If you’re like me, when it comes to your woman and your relationship with her– you NEVER think of yourself as “being a jerk.” But, I have some news to report to you about this…

I’ve certainly been a “jerk” much more than I care to admit–but it’s the truth. If you’re a man, it may not have been your intention but I’m willing to bet that there are plenty of times when you can come off like a jerk to your woman too.

The crazy thing is we men don’t even realize when we’re doing something that might cause our women to think about us in this way. I’m not going to go on forever but I thought it would be helpful to you if I shared 10 ways we men can come off like jerks to our women without even knowing it. As you read these, be open to asking yourself if it’s possible that you do what I’m talking about. If you do, then become aware of when and how you’re a jerk so you can shift this way of being if it feels right for you to do so.

So here (in no particular order ) are ten ways we men can come off like jerks to our woman…

1 Thinking she can read your mind and then getting upset about it when she doesn’t do what you want.

2. “Forgetting” important days, dates, holidays, special plans or important things the two of you have talked about.

3. Looking at and paying too much attention to other beautiful women (and then denying it when she catches you doing it).

4. Assuming and overreacting by thinking you know what she’s thinking and how she’s going to react. The truth is, we can never know how another person is going to react about anything–no matter how well we think we know them.
.
5. Blaming – This is when you use what we call “absolute words” like… “you always,” “you never,” and “you are such a _______.”

Communicating with a woman is one of the most difficult things that we men have to do as we work towards keeping a close connection with our woman. This is why the specific words you use and the language you use is so critical if you want to “light up your woman.”

Another way we men can be “Jerks” is…

6. Overreacting to the story you’ve got in your mind that may or may not be true in various situations.

What happens when you overreact to the stories in your mind is you either come on too strong and she withdraws from you or you “collapse” and you withdraw from her. Either one is not good and this is why it’s so important to be aware and conscious of our stories that we’re carrying around and living from.

She may not use this exact language but, almost any woman will think you are the equivalent of a jerk.

The next way we men can be jerks is…

7 When you don’t do your part around the house with chores, cleaning etc.

Let’s face it, even today–as evolved as we’ve become, when it comes to housework, in general women STILL do more cooking, cleaning and
childcare than we men do.

Although we men may do other kinds of jobs around the house, like simple repairs, the research clearly shows that our women outwork us
by far around the house even when they have other jobs too. We men will often times go through some bizarre gyrations to avoid
doing some simple tasks or jobs around the house that we don’t want to do.

In my recent survey to women where I asked them what would get them in the mood for love and passion more often–one of the answers
that surprised me the most was when they responded in great numbers with a statement something like… “If I could get him to take on part of the load of household chores, I’d have a whole lot more energy (and interest) in his advances in the bedroom.”

Another way men come off as “jerks” can be …

8. When you don’t speak up, don’t say what’s on your mind or communicate to your woman what’s important to you.

My wife and I call this “talking on eggshells” and women hate it. I think there are actually some women who question a man’s masculinity if he’s unwilling or incapable of speaking his truth or saying what’s on his mind.

What I know to be true about women is that they want your attention but they also want your heart and your honesty. If you have trouble saying what you want to your woman out of fear for what she’ll say, how she’ll react or respond–then this has to stop.

I’m not suggesting you become a bully or an even bigger jerk about “speaking your truth” when you say what you’ve been holding back, but
I am saying that holding back does need to stop if you want your relationship to be what you want it to be.

Know that you can learn to always say what you want – honestly and sincerely, with heart.

Next is…

9. When we men talk about how incredible or beautiful other women are far more often than you compliment or praise your woman.

Since some researchers say men grow through challenge and women grow through praise, then I would suggest that if you want your woman to shine and be more open and radiant, then you’ll want to spend your compliments praising her and NOT some other woman.

Remember, she loves and has chosen you to be her man and she also wants to hear from time to time how grateful you are for her and how
incredible you think she is.

It’s been my experience that you can never praise your woman too much as long as it’s done with sincerity and conviction.

And finally…

10. Men can be perceived as jerks by women when we’re NOT touching our woman all day (or all week) and then we expect her to respond to your touch at night. when you get to the bedroom.

Women love to be touched in non-sexual ways and your woman in particular craves your touch more than you could ever imagine.

My advice (if you want to light up your woman) is to never stop touching her in sexual and non-sexual ways. You’ll be glad that this was some advice you took because in her eyes there’s no replacement for your touch.

So, what do you do with this information you’ve just read?

If you want to light up your woman, make her happy and get more of what you want–don’t do these things.

In fact, you’d probably be well served to use these 10 things as a starting off point to see what other times or in what other ways you do things that might cause your woman to pull back from you or react negatively to you.

More from Beliefnet and our partners
previous posts