Ending Self-Sabotage

Ending Self-Sabotage

5 Simple Steps to Avoid Overeating this Holiday Season

posted by mbundrant

iStock_000014366093CookiesWhen you tip the scale on January 2nd, 2015, what number do you want to see? Your current weight plus 10-15 pounds?

I didn’t think so.

The problem is, so many of us succumb to the desire for immediate, temporary tastebud gratification (even though most holiday treats don’t really taste that great if you really think about it).

How do you get past the sudden desire to indulge in junk?

This little strategy, modeled by NLP practitioners over many decades, will give you an edge. Better yet, it’s super simple and you will absolutely NOT feel like you are missing out on anything that you really want.

When faced with the choice to eat junk, many of us FAIL by merely seeing the food, imagining how it good will taste, then eating it. Rinse and repeat. Before we know it, however, our feelings catch up to us.

When this happens, we realize how the food is affecting us physically. Then, we immediately begin regretting the decision or even indulging in a heaping dose of emotional self-defeat. Not good. In fact, doing this is a form of self-sabotage.

The good news is that NLP practitioners have found that you can short circuit this process up front. In fact, this is exactly what people with alot of discipline around food do!

Follow this simple 5 step process to avoid bad food this holiday season:

1. Look at the food that is tempting you. Go ahead. There it is! There is no use pretending it isn’t there. If you do, the goodies may end up haunting you all day! Just recognize that it is a choice to eat it.

2. Imagine eating it. Your brain is already doing this subconsciously, so just go ahead and imagine a bite of this delectable food going into your mouth and swirling around. It’s ok if your mouth starts to water here. DON’T STOP AT THIS POINT, THOUGH! Move on…

3. Now, imagine the food going down your throat and into your gut, where it will sit for the next several hours. Really get into the feeling of digesting this stuff. What will that be like for you? How will your belly feel? How will your body feel in general? What about your energy level?

4. Ask yourself the question, “Do I want to feel how this food will make me feel?”

5. Make a choice. If the answer is “Yes, I want to feel this way,” then take the bite. If the answer is “Heck no, I don’t want to feel this way!” then you won’t want to take that bite.

The idea above is to get to the feelings before it’s too late. If you make decisions based on your taste buds only, you’re setting yourself up to feel horrible in the near future. Why not spare yourself those bad feelings and the extra weight?

If you’re self-sabotage free, then you won’t want to feel bad, so you want indulge in the wrong foods or too much food once you are aware of how it will make you feel.

If self-sabotage is an issue for you, then you might choose go ahead and indulge in food that will make you feel bad. In this case, self-sabotage is the issue to resolve.

To learn how self-sabotage works and how to stop it, watch this free and enlightening video.

Resource: Mike Bundrant is the facilitator of AHA Weight Loss Coaching groups, where participants learn how to conquer the emotionally driven motivation to overeat and avoid physical activity.

If People Can Fool Themselves, They Can Fool You

posted by mbundrant

woman-1024x878Some people honestly believe that they are more talented, intelligent or creative than they actually are.

Since they are certain this is true, they often assert this self-assured knowledge as fact when engaging in discussions with others.

A new study shows that when the belief in one’s self is strong enough, it can radiate to others, regardless of the evidence. In essence, a person’s level of confidence in their own abilities, even when it is not accurate, is enough to convince others that it is a factual truth.

A study investigating the impact of a person’s sense of confidence and value was jointly authored by Dr. Vivek Nityanadsa, Research Associate of Newcastle University and Dr. Shakti Lamba of the University of Exeter.

The researchers studied the impact and accuracy of self-confidence among a group of 72 students who were beginning a new class together.

Prior to the class, all students were asked to predict what they felt their own grade would be, as well as the grades of the other participants. The task was repeated six weeks into the new course.

The results clearly showed that students who gave themselves a high grade thinking they would do well, were overwhelmingly supported by their peers, who agreed they would receive good grades.  The same applied to those who were under confident, as their peers also felt they would not do as well.  Essentially, what each student thought of him or herself, the other students concurred with that assessment.

