Beliefnet
You Can Sit With Us

Last night I had very strange dreams and woke up unsettled. I am training myself to give everything over to God because I know that I have an enemy who would like to see me fall into depression, despair, and extreme loss of every kind. I opened the doors to my balcony this morning, turned on some worship music ( Hillsong radio) and immediately felt better. My day started with Jesus’ Calling and some other words I receive on a daily basis. I could fill the heaviness leaving as I continued getting ready. I felt peaceful by the time I left my house…… And then…..I pull out of my garage and head down the street. I come to my first stop sign and out of nowhere I guy yells at me who is running in the street. My heart skipped a beat but I recovered quickly. I drop my son off to school and come to my next street light and the car behind me lays on his horn because I am not moving fast enough for him. I take a deep breath and recover again. I get to work and see a couple whose dog is pooping in the church yard next door. This church puts so much work into their lawn and it is beautiful. The couple does not pick up after their dog who has pooped right by the front walk way. I am now frustrated so I pull my car up beside them and say, “Can you please pick up after your dog?” They immediately become defensive, don’t pick up the poop,  and the husband flips me off. Now, I am furious. I want to jump out of my car and punch him right in the face. I can’t calm down because I am so outraged at how insane people are. So many people are walking around this earth in a rage, ready to unleash on anyone who comes across their path. Then it occurs to me, I too, was ready to unleash on this guy. I won’t even tell you what was going through my mind because it wasn’t pretty.

God is so good though because he knew what I needed to hear…. I needed a reminder of who I am .

From time to time everyone encounters frustration, anger, and despair. The apostle Paul did. After his conversion on the road to Damascus, he encountered incredible obstacles. He lost possessions and comforts and he faced unpopularity and incarceration, but he didn’t give up, give in, or give way to hopelessness. There were probably moments when Paul doubted his progress just like we do… When we realize that the daily battle is the Lord’s, we can confront the boulders that are in our way. Ask yourself: What am I going to do about this? Do I cry or slam my fist on the table? Go crazy? Seek revenge? Do it my way? Or do I let go and let God do what only He can do?

When you come to personal dealings with others, remember who you are? We often think the world is suppose to care but we who are in Christ hopefully do care. It’s a funny thing and seems so backwards but when people are ugly, it’s even more important for us to be kind. When you give or help or don’t become offended, you are sowing in someone else’s life as well as your own. God blesses us when we sow and don’t grow hopeless. He loves us the exact same amount when we do lose our cool but something is happening when we start to rise out of our own feelings, injustices and demonstrate grace. It doesn’t come naturally and we all will fail but each time we recognize and hopefully pass those little tests, we are ascending. I believe without a shadow of a doubt, coming up higher is where the favor of the Lord is.

“I gotta get up”, “I gotta get up”, “Get up!” My leg began to shake as I hesitantly placed my foot on the rocky terrain. I was taking the first step, I heard the call. I squeezed my eyes shut and placed the other foot onto the gravel. I slowly opened my eyes and looked down the path as far as my eyes could see. The clouds started to move out of the sun’s view and the light descended like a spotlight. God? Is that you?

I didn’t know what to do next so I began to move ahead down my path. I knew this path was not going to be an easy journey. There would be blood and tears. Was I ready? Nope, not even close but living in the past was like a vine growing around my neck, suffocating me from moving forward into my future. After all, every new day is our future, yesterday is long gone but for me not forgotten. I needed to let go so I didn’t stay stuck in the what could have been.

As I looked at my clothes I realized that I did not have the proper attire or gear. How was I going to make it down this path of mine without preparation? The fear was rising but I also knew I was not alone so I silenced those pesky voices of fear and doubt and kept walking, staying present.

What was on my path? It was all such a mystery waiting to be discovered. I knew there would be signs, opportunities, and even miracles waiting for me along the way. I would experience greater love and loss too. My step turned into a skip as I thought about this bright future of mine. Just breathe it all in.  Wildflowers were growing on each side of the road. The water I could hear in the distance. Birds flying over head as if they were sent there to guide me.

I did not have a clue where this journey would take me. I just had to trust and lean into this adventure of what I would learn, discover and have to lay down along the way.

The day began to say its goodbyes and I could feel a chill in the air. I pulled the hood over my head and zipped up my jacket as I continued to walk. The trees were rustling in the wind and the noises in the forest were becoming louder as if they were closing in on me. I looked around to see if there was anyone else in sight but there was not. This was my path, my walk. Night swept in and I started to become afraid again. I could no longer see where I was going. I was cold, tired, and hungry. “Please don’t leave in me in the dark!” ” I don’t know where I am going, ” I cried out!  I didn’t know what to do so I gathered some leaves and made a pillow next to a rock. I curled up tight and tried to rest but I could hear footsteps in the woods. “Please God, don’t let anything happen to me.” I was shaking uncontrollably as I heard the footsteps getting closer. I held on tight to the rock, not moving. Seconds turned into minutes as my whole body remained tense. I was too scared to turn around and see what was behind me. If I move, my prey will pounce.

Exhaustion finally set in and before I knew it I could no longer keep my eyes open. The night was long but somehow I survived. My muscles ached but I was alive. I was grateful for another day.

The sun was rising and the winds had died down. I reached my hand out and picked up some of the rocks. I held them in my hand for a moment and watched them slip through my fingers. Why am I here? What’s the plan?  I still didn’t know but I heard the call so I got up, dusted the leaves out of my hair and took another step trusting in the one who would help me flourish into the woman He created me to be. He would unveil the talents and the gifting. He would show me how to love at a deeper level and give me the strength He knows I am going to need to make it all the way home. Just keep going for He is right there.

I will never be alone, trying to figure things out for myself. 

I have someone who speaks gentle and kinds words over my life. He guides me through each day.

He gives freely without expectations or demands. He knows my heart and what hurts me and justice is only His.

I am living with someone who thinks I am lovely, special and who patiently shows me how to do the things that I seem to be incapable of doing.

He empowers me to use the gifts, the dreams He so graciously gave to me.

He sits with me when I feel hopeless, whispering “My plan is good.” “I have the course set, just follow My beloved.”

He is my knight and shining armor who cares for me and walks with me. He does not walk ahead or lag behind. He doesn’t keep secrets from me or try and harm me.

He fills me up with purity, cleansing me daily. He shows me His ways are everlasting life.

I sit in His lap when I feel tired or scared. He comforts me like no other. I can take a sigh of relief knowing the power He holds

I am no longer afraid to dream big for am I His chosen one. When all was lost, He showed me my true identity. I am royalty.

 His wisdom runs deeper than any ocean so I look to Him.

He is honest and loyal.

And loves me beyond measure

I now live from above and not below.

For I am not alone