Ending Self-Sabotage

Ending Self-Sabotage

Five Ways To Discover Your Inner Truth

posted by mbundrant

hugs from a young womanWhen you live with awareness of your inner truth, you are living your best possible life.

It’s a shame that we so often overlook what’s deep inside of ourselves, in pursuit of external validation. We crave possessions and worldly success. We crave validation from others. Our attention is ever diverted away from what’s going on inside. Why?

Because it’s not a bowl of cherries in there.

As much as we know that, deep down, we are innocent, vulnerable and sweet, there is often a wall of negativity and self-sabotage that stands in the way of our deeper truth.

It is this wall of negativity that you must penetrate if you want to live in touch with your true self. How do you go about it?

When the negative thoughts within harangue you, try these 5 methods for moving past them…

1. Write it down

Try it. Take a paper and pen, then begin recording the stream of thoughts that pass through your mind. Don’t attempt to edit your thoughts…just write. When the stream of thoughts is coming to an end, ask yourself, “How do I sum all this up?” Then, record the next thing that comes to mind.

This final thought is a worth knowing. If it is positive, then you’ve just handed yourself a piece of inspiration. If it’s negative, then you now have a negative belief to address that may be getting in your way. Address it!

2. Complete the sentence

Complete the following sentence with at least three answers that come to mind:

What I most need to know about myself is….

One of the answers will probably point in a productive direction in your growth as a person. If it’s positive, take inspiration. If it’s negative, find your humility and take on the challenge of dealing with it.

3. Ask for feedback

There are people in your life that know you and care about you. When was the last time you asked one of them for personal feedback? Most of us never act proactively to learn from one of the best resources around – other people.

Ask a trusted friend:

What do you think is one of my finest qualities?

What do you think I need to work on as a person?

Ask sincerely. If you’re bold enough to inquire, you’ll learn more about who you are through the eyes of others.

4. Find your purpose

It’s not as difficult as it might seem. Here’s on thing to try. Take out a sheet of paper and put at the top: My Purpose in Life, For Now, Is……

Then, write! Keep writing until you hit on an idea that grabs you, emotionally. Yes, get past all the surface thoughts and you’ll soon come across an idea that sparks deeper emotions in you. Stop there. You may have just run across something valuable. Savor that thought. It could be your purpose at this time in your life.

5. Ground yourself and listen

I believe that all of us have the inner wisdom we need – if we will listen. Again, it’s the negative voices inside that tend to drown out the deeper message. One good way to get past these voices is to ground yourself before turning your attention inward.

Here’s how to do it: Sit comfortably and listen to the background sounds in the room. They might include the sound of a fan blowing, your computer humming or the sound of distant traffic. Pick one mundane, consistent background noise – white noise. Just listen to it until you feel a slight settling within yourself.

After you settle, then turn your attention inward and simply listen for any words of wisdom you need at this time. Try it!

Yes, it all takes a little conscious effort. Surprisingly little! Yet, what’s more surprising, given the rewards, is that so few of us are willing to put in that effort.

But you will, won’t you?

The other option is to get some direct, personal coaching. This personalized email coaching program is a great way to introduce yourself to deeper truths lurking within yourself.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

7 Prompts that Initiate Healing From the Inside Out

posted by mbundrant

ladderthroughkeyholeIt’s the one principle that all spiritual and non-spiritual disciplines share:

Healing occurs from the inside out.

But how do you do it?

The hardest part is squaring yourself what the fact that you’ve got issue. This is difficult for all of us. Our ego gets in the way, neck-deep in denial, and, well, say goodbye to any transforming insight.

In that vein, here are some ways to get your deeper mind to reveal the issues you may need to face. Again, this is the most challenging part of the battle. However, merely shining light on the issues initiates the healing process.

I’ve written another post on how to work with thoughts and feelings on the inside once your attention is there, where it needs to be. Check it out here. It even comes with a free worksheet.

And remember, most problems are simple at their core. And the solutions are equally simple. It’s our ego-based denial that makes them impossible to access.

Here are five tips to get the process started:

1.    Ask, what’s my role in this problem?

A simple question – and a simple, honest answer will be so helpful. Of course you already know that it takes two to tango. Communication problems are a two way street and  you always have a choice. At some level, you may be investing in sustaining the problem.

How are you doing that? What’s your role. Explore this if you dare.

2.    Visually put yourself in another’s position.

Take a deep breath, relax and imagine that you are the person with whom you’re having a problem. Picture this person in your mind’s eye. Then, float on over and pretend you are this person. And look back at yourself. How do you appear?

