I
grew up in the church. Consequently I became fluent in Christian-ese by age of
10. Christian-ese for those who don’t know is the ability to communicate ideas
through the prism of some tradition or denominationally imposed borders usually
based on terms and words taken from the King James Bible.

King
J used a lot of cool words and idioms that define American Christian-ese like “blessed”
and “stumbling block”.

 

 King Jimmy also used words that would be
considered inappropriate for use in a Sunday service. One of the classics being
the word “pisseth” (1 Sam: 25:22) which by adding the middle ages “eth” sound
suddenly makes it sound less scatological and much more sophisticated. It seems
to me one mans “piss” is another man’s “tinkle”.

 

Consider
the fact that some Christians do not use the word “crap”. Which begs the
question if “pisseth” is in the Word could they transform “crap” into the
middle ages vernacular of “crappeth” which sounds not only less offensive but
actually something a middle ages blue blood would say. At least it beats
“poopeth”.

The
suffix “eth” could be used on many occasions by the ultra jot and tittle minded
law abiding legalist by allowing them to let loose when need be to get their
point across all the while staying within their self imposed boundaries of
appropriate Christian-ese.

 

Suddenly
the dreaded “fart” word becomes “farteth” which not only describes the action
“It seems there’s a farteth in the vicinity”, (as though we ever need someone
to point it out) but sounds sophisticated thus getting them one step closer to
holiness.

 

The
word “dang” that some avoid as a synonym for “damn” (which is in the Bible and used there ironically enough) could be
morphed into “dangeth”, which has a cute ” I’m a debutante in Memphis and can’t
wait to get this dangeth party started”, ring to it!

 

As
a professional comic for 20 years and a professional Christian for 39, I am
well aware of the standards of decency that we as followers should stand for. I
have spent my career not using curse words to prove the point that creativity
is funnier than crude.

I
am also a believer though in the learned exercise of context over content
meaning that sometimes words that are earthier can be used on occasion if they
help emphasize a point to draw people closer to truth.

 

When
David says He will kill everyone that “pisseth against the wall” he is using a
Hebrew expression referring to men. It is a gritty and earthy word and, may I
say, a very manly word. It wakes you up and forces you to feel what the writer
feels.

 

I
don’t believe God cares about the word or He wouldn’t have left it in the Bible
yet we live in a Christian-ese culture that would never use pisseth in a sermon
for fear of offending, agreed?

 

So
have we reached a place where those who believe the Bible is written by God,
still censor some of His own words
since they are considered inappropriate in mixed company? Wow! Now THAT is
reaching holiness that even has God scratching his head………(assuming of course
Gods head ever itches..)