A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Q&A: Who can you REALLY trust, visualization, losing weight, and More! (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Who can you trust?

On this week’s episode of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, we discussed several questions submitted via Formspring:

“Are some foods naturally healthier than others, or are they healthy because we have mentally conditioned our minds to accept them as healthy? So with the right mindset, I could theoretically eat a lot of potato chips without the adverse side effects?”

“Does it make any difference if I visualize myself doing something from the first-person point of view or if I visualize seeing myself doing something from a spectator’s point of view?”

And one more that I want to talk more about here:

“My entire extended family believes that “You can never fully trust anyone outside of the family.” and that “Family are the only people who will always be there for you.” Are they right? And if not, then how do I deal with people with that thinking?”

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As we talked about on the show, this is a surprisingly common belief ; usually born out of some past time when the family was facing some sort of outside danger like wars, political oppression, etc.

The thing is, in the year 2011 this belief doesn’t really make any sense. 

Consider: First, unless you come from a family of Saints, you can probably think of some time when one family member treated another poorly.

Second, think about the times in your life that you’ve known people you absolutely trusted, like teachers, doctors, or even soldiers, police, or security people you were counting on to keep you safe.  What about members of the same church, or community that are lifelong family friends that are ‘like’ family, does this mean they can’t be trusted, either?

What about getting married?  Hopefully your potential husband or wife is from outside your family…unless you’re from the Deep South (just kidding, I’m from Arkansas!)  These people may be friends of the family at some point, but the fact is they come from outside and then join it; does this mean they can’t be trusted?  If only blood relatives are trustworthy, does this make 50% of your family enemy agents?  Can you trust both parents, but they can’t trust each other because they AREN’T blood relatives?

And considering you can only be betrayed by someone you trusted, does this mean that only family can betray you?

The fact is, your family SHOULD be the people you can count on the most, and SHOULD be the people you can trust the easiest, but they are by no means the only people you can trust.  Unfortunately, some people have received the  worst treatment possible at the hands of the very family they trusted, and it was total strangers who helped them get over it.

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The idea that ‘family are the only people you can trust’ is really just another form of fear.   The idea is that if you keep people at arm’s length they can’t hurt you, and unfortunately this just isn’t true.  Since all the time you spend worrying is hurting you now.

As for how to deal with this mindset, lead by example.  They didn’t start thinking this way in a vacuum; chances are they were taught this mode of thinking growing up, and because of that their perception of their life experience has probably confirmed it.

The good news is, you don’t have to keep living into it!  The fact is there are all kinds of people out there, some are trustworthy and some aren’t.  The easiest way to deal with is is to “trust, but verify”; give them a little trust, see if they keep it.  If they do, give them a little more and see if they live up to that, too.

One day you’ll look up and you’ll be blessed with the best of both worlds: the family that God sent you, and the very good friends that you’ve chosen to add to it.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

       

December 21, 2012; Or, the littlest apocalypse (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

If you see this in the sky: RUN

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
Buddha

Over the last few years, catastrophobia has continued to build for for the ominous date of December 21, 2012; the end of the Mayan Long Count calendar. So much so, many of my fans and readers asked me to weigh in on the matter.

In the video below, I give a precise explanation of why 2012 is a big deal, and what is going to happen, but I will give a short recap here.

First and foremost, no one KNOWS what is going to happen on that day, just like no one KNOWS what is going to happen tomorrow, or the day after.
The issue lay in the fact that the Mayan Long Count Calendar comes to an end, on December 21, 2012. This date has been widely touted as the ‘end of the world’, which is further inflated by the fact that the Egyptians and Sumerians had similar calendars that end around the same time. Even the Taoist I Ching can be interpreted as a calendar of sorts, which also seems to point to this date as a period of major transition.

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Which is actually what the Mayans *actually * said it would be: a period of major transition; the beginning of a new world. Since the 4th world actually ended sometime around 1987, and we have been ‘in between worlds’ ever since. So I can tell you right now, nothing is ‘ending’ on December 21, 2012; it’s already ended! So if you are afraid of what is going to happen, look around: it’s happening!

As I said, I discuss this at length in the video below, so I would rather discuss the root of this fear of the future, and how it is you can over come it and prosper.

Let me ask you a question:
Why is it, when confronted with the unknown, so many people choose to respond with fear?

We have discussed Fear  at length previously; you may recall that fear can ONLY live in the future. You can not be afraid of something that is happening, only something that might happen. But along with that, this fear can serve you as a useful early warning system; a call to preparation.

