A Reason to Smile

A Reason to Smile

Getting over it; or, finding unconditional love (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

You have to give to get

“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present.”
-Marianne Williamson

Because of my writing, inviting people to ask me anything, and presence on Facebook, I have the honor and privilege of meeting people from all over the world.   And no matter where they come from, I have found one thing that absolutely everyone has in common:

Everyone is dealing with something

Everyone has some situation they are faced with that they are unhappy with, or something they’d like to change about themselves, or their lives.   Very few people are completely content with who they are and what they have.

So where does this dissatisfaction come from?

We talked before about how the root of all dissatisfaction is attachment; we aren’t upset about how things are, we are upset that they aren’t how we wish they were.

And what does this have to do with finding unconditional love?  Only everything.
I’m going to let you in on three secrets; things that can be painful to hear, but once you understand them will literally change your life forever.

 

Love cannot exist without forgiveness.
We have talked MANY times about how to trust, and how to forgive, but it’s really impossible to overstate how important this is. In my
Coaching work, one of the first things I do is help them figure out the source of their problem(s), which 99.9% of the time is rooted in a lack of forgiveness. Someone, somewhere, hurt them and they have been carrying a grudge (often unconsciously), ever since.

 

You can’t forgive anyone, or let anyone forgive you any more than you’ve forgiven yourself.
Recently I was talking to a Client who lost a loved one suddenly and quite unexpectedly. At first it seemed like the normal grieving process, until it started to take a very self-destructive downward spiral. In the process of working through things, we uncovered that they were mad at the person who’d died for leaving; but in response to that, they were punishing *themselves* for it. It may seem like you were the helpless victim of what someone else did or didn’t do; but often times we still blame ourselves for letting it happen.

Only when you’ve given up your anger, can you truly love unconditionally.
You can’t love anyone, or let anyone love you more than you love yourself. Until you’ve forgiven the person that hurt you for what they’ve done (or haven’t done), can you create the space to love ANYONE unconditionally. If you look at the relationships around you, you may see that many people’s love is highly conditional.

Don’t believe me?

How many relationships have you seen break up because one person did something the other person didn’t approve of?  How many family relationships were destroyed when a child made career, religious, or lifestyle choices that a parent didn’t approve of?  How many friendships have fallen apart over a misunderstood text message or Twitter post?

Now, to be clear: this doesn’t mean unconditional love means you have to become a doormat, far from it.  What it does mean is you are secure enough in yourself that you aren’t so afraid of being hurt that you run or drive people away the first time they disappoint you.  It means that you learn how to let people be themselves, rather than judging them for not being who you want them to be. 

So I’ll let you in on one last secret: the key to finding unconditional love is to GIVE unconditional love.
The sad reality is if I’d put that as the title, very few people would have read this!  So many people are attached to being ‘right’, that they want everyone to bow down and apologize for all the things they’ve done and beg for forgiveness.

But, quite the opposite is true; the process of ‘finding’ unconditional love is actually the process of giving unconditional love, and then allowing it to come back to you.  So much of what we do is meant to be a defense mechanism to keep us from getting hurt, but those walls don’t really do anything but seal us off from the world.

But now you can see it, and that means you can control it.
And you know what else?

You are GREAT, and I love you (unconditionally!)

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

       

New Year, New You 2012; Or, The guaranteed simple way to keep those resolutions

posted by B. Dave Walters

New Year, New You!

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”
-Confucius

If you are like most people, you have a shopping list of changes you want to make this coming year.
Add to that the possibility that 2012 might be our last year on Earth, and things start to get serious!

So we’ve already talked about how you can change in an instant so I want to add a few ways you can make SURE those resolutions probably happen.

Keep the list SHORT.
Pick no more than 3 things to work on, but honestly 1 is even better.
If it’s something that you’ve meant to do before and never did (like stop smoking or lose weight), I actually suggest *not* picking that one, we’ll discuss why in a moment.

Once you have figured out your one to three goals, cut your goal in half. 
What this mean is, if you mean to lose 25 pounds, make a goal to lose 12. If you want to stop smoking 3 packs a day, try to get down to smoking a pack a day. If you want to start saving money, start putting aside $20 out of each pay check. One important thing, though: whatever you decide to do physically write it down…there is power in taking this simple step.