Of the 72 students, only 11 of them correctly predicted how they would fare in the course. Of the remaining students, 32 of them proved a lack of confidence, resulting in higher marks than they (and the others) predicted. 29 students were decidedly over confident in their own abilities, and as a result received marks that were lower than forecast.

After six weeks, in spite of marks up to that point, and students learning more about each other, the predictions for themselves and their peers remained the same. Over confident students felt they would do much better, while under confident students were prepared for lower marks as the course continued. The group continued to follow the lead of over and under confident self-assessments.

Scientists use this data to authenticate a theory known as self-deception. If a person deludes himself into believing his abilities are superior to what they actually are, that erroneous belief is largely supported by others.

The researchers acknowledge the importance of such findings about human behavior and how it relates to workplace situations in particular. People who are highly over confident are more likely to be promoted. Even when obvious mistakes are made, they will still be considered right for the position.

Furthermore, self-deceived individuals tend to take higher risks, which can have perilous consequences in a business setting. If corporations, financial institutions and military are putting over confident people in charge, it means they are making decisions well beyond the scope of their abilities. Not only that, but even in light of costly or dangerous errors from self-deceived decision makers, very few people would challenge their capabilities.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

Source:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140827141609.htm

5 Self-Sabotaging Habits to Stop Immediately

posted by mbundrant

woman knock outA self-sabotaging habit is a consistent action that takes you in the straight into the jaws of misery.

Knowing this, you’d think all of us would simply stop.

Yet, experience with clients and in my own life is evidence that it’s not that simple.

More than 150 people and counting have taken at least one of our new email coaching programs. Hope and I have learned a lot about the self-sabotaging habits that people (and we) tend to struggle with.

Of course, you should just STOP your self-sabotage as soon as you recognize it. This is the simple (and most affordable) option.

And when you can’t seem to get yourself to simply do that, seek education and guidance. You’ll need it. When you just cannot keep yourself from doing things that cause you harm, then you need more information.

With that, here are the top 5 self-sabotaging habits we’ve been helping people (and ourselves) overcome – and what we’ve learned by working with 150+ people in the last month.

1. Autopilot Actions

This is a general category that might include mindless eating/overeating, use of substances, marathon television episodes. Basically, when you act without thinking, following the easy path of least resistance.

Some of these may be legitimate addictions. Still, to make progress, you need to get off autopilot and begin to make conscious choices. Then, you may be confronted with the underlying reasons you are behaving this way.

These reasons may include feelings of self-deprivation, emptiness and a general fear of being happy. Amazing, huh? We fill our lives with mindlessness in order to steer clear of an inner void.

Yet, if we don’t acknowledge and confront the void, we can never learn to fill it with positive emotions that offer greater fulfillment.

2. Procrastination

We’ve been surprised at how many people are dealing with procrastination!

So, you have some important yet not-so-enjoyable things on your to-do list? Wisdom says “get it done!” Then, you are free to enjoy your time doing other stuff, right?

When you procrastinate, you might be telling yourself that you’d rather be spending your time doing what you enjoy, so you justify procrastinating the nasty tasks you hate.

Not so fast. With annoying stuff to do hanging over your head, you don’t enjoy yourself fully even when you are engage in “fun” diversions.

Also, procrastination leads to feelings of overwhelm, guilt, anxiety, incompetence, low self-esteem and failure. In short, procrastination serves as a tool to keep these negative emotions alive.

3. Self-Isolation

So many of us refrain from speaking the truth and sharing with we really think and feel. We justify doing this by telling ourselves that doing so would invite rejection. We don’t want to feel rejected and alone, so we hold back.

Interestingly, the only real way to connect with people is to share your genuine thoughts and feelings. So, withholding only guarantees that you will never connect. The solution to rejection and isolation, ironically, backfires in this case.

It’s true, if you express yourself, some may disagree or even disapprove of you. And it’s good to know who these people are. Conversely, there are those that will appreciate you and fully engage you when they get to know the real you. These are your friends and supporters – another good-to-know!

4. Self-Criticism

Self-criticism is the vehicle that self-loathing uses to wreak havoc in your life. It can happen in any environment. You could be at Disneyland – the happiest place on earth – and make yourself miserable with self-criticism.