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So, when you look into the future: what do you see?

Do you see rolling waves of abundance, meaningful relationships and outrageous experiences? A life so full and thriving that you can’t believe you are lucky enough to be living it?

Or, do you see things falling apart? Do you see things slowly, or quickly unraveling, and all sorts of hidden monsters waiting in the shadows?

Because I’ll tell you this: either way, it’s a choice.
As I said before, no one KNOWS what is going to happen, so why not *choose * to expect the best? Remember, the Law of Attraction dictates that whatever you focus on, you are bringing into your life, so why not choose to focus on all the miraculous surprises that await you, rather than catastrophes you can’t predict?

And by the way, if you feel like expecting the worst is somehow being more ‘realistic’, I have some bad news for you: you’re a pessimist.
Since a realist, bare minimum, should expect the good and bad in equal doses, not be filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.

In the end, December 21, 2012 stands as a transitional point for the Earth in it’s eternal trip through space, and an opportunity for all of Humanity to start over again. But you know what? EVERY day is a chance for us to start over again!

There is no point in fearing nebulous prophecies that may or may not take place, or may or may not even be ‘bad’ when they do! The fact is, your individual ‘world’ is ending and beginning, all the time; new friends come and go, jobs come and go, major life events, come and go. And one day, your time will be up; and you will go on to face whatever is that is waiting on the other side for all of us.

So I invite you to look at things differently: take control of the future.
Decide what you want, make a plan, and get in action creating it.
If it really is to be our end in just a few short years (which I doubt), then squeeze all the life you can out of what time you have left, rather than cowering under the covers waiting for the sky to fall.

Since whether or not December 21, 2012 is to be our end, you will have an end one day. And when you look back, you will either be filled with pride for all you accomplished, or regret at everything you didn’t.

So choose right now, which one is it going to be?

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: Finding love, how to apply The Secret, and more! (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

It's been a good year!

If you are like many people (myself included), 2011 had some pretty difficult parts!  For me, I can say without question that the first 6 months were some of the hardest of my life; but the second 6 were some of the best!

Now here on the eve of 2012, I am filled with hope for the year to come, even if it’s our last (even though I don’t think it is).

In the video below, we look back on 2011, along with answering the following questions (and if you prefer, you can listen to the radio version of these questions and more!):
Do the ends justify the means or does it really all depend?

Dave, you are inspiring-new to your blog.I lost my friend Larry on Thanksgiving.I know he is with God, but I am having a hard time.Can I believe we will be together again, or ever find someone who loves me as much?LL

If the key to THE SECRET is to ‘feel’ as if you have it now then whats the point of the manifesting? Is it the end goal to just make you feel good without having your wishes granted and thereby have your life be happier or is there something more to it?

And in part two, we discuss:

Looking back (more) on 2011, along with answering the following questions:
I like to think positive and stay upbeat but when i look at the news and the injustice happening in parts of the world i get angry and sad. For the sake of my wellbeing and positivity should i avoid watching the news and looking at the world’s problems?

There are so many books and teachers and mediums and things out there on being spiritual. Which do you recommend are the best to take advice from and learn more about?

Can place really be haunted? If so then what are the qualifications for a place to be so?

And more…enjoy!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: How to deal with a family member with mental illness? (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Mental Illness hurts everyone

Questions submitted via Formspring.me

“How does a mother deal with loosing her first born to schizophrenia, and see him loose intrest in life, and in his own being?? How can she overcome the saddness of knowing he will never be the same. How can I accept the fact that he is sick?”

“A family member was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I find myself being sucked into her cyclone of depression and anger. How can people remain stable, positive and loving toward family with mental illnesses?”

These two questions require slightly different answers (but overlap quite a bit).  The reason why I answer them together, is it is easy to think that we are the only ones going through pain.  By looking at this through the eyes of a child dealing with a sick parent, and a parent looking at a sick child, we can see how similar the situations really are.

First and foremost, arm yourself with knowledge about what they are going through; Dr. KC Kelly wrote a series of excellent articles on BPD and how it affects individuals and their families, which you can find here.

While it’s natural to feel empathy for a loved one who is in pain, realize that no one else can MAKE you feel anything.
The reality is, things happen how they happen; people do what they do.
In the face of that, we choose to apply certain meanings to what happens, and react to those meanings, rather than what is *actually happening *.

