God's Comic

Well men Christmas is just 5 days away and if you’re like me you still haven’t finished your shopping. Nothing is more nerve racking and perfect at sucking the life out of the Christmas season than the pressure of trying to figure out those last minute perfect gifts for your wife.
Here are a few suggestions for presents for the spouse that should help make Christmas day a huge hit at your house.
1) A flat screen plasma T.V. ; The great thing about flat screens is they are on the wall and off the old conventional television nooks that made it difficult for your wife to dust around the base. The plasma screens picture is so colorful and intense that when it’s on your wife will almost mistake it for a beautiful piece of artwork hanging from a gallery. As you change channels the picture become diverse thus never leaving the chance for boredom to set in. Think Rembrandt or Chagall.
2) A gift certificate for a day of massage and pampering. ; Guys if there is one often unspoken desire of your wife’s it is to have a little more time to herself while doing housework without you hanging around and being “in the way”. When you take a day and head to the spa she will be free to clean and rearrange the furniture without the fear of you complaining that when you push the couch around it hurts your back. The spa not only will help you get the kinks out guys, but it’s a way to get out of her hair for once and show her you love her.
3) Season tickets for 2 to your local sports team; never again should you put her in the position of saying “We never go out anymore”. Season tickets are your way of saying “Hey babe, not only do I want to go out with you but now we have the opportunity to do I over 80 times this year!” Think of the tear in her eye when she realizes you didn’t waste money on earrings that often times can get lost but invested instead in a stadium full of likeminded couples sharing the fellowship of “us” time.
4) One classic complaint from women is “you don’t really know me”. Intimacy is what she is implying. Sure the season tickets will give you something to share together but what about the intimacy of just the two of you alone and private. Something that is shared only between a husband and wife? Fishing gear is the perfect solution. It allows both of you to find your very own “fishing spot” where alone you can talk and bait hooks without the kids rushing in or the telephone ringing.
5) A personal love contract; this is my favorite because it’s from the heart and isn’t one of those impersonal store-bought items. As Christian men we are taught to love and nurture our wives. The Bible also is explicit about not denying each other our bodies because the sexual experience is from God and designed to demonstrate in physicality that we are one flesh. Because as men we quickly realize that our wives desires and frequencies in the sexual union is vastly different than ours, it has caused problems in some marriages. The Love contract is designed to remedy that. All it is ,is simply a piece of paper symbolizing your love and desire for your bride. Make it simple and straightforward as it indicates that everyday,” I as your husband will make myself available to you physically. I will not dictate the time or place but will humbly and lovingly allow you, my wife, to choose the daily time and place so that daily, we can on a daily basis grow in our spiritual love by demonstrating our daily physical love.” This daily commitment takes the pressure off of her trying to guess when you are interested in sharing these Song of Solomon moments. You with this simple contract will have lovingly made it clear that the rest of your lives, the two of you will be committed to prayerfully engaging in the joy of a daily physical union. This beautiful contract will once and for all bring her the assurance that you are thinking of her and her needs daily.
Well that’s all I could come up with in this short notice but I wish all of you men and women out there a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I can’t wait to get back the cards and letters telling me how well these simple suggestions changed your lives. Trust me I take no credit. It’s my calling

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