Ending Self-Sabotage

Ending Self-Sabotage

Brain’s Strong Reaction to Everyday Occurrence Can Lead to Psychological Trap

posted by mbundrant

242b9964a31bff0ba60ed75a36db07f6By Mike Bundrant of the iNLP Center for personal development.

You’re driving through a foreign city, feeling a little lost or ungrounded amongst all the unfamiliar scenery….

Suddenly, you see your favorite big brand chain restaurant.

You somehow feel a little more at home, right?

Next, say you are quickly thumbing through dozens of photos of total strangers. Suddenly, your come across a photo of a close friend amongst all the unfamiliar faces. What happens?

This is your brain on familiarity. Researchers are trying to understand what happens when familiarity occurs vs. unfamiliar experiences. They’re finding powerful evidence that the brain is a familiarity magnet.
Of course, this could be both good and bad. Familiarity can make you feel at home – safe. And it can cause self-sabotage. We’ll discuss that at the end of this post.

Research into the Effects of Familiarity on the Brain

A new study has been conducted by the Center for Neural Basis of Cognition, a joint project between Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Pittsburgh. The intriguing results of the experimental investigation were published online by Nature Neuroscience.

Researchers conducted experiments using animal subjects to evaluate and monitor their responses to a series of images, both familiar and unfamiliar. The images were shown to the animals in quick succession to force an impulse or instinctual response rather than a contemplative response.

The neural responses of the animals were measured by monitoring the inferotemporal cortex. It is this area of the brain that has long been accepted as the connection between the visual intake system and the area responsible for recognizing previously viewed objects.

During the experiment, the brain’s response when the animals viewed an image they had seen before was dramatic. The neurons fired with noticeable strength and in a very specific and immediate acknowledgement of the familiar image.

The researchers conducting the experiment were so taken back by the intensity of the neuron activity in response to familiar images vs. unfamiliar images that they decided to use themselves as human test subjects.

Using an EEG to record their own brain responses, they duplicated the experiment for human use. They soon discovered that the human brain responded in the same manner as the animals, with dramatic reactions to familiar images briefly viewed among the unfamiliar images.
Good and bad consequences of our strong reaction to familiarity:

Familiarity is like a homing device. It goes off in the brain when we perceive something that we’ve gotten used to – something that keeps us on track. This is why the house on your street that you call home prompts a different inner response from you than the other houses on the street. You are intimately familiar with your house. The others are more foreign to you by comparison.

Fortunately, the brain’s reaction to familiarity allows us to create productive patterns in life, feel safe and not have to run around every single day feeling like we don’t belong in the foreign world around us.

But is there a downside to familiarity?

I think so.

The brain’s strong reaction to the familiar vs. the unfamiliar presents a vulnerability.

Because we are drawn toward familiarity, we can get trapped by it.

For example:

You long to see more of the world, but sabotage your efforts to expand your horizons, clinging to more familiar surroundings (even though you don’t enjoy them).

You want to meet more interesting people, but feel afraid to venture out of your social comfort zone into the unknown.

You want to give up the unhealthy foods you were raised with, but find yourself returning to them again and again.

You want to be happy, but happiness seems foreign to you, so you avoid it.

Essentially, familiarity can play a self-sabotaging role. People choose familiar misery over foreign happiness as a matter of routine.

Learn about overcoming self-sabotage by watching this free video.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

Reference:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140824152347.htm

Leadership Skills Research Identifies Spiritual Quality that Makes the Most Effective Leaders

posted by mbundrant

humility leadershipMike Bundrant is co-developer of the iNLP Center for personal development.

Spiritual greats have been telling us for thousands of years. True leaders are humble.

It turns out that modern research in business leadership has identified humility – or modesty about self – to be the one quality that inspires the very best from employees.

In fact, when it comes to inspiring employees to be hard working, loyal and committed, a recent study shows that the only opinion that really makes a difference is that of the employees themselves.