In the video below, you’ll find
Why things bother you, and how not to let them.
How we attach meanings to things, and how it affects our lives; and how to reframe things to help you feel happy and calm all the time.

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The question is then, what are you making their actions *mean * about them, and about you; and what decisions are you making because of those meanings?

For instance, look at the language you used to describe what is going on:
“sucked into the cyclone of depression and anger”. While this is poetic, even framing it in your mind that way is a surefire recipe for feeling upset!
Instead, try reframing it as “this person I love is going through her own difficulties; they are hurt and scared, and at this exact second may not be able to help themselves”.

To be clear: don’t make either of them into victims.  And you have to guard the boundaries of your own mind by:
1.Being clear on the meanings you are applying in this, and in every situation; and above all else, don’t make it mean anything about *you *.
2.Realizing that while it hurts you to see them in pain, that in and of itself does not and can not MAKE you get depressed, too.
3.Focus on her healing, that every day she is getting better and better.
4.Keep your mind focused on what makes YOU happy; cling tenaciously to your own bliss. Remember: s/he who angers you, dominates you; you have all the tools to keep yourself happy.
5.Do everything you can to get out of the house and spend time doing things you love, or out in nature. Keep your batteries charged with happy, positive things so you can be a source of happiness and positivity for the rest of your family.

To answer your specific question: people remain stable, positive, and loving towards family members with mental illnesses by CHOOSING to remain stable, positive, and loving towards them!

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The next few months / years will be difficult, but you’ll beat it together.
Just remember, no matter what they say, it is *NOT * about you…so don’t make it about you, and don’t let it get you down.

Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

New Years, New Life: Learning to beat stress and *relax*

posted by B. Dave Walters

“Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
-Hamlet

New Years Day will soon be here, so why not get a jump on those resolutions?   A big change many people want to make every year is learning how to relax, so this article will show you how to do it!

Tie a knot and hold on!

When I moved to Los Angeles a few years back, one of the things that struck me was people’s total and complete lack of coping skills!
It is not at all unusual, to watch someone allow their day to be ruined because their Mocha Soy Half-caff Frappuccino came as a grande instead of venti. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, that is fine; since it doesn’t really matter!

That’s just it: it is all too easy to get hung up on stressing out over things that DO NOT MATTER. In the video below, I explain where stress comes from, how to know what is bothering you, and why; and how to know how to let go of things and *relax*. So here in this article, I’d like to discuss some of the hidden aspects of stress and how you can learn to manage it better.
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So first and foremost: what is stress?
From a biological perspective, our body interprets all stress as one of two sources: there not enough to eat, or something is trying to eat us.
Our physiological system has no concept of an argument with our boyfriend, or having to bring paperwork home to do over the weekend.
As such, our body responds by elevating our hormone levels and preparing for combat: fight or flight.

If you’ve ever heard of Cortisol, the ‘stress hormone’? It’s a hormone designed to give us quick boosts of energy, that is easily stored as fat. It’s a very ingenious hormone to have, when running from bears or starving through the winter, but in the modern age, it is a sure fire recipe for a big belly and back side if you don’t know how to relax!

High blood pressure, cancer, and countless other dis-eases are all linked to stress, so one of the best things you can do for your overall health and well being is to kick the stress-habit.

Because it is just that: a habit.
We’ve discussed before about the difference between being committed and being attached. In life, it isn’t what happens to us, but what we make it mean and how we react to it, that matters.

So considering this can literally be a life or death choice, it’s worth getting a handle on it now!

Everything you are, everything you have, think, feel, and believe, is the combination of your past experiences, conditioning, upbringing and beliefs. So if you have formed a habit of interpreting things in a negative manner, you can start turning it around today.
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Here are a few steps you can take.

1. When something bothers you, ask yourself: what is really going on 
here? Or to put it another way, ‘what is so’ with this situation? If you are confronted with someone who is upsetting you, look at it and see if your response is appropriate. For instance, if you find your snap at people when your kids when you come home after a long day, take the time to see you aren’t actually reacting to THEM, you are reacting to your own inner stress, does that make sense?

2. When something DOES bother you, recognize that you have TWO 
choices: change it, or deal with it. I talked about this at length before so I will only mention briefly, that all you can do is all you can do. Don’t get caught up in a cycle of endless complaining with zero action, that is a sure fire recipe for stress at least, and more likely full blown depression.

