Ending Self-Sabotage

Ending Self-Sabotage

Experience Deep Soul Satisfaction

posted by mbundrant

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We all know that certain things like money, toys, and status do not provide deep soul satisfaction.

Yet, most of us spend our lives in hot pursuit of these things and rarely pause to reevaluate. Why?

And how do we get that deeper soul satisfaction reliably?

That’s what this post is all about. We’ll cover what it is, how not to get it, and finally, how to have deep soul satisfaction every single day, for free.

What is Deep Soul Satisfaction?

It’s a term I came up with that – on the surface – sounds a bit goofy. Yet, when I really think about it, deep soul satisfaction is what I most want in life. I believe it’s what you want as well. What is it?

Deep Soul Satisfaction

The ongoing inner fulfillment that comes from accepting and connecting to the world around you. Deep soul satisfaction is nothing other than the pure pleasure of sensory experience.

Deep soul satisfaction cannot be chased own and captured. It’s not a goal. It’s a simple experience that is available to anyone, anytime. Best of all, it’s very, very fulfilling. Nothing quite compares. You might even call it bliss.

Amazingly, we’re looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places. Science proves that so much of what we do to find satisfaction is nothing beyond useless. But that doesn’t seem to stop us from trying. Here are two places you may be looking for satisfaction in vain.

1. Your Stuff

Nope, sorry. Stuff can be fun to have. And it certainly can be useful. But stuff falls desperately short of providing lasting satisfaction.

The new dress, shoes, motorcycle, jet ski, phone or tablet. Fun stuff. Useful stuff. Not inherently satisfying. Materialists are less satisfied and more depressed, according to research done at Baylor University.

Materialistic couples score worse in every area of marriage evaluation than their non-materialistic counterparts.

It’s not the stuff that is the problem, though. It’s the pursuit of stuff. The expectation that the stuff will do something for you that it cannot do. It cannot satisfy you as a person.

2. Your Status

Forget stuff – go for status. Recognition by peers. Social clout. Respect!

Forget it. Philosopher Allain de Botton dedicated an entire book to the anxiety that comes with status seeking and maintenance.

Status seeking is intimately tied to what other people think. It’s something you can spend a lifetime trying (in vain) to control. And most of us to just that.

But this is a far cry from deep soul satisfaction, is it not?

What really works every single time to provide deep soul satisfaction?

Your senses.

They work every single time you use them well. Here are some examples:

Yesterday I was watching some paper come out of a printer. It was pure bliss. The printer gently grinding away….the color ink creating a design right before my eyes….and the satisfaction that I was involved in the process.

That morning I was taking a shower, listening to the hum of the water making its way though the pipes, eventually landing warmly on my skin. All the while, I was lost in a steamy haze.

I drank a cool glass of clear water. The water glided down my throat, and I felt it all the way down into my stomach!

Stupid? Yeah…silly stupid bliss. It’s all I want. And I’m just an average dude who likes to drink a few beers now and again. It’s not the printer itself, or the shower, or the glass of water that made any of this so satisfying.

It’s that I took the time to really see, hear and feel it happening as it was happening.

That’s deep soul satisfaction.

Pursuing anything else may be a grand effort toward self-sabotage.

Other helpful resources:

Greater Good posted a very interesting article on happiness vs. meaning in life. It’s worth reading.

Jeff Haden at Inc. wrote a very interesting piece on scientifically proven ways to be happy. And it’s very, very good advice!

If  you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

 References:

 http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/03/140331180613.htm

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/10/111013085237.htm

Lucid Dreamers are More Insightful, According to this Research

posted by mbundrant

A lucid dream is not much different from a regular vivid dream, with one exception. In lucid dreams, the dreamer is fully aware they are sound asleep, having a dream and that none of it is real.

Now, there is evidence that lucid dreamers are particularly insightful people.

How does a person know they are caught up in dream world? The devil is in the details, or in this case, perhaps the dream is in the details.

Lucid dreamers become aware they are dreaming by spotting subtle clues within the dreams. For example, if a person is dreaming about being in their home, they may discover things that are unfamiliar or do not mesh with the usual landscape of their home. Perhaps the staircase is curved instead of straight. Maybe there are more windows in the kitchen than there should be.

Even if the landscape of the dream is unfamiliar, lucid dreamers can still recognize the things that do not make sense, be it flying pigs or snow in July. Although often the inconsistencies are more subtle, the dreamer picks up on the things that do not seem rational or logical.

Lucid dreamers are aware they are sleeping because they have a heightened sense of insight, according to a new research study.

Conducted by Dr. Patrick Bourke, Senior Lecturer at the Lincoln School of Psychology, and assisted by Hannah Shaw, now a graduate, this is the first study of its kind to show evidence of a link between insight and lucid dreaming.