Regardless of what’s going on outside, it’s what happens on the inside that matters. Some people achieve the greatest success that the world has to offer, yet are still miserable on the inside. That voice in their simply head never has good things to say.

This is self-sabotage at its finest. Most often, inner critics have roots in the past. They are the leftovers from an earlier time that hang on day-to-day. And their only purpose seems to be to make you feel miserable.

The way to deal with inner voices rarely involves trying to ignore them. Most often, it involves learning something directly from them. Only then can you move on.

5. Personal Martyrdom

Ignoring your needs, allowing others to control you, catering to others (often against their wishes) until you are exhausted, resenting your self-imposed obligations…

Personal martyrdom involves a vicious cycle of self-sabotage. In this case, your own needs are repressed and you end up feeling controlled and used by the needs of others. There is no fulfillment in this.

Most of all, personal martyrdom rejects offers for help, as if we are wholly committed to self-sacrifice. The challenge of the personal martyr is to open up to asking for and receiving help without feeling guilty or undeserving.

These are five of the top concerns people have been working through in our email coaching programs. They are all subtle (or not so subtle) forms of self-punishment.

Isn’t it time to stop?

If it is, just stop!

And if you are compelled to punish yourself more than you can consciously control, then you need additional resources. Get them through our exclusive email coaching programs!

Like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

Learn the cause of self-sabotage by watching this free and enlightening video.

20 Indirect Ways You Could Be Punishing Yourself

posted by mbundrant

Chained-handsMany personal issues that plague us might make better sense if we realized up front that, deep down, we believe we deserve to be punished.

And our various emotions ills and problem behaviors serve that purpose.

If we approached things this way, then at least we’d be starting from a practical and productive place.

Instead, most of us try to solve personal issues by complaining about them. Then we engage in a never-ending game of cat and mouse with our psyche, which often leads to nowhere. I’ve done my share of this psychological cat and mouse routine.

What if we just stopped the psychological shenanigans and cut to the chase?

Deep down, you feel undeserving of better things. You may even feel worthless or that you are not a good person when it comes down to it. I can relate.

Now…

How are you punishing yourself?

Are you self-punishing in an obvious (direct) or not so obvious  (indirect) way? Are you punishing yourself by making your life harder than it should be? Are you hanging out with the wrong people, being in the wrong job, doing exactly what you don’t want to do with your life in order to punish yourself and continue to feel undeserving?

Here are 20 more indirect ways that you could be punishing yourself. Are you:

1. Procrastinating your work until you feel overwhelmed, helpless and incompetent?

2. Making yourself fat by overeating every day?

3. Running away from wonderful opportunities to succeed?

4. Inviting untrustworthy, hurtful or unavailable people into your life?

5. Wasting your time doing stuff that doesn’t matter?

6. Drinking or doing drugs too much?

7. Refusing to ask for help when you need it?

8. Speaking out of turn or constantly putting your foot in your mouth?

9. Going along with others even when you disagree?

10. Withholding your true feelings so that nobody can really connect with you?

11. Allowing yourself to live in a disorganized, messy house that makes you feel bad?

12. Refusing to cooperate with others until they reject you?

13. Saying yes to every potential obligation until you feel like collapsing from the stress?

14. Denying yourself the opportunity to live your purpose?

15. Sabotaging your romantic relationships?

16. Shying away from potential friendships or isolating yourself?

17. Spending too much money?

18. Indulging in anger or resentment?

19. Telling yourself that happiness is a fantasy that can’t last?

20. Or, are you simply criticizing yourself endlessly, telling yourself what an awful failure you are and that nobody would ever approve of you if they only knew the truth?

Self-punishment. It’s an epidemic. It’s not just an individual concern, either. Communities and nations sabotage their own well-being on a consistent basis. And it all boils down to the same issue that every individual faces. And there are actually unlimited ways to do it.

We may even be so attached to self-punishment that we literally cannot control ourselves. It just happens on autopilot.

It has to end. It must end or we will allow our entire lives to go by without any period of lasting inner peace and enjoyment of our time. We’ll just keep punishing ourselves until our dying breath unless….unless we stop it.