    3.    Ask someone you trust for honest feedback.

This one is so simple and easy that it’s amazing that more people don’t take advantage of it. In your life there are people who have an outside perspective – on you. Ask them for honest feedback on an issue you are facing. Go ahead and give them permission (without consequences) to give it you to straight. Are you mature enough to do this?

    4.    Ask yourself, If I were somehow seeking trouble, would my behavior make more sense?

This one is not for the feint of heart. Anyway, you can begin by simply wondering if your behavior would make more sense to you if you were somehow seeking trouble. This is particularly applicable to chronic problems and frustrations. Are you setting yourself up for failure by self-sabotaging?

5.    Ask yourself, what should I be doing, that I am not doing?

It’s possible that you believe you should be doing some things that you avoid doing? What are they? What stops you from doing them?

6.    Ask yourself, what shouldn’t I being doing that I am doing?

Possibly you are doing things that you believe you should NOT be doing? What are they?

7.    Ask yourself, what am I avoiding?

Most of us have at least one area of avoidance. It could be social situations, intimate moments, difficult relationships, challenging tasks, etc…

What are you getting out of avoiding these things and what price are you paying for avoiding them?

All of us may as well confront the hard issues head on and deal with them. They aren’t going to resolve themselves, most likely. They aren’t magically going to disappear. Let’s work on the tough issues straightforwardly and heal from the inside out.

The following article comes with a free worksheet that helps you sort of the tough issues in your mind once you have identified them. It’s called How to Be Happy: The One Gigantic Happiness Realization and a 5-Step Process to Apply It.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

If you suspect that you are chronically avoiding issues that cause you pain, then you should watch this enlightening video on self-sabotage.

Three Reasons We Don’t Let Go Of Things That Are Painful

posted by mbundrant

break chainsMike Bundrant is Co-Founder of the iNLP Center for NLP training and personal development.

What would you rather do?

1.    Let go something important (like a career, marriage or friendship).
2.    Remain committed to something that causes you ongoing pain?

All else being equal, it makes sense to quit things that cause more misery than happiness. The hard part is knowing what to quit and when. And it can be so complicated!

I’ve written a post that shows you how to know when to persist and when to quit. And it even comes with free worksheet to help you sort out that specific example in your life. Check it out.

Now, let’s figure out why we often opt to hang onto the painful things in life, even when there are other, less painful alternatives

Disclaimers:

1.    Whether you quit something or not  – it is your responsibility. Nobody on this earth but you can make the call.
2.    I am not intending to spare you the agony of choosing what or when to let go of. Such agony is good for all of us, in my opinion. Making big decisions requires effort and emotional investment. My goal here is to help make the factors more clear to you, which moves the process along.

So, let’s suppose you’re dealing with something that causes you ongoing pain. It’s a big deal, like a marriage or family relationship, job, friendship or other association (such as a church or community group).

Are you experiencing more pain than pleasure in this particular scenario?  If so, you may be thinking it is time to call it quits. Even more so if all of your efforts to turn things around have failed.

Seems obvious, right? But it isn’t so obvious.

Here’s the problem…

The problem is, pain is often cloaked in the pleasure of familiarity, self-justification or a trade-off. When this is the case, we cling to painful situations, often for the long haul.

Let’s break these down…

    1.    Familiarity. Familiarity is pleasurable. It signifies safety and comfort. It feels like “home.” All else being equal, most of would settle for less happiness that is familiar over more happiness that seems foreign.

When emptiness, inner conflict, resentment, anxiety and negativity are what we’ve gotten used to in life, we often resist every opportunity to leave situations that perpetuate the familiar misery.

Ask yourself – am I clinging to this painful situation because it represents something familiar to me?

2.    Self-justification. To justify yourself means to make yourself appear right or even “righteous.” A lot of us achieve self-righteousness through suffering. The suffering is even more potent if we can pin it on someone else.

For example, let’s say you’re in depressing career and have been resisting the idea of doing something else. You say, “Yeah I’m in this career that I hate. My parents insisted that I do it and they get angry if I even bring up the idea of doing anything else.”

Now, you’re self-righteously self-justified. It doesn’t feel like it’s your fault. It’s your controlling parents’ fault. You’re finding some innocence in the fact that you aren’t responsible.

And your misery continues. You’re paying for your innocence with a miserable career path. Breaking away also means breaking away from your parents. There will be no one to blame at that point but you.

