Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

It’s Tax Day But How Is Your Emotional Bank Account Doing?

posted by Linda Mintle

2 happy coupleYes, today is tax day and many of you will make that last minute run for the post office before midnight! Why? Because you don’t want to be penalized by the federal government. But what about your emotional bank account?  Do you need to make more deposits when it comes to your relationships?

An emotional bank account has to do with how often you deposit positives into your relationships. Do you praise, show fondness and admiration to your partner, give complements, make gestures of affection, tell the person you love him/her, use words of encouragement, pay attention to his or her needs, etc.?

If you don’t make regular positive deposits, your emotional bank account can go into a negative balance.  When this happens, the negativity begins to tip the positive, causing you to start looking at your relationship in a negative way. In fact, we know from the research of John Gottman that couples who are doing well have a 5 to 1 positives to negatives ratio operating in their relationship.  Happy couples have 20 to 1 positives to negatives. Unhappy couples have .08 to 1 ratio of negates to positives.

So on this special tax day, get to the post office on time, but tell your loved one something positive along the way. Make sure you are making regular positive deposits into your intimate relationships. These will be absolutely necessary when problems erupt. An overall positive feeling about a relationship makes it easier to deal with problems.

You can’t stop the government from taking your tax dollars, but you can stop your relationship from being depleted. Make those emotional deposits every day and your emotional bank account will be full!

Bully Targets Not Who You Think

posted by Linda Mintle

bullyA high school sophomore takes two kitchen knives to his school and goes on a stabbing frenzy in the hallway of his high school wounding 22 people. According to his lawyer,  he was well liked and not a loner. The typical bullied pattern of a loner, social awkward teen may not fit this time.

Bullying is complicated because it doesn’t always fit a specific pattern. In fact, bullies also look to target a group you might not expect–the social climbers.  Climbing the social popularity ladder makes you a target for gossip, harassment and physical attacks for those who compete for status.  But once you reach the top of popularity, the risk goes down.

The consequences of being bullied–depression, anxiety, anger and withdrawal also seem to be worse in those who are the more popular victims.

These are the conclusions of researchers at the University of California-Davis. Moving up in popularity from the 50th percentile to the 95th percentile can be dangerous. Bullies like to have power over people and one way to get that power is to harass those trying to gain social status. Pick on the kid trying to rise in popularity. It’s rivalry at its worse.

The take away from this and other studies is that bullying impacts a wide range of kids, not just the loner, socially awkward kid. Thus, anti-bully programs must address the entire student body. Rather than targeting a group of disenfranchised kids, target all kids in schools and teach them that bullying is not acceptable under any circumstances. And more importantly, we need to get at why so many kids think violence is a solution to anything!

Chew on This If You Chew on Gum

posted by Linda Mintle

gum 2When that new flavor of gum hits the grocery store, its tempting. Watermelon sour, triple berry fruit…sounds like dessert in a stick, but what is the skinny on gum chewing?

As a mom, I didn’t let my kids chew gum, probably because I am not a gum chewer, so we never had gum in the house. But I know a lot of people who smack away. So I wondered, does chewing gum have benefits or does it do some harm?

Don’t panic! Gum chewers don’t end up in the ER! But those of you who are a little orally fixated, might want to know your gum facts! And who knows, this could be a Jeopardy category one day!

Dr. Bell, a GI in Virginia Beach, VA. weighs in on the pros and cons of gum chewing in a recent article in the Wall Street Journal. According to him, we need to get our gum facts right!

Some people think gum chewing causes an upset stomach. Dr. Bell explains that when you first put that gum in your mouth, you signal the brain to begin the digestive process. Saliva is released thinking food is coming. Since no food shows up, you might think, uh oh, the stomach is tricked and acid is released. I feel boated or gassy. That feeling  comes from the air intake that comes with chewing, not the acid. So gum is not upsetting the stomach. I guess that gives credence to the old saying, chew with your mouth closed!

Gum doesn’t act like a weight loss agent either. Remember it kick starts the digestion system which might make you feel even more hungry. So despite the claims, chew because you like it, not to lose weight! And if you want to freshen your breath, gum is true to that promise!

