Make Your Relationship Work


Sometimes the comments to the answers to questions that are asked provide the best source of blog fodder. Say that three times fast. The other day, I was asked a question about cyber cheating. Namely, a young lady found out that her man was cybercheating on her. I made mention of the fact that she was snooping and she was wrong for that, but the ends justified the means.

In the comments, one woman stated that snooping was a necessary evil and another pointed out that:

PJ…good answer for Marie (OP), and I agree with calling the cheater out…but maybe you can clear up the “snooping’ guilt thing?

I agree that there are trust issues, but if you don’t create an opportunity to discover this stuff, then how do you actually know the truth? Yes, he should be upfront/open with what’s going on and not be afraid to let you see it all, right? But that doesn’t always happen.

Now, I understand the need for women (and men) for that matter to cover their backs. We’d all like to believe the best in people and think that the people who have dedicated themselves to you will be who they say they are. Being faithful isn’t that hard is it? (Yes it is, is the correct answer.) But does the potential for cheating and distrust justify snooping?

I’m of the belief that if you are looking for something, you’re going to find something. It may not be what you started out looking for but there’s always something that looks suspicious. And what if you make the wrong call on it and it turns out that they did nothing wrong…at all? Now you’ve become untrustworthy because you’ve proven that not only are you rifling through my stuff, but you’re also willing to jump to conclusions.

In my life? You’d have to go.

But then there’s always the other side. The side where you do find something that proves your significant other is indeed playing around on you and you are able to bust them for it. But now you’re hurt and sad. But, you know. And you can decide for yourself how you will choose to proceed. Ultimately that’s what it seems all women want, full information, and also the ability to not ever lose leverage to a man (different talk show, but I abhor everybody who moves like this).

Snooping is one of those things thats very black and white. You either look smart because you found out he was cheating, or you look like an untrustworthy individual because there’s no reason to believe he’s cheating and you’re trying to find a reason. I feel like this, if you’re a woman who thinks that snooping is indeed a necessary evil in relationships, I would not be surprised if you found it hard to stay in relationships.

In order to remain in a relationship and prosper in one, you have to place your trust in somebody else. People who are unable to trust other people rarely manage to stay in relationships because they nag and question too much. You’re not supposed to expect the other person to mess up, you are supposed to be genuinely surprised and hurt. If you’re snooping I think its because you think deep down that this person is messing around so you can’t be surprised when you find out its true. The surprise may come in who they’re fooling around with (I would think boning your mother would be particularly surprising), but snooping is the pathway to the self-fulfilling prophesy.

But maybe I’m wrong here. Maybe for most people it’s just part of the game.

What say you?

Is snooping a necessary evil in a relationship?

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