Oh My Stars

matthew currie astrology taurus jokes

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Quite often when the Sun enters a Sign for the first time I like to post something hopeful or inspirational that reflects the qualities of that Sign at its best.

Not this time though. I slipped up and I’m two days late with Taurus, so here’s some jokes based on the absolutely worst stereotypes about The Children Of The Bull. They are cheap and unfashionable, because… well, I’m not a Taurus. You’re welcome.


Two Tauruses walk into a buffet. They put the place out of business.


A Taurus man buys an antique Arabian oil lamp at a garage sale and takes it home to polish it up. While rubbing it, a genie emerges. The genie grants the Taurus man three wishes, but warns him not to be too greedy.

“I want a billion dollars in a secure offshore bank account!” says the Taurus man. The genie hands an ATM card to the Taurus man and says “okay, two wishes left, but remember not to get greedy with it.”

“I want the world’s most expensive car!” says the Taurus. In a flash, a bright red Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita magically appears. “You have one wish left, and I’m going to warn you for the last time: don’t be greedy!” the genie says.

The Taurus man stops and considers carefully what to make as his final wish. after a moment of this, the Taurus man says “make me irresistible to all the women of the world!”

The genie turns the Taurus man into a box of chocolates and then walks away.


A Taurus man is talking to his therapist about his relationship with his wife. “You’ve got to help me out doctor,” the Taurus man says. “My Virgo wife is always angry at me because I never help with the housework.”

The therapist thinks about it for a few seconds and says “I believe the problem may be that you are incredibly lazy.”

“I know that,” the Taurus man says, “but can you write me a doctor’s note so I can keep it up?”

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