Figure out sensible, painless steps you can start taking NOW. 
For reasons we’ve talked about before, will power is not enough to make changes; over time your will power will fail 100% of the time. If you mean to just grit your teeth and FORCE yourself to do (or not do) things, you’ll have some short term success, but in the long term you’ll slip right back to where you are. So if your goal is to lose weight, rather than saying you can never eat at McDonalds again, just eat a single hamburger instead of a triple cheeseburger with bacon. Get a small fries instead of extra large; drink diet coke instead of regular coke.

Give yourself a cheat day, or cheat meal.
Like I said, will power is NOT enough, so give yourself a backup plan: allow yourself one day (or at least one meal) where you can have ANYTHING you want. If you want to eat a gallon of ice cream, or a whole pizza, fine. If you want to smoke an entire pack of cigarettes in one sitting, that’s fine, too.

And finally, and MOST IMPORTANTLY:
Realize you’re already perfect right now, today.
You don’t HAVE to lose weight, you don’t HAVE to stop smoking, and you don’t HAVE to start saving money. These are things you CHOOSE to do, because you want to improve your life. You are moving towards something positive, rather than running from something negative.

Sound simple enough, right?
So now let me explain to you why this will work: it sets you up to win.

The reason why you’ve had problems keeping resolutions in the past, is you had this shopping list of huge things that deep down inside you didn’t really believe you could do. Actually DEEP down inside you may not have even wanted to do them; you just felt you ‘should’.

By keeping the list short, you give yourself a much tighter focus on to make change; and it allows you the regular comforts you enjoy while giving up some things that aren’t serving you anymore.

By figuring out painless steps you can take NOW, you start to see positive results immediately. It lets you start racking up little wins that you can feel good about every single day. Think about it: if you tell yourself you can’t have cake ever again, and slip up and eat a piece it’s easy to just give up and quit. But if you allow yourself cake, but only eat a tiny piece you can celebrate your win and self control.
You literally get to have your cake and eat it, too!

The cheat day is there to give yourself a way out; if you truly feel like you just HAVE to eat that fried twinkie, then really you only have to wait until Saturday to have it, instead of saying you can’t have it EVER. So in the moment, your will power holds AND you keep the agreement you made with yourself. Here is the great part, though: by your cheat day you probably won’t even want that thing anymore.

Now for the questions you may have:
You have probably heard it said that the ‘difference between a dream and a goal is a deadline’, and yet I didn’t mention anything about setting a deadline, why?
Because you haven’t formed the habit of succeeding at goals, you have formed the habit of failing at your goals. If you set a strict time line and don’t reach it, or even feel behind, it will just cause you to put more pressure on yourself that won’t help anyway. If you do the steps listed above, you WILL see positive change, and your goals WILL manifest.

So, when can you do the other half of your goals, or do the other things on your list?
Honestly, the momentum will take you there. If you grow accustomed to diet cokes and small fries, then start phasing out the cokes and fries completely. Instead of eating a whole chicken on your cheat day, you’ll find yourself wanting grilled chicken and asparagus instead as your ‘indulgence’. Once you see how easy it is to save a little, you can start looking for other ways to trim your life and save more money.

This plan works with your natural way of thinking to let your tastes and habits change smoothly, and you’ll be making progress with little or no discomfort.
Make no mistake, this strategy is 100% effective, but only if you do your part.

If you make the list and put it in a drawer, and don’t look at it till next December nothing is going to happen. In my Coaching work I see the #1 problem run into in achieving their goals is not REALLY believing they can do it. So if you are worried about not accomplishing your goal, cut it in half again. Start as small as you need to in order to get started, and the rest will take care of itself.

I’ll see you next year!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

       

Staying out of the prison of fear, Or, who are you really?

posted by B. Dave Walters

You can't fly if you run and hide!

“Courage is the resistance of fear, the mastery of fear, but not the absence of fear” -Mark Twain

If you’re read my other article, Breaking the prison of Fear, you may recall it ends like this:

I want to leave you with an unusual question: who are You?

What went through your mind when you read that, was it your name? If so, that’s not who You are: it’s what you’re called.
Maybe it was your job? But that’s not You either, it’s what you do.
Your Religion? Again, not You…it’s what you believe.
You’re not your race, gender, Nationality, none of those.

So who are You?
Once you figure that out, you’ll never be worried or afraid of anything ever again. If you know, email it to me or put it in the comments down below. And this isn’t some sort of riddle, there is a definite answer. I’ll leave you with a hint: figure out who you’re * not *, and that will point you towards the answer.

So now, many months later, I want to give you the answer. I want to say some other things first, to give you some time to ponder it. And please, DON’T go read the answer until you have *really * thought about it, it’s important !

