“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.”― Robert F. Kennedy First, a confession: Although I pride myself on my ability to dialog and find a common […]
Question submitted via Formspring.me:
“I have split recently with my partner of 12 years. He demands to know what goes on in my life and who I am seeing. I don’t want to share my life with him anymore but he gets really angry with me if I don’t. How do I draw a line w/out making him angry?”
Unless he’s the abusive type, what difference does it make if he’s upset?
And if he is an abuser, then you are right to have left him in the first place.
Do you have children together? If you do, then you’ll have to find a way to coexist with this man, since he will always be their father, and that means he’ll always be in your life. I suggest sitting down with him, somewhere public (since he’s less likely to flip out in public). Explain to him that your relationship is over, that you’re still partners as parents but that is all; and what you do with your own time is your own business.
If you *don’t * have children, you can still sit him down to have that talk, or not; since as I said before: unless he’s an abuser, what difference does it make what he thinks?
No matter what, your relationship is over, you don’t have to give him updates on your life, whether or not he throws tantrums like a little kid. If he does things that make you fear for your safety, call the police and do whatever else you need to do to protect yourself, but know that him checking up on you is just another way of trying to maintain control.
It’s going to take quite a bit of time and distance before you can be friends if ever; the best thing is probably to cut him off cold turkey for a while and see if you even want to have any sort of dialog with him somewhere in the future.
Bottom line: you don’t owe him any explanations; if he chooses to get upset about that, it’s his problem not yours.
Keep us posted on how it turns out.
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B. Dave Walters Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host
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