Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

10 Ways to Respond to Someone Who Is Depressed

posted by Linda Mintle

discouragedOne good thing that came out of Robin William’s death is that we are once again talking about depression. Depression can be a silent killer and still has a stigma despite the numbers of people who struggle with it in any give year. We don’t like to talk about it, mostly because we don’t know what to say or worry we might say the wrong thing.

So we avoid or stay silent. Worse, we offer platitudes that make the depressed person feel even worse.

No one likes to hear, “Snap out of it,” Think of all the good things in your life,” or the classic, “Time heals all wounds.” Those phrases accentuate powerlessness, guilt and hopelessness because at the moment, none of it feels true.

So how do you respond when someone tells you he/she isn’t having a good day or is depressed?

Don’t:

1. Try to talk the person out of being depressed. This is like trying to talk someone out of having high blood pressure.

2. Minimize their pain.

3. Tell them you know just how they feel. You really don’t.

Do:

1. Comfort with a statement of empathy, “It must be difficult,” or “I see you are really struggling.”

2. Encourage the person to get through the moment, not the entire day.

3. Listen a lot. Be in the moment with the person.

4. Stay connected with the person via text or short messages. A brief, “Praying for you” is good.

5. Offer help if the person seems receptive–depression is treatable.

6. Be available when the person is ready to talk. Isolation plays on the mind in negative ways.

7. If someone confides in you that he/she is suicidal, stay with the person and tell someone. Immediate assessment is needed.

8. Phrases like, “I don’t really know what to say, but I am here” are helpful.

9. Pray with the person and assure him or her of God’s presence. He doesn’t avoid us when we are depressed. He does know our sorrow and pain.

10. Read Scripture that assures of God’s presence, comfort and hope in Him. The Word is powerful!

The Real Reason We Yawn!

posted by Linda Mintle

ID-10091446It’s late afternoon. You are sitting in a meeting. Three people at the table yawn and you do the same.

Are you bored? Tired? Or what?

Need more coffee? Need more sleep? Or maybe you need a nice cool air-conditioned room!

Even though we do yawn more when we are tired, tired may not be the reason.

You may be yawning so your brain can keep you alert during stress. And that contagious effect seen at the table may be because the entire group needs to stay alert! Here is why.

Yawning is triggered by changes in the brain chemistry. The brain may be trying to keep itself cool.  Apparently our brains can overheat. When they do, reaction times slow as does memory. One theory is that when we yawn, the brain cools down.

Stressed? Anxious? Your brain heats up and yawning cools it down so it can function properly. So if Dr. Gallup at the State University of New York at Oneonta is correct, we need to keep it cool in our meetings and the yawning might just diminish.

Teacher Tells Student What Words She Cannot Say!

posted by Linda Mintle

Some things defy common sense…here is one of them. Be ready to be outraged!

Maybe you heard the story last week.

High school senior Kendra Turner was suspended in Dyer County Tennessee for breaking a class rule. You might be thinking, “OK, teachers need to keep control of their classrooms.”

But here was the rule: Students are not allowed to say, “Bless you” in the classroom. And the teacher listed other phrases not allowed in the classroom–words like, My Bad, stuff, dumb, etc.

A student sneezed, Kendra instinctively said, “Bless you!” and the teacher suspended her, claiming her comment was disruptive to the class. The teacher also told her “Bless you” was for church and not the classroom!

Bless you is disruptive? I thought it was a social grace!

Get out your whistles! The thought police are alive and well in Dyer County Tennessee. And they are determining what WORDS people can and cannot say. And Kendra didn’t even mention God!

Last time I checked, “Bless you” was a common response to sneezing, said to be empathetic to someone. Apparently we need to guard against those empathetic remarks. In the classroom, empathy is disruptive. Instead we need more self-centered, uncaring students who only watch out for themselves!

Is this not ludicrous? Ms. Turner has every constitutional right to say, “Bless you” in a classroom. The teacher is way out of line and playing God even if she doesn’t like God!

