Beliefnet
Make Your Relationship Work

How do sports relate to dating? In a surprising number of ways – no one ever wants to be the last picked, we always want to be the best at it, and we need to understand the rules in order to be good. Some people have raw talent, some people work really hard to improve and some people should change sports but play sports nonetheless.

So, how does this relate to playing fields? Actually I think that the playing field idea is pretty central to whether dating someone is a success or failure. Think of it this way – you get out there, you’re all suited up, tennis shoes, shorts, t-shirt, tennis racket, tennis balls, headband, steely eyed and pumped – and you realize you’ve just walked onto a baseball diamond.  The same thing happens every single day in the world of dating.

So, what’s this playing field idea about? It’s about recognizing whether you are compatible in ways that are important to you with the person you are interested in dating. This is about more than whether there’s lust/chemistry – this is about medium and long term connection. So what are these playing fields then – let’s start with some of the fun ones before we get too serious:

  • Travel – Do you like to travel? Have you been champing at the bit to see the world? Does your idea of a good time involve an island? A mountain? A foreign capital?
  • Financials – Do you like to spend money as fast as you get it or do you like
    to build up a foundation and plan your financial goals over time?
  • Living – Do you like to live closer to the city, more in the country, somewhere in between – suburbia, mountain tops, beaches?
  • Events – Are you a sports bar kind of person, do you prefer something sophisticated (art museums, wine bars, chic lounges), or would you rather just hang out on the couch watching TV?
  • Ambition – Are you a hard driving go-getter or do you like to take a little more laid back approach to daily life?
  • Bedroom – Are you a 10 times a day lover or someone who could wait a week to get playful and naughty?

So, these are some of the examples of what playing fields look like – some of these may be deal-breaker level and some of these may just be points of compromise.  Any way you look at it though – you have to take into account the playing field before getting into a serious long term dating relationship with someone.

Time to ask yourself then – what’s your playing field?  Now the question is why – well think about it this way – women spend hours upon hours thinking through and engaging in self-reflection.  You know she’s going to be thinking this way – so why wouldn’t you want to?  She’s going to be looking at you under the microscope and she wants to know that you have some idea why you are even there with her – what are you going to say if she asks you about all these things?  You gotta have an answer.  Remember – there’s nothing that get’s a girl more annoyed than hearing these three words – “I Don’t Know”.

At the end of the day – it’s about compatibility – no joke – the opposites attract thing – first of all the stats on that are terrible.  Yes, you may find it exciting but that only lasts until you either have the traits you are attracted to, have gotten bored with the opposing traits, have gotten annoyed with the opposing traits, or don’t even know what to do about them. So, make a list, write down what you are in to, write down what you’d like to try, figure out where you’d like to go, how you feel about financials, the bedroom, ambition, living situation, travel – that’s a good start to answering the question.  Look it over and see if the results make sense to you.  See if you’ve really answered the question of “What is your playing field??”  I’ll keep developing this topic in the coming months so that you can have a really good idea in your heads as to what playing field you are on today and whether there’s another field you’d like to be on in the future.

 

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