Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Making Peace With Those Two Extra Pounds

posted by Linda Mintle

 I was getting ready to drive to the doctor’s office for an annual check up and I thought, “Well, I’ve been eating well, walking the dog every day and going to the Y three times a week. Basically, I’ve been doing the things I encourage readers to do in my books on health and weight loss.”

So imagine my surprise when the nurse weighed me and announced, “You’ve gained two pounds since last year Dr. Mintle.” ‘”What? How can that be? I’m making a concerted effort here to keep my weight down with exercise and eating.”


After that, I have no idea what was said. I was obsessing on the weight gain. Granted, it was a small amount of weight, not really noticeable in my clothing, but just the idea that all that effort ended in a weight gain was depressing.

I had to remind myself of the grim fact that as we age, weight gain is usually part of the picture. We simply lose muscle cells. So if you keep your calorie count the same as when you were younger, the calories don’t burn as efficiently and end up as fat. And in my work, I spend a lot of time sitting! But that is why I work-out- 30 minutes cardio and 30 minutes of weight lifting and crunching. Apparently, this isn’t enough exercise to maintain my weight.

Then there is the eating. I watch my portion size, I indulge once in awhile but overall, I eat fairly healthy. So the bottom line here is that if I want to maintain my weight, I have to cut back even more and/or up my exercise. This is not brain science! Well, actually it is!


I’m asking myself, how much am I willing to do? I don’t want to live my life never eating gelato again. And I don’t want to spend every day at the gym. The bottom line here is that I either accept the few pounds and continue to embrace exercise and healthy eating at the level I can handle or I cut back and feel like I am depriving myself. I know what happens with deprivation. All the studies tell us that this strategy leads to overeating.

My conclusion is this: It’s only a few pounds. Be more intentional with eating and exercise. Like the title of one of my books, Press Pause Before You Eat. Don’t give up because the healthy benefits not reflected in weight gain are still helping my physical body. Weight is only one measure of health (make this my mantra!). And accept the fact that aging brings more challenge to maintaining weight. I’m not overweight and the doctor didn’t even blink at the two pound weight gain. I was the one going crazy momentarily.


So I took a deep breath, focused on the good report she gave me at the end of my visit and decided to keep on keeping on. I know what I can handle in my schedule. Thankfully, I have a dog who pulls me out the door every day. And three days a week at the Y is all I can handle and frankly, want to do.

When I arrived home and sat at my desk, I spied a copy of my book, Making Peace With Your Thighs, on the shelf by the computer. Hmmm, maybe it is time to take my own advice!



What are your strategies for maintaining weight as you get older?


Are We Theologically Correct in Praise and Worship Time?

posted by Linda Mintle

bibleI’m not a theologian. But I’ve been a Christian for years and  still attend church. Lately, I’ve had three questions about the theology of the part of the service usually referred to as the praise and worship. I’ve noticed that we sing a number of songs that beg God to come and be with us. This has me confused.  Isn’t God already there when we assemble? Since He lives is us, we bring the presence of God to the service. I just want to thank Him for His presence and for indwelling me. So why do we spend so much time begging God to come?


Second, we sing songs telling God how bad and needy we are. Doesn’t the One who created us already know this. I certainly know I need God. Without Him, I would be a mess. That’s one of the reasons I am in church, to be mindful of my need of God on a regular basis. We do need God and the freedom He brings to our lives. A Sunday ago, we sang a song about freedom. It was a moving song that said, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” But the worship leader kept saying, “God we need your freedom, please bring your freedom. Bring down the walls so freedom can come.”Over and over we pleaded for God to bring His freedom yet we were singing, “where the spirit of the Lord is (He was right there), there is freedom.” Again, I was confused. God’s spirit was moving in that place. Freedom was available if people surrendered to the freedom giver. God did not have to be ordered to bring freedom. God was already doing what we sang, ‘Showering us with mercies and grace.” But the leader was shouting for the walls to come down in order for freedom to reign.


Third, most of the song lyrics are about me, my struggle and my need. I’m ready to sing to God, enough about me.  I want to declare how great He is, sing about His majesty, power, holiness… The more I focus on who God is, the deeper I go in worship. The more I worship Him, the more I am healed, changed, and see my sin. It seems that by the time we get to a song that actually talks about God, the time is gone.

I know worship leaders deal with criticism all the time so I rarely say anything. My husband was a worship leader for 16 years and heard everyone’s complaints about everything! But the theology of what we do and sing during that part of the service should be biblical. And as someone who has been in the faith a long time, I often find myself confused by the leading and lyrics of some of the songs. I’m not sure how this should be addressed since no one is asking my opinion. But my concern is that we don’t leave people thinking that God has to be begged to come to us, needs to be reminded of how needy we are, and that the focus should be on us.


10 Things Happy Couples Do

posted by Linda Mintle

Shappy coupleI couldn’t get in to blog today until now so this is brief but good.

A number of years ago, I found this on a website,  It’s simple but true.

This is what happy couples do…

  1. Go to bed at the same time.
  1. Cultivate common interests
  1. Walk hand in hand or side by side.
  1. Make trust and forgiveness your default.
  1. Focus on what your partner does right not wrong.
  1. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work.
  1. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.
  1. Say goodnight every night regardless of how you feel.
  1. Do a “weather” check during the day.
  1. Be proud to be seen with your partner.

Are you a happy couple?



Is The Other Woman/Man More Attractive? Surprise!

posted by Linda Mintle

bedWhen John left his wife for another woman, his wife was shocked. She saw  pictures of his lover  on her on Facebook and could not believe it. She was not attractive. What was going on that he would leave her for this woman?

The stereotype is that men leave their wives for hotter, younger women as a sort of trophy wife, but the stereotype doesn’t hold true in most cases.

Here is what typical happens: Most men do not cheat with women younger or women who are more attractive than their wives. What they look for is a woman who is more interesting than their wives, more caring, more passionate, and a good listener.


The same is true for women, except women do tend to look for men who are fitter than then their husbands or partners. But when it comes to men who listen, care and show passion, women are even more likely to choose these qualities. And maybe surprisingly, women want more sex.

All of these findings were based on survey data of 4538 members of an infidelity site by Victoria Milan.  So these are what actual cheaters say. Affairs are more complicated than having sex and this data, whether scientifically sound or not, speaks to a trend I have seen in clinical practical. Cheaters do not usually go for someone more attractive than their spouses/partner. Yet, when men and women discover an affair, they tend to get fixated on the appearance of the other person. However, the affair is less about appearance and more about feeling cared about, listened to and creating moments of passion and friendship.

A prevention then is to keep the marital friendship alive and active. Show fondness and admiration regularly to your partner. And keep the fire of romance going by doing new things together and having date nights. Listen, care and keep love alive!

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