I covered many aspects of fear in the previous article and in the video on fear; so as always I want to flesh out a few things and cover some ideas that didn’t show up in either place.

In talking to people on Facebook  and in my Coaching  I hear again and again how they wish they could do this, or that, but are afraid to. How they don’t want to get their hopes up. Or, many times lately, guys or girls being afraid to commit.
So for reasons I’ve already talked about in the video below, fear can only exist in the future. You can NEVER be afraid of something that is happening or has happened only something that hasn’t happened yet.

It’s interesting walking the streets of Los Angeles; on a certain level it’s exhilarating since pretty much everyone came here in pursuit of their dreams, and there is an electric enthusiasm you can feel in many places.
And I believe that even though some people become more than a little jaded trying to make it in Hollywood, there is a certain sense of gratification that comes with knowing you faced your fears and went all out in pursuit of your dream.

So, my question is then: what is stopping you? What are you afraid of?

I’m serious, stop for a second.
Think about any major decision you’ve been putting off, why haven’t you done it?

If you boil it down, it is almost certainly fear. More often then not, a fear of failure.
So let’s look a little closer at that: why are you afraid to fail?
The average millionaire has gone bankrupt 3.2 times.
Michael Jordan missed over 9,000 shots, lost over 300 games and missed 26 game winning shots.
And yet, we don’t call him the greatest player of all time in spite of this, we call him the greatest BECAUSE of this!

What you have to do is reframe the idea of failure. Many times we have built it up to fuel that age old limiting belief “I’m not good enough”. And even worse, “if I’m not good enough, then no one will love me.”

But it’s not that at all!
There is NO failure, only feedback.
The only thing trying something and having it not succeed means is you found another way not to do it. I’m sure you’ve heard that Thomas Edison failed 99 times to make a light bulb. When a reporter asked him how he dealt with that failure, Edison said “I didn’t fail to create the light bulb 99 times; I found 99 ways NOT to create a light bulb!”

Now that’s a funny story, and who’s to say if it even happened! But the point is, you have to build up your courage to step out and take risks. Because, no matter what you might miss half the shots you take in life, but you’ll miss 100% of the shots you *don’t * take.

So let me ask you again: what are you afraid of?

And more specifically, what if it happens?
What if you try and everything you fear comes to pass, then what?

Now ask, what if the opposite is true: what if everything works out GREAT? What if your goal manifests easier, faster, and better than you ever imagined, then how would you feel?

And is the chance of it not working, worth the possible benefits of success?

That’s your test. Answer that question, and you’ll know what move to make. But do let me say this: if you decide to try, to really stand up and get in motion in pursuit of your goals and for some reason you decide to give up? Your old dissatisfying life will always be there waiting for you.

So…get after it!
Resolve now to go after your mission and purpose in life and never look back! And if you haven’t figure out your mission just yet, that is fine; just pick the best goal you can think of and do that for now. And if you still aren’t sure how to get started, contact me at one of the links below and I’ll help you get rolling.

Ah, I almost forgot!

Who are you, then?
There are two answers; the first is: you ARE. You, the real inner YOU; the child of God is beyond all labels and descriptions; you are perfect and eternal. You always have existed and always will exist; you are indestructible and invincible, so you never need to worry about or fear ANYTHING.

The second answer is, then: you are who you choose to be.
Up until now you’ve taken on all these labels; your name, your gender, your culture and social role, your job, your hobbies, your religion. And some of those labels might still fit, and some of them might not.

I invite you now, to choose.
To take the best parts of who and what you are and to discard the useless parts of the past. To rise up in power, and define yourself in new and better ways. You are a miracle, and you are perfect .
You have all the power of the universe coursing through you, and all the power of Heaven and Earth backing you up. And you have one 6’9” / 2.05 meter guy cheering you on, too!

You’re a champion! Go build a life that reflects on the outside all the power and wonder that you have inside of you.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

       

Q&A: Who can you REALLY trust, visualization, losing weight, and More! (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Who can you trust?

On this week’s episode of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters, we discussed several questions submitted via Formspring:

“Are some foods naturally healthier than others, or are they healthy because we have mentally conditioned our minds to accept them as healthy? So with the right mindset, I could theoretically eat a lot of potato chips without the adverse side effects?”

“Does it make any difference if I visualize myself doing something from the first-person point of view or if I visualize seeing myself doing something from a spectator’s point of view?”

