The V questions have started pouring in. They usually come in two forms: “What should me and my man do for V Day?” or “I’m single. Valentines Day hurts my heart. Help.” This piece is dedicated to those seeking some thoughts on the latter. As for those seeking help with the former – the answer […]
This is going to sound supremely stupid. I’m aware of this. Luckily, a vast majority of relationship “issues” sound stupid because whether we like it or not, there’s a lot of “how does it look-ism” as opposed to “what’s really going on-ism” involved. We all get so caught up in what something may look like to other people that we decide to forego common sense on the off chance that maybe that person who is not involved in our relationship is right and may judge our choices.
So again, this may sound supremely stupid. But here goes.
Are you only allowed to have friends of the opposite-sex if you knew them prior to your relationship? Or more simply, can you make new opposite-sex friends once you get into a relationship? I’d bet that if you polled 100 people, survey would saaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy…no.
A lot of people are very leery of their significant others making new friends. Especially if they weren’t there when you met. Hell, they’d be leery even if they were there when you met. And to a degree, I get it. Most of us meet new people based on attractiveness. So it’s a fair assumption that if I tell you that I made a new friend (let’s say outside of work since if somebody works with you it’s a lot more understandable developing a friend relationship), that you would safely assume that she’s attractive.
Then again, I’m not sure I can discount work because what if my job requires me to meet new people all the time and one particular person is somebody that I think would make a great friend, regardless of physical attraction. My significant other could safely posit that we must share some common interests or why else would I deem this woman to be a new friend. And common interests are the springboard for “twinkle in your eye interest”. And while many men and women will tell you straight up that men and women can’t be friends, they will absolutely make every man or woman they like to keep around the “exception.”
Every man can’t be like your brother, chica. And I’m almost positive no woman believes any man who claims that a woman is like his sister.
So I get it, the concern is that you’re making new friends, or somebody is interesting enough to you to develop an actual friendship because of some sort of innate attraction. On the flipside though, what’s wrong with that? As long as nobody crosses any lines then its all good right?
Wrong. Despite the fact that we all swear we trust our significant others, we apparently don’t trust the other person, which somehow means that we don’t think our SOs are strong enough to withstand the advances of the person we don’t trust. And if we’re right, we’re right. But if we’re wrong, well, we could have been right so we’re not wrong since we could have been right.
If we truly trust our SO then we shouldn’t worry about any new friends that they make. Unless they all of a sudden are trying to spend time with this person constantly and talking about them and talking too them all the time. If this new friend is interfering in your relationship, then yes, something’s fishy. But perhaps that won’t be the case. Or maybe she won’t…but then again, maybe she will.
I think it’s the “maybe” that causes all the problem. Maybe it will only take that one bad day and then the relationship is shot to hell. I don’t know. So while I think that on its face its ridiculous that you can’t be out here making new friends, I can also understand why two completely reasonable adults may come to the ridiculous conclusion for logical and rational reasons.
So can you make new opposite sex friends while you are in a relationship? Sure you can. It’s probably just not a good idea. Meet new people and leave it at that. Say hello in public and remember people’s names. But crossing the line of exchanged information?
Nah homes, it’s probably not worth it.
What do you think?