Published in the American Psychological Association’s journal, Dreaming, the report entitled “Spontaneous Lucid Dreaming and Waking Insight,” explains how the researcher arrived at these findings.

To test the cognitive abilities required for a sleeping person to be aware that he or she is dreaming, waking tests of 68 participants between the ages of 18 to 25 were conducted. Some of the participants were frequent lucid dreamers, some occasional and some had never had a lucid dream.

A series of questions, 30 in all, were used as tests for measuring insight. Thinking about problems in a different manner is the key indicator of an insightful mind.

Comparing the responses of lucid and non-lucid dreamers, the results of the study found that lucid dreamers got 25% more of the problems correct than their non-lucid peers. Bourke feels that this ability to problem solve with insightful observations is also how lucid dreamers know they are still sleeping.

41jP7lVWsxL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_Mike Bundrant is author of the book Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

10 Signs You Are Emotionally Attached To Negativity in Your Past

posted by mbundrant

Chained-handsYou cannot let go of what you don’t realize you are hanging onto.

Perhaps this is why so many of us appear to be attached to negativity in the past. It’s a difficult thing to acknowledge.

Most of us want to deny any effects that the past have had on us. We say things like:

Oh, that’s in the past. I’ve let that go.
I’m just focused on the future.
I can’t let the past bog me down.

Or, if we refer to how the past affects us, others tend to make comments, such as:

Hey, that’s the past. Don’t get hung up on all that stuff.
You’ve got to put yourself together and move on.
Stop complaining about things you can’t change.

Now, it’s true. We do need to let go. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to get hung up complaining about the past. Yet, at the same time, we need to reconcile ourselves to the past. Otherwise, we could spend a lifetime as a slave to it.

Do you need to let go of the past? First, acknowledge how it is affecting you now. Here are 10 signs to look for.

1. Repeat mistakes over and over, and over.

Making the same mistakes or bad decisions repeatedly is a red flag that something negative in your history could be influencing you. When the past is not reconciled within you, it tends to manifest in decisions that keep you stuck in those negative feelings.

2. You refuse talk about the past.

If you are at peace with the good and the bad in your personal history, then talking about it (when and where appropriate) should be fine.

Your romantic partner, therapist, spiritual adviser, good friends and relatives who care about you…these are all people with whom you could be sharing your past and the lessons learned.

3. You experience those old, familiar feelings often.

Vague feelings of pain and grief, resentment and fear still haunt people who are attached to the past. These unresolved feelings can appear anytime, in response to an outside situation or to your own thoughts.

You’re probably very familiar with these feelings, as they have been with you for a long, long time. They won’t go away until you emotionally square yourself with the past.

4. You can’t be yourself around your family of origin.

Do you feel like you can be yourself around your family of origin? It is very, very common that people can’t let their guard down. This could be a sign that you are still attached to fear of disapproval, childhood expectations, criticism and so forth.

This is a particularly difficult yet common scenario. And it’s why so many of us have a distaste for family gatherings.

5. You treat your children poorly, like your parents treated you.

All too common, we treat our children in the negative ways we were treated. Amazingly, we can even recognize it when it happens, know it is wrong, and still do it. This is how influential the past can be.

6. You fear disapproval in general.

Sometimes the family of origin criticism generalizes to life in general. When it does, you project your fear of disapproval onto other people; friends, romantic partners and even strangers.

This general fear of disapproval has roots in the original family dynamic.

7. You married someone who reminds you of your parent of the opposite sex.

People often get involved romantically with someone who acts like the parent of the opposite sex. If dad was emotionally unavailable, a young woman marries an emotionally unavailable man.

If mom was cool and distant, the young man marries a cool and distant young woman.

These are signs that you are still trying to resolve the old family situation through your present life. So often, we justify this choice by telling ourselves, “I can change him/her.”

8. Suppressing emotions.

Human beings are emotional creatures by nature. When those emotions are uncomfortable, we tend to block them from expression, thinking that we can avoid the pain.

This strategy backfires. When you repress emotions, you hang on to them. When you express them fully, it is easier to let them go. 

Denying, ignoring, and repressing negative emotions actually creates a psychological attachment to those emotions and keeps them alive.

9. You can’t control your impulses.

Impulses come from emotions. When you have repressed emotions lurking under the surface, you still react to them. It’s like carrying around a reservoir of fuel that is just waiting for a spark to set it off.

Out of control tempers, anxiety and other impulsive reactions stem from unresolved emotions. This leads to poor decisions, addictive behaviors and regret.

10. You feel limited in some way, but can’t explain why.

When the family of origin is emotionally overwhelming, sometimes we set hard rules for ourselves that create limitations.

I am never getting a divorce, no matter what.
I’ll never speak in front of a group.
I’ll never trust anyone.
I’ll always keep a low profile.
I must play it safe in life.