And one more that I want to talk more about here:

“My entire extended family believes that “You can never fully trust anyone outside of the family.” and that “Family are the only people who will always be there for you.” Are they right? And if not, then how do I deal with people with that thinking?”

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As we talked about on the show, this is a surprisingly common belief ; usually born out of some past time when the family was facing some sort of outside danger like wars, political oppression, etc.

The thing is, in the year 2011 this belief doesn’t really make any sense. 

Consider: First, unless you come from a family of Saints, you can probably think of some time when one family member treated another poorly.

Second, think about the times in your life that you’ve known people you absolutely trusted, like teachers, doctors, or even soldiers, police, or security people you were counting on to keep you safe.  What about members of the same church, or community that are lifelong family friends that are ‘like’ family, does this mean they can’t be trusted, either?

What about getting married?  Hopefully your potential husband or wife is from outside your family…unless you’re from the Deep South (just kidding, I’m from Arkansas!)  These people may be friends of the family at some point, but the fact is they come from outside and then join it; does this mean they can’t be trusted?  If only blood relatives are trustworthy, does this make 50% of your family enemy agents?  Can you trust both parents, but they can’t trust each other because they AREN’T blood relatives?

And considering you can only be betrayed by someone you trusted, does this mean that only family can betray you?

The fact is, your family SHOULD be the people you can count on the most, and SHOULD be the people you can trust the easiest, but they are by no means the only people you can trust.  Unfortunately, some people have received the  worst treatment possible at the hands of the very family they trusted, and it was total strangers who helped them get over it.

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The idea that ‘family are the only people you can trust’ is really just another form of fear.   The idea is that if you keep people at arm’s length they can’t hurt you, and unfortunately this just isn’t true.  Since all the time you spend worrying is hurting you now.

As for how to deal with this mindset, lead by example.  They didn’t start thinking this way in a vacuum; chances are they were taught this mode of thinking growing up, and because of that their perception of their life experience has probably confirmed it.

The good news is, you don’t have to keep living into it!  The fact is there are all kinds of people out there, some are trustworthy and some aren’t.  The easiest way to deal with is is to “trust, but verify”; give them a little trust, see if they keep it.  If they do, give them a little more and see if they live up to that, too.

One day you’ll look up and you’ll be blessed with the best of both worlds: the family that God sent you, and the very good friends that you’ve chosen to add to it.

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A group for the coolest Spiritual people on the Internet!

       

December 21, 2012; Or, the littlest apocalypse (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

If you see this in the sky: RUN

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”
Buddha

Over the last few years, catastrophobia has continued to build for for the ominous date of December 21, 2012; the end of the Mayan Long Count calendar. So much so, many of my fans and readers asked me to weigh in on the matter.

In the video below, I give a precise explanation of why 2012 is a big deal, and what is going to happen, but I will give a short recap here.

First and foremost, no one KNOWS what is going to happen on that day, just like no one KNOWS what is going to happen tomorrow, or the day after.
The issue lay in the fact that the Mayan Long Count Calendar comes to an end, on December 21, 2012. This date has been widely touted as the ‘end of the world’, which is further inflated by the fact that the Egyptians and Sumerians had similar calendars that end around the same time. Even the Taoist I Ching can be interpreted as a calendar of sorts, which also seems to point to this date as a period of major transition.

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Which is actually what the Mayans *actually * said it would be: a period of major transition; the beginning of a new world. Since the 4th world actually ended sometime around 1987, and we have been ‘in between worlds’ ever since. So I can tell you right now, nothing is ‘ending’ on December 21, 2012; it’s already ended! So if you are afraid of what is going to happen, look around: it’s happening!

As I said, I discuss this at length in the video below, so I would rather discuss the root of this fear of the future, and how it is you can over come it and prosper.

Let me ask you a question:
Why is it, when confronted with the unknown, so many people choose to respond with fear?

We have discussed Fear  at length previously; you may recall that fear can ONLY live in the future. You can not be afraid of something that is happening, only something that might happen. But along with that, this fear can serve you as a useful early warning system; a call to preparation.

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So, when you look into the future: what do you see?

Do you see rolling waves of abundance, meaningful relationships and outrageous experiences? A life so full and thriving that you can’t believe you are lucky enough to be living it?

Or, do you see things falling apart? Do you see things slowly, or quickly unraveling, and all sorts of hidden monsters waiting in the shadows?

Because I’ll tell you this: either way, it’s a choice.
As I said before, no one KNOWS what is going to happen, so why not *choose * to expect the best? Remember, the Law of Attraction dictates that whatever you focus on, you are bringing into your life, so why not choose to focus on all the miraculous surprises that await you, rather than catastrophes you can’t predict?

