(Wondering what the next few months hold in store for you? Write me with your date, time, and place of birth — and I’ll send you a free sneak preview!)
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(EDITOR’S NOTE: We had originally planned to run an article by Matthew Currie today about the incredible healing power of unity in the light of a divisive election. Unfortunately, like the rest of you, he has spent the last 48 hours arguing non-stop with others online. In his place we present an article we found in our spam folder on Monday from occasional Beliefnet contributor Reverend Doctor Guru Onan Gupta.)
Greetings, exalted light workers and other potential future customers! Today I am here to reveal to you, via my infallible astrological wisdom, who will win tomorrow’s US Presidential election.
First of all, let me be really clear about this: you have been lied to by the mainstream media. You have been presented with many uncomfortable facts that you don’t want to hear. But truthfully, the only uncomfortable fact is that everything you don’t like is fake news!
The winner of tomorrow’s election will not be Donald Trump or Joe Biden. Tomorrow America will boldly elect its 46th president: Kanye West.
How did I come to this conclusion? I have combined three infallible techniques:
1) An exclusive focus on the Arabic Parts. Those of you familiar with astrology may have heard of them and dismissed them as being a relatively minor technique, compared to “transits.” This is because you are foolish and have not taken my exclusive online course, “Arabic Parts Prove Everything You Ever Suspected About Your Ex.” It’s still available, and if you don’t sign up now not only will you miss the discount, you will also be a dupe of the mainstream media.
2) A fanatical devotion to my own worldview. You can learn more about that by joining me every Friday night at Onans*90s*Astrology*Rave.com, where I deeply inhale The Sacred Marching Powder Of Bolivia and then alternately shout and mumble predictions for the next week at you. Half price for the ladies!
3) I have consulted the Emerald Percentile Dice of Gygax Trismegistus and rolled a 98. That’s a critical hit, so there’s no way I can be wrong!
Now let’s look at the birth chart of the United States of America, and how it relates to Kanye West’s Arabic Parts.
–America’s Sun is at 13° Cancer. This is closely opposite Kanye’s Arabic Part of “Treachery, Fraud and Glamor.” That’s right, Kanye is opposed to committing fraud against America! See how simple astrology is when you do it MY way?
–America’s Moon is at 27° Aquarius. Kanye’s Arabic “Part of Coincidence” is it 27° Aquarius. Do you think that’s a coincidence? Don’t be a fool!
–America’s Midheaven, which represents “life purpose,” is in a close trine to Kanye’s “Part of Death and Disaster.” Therefore Kanye is here to prevent America’s death, which would be a disaster.
I could go on and on, but if you want further details? Send me an email and I will reply with a free copy of my autobiography, “Touch My Awesomeness.”
And remember, dear friends: if tomorrow night Kanye West does not become President of the United States, you are being lied to. Or perhaps you’ve tragically misinterpreted my words. In either case, I’ll be deleting my four-hour long YouTube video on this subject just to be safe from those commie “fact checkers.” Beware the Deep State!
Want to know how to work with the current and future energy to get maximum benefit? Feel free to write me about it!
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