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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

And the Worst Customer Service Retail Award Goes to…

posted by Linda Mintle

I can’t comment on heavy stuff everyday, so after yesterday’s shock and awe about Yale, I need a lighter blog!

If you shop and care about customer service, check out the top 9 worst retailers for customer service according to  a story in USA Today (3.16.13).

Are you surprised by any of the picks?

Only one was an on-line retailer.

9. Walgreens  -they certainly are on every corner and I never can find anyone to help me at the Photo section!

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8. TJ Companies (T J. Maxx, Marshalls and HomeGoods)-pretty much a do it yourself kind of place. The people checking in at the dressing rooms never look like they want to be there!

7. The Gap  -this one surprised me. People have always helped me! I like Gap and am satisfied!

6. Supervalu –supermarkets (Save-A-Lot, Albertsons, Jewel-Osco, Shop N Save)–Name a grocery store that has people available to help. When you ask for help in an aisle, they usually say they don’t work for the store and are only stocking shelves.

5. Sears–the one in my town just went out of business….hmmmmm

4. CVS-Caremark -Are prescriptions ever ready when they say they are? And some of the in-store pharmacy counters treat you like a military drill–get in the right line, now!

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3. Safeway-supermarkets–can’t remember the last time I was in one! No comment.

2. Netflix--e-commerce –increased pricing didn’t sit well with the neighbors.

1. Walmart–it’s hard for me to go there after a kid on a cart in front of me spilled a 5 gallon jug of oil on me. I kept asking him to get off my cart, his mom ignored me and didn’t say a word or offer to help me when the kid made the mess. And no one in line or at the register would help me either. So I tried to clean myself up with paper towels I found behind an unmanned register and move on. Forgiveness doesn’t mean going back.

 

Based on 14/7 Wall St. review of America Consumer Satisfaction Index (ACSI);  & MSN MOney/JZ analytics 2012 Customer Service Survey

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After the Admission of an Affair

posted by Linda Mintle

Susan was devastated. Her husband Dan was supposed to be in Cleveland on business. Instead he was seen vacationing in the Virgin Islands with a female co-worker. The betrayal took her by surprise. She couldn’t believe Dan would risk the ten-year marriage for another woman.

Susan called a therapist. Dan admitted to the affair. He apologized profusely and cut off all contact with the other woman. The hurt and anger in Susan’s face was hard to bear. Dan hoped that by apologizing and admitting his sin that Susan would get over the affair. He felt his apology and cut off from the other woman was enough to reconcile the relationship.

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But Susan couldn’t stop thinking of the betrayal. She found herself obsessing on thoughts of the other woman. She worried Dan would be unfaithful again. She felt guilty. Dan had apologized and promised not to ever have an affair again. Dan went back to church, talked to the minister and put himself under the accountability of a men’s group. But Susan couldn’t sleep and was anxious.

Susan sensed Dan was mad at her for not “getting over” the affair. Dan said, “Forget it ever happened. Why are you still talking about it when it’s over?” He was frustrated with her nervous anxiety whenever the phone rang late at night. He resented her constant questioning about late business meetings.

Dan and Susan represent many couples stuck in the aftermath of an affair. They think because the affair is acknowledged, things should go back to the way they were before. They don’t recognize the traumatizing effects of the affair.

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Susan never really talked at length about her feelings regarding the infidelity. She was too afraid Dan would leave the marriage and felt vulnerable due to her financial dependence on him. All through her marriage she avoided conflict. She pretended to believe everything was great when it wasn’t.

Dan apologized but showed little remorse. He broke the marital covenant and expected Susan to be over it much too quickly. He didn’t understand the trauma his wife experienced. The apology wasn’t enough.

Dan needed to:

· Share his feelings of remorse more than once

· Allow Susan to question him and give reassurance

· Be empathetic for the pain his actions caused Susan

· Understand Susan’s reactions were typical

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· Learn to share his emotions including his fear that Susan may leave

· Be patient. His wife needed time

 

Susan needed to:

· Have time to process, talk and explore her feelings more deeply

· Understand that the injured spouse usually has post -traumatic stress like symptoms (difficulty sleeping and concentrating, hyper-vigilance and intolerance for things that brought up memories of the affair)

· Be allowed to question Dan whenever she needed reassurance

· Not feel guilty when she needed to talk more about what happened

Admission of infidelity is just the first step of reconciliation. The betrayal raises complicated emotions that don’t usually fade away without additional work. A one-time apology is not enough to cover the reactions of the partner. Your partner needs to forgive but also process his/her reactions over time. The one who committed the offense needs to be patient and humble.

 

For more, read about the way back from infidelity in I Married You, Not Your Family by Dr. Linda Mintle. Click on the picture.

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What Makes You Happy? 10 Secrets You Must Know

posted by Linda Mintle

Click here to read the blog!

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Convicted Felon for Murder and Robbery Now Teaching at Columbia University

posted by Linda Mintle

This is really hard to believe, but apparently true. As someone with a social work degree, I can’t begin to understand this. Surely, Columbia could find someone to teach who isn’t a convicted felon.

According to the New York Post, Kathy Boudin, paroled in 2003 after serving 22 years in prison for an armed car robbery gone bad that killed  two police officers and a Brinks guard, is now teaching at Columbia University. The men were gunned down by her accomplices from the Black Liberation Army. She drove the getaway car. Today, Kathy is an adjunct professor in the School of Social Work at Columbia University.  She is also  a former Weathermen Underground radical.

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But as if that isn’t enough, Kathy has been awarded the Sheinberg Scholar-In-Residence at NYU Law School this year too. She gave a lecture entitled, ” The Politics of Parole and Re-entry.”

This is simply mind boggling!

I looked at her biography on the Columbia Law School speaker biography page, and while it says she served 22 years in prison, it never mentions that 3 people were gunned down in cold blood  due to her actions. It doesn’t say that nine children grew up without their fathers. And before the Brinks job, one report says she was also involved in at least a dozen bombings across the country including the Pentagon, The US Capitol and NYPD headquarters.

So help me understand this, Casey Anthony and OJ, both acquitted of murder, can’t be seen in public because they are so publicly scorned, but Boudin, paroled for murder, can teach at Columbia and write and lecture about parenting and family advocacy?

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So Kathy, who thought killing people was a way to further her goals with the Weathermen Underground, is now a family advocate and teaching our young adults. Her sentence was twenty to life for felony murder and robbery. In her parole hearing in 2003 she told the board that she participated in the robbery because she felt guilty being white. In her mind, the robbery would help advance the cause of black people and civil rights (One of the victims, Waverly Brown was black and all three victims served in our military).

Nine children grew up without their fathers because of the killings! Now the heist driver is lecturing the next generation of social workers. God help us!

The New York post also reported that Boudin is scheduled to speak at Columbia Law School’s conference on child and family advocacy.

 

Has she changed? Is she repentant for taking the lives of 3 people and hurting so many others? Has she apologized to all the people she hurt? What is she saying to the students? 

People can certainly change, but there is fruit when change is real. If there is no fruit, this is frightening!

 

 

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