Teachers are to stimulate thought, not regulate it. I’m recommending an in-school suspension for the teacher for lacking common sense and infringing on a student’s constitutional rights! Maybe a day in the Principal’s office would create a little civility in her.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Split: Telling All May Have Been Too Much

posted by Linda Mintle

The gossip train is all a buzz with what looks like a split between pop diva, Mariah Carey and her husband, America’s Got Talent host, Nick Cannon. The usual suspects, TMZ, People, Hollywood Life and others are reporting the spilt, saying divorce is a done deal. The six-year marriage that produced  “Dembabies” is allegedly on the rocks. According to CNN Entertainment, the couple has been living apart in separate homes for months now.

Married for six years, the couple engaged in lavish yearly ceremonies to renew their vows in exotic locations like the Maldives, Beverly Hills, Paris, Disneyland, etc. That is, until this year. And while this couple enjoys celebrity status and has plenty of money to take care of their kids, money can’t buy you love.

It may be that Cannon’s tell all March radio interview on Big Boy’s radio show was TMI (too much information). During the interview, he acknowledged hooking up with other celebrities including Kim Kardashian. Spilling the intimate details of your sexual antics to the public usually creates couple tension and feels like betrayal. No matter how much hooking up happens in Hollywood culture,  announcing it to the public is humiliating.

Betrayal is typically the result of a process that has been simmering below the surface of a relationship. For example, discontent, loneliness, and resentment are processed by negatively comparing the person to someone perceived to be better. Unfortunately, when this negativity builds, the people involved are not always aware of it.

Then someone comes along and shows interest, validates the person, maybe even admires the person. When the betrayer engages this person and turns away from his or her partner, the process begins. The couple isn’t talking, but one person may be confiding in another. Closeness is building with an outsider and the negative comparisons get stronger. The partner’s emotions are ignored and distrust has set in. The negativity feeds the thought of maybe this is not the right person for me. This other person understands me better. The person is now ripe for betrayal.

Secrets are kept. Conflict is avoided. Emotional distance grows. A coalition with another person is formed. Distrust marks the original relationship. The betrayer has to justify his or her actions and thoughts by continuing to turn away from his or her partner and blame him or her for unhappiness. A line is crossed. Betrayal leads to divorce unless repair is made.

Divorce is #2 on the well-known Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, scoring a whopping 73 points. Only Death of a Spouse rates higher. And that scale doesn’t account for celebrity/non-celebrity status. So while Hollywood may yawn at just another celebrity split, the people involved suffer tremendous emotional pain.

Don’t yawn and think, it’s Hollywood, big deal! Pray for the couple. Divorce may be common in Hollywood, but it is never painless. And the children pay the price.

 

 

 

Previous Posts

10 Ways to Respond to Someone Who Is Depressed
One good thing that came out of Robin William's death is that we are once again talking about depression. Depression can be a silent killer and still has a stigma despite the numbers of people who struggle with it in any give year. We don't like to talk about it, mostly because we don't know what to

posted 7:51:57am Aug. 30, 2014 | read full post »

The Real Reason We Yawn!
It's late afternoon. You are sitting in a meeting. Three people at the table yawn and you do the same. Are you bored? Tired? Or what? Need more coffee? Need more sleep? Or maybe you need a nice cool air-conditioned room! Even though we do yawn more when we are tired, tired may not be the re

posted 7:00:09am Aug. 27, 2014 | read full post »

Teacher Tells Student What Words She Cannot Say!
Some things defy common sense...here is one of them. Be ready to be outraged! Maybe you heard the story last week. High school senior Kendra Turner was suspended in Dyer County Tennessee for breaking a class rule. You might be thinking, "OK, teachers need to keep control of their classrooms."

posted 7:00:54am Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Split: Telling All May Have Been Too Much
The gossip train is all a buzz with what looks like a split between pop diva, Mariah Carey and her husband, America's Got Talent host, Nick Cannon. The usual suspects, TMZ, People, Hollywood Life and others are reporting the spilt, saying divorce is a done deal. The six-year marriage that produced

posted 7:51:12am Aug. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Withholding Friendship as a Weapon
I'll never forget the day my five-year-old came home and said, "No one will play with 'Sandy' because she doesn't do what they say!" I was upset and thankfully, my daughter thought it was mean. But the other girls excluded little Sandy and rejected her from their friendship circle. Would you be

posted 7:00:24am Aug. 20, 2014 | read full post »


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