    3.    Trade Offs.  Trade offs are oh so common. We get into “convenient” situations, then suffer through them because of what we are getting in the trade.

Examples of trade offs:

Bad marriage – but lots of money on one side of it.
Bad job – but comes with prestige.
Bad friendship, but comes with other connections or opportunities.
Bad dating partner, but comes with sexual benefits.
Bad parents, but comes with an inheritance.

Are you making a trade off in your life? The best policy is to be honest about it and make a decision based on the facts.

Resources:

Check out the article here on persistence, quitting and self-sabotage. It comes with a free worksheet to help you get clear.

If you thing you are engaged in self-sabotage by clinging to painful situations, then you must watch this enlightening free video on the cause and cure for self-sabotage.

Like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

 

Brain’s Strong Reaction to Everyday Occurrence Can Lead to Psychological Trap

posted by mbundrant

242b9964a31bff0ba60ed75a36db07f6By Mike Bundrant of the iNLP Center for personal development.

You’re driving through a foreign city, feeling a little lost or ungrounded amongst all the unfamiliar scenery….

Suddenly, you see your favorite big brand chain restaurant.

You somehow feel a little more at home, right?

Next, say you are quickly thumbing through dozens of photos of total strangers. Suddenly, your come across a photo of a close friend amongst all the unfamiliar faces. What happens?

This is your brain on familiarity. Researchers are trying to understand what happens when familiarity occurs vs. unfamiliar experiences. They’re finding powerful evidence that the brain is a familiarity magnet.
Of course, this could be both good and bad. Familiarity can make you feel at home – safe. And it can cause self-sabotage. We’ll discuss that at the end of this post.

Research into the Effects of Familiarity on the Brain

A new study has been conducted by the Center for Neural Basis of Cognition, a joint project between Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Pittsburgh. The intriguing results of the experimental investigation were published online by Nature Neuroscience.

Researchers conducted experiments using animal subjects to evaluate and monitor their responses to a series of images, both familiar and unfamiliar. The images were shown to the animals in quick succession to force an impulse or instinctual response rather than a contemplative response.

The neural responses of the animals were measured by monitoring the inferotemporal cortex. It is this area of the brain that has long been accepted as the connection between the visual intake system and the area responsible for recognizing previously viewed objects.

During the experiment, the brain’s response when the animals viewed an image they had seen before was dramatic. The neurons fired with noticeable strength and in a very specific and immediate acknowledgement of the familiar image.

The researchers conducting the experiment were so taken back by the intensity of the neuron activity in response to familiar images vs. unfamiliar images that they decided to use themselves as human test subjects.

Using an EEG to record their own brain responses, they duplicated the experiment for human use. They soon discovered that the human brain responded in the same manner as the animals, with dramatic reactions to familiar images briefly viewed among the unfamiliar images.
Good and bad consequences of our strong reaction to familiarity:

Familiarity is like a homing device. It goes off in the brain when we perceive something that we’ve gotten used to – something that keeps us on track. This is why the house on your street that you call home prompts a different inner response from you than the other houses on the street. You are intimately familiar with your house. The others are more foreign to you by comparison.

Fortunately, the brain’s reaction to familiarity allows us to create productive patterns in life, feel safe and not have to run around every single day feeling like we don’t belong in the foreign world around us.

But is there a downside to familiarity?

I think so.

The brain’s strong reaction to the familiar vs. the unfamiliar presents a vulnerability.

Because we are drawn toward familiarity, we can get trapped by it.

For example:

You long to see more of the world, but sabotage your efforts to expand your horizons, clinging to more familiar surroundings (even though you don’t enjoy them).

You want to meet more interesting people, but feel afraid to venture out of your social comfort zone into the unknown.

You want to give up the unhealthy foods you were raised with, but find yourself returning to them again and again.

You want to be happy, but happiness seems foreign to you, so you avoid it.

Essentially, familiarity can play a self-sabotaging role. People choose familiar misery over foreign happiness as a matter of routine.

Learn about overcoming self-sabotage by watching this free video.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

Reference:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140824152347.htm

Previous Posts

Five Ways To Discover Your Inner Truth
When you live with awareness of your inner truth, you are living your best possible life. It’s a shame that we so often overlook what’s deep inside of ourselves, in pursuit of external validation. We crave possessions and worldly success. We crave validation from others. Our attention is ever

posted 8:33:22pm Oct. 17, 2014 | read full post »

7 Prompts that Initiate Healing From the Inside Out
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posted 7:52:14pm Sep. 22, 2014 | read full post »

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