How to end the cycle of self-punishment

Just stop. This is the most obvious solution, isn’t it?

Of course, so often we are more committed to self-punishment than our conscious willpower can handle. We can’t stop it because it is most obvious thing to do; what comes naturally and automatically. And it feels wrong (or weird or impossible or foreign) to stop with all the angst and simply enjoy life.

The idea of letting go and being happy – or doing what we truly want to do with our lives – brings up all kinds of fear, guilt, and justifications for why we “can’t.” It brings up painful thoughts, such as, “You don’t deserve it.”

In other words, you may not believe – at the deepest level – that you deserve to live any other way. That’s the awful message we give ourselves. Self-punishment.

Even stranger, often we get a subtle thrill out of it all. Or, we act as if enduring the punishment is some badge of honor. In short, our pain can make us feel special and we don’t want to give up that twisted sentiment.

So, we keep it up.

But think about this: What if you had no desire – ZERO TENDENCY – to criticize yourself, hold yourself back or believe you are less than? In other words, we wave a magic wand and, presto! You are healed and fully capable of living in peace, joy and success. Do you want that? What would your life be like?

I’ve asked these questions to lots of people who are embroiled in self-punishment. Common responses are:

• I don’t know.

• I’d have to be someone else.

• I can’t imagine – it seems like such a foreign idea.

• I’m not sure I want to stop.

• I don’t think I can stop.

Yes, self-punishment can become so ingrained that it feels like “who we are.” Even so, you need to stop punishing yourself if you want to be consistently happy, do you not? Yes, you do. And you can do it, even if you don’t believe it at this point.

Are you ready to stop punishing yourself and begin to enjoy life more?

The first step is to realize that this is precisely what you are doing. You may have learned to do it long ago. There may be a creepy voice in your head telling you that you deserve it. You may feel compelled and perhaps even strangely comforted by the punishment.

Yet, it is still YOU that is doling it out at this point in your life.

Once you realize your particular form of self-punishment, then you need tools to be able to stop. The tools included a greatly expanded self-awareness, a clear starting point, methods to interrupt the oh-so-compelling thought patterns and a new, punishment-free path in front of you.

I’ve put together a special email coaching course to help people down this all-important path. It’s a customized, non-automated series of emails that allows me to learn about you and guide you specifically to a punishment-free way of being. Click here to learn more.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

Previous Posts

5 Simple Steps to Avoid Overeating this Holiday Season
When you tip the scale on January 2nd, 2015, what number do you want to see? Your current weight plus 10-15 pounds? I didn't think so. The problem is, so many of us succumb to the desire for immediate, temporary tastebud gratification (even though most holiday treats don't really taste that gr

posted 7:15:04pm Dec. 11, 2014 | read full post »

If People Can Fool Themselves, They Can Fool You
Some people honestly believe that they are more talented, intelligent or creative than they actually are. Since they are certain this is true, they often assert this self-assured knowledge as fact when engaging in discussions with others. A new study shows that when the belief in one’s self

posted 11:15:24pm Nov. 10, 2014 | read full post »

5 Self-Sabotaging Habits to Stop Immediately
A self-sabotaging habit is a consistent action that takes you in the straight into the jaws of misery. Knowing this, you’d think all of us would simply stop. Yet, experience with clients and in my own life is evidence that it’s not that simple. More than 150 people and counting have tak

posted 8:16:39pm Oct. 27, 2014 | read full post »

20 Indirect Ways You Could Be Punishing Yourself
Many personal issues that plague us might make better sense if we realized up front that, deep down, we believe we deserve to be punished. And our various emotions ills and problem behaviors serve that purpose. If we approached things this way, then at least we'd be starting from a practical a

posted 8:22:54pm Oct. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Five Ways To Discover Your Inner Truth
When you live with awareness of your inner truth, you are living your best possible life. It’s a shame that we so often overlook what’s deep inside of ourselves, in pursuit of external validation. We crave possessions and worldly success. We crave validation from others. Our attention is ever

posted 8:33:22pm Oct. 17, 2014 | read full post »


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