If he wants his space…give it to him.

Question submitted via Formspring:
“I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend since January.   We don’t talk much, and I’ve only seen him on his birthday in the last three months, and I had to meet him half way.   He says he needs space, because he is overwhelmed with his 70 hour work week, and trouble with his 12 year old son.  He says there is no one else…should I move on?”

We talked about this one at length in a recent episode of Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, along with:
Angels and Spirit Guides!  Whether or not ghosts are real, how to deal with things that upset you, how to stop running from love, how to stop picking jerks, how to forgive, and much, much, more!

For now, let us break this one down into pieces:
You’ve been in a long distance relationship for six months (January to July).
Out of those six months, you’ve seen him once in the last three, and you had to go meet him.
He works 70 hour weeks, and apparently has a troublesome 12 year old.
He is asking for space, and you are wondering if you should move on.

 

The simple answer is: yes, yes you should move on.
The more complete answer is for whatever reason, he is not making you a priority in his life.  As we’ve talked about before, if you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship; this is especially true in long distance relationships.   You have seen him once, for 50% of your relationship; not to mention the fact that you don’t talk often.   Add to that, a 70 hour work week, and unless he is planning on switching jobs soon, you won’t be talking any more in the near future.

And then, there is the question of his ‘troublesome’ 12 year old son; another issue that isn’t going to be going away any time soon.   But, here is the number one reason why your relationship is over: he told you it is.  “I need space,” is guy code for “I want to break up.”  Sometimes it might mean I want to see someone else, and decide if I like them more than you, or something like that; but it NEVER means anything good.  The distance, combined with his work, combined with his son, combined with the fact that you are not only first on his list, you are third or fourth, all equals one thing: move on.

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another — A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

 

More from Beliefnet and our partners
previous posts

“What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.”― Robert F. Kennedy First, a confession: Although I pride myself on my ability to dialog and find a common […]

On a recent episode of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters we discussed the true meaning of Christmas, and how to deal with some of the negative emotions that can come along with it.  I got so emotional while talking about the meaning of Christmas that I cried on the radio; something I didn’t think […]

I don’t mind admitting that this hurts. One thing that I always tell aspiring Life Coaches is that you must always be your own best client.  It’s important to use your tools and live the same advice you’d give someone else.  Since walking our talk is how we avoid becoming hypocrites. So, when faced with […]

America, my heart is broken. A couple of months ago, I wrote this letter about how awful it feels to be a Black guy who truly loves this country.  And you, America, have responded by making things much, much, worse. This article has taken longer than any other to write, because I keep having to […]