We intend these rules to protect us, but they can end up cutting off the healthiest choices as adults. Interestingly, these rules can determine our choices whether we are consciously aware of them or not.

Do you need to relive the past in order to heal?

No. Yet, acknowledging and accepting the influence of the past is a key to letting it go.

Don’t allow denial to keep you from recognizing the negative influence of the past, or you may never move beyond it.

Mike Bundrant is author of the new book, Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage.

 

Six Psychological Secrets to Weight Loss, Based on Scientific Studies

posted by mbundrant

weight loss

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How many times have you followed some popular diet to the letter, then wondered why it didn’t work, or why you couldn’t stay with it?

What most people don’t know is this: successful weight loss depends on more than just eating or not eating foods on a list! Losing weight involves some mental and psychological factors as well, and those are the real keys to dieting and weight loss! Here are some studies that tell you what you need to know to achieve your goals and develop your personal potential.

1. Know yourself

Many people have the habit of eating “mindlessly,” that is, without thinking about why they’re eating, or whether or not they’re even hungry. A study by the American Medical Association found that people who developed their ability to tune in to their emotions lost more weight than those who didn’t.  What about you: do you know why you’re eating that chocolate mousse?

2. Develop a positive self-image

Sometimes dieting is a response to a perception of yourself of being “fat,” when you really aren’t, and even if you are, don’t worry about it, you’re a great person! You look in the mirror, you aren’t happy with what you see, and you try to address those negative feelings with weight loss – or sometimes eating – and it just doesn’t work. A study at the University of Minnesota found that out of 2,000 women dieters, 72% were not even overweight; they just perceived themselves that way!

3. Work on the total package

Don’t just focus on weight loss; make it part of an overall program of personal growth.  Research by the Society for Public Health Education found that people who included a weight loss diet in a general program of improving self-image and mood, nutrition education, exercise participation, etc. were more successful at losing weight than those who focused simply on “calories.”

4. Set short term goals

Of course your long term goal is to lose 80 pounds, but if you’re too focused on that, it can work against you, simply because it can take so long to get there, you lose your motivation to continue. Weight loss expert Malie Frey states, “you need to experience more frequent rewards in the form of achievable short term goals.” For example,  “I will eat a salad without cheese for lunch every day this week,” instead of sitting there frowning and muttering, “I will lose 80 pounds… I will lose 80 pounds.”

5. Reward yourself

The American Psychological Association found that people who were motivated by rewards and by support from themselves and others were more successful in their weight loss efforts. When you lose 10 pounds, reward yourself!  Buy that spiffy new shirt you saw at the mall!

6. Don’t worry, be happy

Probably more people eat because of stress than for any other reason. Try to reduce stressors in your life and learn to slow down and relax. A major JAND study found greatly increased eating control among subjects who completed relaxation training.

 

41jP7lVWsxL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-v3-big,TopRight,0,-55_SX278_SY278_PIkin4,BottomRight,1,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_Mike Bundrant is author of the book Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage.

Mike also leads the AHA Online Weight Loss Coaching Group.

 

Previous Posts

Experience Deep Soul Satisfaction
We all know that certain things like money, toys, and status do not provide deep soul satisfaction. Yet, most of us spend our lives in hot pursuit of these things and rarely pause to reevaluate. Why? And how do we get that deeper soul satisfaction reliably? That's what this post is all about.

posted 7:00:03pm Mar. 04, 2015 | read full post »

Lucid Dreamers are More Insightful, According to this Research
A lucid dream is not much different from a regular vivid dream, with one exception. In lucid dreams, the dreamer is fully aware they are sound asleep, having a dream and that none of it is real. Now, there is evidence that lucid dreamers are particularly insightful people. How does a person kn

posted 4:11:30am Feb. 10, 2015 | read full post »

10 Signs You Are Emotionally Attached To Negativity in Your Past
You cannot let go of what you don’t realize you are hanging onto. Perhaps this is why so many of us appear to be attached to negativity in the past. It's a difficult thing to acknowledge. Most of us want to deny any effects that the past have had on us. We say things like: Oh, that's in t

posted 11:42:35pm Feb. 02, 2015 | read full post »

Six Psychological Secrets to Weight Loss, Based on Scientific Studies
Image source How many times have you followed some popular diet to the letter, then wondered why it didn't work, or why you couldn't stay with it? What most people don't know is this: successful weight loss depends on more than just eating or not eating foods on a list! Losing weight involves so

posted 5:51:49pm Jan. 27, 2015 | read full post »

3 Signs That Your Inner Critic is Winning
On your path of spiritual growth, it's important to know what you're up against. A nearly universal obstacle to inner peace and productivity is the inner critic. The inner critic doesn't care who you are or what you have done. It is only interested in tearing you down. When you make a mistake, it

posted 3:56:28am Jan. 21, 2015 | read full post »


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