Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Does Porn Affect Your Relationship?

posted by Linda Mintle

ID-100234581During an evening talk show  there were plenty of jokes about pornography. And as the host and celebrity guest settled down, it was evident, porn, in their opinions, is no big deal.  If fact, many of the tabloids and even a few respected marital therapists, will tell you that a little porn is fine and may even enhance your marriage? But is this true?

Absolutely not. Pornography use increases your risk of separation and divorce, decreases marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction. In addition, it increase your appetite for more graphic types of pornography and can cause you to lose interest in relational sex.

The impact on marriage is such that the spouse feels betrayed, rejected, hurt, abandoned, lonely, isolated and angry. And the one viewing porn is having lustful thoughts about someone other than his/her spouse.

Exposing yourself to pornography leads to a lack of trust, a belief that sex is confining in marriage, and a belief that promiscuity is natural, creating a cynicism about the role of love and affection in a marriage.

To my knowledge, there are no known studies or data to suggest that there are any benefits to pornography use. However, the reports of damage are many. The damage is not only to the viewer, but to the spouse and family as well. And pornography is usually addicting when continuously consumed.

In the end, porn usually destroys marriages. So if you are being tempted by porn, don’t go there. If you are using, get help and stop. Your marriage depends on it.

5 Ways to Live in Financial Harmony

posted by Linda Mintle

ID-100255107Money can’t buy you love but it sure can make love difficult. Especially if you are in a relationship and not managing your money well. When it comes to money, here are 5 tips to live in relationship harmony:

1) Decide how your credit cards will be used when you enter a relationship. One person can create lots of debt but the financially burden falls on both and can ruin credit. So look at your credit debt, decide on which cards to use and which ones to cut up. Then discuss what the rules of use will be in your relationship and stay accountable to each other for those rules.

2) Talk about ALL purchases, especially anything over $100. Don’t hide your finances and expect the relationship to go well. Be up front regarding need and want. Make decisions about buying as a couple.

3) Share your spending and buying strategies. Your habits have developed since childhood, but your partner doesn’t know how you think about money and spending unless you share that information. It’s best to talk strategy at the beginning of a relationship and develop a plan the two of you can agree upon. Look at your family spending habits and see where areas of incompatibility and compatibility seem to be.

4) Don’t make excuses or look for someone to bail you out when you overspend. Staying within the spending limits brings peace to a relationship. Ignoring the guidelines creates tension and bad will. If you blow it, have to plan to fix the issue. Be honest and fix the problem.

5) Figure out who handles money the best of the two of you and allow that person to be the overseer. If you are better at finances and allow your partner to be in control, resentment might build up. Better to talk about who runs finances the best and give that person the lead. When couples can honestly decide who handles money best and yield control to that person, conflict usually stays low.

Understanding Depression: Let’s Keep Talking

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, Janet Parshall had me on her radio show, In The Market, to talk about a topic the church and society have  a great deal of trouble discussing–depression. The phone lines were constantly lit up. People wanted and needed to talk. Emails were sent asking for help. With  1 out of 10 people struggling with depression, we need to keep talking about it.

The news of the recent suicides of Robin Williams and GRL lead singer, Simone Battle, brings depression into our daily conversations. Yet, most people are unaware of the many causes of depression. It is a complicated disorder that requires on-going attention and treatment.

Depression can be a result of other medical conditions such as hypothyroidism, Cushing’s, heart disease, sleep apnea, strokes, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, hormonal imbalances, HIV and AIDS, cancer, autoimmune disorders , seizure disorders and chronic pain.

Depression is also associated with substance abuse and withdrawal from long- term use of many drugs like cocaine, sedatives, narcotics and steroids.

It is more common in people with a family history of mental illness, suggesting genetic involvement and inheirted traits. And people with depression have biological changes in their brains. Brain chemicals go out of balance and hormone changes can create depressive symptoms.

Traumatic life events such as childhood trauma, death, loss, financial pressures and stress that strains a person’s ability to cope all play a role as well. Certain personality traits make a person more susceptible to depression. Medication side-effects can cause depression.  For example, a common medication like Accutane used to treat acne has a side effect of depression in some people.

And while the causes of depression are complicated, treatment is available and effective. We know the signs–difficulty concentrating, fatigue, feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, insomnia or excessive sleeping, loss of pleasure, overeating or appetite changes, sad, anxious or empty feelings, and thoughts of suicide.

If you struggle, don’t do so in silence. Tell your physician or a mental health professional and get the help you need.

And because so many people are affected by depression, let’s keep talking even when a celebrity isn’t in the news. People’s lives may depend on it.

 

Should You Try Again After an Affair?

posted by Linda Mintle

affairWe all know how devastating an affair can be to a marriage. The question often asked is, “Should I try to work through the betrayal and give the person another chance?”

It’s a question most of us hope we never have to answer.

If you are faced with this question, slow down and consider what is at stake and what is behind the cheating. I know, you may not care because the breach is so painful, but most cheating comes out of relationship problems that need some attention. Clearly, cheating is a choice made by one person, but it is often driven by issues in the relationship than need to be addressed.

If both partners are willing to work on the relationship by acknowledging their shortcomings, there is the possibility of rebuilding trust and growing in intimacy.

But before willingness can be assessed, the most important factor is the repentance of the person who had the affair.

Is the person truly sorry, repentant and willing to do what is necessary to try again? This requires complete cut off of the extramarital relationship, a commitment to honesty, a sincere apology and request for forgiveness. Then the person must be ready to answer questions.

Forgiving the person who cheated may take time. If you can’t forgive eventually, you won’t move forward –alone or in the relationship. Forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean you will reconcile, but it is the first step if you choose to stay in the relationship.

 

Previous Posts

Does Porn Affect Your Relationship?
During an evening talk show  there were plenty of jokes about pornography. And as the host and celebrity guest settled down, it was evident, porn, in their opinions, is no big deal.  If fact, many of the tabloids and even a few respected marital therapists, will tell you that a little porn is fi

posted 6:00:38am Sep. 16, 2014 | read full post »

5 Ways to Live in Financial Harmony
Money can't buy you love but it sure can make love difficult. Especially if you are in a relationship and not managing your money well. When it comes to money, here are 5 tips to live in relationship harmony: 1) Decide how your credit cards will be used when you enter a relationship. One person

posted 6:00:28am Sep. 12, 2014 | read full post »

Understanding Depression: Let's Keep Talking
This week, Janet Parshall had me on her radio show, In The Market, to talk about a topic the church and society have  a great deal of trouble discussing--depression. The phone lines were constantly lit up. People wanted and needed to talk. Emails were sent asking for help. With  1 out of 10 peo

posted 6:00:22am Sep. 10, 2014 | read full post »

Should You Try Again After an Affair?
We all know how devastating an affair can be to a marriage. The question often asked is, "Should I try to work through the betrayal and give the person another chance?" It's a question most of us hope we never have to answer. If you are faced with this question, slow down and consider what i

posted 6:00:46am Sep. 08, 2014 | read full post »

5 Safeguards to Prevent Cheating On-line
It's easy to do. You are bored, mad at your partner and notice a Facebook Message from an old flame. Your curiosity is peaked. What harm could it do to answer and catch up? Next thing you know, you are sharing the details of your life, only you aren't talking about your marriage. The messages

posted 6:00:50am Sep. 05, 2014 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.