, but it's from four different translations.

You save toenail clippings in hopes of ... well ... you know ... glorification.

Your spouse is concerned about whether the carbon stains on the ceiling are hurting the retail value of the house.

You forget to set your clock forward in the spring and get to church an hour late, and it's still not halfway through.

Fellow parishioners forget to set their clocks back in the fall and get up an hour early, yet they still arrive late.

Your children think nothing of Sundays without breakfast.

At the end of Holy Week, you have rug burns on your forehead.

Before you pray, you say a prayer.