If you listen to your dentist and chew sugar free gum, you aren’t completely in the clear. The main ingredient in sugar free gum, Sorbitol, taken in large amounts, can give you GI problems. Some people can get excessive gas from that ingredient taken in high doses, so moderate or stop if you are sensitive to Sorbitol.

Dr. Bell also notes that there are studies linking adolescent gum chewing to migraine headaches and that people with mild jaw problems could irritate those problems even more.

So is there any good news here? Yes, other studies say chewing gum during a task can help you think better. Maybe that is why so many teens smack away during their exams!

I probably just took the fun out of gum, but hey, if you need to chew, it’s way better than tobacco!

 

 

 

#NOT TALKING TO YOU #FIGHTINGAGAIN: Tweeting Our Way to Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

snsTWEET: You didn’t follow through on your promise today#madatyouagain

TWEET: How about the way you responded #outofcontrol

TWEET: No way. Call me @JohnSmith. I’m over Tim!

TWEET: #overreacting. #outofcontrol and trying to blame me. I guess I eat out tonight!

TWEET: Seriously, no dinner with me is right! Checking my options @JohnSmith

What would be your guess as to the relationship health of this couple? Good, problematic, headed for trouble?

If you said problematic or headed for trouble, you are right!

In fact, one researcher, Russell Clayton, discovered that active Twitter use leads to greater amounts of Twitter-related conflict among romantic partners. In other words, couples may find themselves fighting over those tweets and creating conflict that leads to a break up or infidelity.

Twitter, a social networking site (SNS), can have a damaging effect on romantic relationships. Those 140 character tweets can create jealously, flirting, distrust and strong emotions. Just add the hashtag (#) or @replies and you’ve got a public conversation that should have remained private. This gives new meaning to airing your laundry in public!

Like other SNSs, it’s a good idea to keep your private life private. Don’t use SNS to stir up jealousy or engage in betrayal. If you are having problems in your relationship over the use of Twitter, stop using it and start talking to your partner in person.

#DoneWithTwitter until we can work out a plan!

#StoppingHurtingOurRelationship!

Good idea @drlindahelps!

 

 

Source: ClaytonRussell B.. Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking. -Not available-, ahead of print. doi:10.1089/cyber.2013.0570.

Previous Posts

It's Tax Day But How Is Your Emotional Bank Account Doing?
Yes, today is tax day and many of you will make that last minute run for the post office before midnight! Why? Because you don't want to be penalized by the federal government. But what about your emotional bank account?  Do you need to make more deposits when it comes to your relationships? An

posted 7:00:26am Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Bully Targets Not Who You Think
A high school sophomore takes two kitchen knives to his school and goes on a stabbing frenzy in the hallway of his high school wounding 22 people. According to his lawyer,  he was well liked and not a loner. The typical bullied pattern of a loner, social awkward teen may not fit this time. Bully

posted 7:00:07am Apr. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Chew on This If You Chew on Gum
When that new flavor of gum hits the grocery store, its tempting. Watermelon sour, triple berry fruit...sounds like dessert in a stick, but what is the skinny on gum chewing? As a mom, I didn't let my kids chew gum, probably because I am not a gum chewer, so we never had gum in the house. But I k

posted 8:05:16am Apr. 11, 2014 | read full post »

#NOT TALKING TO YOU #FIGHTINGAGAIN: Tweeting Our Way to Conflict
TWEET: You didn't follow through on your promise today#madatyouagain TWEET: How about the way you responded #outofcontrol TWEET: No way. Call me @JohnSmith. I'm over Tim! TWEET: #overreacting. #outofcontrol and trying to blame me. I guess I eat out tonight! TWEET: Seriously, no dinner wi

posted 7:00:41am Apr. 10, 2014 | read full post »

I'm Trying to Fall Asleep But I'm Too Wound Up!
I spent too much money on a pillow that was supposed to help me sleep better. The promise was that it would stay cool and not cause any neck discomfort. It is a comfortable pillow, but I still find myself waking in the middle of the night, turning the pillow over to cool it down. So much for the sta

posted 7:00:47am Apr. 09, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.