3. Realize that people do what they do.
With extremely rare exception, they are too busy caught up in trying to face their own issues, baggage, challenges, and insecurities to be trying to actively plot to hurt you. Or to put it another way: they are too busy worrying that you are out to get them, to worry about trying to get you!

4. Learn to meditate.
Meditation has been proven again and again to help lower stress levels and increase over all well-being. I wrote another article and posted a short, but VERY powerful meditation that you can find here.

5. Focus exclusively on what you want.
Anthony Robbins says that “Stress disappears in a state of certainty – it is essential to develop empowering beliefs that let you know that there is always a way if you are committed“, and I couldn’t agree more.
If you keep your mind focused on the end result, on the thing that excites you the most, then you will automatically start attracting new and better things into your life.
And finally,

6. Be grateful for what you have already got.
It’s a common belief that if you just had ‘more’ you’d be happy.
More money, more love, a bigger house, a nicer car, but the fact is that true happiness can not, and will not ever, come from things. And I can prove it: everything you have now, you were once wishing for. And if it’s not making you happy now, then what makes you think you’ll he happy with more? So start by giving thanks and being truly grateful for the good things in your life, and you’ll find that the small stuff just doesn’t get to you at all, and even the big stuff doesn’t look so bad.

In fact, I’ll leave you with one more quote from Anthony Robbins:
“Here’s a two step formula for handling stress. Step number one: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Step number two: Remember it’s all small stuff.” – Anthony Robbins

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

The Reason for the Season; Or, Would Jesus Celebrate Christmas?

posted by B. Dave Walters

Jesus was actually 2 by the time they arrived....

On a recent episode of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters we discussed the true meaning of Christmas, and how to deal with some of the negative emotions that can come along with it.  I got so emotional while talking about the meaning of Christmas that I cried on the radio; something I didn’t think was possible!

We have also talked about some of the more…controversial aspects of religion, such as whether or not it’s a sin to be gay or whether or not pornography or masturbation are sins, too.

So of course, now it’s time to take on Christmas.

First, let me be clear about one very important thing: Christmas is the most important day of the year, and I believe that the birth of Jesus Christ is the most important event in human history.

Just not for the reasons that you have been told.

So before we can answer if Jesus himself would celebrate this holiday, we have to look at why he *wouldn’t*.

My own personal path has evolved from rejecting any of the pagan elements of the Holiday (and there are several), to being disgusted by the commercialism of Christmas, to where it is now.  So let us look at each of these in turn, and how I see it now.

First, the Pagan elements of Christmas:

It is important to understand that Christmas trees, Yule logs, singing carols, giving gifts and having holiday feasts were done for a very long time before Jesus was born.  People have been celebrating the ‘birth of God’ on December 25th for thousands of years.  Add to that the fact that there is substantial evidence that Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th, but sometime in September.

Here is an excellent (and a little scary) video that gives a short overview about how many elements of Christianity come from earlier religious traditions.  It is important to note: understanding history doesn’t mean you aren’t a Christian, it just means you are informed.

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The fact is yes, MANY elements of this celebration were borrowed from other places; but after 2,000 years they are our traditions now.  Anyone who truly wishes to celebrate the way the first Christmas was only needs to go out and do it in a barn!

Second, the commercialization of Christmas:

It is hard to deny that Christmas is big business.

Considering most of our economy is built upon convincing you that you aren’t good enough, it follows naturally that Christmas marketing centers around trying to spend money to fight that fear.

Somewhere along the way, we lost track of giving gifts to show our loved ones that we care, to trying to buy their love and approval.   Ask yourself, when you went Christmas shopping this year, how often did you think about how much they would love and appreciate the gift, and how good it would make you feel to give it?  Or how much did you think about giving gifts because you HAD to?  Because if you didn’t, or didn’t spend enough, what would they say?

Chances are you did a bit of both, and any parent knows there is no feeling on Earth like seeing your children’s faces light up when they open up that special gift.  I would simply invite you to keep the love and appreciation you are trying to express at the front of your mind instead of the commercialism.  Rather than just give the gifts, or even writing it in a card, try telling someone how much they mean to you and how much you care.

That is a real gift.

So, what is the true meaning of Christmas?

I opened this article by saying Christmas is the most important day of the year, and I believe that the birth of Jesus Christ is the most important event in human history; now let me tell you why.

Because no matter how much has been added or subtracted to it over the years, Christmas symbolizes the fact that God opened a way for people to be able to connect with Him completely and directly.  It also celebrates the birth and life of a man who was so completely filled with the Spirit that he provided us with an example we could use to pattern our lives around in order to server God and our fellow human beings.

