Old people fall down a lot. I use
the word “old” by the way because the PCeople tell me I can’t so I have no
choice. Anyways they’re covered in bruises and splints, and surrounded by casts
and canes. Is this what we have to look forward to as we enter our golden

We get to spend our final days
falling over periodically and the next day wondering why were in traction, with
our loved ones hovering over us with juice and a copy of our living will.

Seems like there should be a
specialized safety product line just for seniors. If we can come up with
helmets and kneepads for kids on bikes, how hard would it be to create a
“senior suit” designed to fend off any potential sporadic collapses to the floor?

A pant/jacket ensemble made
entirely of bubble wrap would be the first thing that comes to mind; a cheap
and simple way to cushion the blow of a toppled senior.

Old people also lose their hearing,
eyesight and memory. I used to think this was a tragedy but perhaps God in His
all-knowing way realized that this was a result of the fall, no pun intended.

Since by His own law he couldn’t
change the crippling effects of old age, maybe He allowed some of the
debilitations to come to our rescue.

We lose our memory not so that we
forget our past (most seniors remember their early history perfectly) but so we
CAN forget the present, which we already stated isn’t that pleasant anyway.

If you fall down a lot it’s
embarrassing and is a reminder you aren’t long for this world. With a withered
short-term memory the relatives can cheer you up by saying you broke your hip
water skiing and threw out your shoulder on that cross-country mountain bike

Look how much more exciting we can
make their last days become!!

We lose eye-site just so as not to
be able to discern in a mirror how old we look since no matter how old one gets
chronologically, we still can’t believe it happened to us!

No one ever feels over 18 in their
mind. It’s how you feel in your bones and look like in your face that is there
to remind us or mock us depending on your perspective.

 Of course God begins to remove our audio sense, not as some
kind of cosmic retribution for sin but actually to alleviate us constantly hearing
the ungrateful grandkids bickering over who’ll get the crystal and who’ll get
the lake house.

In the Bible, Paul teaches us that
in ” whatever state I’m in, in that to be content”, and for the elderly he was
obviously referring to the state of Florida.

The one place in the U.S. where the
blind are literally leading the blind and even when you fall there is someone
there to pick you up and take you home, or at least drag you behind a golf cart
and leave you in the driveway.

Who cares? You won’t remember it
tomorrow anyway! You’ll just think you got home from a triathlon.

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