What are the elements of a good date conversation?

Unexpectedly, listening is key. There’s so much braggadocio and socialization that goes into convincing guy they need to know how to impress women, when really that’s a bunch of baloney. The most important piece of dating advice for men on how to make a good date conversation is to simply open their eyes, open their ears and listen.

Listening gives you valuable information you can use to make a better judgment of the woman you’re with, plus it gives her the freedom to Chase after you (instead of the other way around). When you engage in active listening, your peripheral vision expands, your senses awake and you really begin to take in and process everything that she’s saying. Most guys get caught up in their own heads imagining how she’ll look later in the bedroom. Not to say there’s anything wrong with feelings a strong attraction to your date, in fact, that’s great. The problem comes when guys willfully ignore their surroundings, including what she’s saying, because they’ve been smitten by how hot their date is and what they think they have to do in order to ‘get in there.’

I recommend guys take a deep breath, step back, smile and engage in active listening. Instead of rambling off ‘DHV stories’ (a fancy term pickup artists use for a run-of-the-mill brag session), ask follow up questions about what she says. For example, if she says something along the lines of, “I want to visit Europe again,” that opens up a wide variety of questions to elicit new and useful information about her. Here’s some follow up question examples:

“You’ve been Europe before?”
“What were 3 things you liked about Europe?”
“Where else have you travel?”
“What do you like about travel?”
“If you could go anyway in the world, where would it be?”

In “How To Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie tells the story of how he simply sat down and listened to a man he met for an entire evening, then when it was time to go, the guy that rambled on and on said to him, “You’re such a great conversationalist!”

People, men and women, want to talk about themselves. When you practice some self control, shut your mouth and open your ears, amazing things happen.

Of course, like with all our advice and any other dating advice for men out there, don’t take our word for it. Get out there, start meeting more women and test everything. Spend a month going on dates where you’re emphasizing your focus on listening. Spend another month going on dates making sure to ask numerous follow up questions to topics she raises. Compare the results of what happened on dates before making these changes and after. I am confident you’ll find that, with this and the rest of the advice here at beliefnet.com, your lived experiences will 99.9% of the time verify what we’re saying. So get up, get out, meet more women, listen carefully to what they say, and be amazing.

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