So would Jesus celebrate Christmas?

Well, the obvious answer is no, he’d be celebrating Hanukkah because he was Jewish!  But, for his 33 years on Earth I am sure he celebrated his own birth; but if he were here in the flesh today he would probably do things much differently.

It is clear in the Gospels that Jesus enjoyed celebrating and having a good time, but it is also clear that he kept serving God at the center of his heart.  So whether he observed Hanukkah as an observant Jew, or Christmas as a Christian is actually secondary to the fact that he would remind us of all the tremendous blessing God has given us, and how important it is to keep that love and gratitude at the forefront of our hearts and at the center of our lives.

I want to leave you with something special: the greatest story ever told.  It’s about a young girl chosen by God, her new husband, and a tiny baby they brought into the world in the humblest of surroundings; in a barn surrounded by animals.  That little baby would grow up to teach us to love one another fearlessly; and to forgive anyone who has slighted us.

To always work to be a blessing to our fellow human beings, because God has so richly blessed us.

 

So now, I wish you peace, love, and happiness; peace on Earth and good will towards men.   I truly love you, and thank God for you every single day.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones.

The Birth of Jesus (Luke 2:1-21):

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.

4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,  and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

21 On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.”

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: “No one will marry me because of how I act”

posted by B. Dave Walters

Do you feel like talking to her?

(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring:

“I’m 30 female..but there is a child soul inside me,,, it makes me happy,,,but people dislike it,, they keep saying you are old old old girl you are not pretty to act like that… no one will marry you cos you are expired so grow up …tell me what to do?

Well first, I can’t ‘tell you what to do’, I can only offer my opinion!

So let’s break this down into pieces:

  1. You are a 30 year old female.
  2. You are unmarried.
  3. You have a ‘child soul’ that ‘makes you happy’
  4. ‘People’ (what people?) say ‘you shouldn’t act like that’ (act how?)
  5. ‘They’ say no one will marry you because you haven’t grown up.
  6. It looks like you *want* to get married, or you wouldn’t have asked the question.

We have talked before about how to find the right man and about the right time to get married; so no matter how you act it is possible to find a man who will appreciate that ‘child soul’.

It also appears that you are not from the United States, so there may be a lot of pressure on you to act a certain way in order to get the approval of your parents, family, or community.

There is a world of difference between being youthful and care-free, and being immature.

If you are 30 years old and you like ALL the same things you liked in High School and still dress that way; if your favorite singer is Justin Bieber and your favorite book is Twilight, those might be red flags…since those things are designed for children.

Yes, I said it ladies!

However, if you have a job, pay your own bills and have your own home (if your culture allows it), AND you just happen to like those type things, that’s not all bad.   It’s fine to like simple pleasures (I know 30 year olds who watch the Care Bears…by themselves), but only as long as you taking care of your responsibilities first.

The true definition of being an adult is when you stop relying on other people, and people start relying on you.  You’re not being taken care of by your parents; you are taking care of yourself.  If you want people to perceive you as an adult, make sure you are someone who can be counted on to do what needs to be done.  If you are not working, or don’t have your own place, then you can help with the chores around the house…or do them all.  Try having dinner ready for everyone when they come home; or if cooking isn’t your thing try having the house clean and tidy.  If neither cooking nor cleaning are for you, then start working to bring in extra money in to pay the bills.  At 30 you should be more than able to run a household.  If you realize you aren’t, start learning how to do it, since when you do get married you’ll have a house to run!

Once you start doing these things, or if you are already doing these things, then you have nothing else to worry about.  If you have a child’s heart but an adult’s brain; if you know how to have fun while knowing how to get things done, then you have nothing else to worry about.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: “I’m in love with my teacher, what should I do?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

Is it love? Maybe...Probably not, though.

(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring:

“I caught a sight love with my instructor, he doesn’t know .The course is over months back, I still think he is the perfect one. I pulled his pic from facebook and talk to it everyday as if he’s there. I don’t have the guts to tell him. What shall I do?”

One very important thing to say up front:

This question has two *very* different answers depending on how old you are.

If you are still in middle school, high school, or even the University, then the answer is let it go and move on.   It’s completely normal to feel an attraction to a person in a position of authority, especially if they were nice to you.  But it’s *not* really appropriate to act on that, and in fact they probably have rules against it.  So you are much better off trying to find someone your own age that you can have a relationship with.

