Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

The Hope of the Resurrection

posted by Linda Mintle

crossIt’s Good Friday.

Do you sometimes feel as if your life is lived  in a perpetual Good Friday mode? Like the movie, Ground Hog Day, it seems you are replaying the same bad day over and over, fighting despair and struggling. Disease, broken relationships, prodigal children…the landscape looks bleak and can easily lead to despair.

But Good Friday reminds us that all our suffering and struggles will one day end. One day there will be no more tears, no death, no mourning or pain. All things will be made new.

Easter is not about the bunnies or all the candy. Easter is about Hope. No matter how bleak Good Friday seems, Easter reminds us that one day disease will be erased, wrongs will be righted, and brokenness will be healed.

We are created for that hope and long for that day. 

Psalm 39:7 reminds us, “My hope is in Him,” not circumstances or people. Psalm 119:147 says, “I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word.” On Good Friday, cry for help, but remember  Christ is risen! Our living God is our constant source of hope. He defeated the darkness.

This Easter season chose hope. Refuse to give in to despair. “Love never gives us, never loses faith is always HOPEFUL, and endures every circumstance ” (I Corinthians 13:7).

Yes, Good Friday is here, but Easter is coming.

 

Honey, Do Your Know Where My Glasses Are?

posted by Linda Mintle

cell phone 2It’s a running joke in our house. Where are mom’s glasses? Mom, that would be me, is constantly putting them down and forgetting where they are! I don’t think it is an aging thing because the misplaced glasses have been misplaced for years.

Oh and this happens to my cell phone on a regular basis as well. Thankfully, someone in the house just has to call my cell number and I am like On-Star, unless I forgot to take my phone off vibrate!

Apparently, I am not alone in my misplacement of objects. According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, the average person misplaces up to nine items a day! Hey, I am way below the national average here.

And thank goodness this tendency to misplace doesn’t mean I’m heading into dementia. People of all ages forget things. However, the does brain begins to shrink with aging (meaning in our 20s)  and it does worsen this tendency to forget.

The problem is that the number of things we have to remember in a typical day doesn’t decrease with age. And to top it off, we often multitask, making memory even more difficult. It’s a wonder we don’t lose more than 9 items a day!

Some German scientists think that our memory and distraction are related to a certain variation in a gene we inherit. Regardless of the cause, what works is finding a regular spot to put something. At night, I put my glasses on top of the dresser, same place every night! I don’t lose my car keys in the house either because I put them on a hanger the second I walk in the door. There they hang in the same place every day. If you are losing things, put them in the same place every day!

But when it comes to remembering  things that don’t have their own special place, I have to be intentional and make a note of where I am putting something. For example, I can’t tell you how many times I come out of a store and forget where my car is parked. The reason is that when I park, I might be on the phone, deep in thought or simply thinking of other things. If I don’t want to lose my car, I have to look around, get a few markers and tell myself to remember where I parked. If I am tired, upset, or highly stressed, my memory is even worse and so I pull out my cell phone (when I can find it) and put a reminder with an alarm on it. This works unless I forget where I put my cell phone or leave it on vibrate!

So if you want to stop losing your checkbook, keys, office items and cell phone, make a mental note of where you place those things, find a consistent place, and add a little reminder via your phone or a note to self. Refuse to lose 9 items a day or you just might lose your mind!

It’s Tax Day But How Is Your Emotional Bank Account Doing?

posted by Linda Mintle

2 happy coupleYes, today is tax day and many of you will make that last minute run for the post office before midnight! Why? Because you don’t want to be penalized by the federal government. But what about your emotional bank account?  Do you need to make more deposits when it comes to your relationships?

An emotional bank account has to do with how often you deposit positives into your relationships. Do you praise, show fondness and admiration to your partner, give complements, make gestures of affection, tell the person you love him/her, use words of encouragement, pay attention to his or her needs, etc.?

If you don’t make regular positive deposits, your emotional bank account can go into a negative balance.  When this happens, the negativity begins to tip the positive, causing you to start looking at your relationship in a negative way. In fact, we know from the research of John Gottman that couples who are doing well have a 5 to 1 positives to negatives ratio operating in their relationship.  Happy couples have 20 to 1 positives to negatives. Unhappy couples have .08 to 1 ratio of negates to positives.

So on this special tax day, get to the post office on time, but tell your loved one something positive along the way. Make sure you are making regular positive deposits into your intimate relationships. These will be absolutely necessary when problems erupt. An overall positive feeling about a relationship makes it easier to deal with problems.

You can’t stop the government from taking your tax dollars, but you can stop your relationship from being depleted. Make those emotional deposits every day and your emotional bank account will be full!

Bully Targets Not Who You Think

posted by Linda Mintle

bullyA high school sophomore takes two kitchen knives to his school and goes on a stabbing frenzy in the hallway of his high school wounding 22 people. According to his lawyer,  he was well liked and not a loner. The typical bullied pattern of a loner, social awkward teen may not fit this time.

Bullying is complicated because it doesn’t always fit a specific pattern. In fact, bullies also look to target a group you might not expect–the social climbers.  Climbing the social popularity ladder makes you a target for gossip, harassment and physical attacks for those who compete for status.  But once you reach the top of popularity, the risk goes down.

The consequences of being bullied–depression, anxiety, anger and withdrawal also seem to be worse in those who are the more popular victims.

These are the conclusions of researchers at the University of California-Davis. Moving up in popularity from the 50th percentile to the 95th percentile can be dangerous. Bullies like to have power over people and one way to get that power is to harass those trying to gain social status. Pick on the kid trying to rise in popularity. It’s rivalry at its worse.

The take away from this and other studies is that bullying impacts a wide range of kids, not just the loner, socially awkward kid. Thus, anti-bully programs must address the entire student body. Rather than targeting a group of disenfranchised kids, target all kids in schools and teach them that bullying is not acceptable under any circumstances. And more importantly, we need to get at why so many kids think violence is a solution to anything!

Previous Posts

The Hope of the Resurrection
It’s Good Friday. Do you sometimes feel as if your life is lived  in a perpetual Good Friday mode? Like the movie, Ground Hog Day, it seems you are replaying the same bad day over and over, fighting despair and struggling. Disease, broken relationships, prodigal children...the landscape looks

posted 7:00:41am Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Honey, Do Your Know Where My Glasses Are?
It's a running joke in our house. Where are mom's glasses? Mom, that would be me, is constantly putting them down and forgetting where they are! I don't think it is an aging thing because the misplaced glasses have been misplaced for years. Oh and this happens to my cell phone on a regular basis

posted 7:00:14am Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

It's Tax Day But How Is Your Emotional Bank Account Doing?
Yes, today is tax day and many of you will make that last minute run for the post office before midnight! Why? Because you don't want to be penalized by the federal government. But what about your emotional bank account?  Do you need to make more deposits when it comes to your relationships? An

posted 7:00:26am Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Bully Targets Not Who You Think
A high school sophomore takes two kitchen knives to his school and goes on a stabbing frenzy in the hallway of his high school wounding 22 people. According to his lawyer,  he was well liked and not a loner. The typical bullied pattern of a loner, social awkward teen may not fit this time. Bully

posted 7:00:07am Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

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