Beginner's Heart

Beginner's Heart


haircuts, attachment, & beginner’s heart ~

I got a haircut today. Adrian, my hair stylist, is a nice young woman whom I’ve pretty recently entrusted w/ my willful hair. So far, we’ve done well together, although sometimes it takes a while to get things straight between us. Remember that.

Today, she wasn’t her usual immaculately hip self — her carefully bleached short hair was pulled back w/ a pink headband and pink bandana, and she looked tired.

‘How are you?’ I asked.

‘Not so great,’ she told me. ‘I had to take my mom to the hospital today.’

Turns out Adrian’s mother has severe gallstones, and was in a lot of pain. Adrian was obviously worried. From my long-ago & far-away life as a medical journalist, I told her about gall stones: about what causes them, how they’re treated, the long-term effects, and that I’ve never heard of them killing anyone. We talked a moment about the changes this probably would have in her mother’s diet, and generally visited. By this time, she was cutting my hair.

We discussed what I wanted, and she told me she could do somewhere between this & that, and I told her this-ish, please. At least that’s what I thought I told her… Then we talked a bit more, as you do if you like each other. In the meantime, she cut my hair. Turns out it’s more that-ish. But when I saw it in the mirror, it looked fun. Summery, light. Fun. So I left feeling renewed, and bought a couple of things on the way out. Great ending to a possible disaster!

Until I returned home. My best-beloved, who should know better, asked me if I had asked the stylist to ‘do that’ to my hair. I took the heat (because in a way, I had), and said yup, but don’t worry; it will grow. ‘Nuff said, right? Nooooope.

Because in a fit of INSANITY, I told him, ‘Don’t you think it’s okay, really? I kind of like it.’

‘I’ve never found that style attractive,’ he growled. ‘Why would you do that to your hair?’

At this point, all Buddhist equanimity had left me, and I explained LOUDLY that telling someone their hair looked horrible AFTER they couldn’t fix it was NOT KIND. And that I  would NOT do that to him — I would either LIE, or find SOMETHING good to say.

Did this stop the conversation? It did not. Although friends, smart folks would have thought so… Again, nope.

‘But didn’t we talk about this before you went in?’ [translation: didn’t I listen to you process this ad infinitum boreeum??] And yes, he had. The problem w/ most of your girlfriends living out of town is that you end up discussing girl stuff w/ the guy who lives w/ you.

The upshot? One Buddhist epiphany. Honest. When I left Adrian, I loved my hair. It was short, swingy, and felt like summer. When I finished  talking to my husband? I felt terrible. The haircut hadn’t changed. But boy, something else had.

How much of my life do I end up feeling bad because of what something else thinks? And why am I so attached to these opinions? What does this matter, ultimately? Do I think my husband is so shallow he’ll leave me over a bad haircut? Of course not. Am I attached to the idea he will, after all these years, still find me beautiful? Absolutely.

In the end, what matters is that it all passes. The hair will grow out. Big sky mind. But the realisation that enlightenment is kind of like  learning from a bad haircut? Wow. As the ad says, priceless.



Previous Posts

the pain we bring to others
There are days we will hurt people. Days when our thoughtless actions will crack through the protective shells we all wear to get us through our lives. There are times when some thoughtless action -- with no ill in

posted 1:36:57pm Mar. 02, 2015 | read full post »

contrasts and contradictions (or not...)
See the snow outside? It's inches -- nothing for Boston (they should be so lucky!), but a big deal for Oklahoma. And more to come, the weather folks predict.  A cardinal is on one feeder, a vivid splash of colou

posted 11:42:43am Feb. 28, 2015 | read full post »

a long long time ago, or, updating our moral software
  This used to be the way America looked at women voting. And to be honest, some of these jokes are still around. But for the vast majority of Americans, we accept that women have the right to vote. Even though it's not in the original Constitution. That's an important 'even though,' sin

posted 10:52:31pm Feb. 26, 2015 | read full post »

the vulnerability of grace
This is a post about sharing. About a man who has inspired me for a long time, and his impending loss. It's about intelligence, wit, and vulnerability. And the irreplaceable magic of those braided qualities

posted 4:25:29pm Feb. 23, 2015 | read full post »

lists, writing, and cleaning the mind's house
  Ever since I was a little girl, I've visualised my mind as an old house. And lately it seems more like a house that needs a LOT of TLC -- re: it's  kind of a mess. So when the facilitator at the

posted 3:50:10pm Feb. 21, 2015 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.