If you and your spouse get into an argument, you may feel pressured to resolve your disagreement before bedtime. After all, isn’t there a wise old saying about “never going to bed angry”? You might want to heed the marriage experts’ advice, though: if you and your spouse are fighting, go ahead and go to bed mad. In this blog, […]
What is considered cheating?
Flirting: We are ALL guilty of flirtation. If you claim otherwise, you’re in utter denial
- Eye fucking and sexy talk: Inappropriate but not cheating. We’re animals. We spend a big chunk of our day at work, away from our significant other and sometimes we happen to be surrounded by attractive members of the opposite sex. Being playful is one thing, once it crosses the line -and you’ll know when it does- it becomes inappropriate.
- Mind fucking: Like masturbation, one should be able to run free in their own mental realm.
Emotionally: Wrong, but nope, not cheating. Take a look below at Cheating Vs. Betrayal.
Masturbation: This is not cheating. Whacking it to the thought of your sizzling hot neighbor is a fantasy. If you ever accuse your partner of cheating because of this, you have no business being in a relationship. Also, telling me I can’t cheat on you with my own vagina just makes you sound like a crazy person (believe me, it’s happened before)
Often deemed cheating but are just inappropriate:
- Cuddling: Super thin line. Unless you’re being comforted for the death of a loved one or risking hypothermia in the frozen tundra of the Arctic, there is no reason you should be in anyone else’s arms.
- Kissing same sex at a party: If you’re egged on to make out with another girl, you’re just a skank. (I’ve done it) If you walk in on your girlfriend hooking up with another girl, she’s cheating (unless she invites you into the circle of love)
Kissing: This is almost always considered cheating.
Drunk Escapade: You boning someone and blaming the booze is considered cheating. Once you get to the point that you’re so shit-faced you genuinely black out, you are definitely not in conscious state to bone. In this case, grow some balls and own up to the deed.
The Sexual Affair: Unless previously defined as acceptable, sleeping with someone else is universally accepted as cheating.
What role does a label play?
So you think because you label your relationship that boundaries are suddenly assumed? Wrong.
The more serious a relationship gets, the more solid the boundaries typically become. When you’re dating, seeing other people is technically okay. You’re really in no position to get angry at someone unless you’ve made it clear that certain behaviors would bother you. Once you become exclusive, however, you’re expected to speak up about what you deem unacceptable.
The label itself means nothing. It’s the feelings you have for one another that lead you TO such labels that call the shots. If you consider marriage just a lawfully recognized extension of your 4 year relationship, your perception of cheating shouldn’t change.
Cheating Vs. Betrayal
Merriam-Webster defines cheating as being sexually unfaithful. The pain we experience at the hands of other forms of infidelity, however, is just as painful. Finding your significant other having long late-night talks with his/her coworker hurts too. So does knowing compliments are constantly being exchanged between them.
It’s important to distinguish the difference between cheating and betrayal without devaluing the impact of either.
The real definition of cheating
Jeff Wood from Awesomemarriage, says cheating should be defined per relationship. I couldn’t have said it better myself. There is no magical book that states the laws a relationship is mandated to follow. If a couple decides cuddling is considered cheating and you cuddle with someone other than your significant other, you are a cheater. If a couple deems casual sex with other people as acceptable and emotional intimacy as cheating, then your late night talks with a coworker make you just as guilty.
A basic rule of thumb: if what you’re doing makes you feel guilty, stop. Unsure? Imagine the situation reversed; if your partner was doing what you’re doing and you’d deem it cheating, don’t do it.If you’re unsure of what you consider cheating, imagine having to tell your friends about it. If you feel comfortable telling your dude clan that your girlfriend cheated on you because you found her cuddling with another guy… well then, cuddling is cheating for you. You decide.