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Doing Life Together

couple embraceJealousy, the green-eyed-monster that makes us green with envy! We all have moments when we feel jealous. But if jealousy persists, you need to work on letting it go.

The root of jealousy is usually insecurity. We aren’t confident and fear we may lose something or someone. This insecurity can rear it’s ugly head in the form jealousy and ruin a relationship if left unchecked.

Interestingly, the Bible has quite a bit to say about jealousy:

1) First, be aware of jealousy. It may be normal to have those feelings, but is not an emotion we want to rule our hearts. It will only do us harm in the end. James 3:14-15 says, But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

Identify the source of insecurity that underlies jealous and deal with that. Get at what drives  those feelings.

 2) Thinking about jealous feelings leads to anger and revenge. Proverbs 6:34 tells us, For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge. Therefore, we need to take jealous thoughts captive. Ruminating on what you think someone else has or is taking from you fuels anger. Get off the thought and onto what you do have. Be grateful.

 3) Do not to act on jealous feelings. Romans 13:13- Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.

Once we recognize jealous thoughts and stop them, then our actions change. We can be happy for other people when they have success. We can acknowledge others without being afraid they will take something from us. Be secure in who you are, not in comparing yourself to others.

Here is an example. Sally is jealous of her husband’s new administrator who is quite attractive. Sally has recently had a baby and feels insecure about her physical attractiveness. Yet her husband shows no signs of lacking interest in her.

Sally identifies her jealous thought towards the administrator. She realizes her jealousy has everything to do with how she feels about her own body. Right now, she doesn’t like it due to the recent birth. So, she takes that thought captive, “I’ve just had a baby. My body is bouncing back and it isn’t what it was, but that is normal and doesn’t mean my husband will look at other women. There is no evidence that my husband is interested in this woman. I’m feeling insecure and need to talk to him and be reassured.”

Jealousy comes when we feel threatened. It causes us to focus on the negative, not what is going right in a relationship.

Assess your relationship. Rather than allowing jealousy to build, ask for reassurance and build positivity in your relationship.

 

 

ID-100305411Tom wanted out of his marriage. When I asked him why, his answer was a bit startling. “I know I should try to work out my marital problems, but I just don’t want to anymore. Don’t you think God has enough grace to cover me here? If I leave my wife and then say I am sorry, that should do it. I can move on with a better life.”

This application of grace is distorted. It is what German theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, coined “cheap grace. ” Bonhoeffer defined it as, “the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ.”

Bonhoeffer was addressing an attitude of those who want the benefits of Christianity without the cost. It is an attitude that we unfortunately see all too often in our culture. People want God’s blessing but they don’t want to pay the price by being obedient to His Word. Instead, we want to go our own way, make our own rules and put God in a box that works for us. Bonhoeffer talked about justifying sin by counting on God’s grace to forgive it. And this is exactly what Tom is doing. He knows God’s grace is freely given, but doesn’t recognize the cost of that grace and how it impacts his life and choices. Tom is using grace to justify his actions.

None of us are beyond needing grace. We are all sinners and have come short of the glory of God. But how we deal with sin matters. We are to receive God’s grace with a repentant heart. Sin requires confession with true repentance, a turning away from what is wrong. It is not a license to willfully sin. And this is what is in Ton’s heart. He is trying to justify his sin and keep God in the picture.

So the next time you are tempted to cheapen God’s grace, consider the cost of that grace–our Savior’s life. And like Tom, it is not a justification for leaving a marriage or doing what we want and then counting on God to get in line with our ideas and plans.

AnghiaririIf you’ve never visited Tuscany in Italy, there is much to love–beautiful hills flowing with vineyards, olive trees and sunflowers. The landscape looks like a painted picture. But what is so captivating about Tuscany is the way people live. It is simple, uncomplicated by modern life.

In the 12th century town that became my home for 2 weeks, I awakened to the sound of a rooster. By 7:15 a.m., I walked to the bakery where I found warm, freshly baked croissants filled with apricot jam to accompany my morning coffee. Surprisingly, there is no take out coffee in Tuscany. Coffee is served in a ceramic cup and to be enjoyed with people.

People work hard in this land of agriculture, medieval castles and cathedrals. But when it is time for meals, food is an experience. Meals are slow, deliberate, multiple courses and presented like a work of art. Nothing was processed. All was homemade using garden herbs and homegrown olive oil. I drank water from a tap on the old wall of the city.

My allergies were nonexistent and I went to bed tired from all the walking I did during the day. There was no gym, no pilates, just natural movement in a town with stairs and hills. Several times during the day, I made my way down the mountain, up the mountain, into town and around the wall.

I watched no TV, only the sun rise. I lingered over doorsteps surrounded by flowers bursting from pots. The smell of fresh lavender was released whenever I would run my fingers through the flower. The ordinary became extraordinary. Life slowed down.

As I gazed at the pregnant Madonna in Monterchi and  the della Robbias of Laverna, I felt gratitude for the beauty of art to capture sacred moments.

For two weeks, Tuscany allowed me to live in the moment, enjoy the beauty of creation, slow down,  savor meals and the company of good friends. And I was reminded that this is what I need to build in my life–times of rest, spiritual refreshment and enjoyment of others. Tuscany taught me to rest-a lesson I desperately needed.

4july_20120519-01Like so many Americans, I don’t like what is happening to my religious freedom. I often feel attacked and misunderstood by those ignorant of the faith. Bible believers are regularly accused of being judgmental and haters. This is such a perverse accusation from people who don’t take the time to understand the Christian faith.

It is grievous to read the vicious attacks on people of faith on social media. They are often mean-spirited and evidence the worse side of humanity. With no accountability, people say horrible things they would never say to anyone in person.

Christianity is repeatedly portrayed incorrectly in our culture by a few disenfranchised groups and a liberal elite. Examples of the misapplication of Christianity are held up as examples of the whole. Accusations are made without Christian apologists allowed to respond. There is no desire to accurately understand Christianity, rather a frontal assault to eliminate it.

Why the hate? It is in our hearts unless it is transformed by the love of Christ. Jesus himself told us this Gospel will offend because it challenges the sin nature in us.

This Independence Day I urge you to pray. Religious freedom is under attack by those who twist the teachings of Christ and try to make Christianity look scary, discriminatory and judgmental. Nothing could be farther from the truth. But this attack on faith is growing and allowed to go uncensored. And the voices that accurately represent Christianity are being silenced and marginalized.

Christianity is a positive force in our culture. The teachings of Jesus include loving others as ourselves. It is not based on hate or hurting those who oppose it. True followers of Christ don’t come after people who oppose their beliefs. Rather we love bless those who curse us, pray for those who despitefully use us, and love our enemies.

Jesus is not a hater, judgmental to the sinner, nor a discriminator of people. He is love. To understand Christianity, you have to understand Jesus and not take the Old Testament out of context.

A book I would encourage every person to read is Philip Yancey’s, The Jesus I Never Knew. If you want a true picture of how Jesus influences a person and what imitating Christ really means, read this book. Then read the Bible with the understanding that Jesus represents the new covenant under which we live.

May God help us to respond to our opposition like Christ. May  religious freedom continue to ring in America.

Happy Fourth of July!

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