It turns out, the qualities and abilities that many managers think are necessary to drive productivity have little or no impact on an employees’ willingness to go the extra mile. In fact, what really motivates employees is having a manager they deem worthy of their commitment.

A study was conducted by Karoline Hofslett Kopperud, along with Associate Professor Sut I. Wong Humborstad and Professor Øyvind Marinsen of the BI Norwegian Business School. The trio of researchers studied the responses of 1500 people in leadership roles, along with their respective employees.

As part of the study, leaders and employees were interviewed to determine what managerial traits make a successful leader. While many people in leadership roles touted their own success and managerial abilities, their employees did not necessarily concur that they were good leaders.

To the contrary, the study showed that employees had the highest opinions of leaders who were modest about their abilities and aware of their own shortcomings. Furthermore, employees who viewed their leaders in a positive light, were more likely to increase their level of workplace commitment and dedication. A conscious decision that appears to be inspired by leadership, rather than demanded.

The behavior is what researchers refer to as transformational leadership. Those who conducted themselves with humility and sincerity were valued by their employees. Being a reliable role model for the workplace was a key element in gaining the admiration of employees.

Leaders who were critical about their own management style were also more likely to be revered by their staff. The findings of the study leads to questions about how those in charge perceive which leadership skills have the strongest effect on the workforce.

The results of the research could bring about changes in how corporations train their leaders. The ultimate role of any leader is to foster a productive and committed workplace. Transformational leadership clearly has the highest success rate when it comes to building a strong workforce.

Self-insight into a person’s own ability to lead makes a fundamental difference in employee perceptions, and researchers feel that it should be a focus of leadership development programs.  Teaching high-level managers and leaders to analyze their own actions and see things from the employees’ point of view will enable better relationships and create a positive work environment.

Mike Bundrant is co-developer of the iNLP Center, which features the NLP Practitioner Training, now on Amazon.com.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

Source:

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140826085720.htm

How to Compare Yourself to Others in a Healthy, Fun, Non-Self-Crticial Way

posted by mbundrant

You can’t compare an apple to an orange. It will cause a lot of self-esteem issues.
~Craig Sheffer

 

applesorangescomparisonDo you suffer by the way you compare yourself others? If so, this article will act like a mini-workbook to help you. You may want to print it out so you can do the exercise at the end.

Comparing yourself to others is NOT something you should try to stop doing. Why? Because you can’t. You will never succeed is NOT noticing what others can and cannot do compared to you. You will always notice how people are the same or different than you. We’re hard-wired to notice.

Think it through…

The question is, what will do you with the inevitable comparisons?

An apple sees and orange and says, “Wow, look at that orange. It’s so orange, fresh and juicy! I’m just a crummy apple.” The apple suffers a hit to its self-esteem.

An orange looks at an apple and says, “Boy that’s neat. That apple is shiny red. I like red. And I like being orange. Throw in some purple grapes and let’s throw a salad!” The orange enjoys the apple and even some grapes, and doesn’t suffer low self-worth from the comparison.

The above quote by Craig Sheffer states that you can’t compare and apple to an orange without suffering low self-esteem. I say that the nature of the comparison is what makes this true or not. You can and will compare. What happens to your self-esteem in the process depends on how you do it.

Few things are more damaging to your self-worth than comparing yourself to someone or something (like a fantasy) that you will never be. You will never be anyone other than yourself. Your fantasies (being born as royalty, magically transforming into a movie star) will not come to pass.

You can, however, enjoy other people in all their glory while refusing to suffer by the comparison. Meanwhile, you can keep working on your strengths and developing the talents you have (that others don’t).

Do this exercise…

To whom do you compare yourself unfavorably (like the apple?) List 3 people:

1.

2.

3.

Pick one of the above people and ask yourself, “How can I enjoy this person without thinking I need to be like them? And, do I really NEED to be like this person? (Think like the orange.)”

What fantasies do you harbor that reflect poorly on your real life? List 3:

1.