Now, if you are older (say 25 and up); or this was a short class or seminar you took and the instructor is less than 10 years older than you are, then it may be worth going for.

IF this is the case, start talking to him on Facebook; give him a chance to get to know you as a person, and you a chance to know him, too.  He may not be who you thought he was based on your ‘sight love’.  Once you connect as individuals, (and he thinks it is appropriate), he may start trying to pursue a relationship with you.

Remember, though, your job is to only start the conversation; NOT chase him.  Since not only does chasing guys not work, but he may not be able or willing to date his ex-students (I wouldn’t); he may be seeing someone, he may think you are too young or 100 other things.

Overall, a better plan is to figure out what it is you liked about him, and start working to attract that guy into your life.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: “Am I subconsciously racist or just have a certain type?”

posted by B. Dave Walters

My Hero(es)!

Question submitted via Formspring:

“My friends say I’m racist because I’m not sexually attracted to certain races. I have friends from all races and treat everyone equally but I’m just not sexually attracted at all to a couple races. Am I subconsciously racist or just have a certain type?”

No, not being attracted to certain types of people does not make you racist…as long as you aren’t thinking thoughts like “I’m not attracted to those people because they are all criminals”; or some sort of negative judgment about all those types of people.   If you truly have friends of all kinds, and don’t automatically lock your doors or grab your purse when certain types of people are nearby, then it’s probably nothing.

Since everyone has things they like and don’t like, yours just happens to break down along racial/ethnic lines.  I know there are things that I don’t like at all; it doesn’t matter how wonderful the person is, if certain things are there (or not there) then there is NO chance of ever having a romantic relationship.  The big distinction is you shouldn’t feel like people with certain skin colors/body types/bank account sizes are ‘less’ than someone else’s, or something like that.  If THAT is happening, then yes you might actually be a little racist/sexist/classicist.

I had a friend who was dating someone who was not their ideal physical type.  My friend kept trying to rationalize that they SHOULD be attracted to this person, but the spark wasn’t there.  Long story short, they wasted a lot of time trying to convince themselves something was there that just wasn’t before they finally broke up.  Imagine what would have happened if they’d waited 20 years to admit it?  What if they’d had children stuck in the middle of it all?  It’s much better to be honest with yourself about what is and is not attractive and acceptable to you, and go with it.

As for what your friends say…it doesn’t matter what they think.  If you know in your heart you’ve got nothing against certain races as human beings, it’s just that they don’t ‘ring your bell’ as it were, you don’t owe them any other explanation.   You are the one that has to spend time with this person, wake up next to them, and maybe spend your life with them; as long as you are happy with your choices (and so is your potential mate), then nothing else matters.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: “I always have to initiate the date, I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.”

posted by B. Dave Walters

This says it all

Question submitted via Formspring:

“I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months but we’ve only gone out 3 times no sex. He works on the weekend and has grad school during the week. I always have to initiate the date, and he’ll quickly accept. I fear he’s not interested because he’s not making effort.”

Have you ever heard the saying “don’t make someone a priority when you are only their option”?

We have talked about relationships a few times before, and while every situation is different there are some things that are always true.

One of those things is that people are busy; you can’t get too upset if a person isn’t available all the time, or if you ask them to get together, and they can’t make it.

However.

They should be making just as much effort to spend some time with you.

For instance, say you call and ask them to get together on Friday, but they are busy.  Then HE should say something like “I’m sorry, I’m tied up Friday; but let’s get together on Sunday instead”.   Him being busy is one thing, you always having to initiate contact is a big red flag.

It is possible that he is simply insecure, and he keeps waiting for you because he’s just afraid to reach out…but do you really want to be with a man who’s that skittish?

Now about the sex thing; some people are just ‘old fashioned’.  SOME people still believe they should even wait until marriage; so the fact that he hasn’t tried to get physical isn’t necessarily a sign that anything is wrong…but it’s not a sign that anything is particularly right, either.

My suggestion is you back way off; contact him about half as much as you do now, and don’t ask him out at all; switch things around so that he has to chase *you* now.  Now this doesn’t mean be mean or start acting weird, just stop making yourself so available to him, so that he has to put in some effort.

If he does start putting in the effort, then you can just have a conversation about sex and what he thinks about it.  If he doesn’t put in the effort, then it doesn’t matter anyway because it’s time to move on.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

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