2.

3.

Choose one of the fantasies that you’d like to let go. The one that distracts you most from what you need to be doing in your real life. Then, commit to dismissing the thought of it as it arises. You can do it!

Comparing yourself to others is often a personal act of self-sabotage. It’s a form of self-rejection. And it’s painful.

If you cannot stop suffering by your comparisons, then you should consider that you have an issue with self-sabotage. Self-sabotage is a deeply unconscious process that reflects mental and emotional programming from an earlier period of life. To learn more about self-sabotage and how to stop it, watch this free and enlightening video.

If you like this article, then like my Facebook Page to keep up with all my writing.

The Silent Treatment: Studies Reveal ‘Tremendous Damage’ To Relationships

posted by mbundrant

Mike Bundrant is co-founder of the iNLP Center for personal development.

Communication is the cornerstone to keeping an intimate relationship strong and healthy. However, many couples find the lines of communication come to a complete halt during times of disagreement or conflict. Typically, one partner is making a demand while the other responds in silence.

Sad couple having an argument sitting on bedThe inability to keep the lines of communication open is colloquially referred to as ‘the silent treatment.’ It has been in practice for so long that many individuals may have learned it from watching their own parents interact during arguments or opposing opinions.

It may seem like mere stubbornness on the part of one or both parties, but in truth, behavioral science labels it as a ‘demand-withdraw pattern’, and it is highly toxic to personal relationships.

Paul Schrodt, Ph. D., Professor and Graduate Director of Communication Studies at Texas Christian University, reviewed and analyzed the results of 74 behavioral and relationships studies that involved more than 14 000 individuals. His complete findings were published in the journal Communication Monographs in March 2014, under the title “A Meta-Analytical Review of the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Interaction and its Associations with Individual, Relational, and Communicative Outcomes.”

The typical engagement of demand-withdraw occurs when one partner, such as the wife, begins pressuring, complaining or making demands on the spouse. In response, the husband will give her the silent treatment, refusing to respond or discuss the situation. It is interesting to note that the pattern becomes habitual, with both partners feeling the other one is at fault for the communication stalemate.

The in-depth analysis revealed that the demand-withdraw pattern in relationships is “tremendously” damaging to the relationship. Results also showed that the silent treatment also leaves both halves of the couple feeling dissatisfied, lowers the sense of intimacy between the couple and diminishes the capacity to communicate in a healthy and meaningful way.

Not only does the demand-withdraw pattern have emotional effects on both partners, but it can also have physiological effects that are frequently the result of anxiety and aggressive behavior. Physical manifestations include problems with erectile dysfunction as well as urinary and bowel problems.

Common Roles?

In a marriage, researchers suggest it is most probable that the wife takes on the demand role, while the husband withdraws, but it is not always the case and the roles are frequently reversed. However, regardless of which partner plays which role, the pattern itself is what deteriorates the ability to openly share and communicate, not the specific partner.

“Partners get locked in this pattern, largely because they each see the other as the cause,” says Schrodt. “Both partners see the other as the problem.” Ask the wife — whom research shows is more often the demanding partner — and she’ll complain that her husband is closed off, emotionally unavailable. Ask the husband and he’ll say he might open up if she’d just back off.

Without intervention the pattern will persist, causing undue stress and a lack of intimacy and harmony within a committed relationship.

Resources:
Cooling the Fire for personal conflict resolution: This program details specifically how to respond if you are getting the silent treatment (hint: asking questions, making further demands almost always backfires).

The Dating, Relating and Mating online education program for couples.

Source:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/08/140804122903.htm

Mike Bundrant is author of Your Achilles Eel: Discover and Overcome the Hidden Cause of Negative Emotions, Bad Decisions and Self-Sabotage.

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Brain’s Strong Reaction to Everyday Occurrence Can Lead to Psychological Trap
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posted 11:01:21pm Sep. 17, 2014 | read full post »

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