And by the way, if you feel like expecting the worst is somehow being more ‘realistic’, I have some bad news for you: you’re a pessimist.
Since a realist, bare minimum, should expect the good and bad in equal doses, not be filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.

In the end, December 21, 2012 stands as a transitional point for the Earth in it’s eternal trip through space, and an opportunity for all of Humanity to start over again. But you know what? EVERY day is a chance for us to start over again!

There is no point in fearing nebulous prophecies that may or may not take place, or may or may not even be ‘bad’ when they do! The fact is, your individual ‘world’ is ending and beginning, all the time; new friends come and go, jobs come and go, major life events, come and go. And one day, your time will be up; and you will go on to face whatever is that is waiting on the other side for all of us.

So I invite you to look at things differently: take control of the future.
Decide what you want, make a plan, and get in action creating it.
If it really is to be our end in just a few short years (which I doubt), then squeeze all the life you can out of what time you have left, rather than cowering under the covers waiting for the sky to fall.

Since whether or not December 21, 2012 is to be our end, you will have an end one day. And when you look back, you will either be filled with pride for all you accomplished, or regret at everything you didn’t.

So choose right now, which one is it going to be?

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: Finding love, how to apply The Secret, and more! (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

It's been a good year!

If you are like many people (myself included), 2011 had some pretty difficult parts!  For me, I can say without question that the first 6 months were some of the hardest of my life; but the second 6 were some of the best!

Now here on the eve of 2012, I am filled with hope for the year to come, even if it’s our last (even though I don’t think it is).

In the video below, we look back on 2011, along with answering the following questions (and if you prefer, you can listen to the radio version of these questions and more!):
Do the ends justify the means or does it really all depend?

Dave, you are inspiring-new to your blog.I lost my friend Larry on Thanksgiving.I know he is with God, but I am having a hard time.Can I believe we will be together again, or ever find someone who loves me as much?LL

If the key to THE SECRET is to ‘feel’ as if you have it now then whats the point of the manifesting? Is it the end goal to just make you feel good without having your wishes granted and thereby have your life be happier or is there something more to it?

And in part two, we discuss:

Looking back (more) on 2011, along with answering the following questions:
I like to think positive and stay upbeat but when i look at the news and the injustice happening in parts of the world i get angry and sad. For the sake of my wellbeing and positivity should i avoid watching the news and looking at the world’s problems?

There are so many books and teachers and mediums and things out there on being spiritual. Which do you recommend are the best to take advice from and learn more about?

Can place really be haunted? If so then what are the qualifications for a place to be so?

And more…enjoy!

What do you think? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: How to deal with a family member with mental illness? (VIDEO)

posted by B. Dave Walters

Mental Illness hurts everyone

Questions submitted via Formspring.me

“How does a mother deal with loosing her first born to schizophrenia, and see him loose intrest in life, and in his own being?? How can she overcome the saddness of knowing he will never be the same. How can I accept the fact that he is sick?”

“A family member was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I find myself being sucked into her cyclone of depression and anger. How can people remain stable, positive and loving toward family with mental illnesses?”

These two questions require slightly different answers (but overlap quite a bit).  The reason why I answer them together, is it is easy to think that we are the only ones going through pain.  By looking at this through the eyes of a child dealing with a sick parent, and a parent looking at a sick child, we can see how similar the situations really are.

First and foremost, arm yourself with knowledge about what they are going through; Dr. KC Kelly wrote a series of excellent articles on BPD and how it affects individuals and their families, which you can find here.

While it’s natural to feel empathy for a loved one who is in pain, realize that no one else can MAKE you feel anything.
The reality is, things happen how they happen; people do what they do.
In the face of that, we choose to apply certain meanings to what happens, and react to those meanings, rather than what is *actually happening *.

In the video below, you’ll find
Why things bother you, and how not to let them.
How we attach meanings to things, and how it affects our lives; and how to reframe things to help you feel happy and calm all the time.

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The question is then, what are you making their actions *mean * about them, and about you; and what decisions are you making because of those meanings?

For instance, look at the language you used to describe what is going on:
“sucked into the cyclone of depression and anger”. While this is poetic, even framing it in your mind that way is a surefire recipe for feeling upset!
Instead, try reframing it as “this person I love is going through her own difficulties; they are hurt and scared, and at this exact second may not be able to help themselves”.

To be clear: don’t make either of them into victims.  And you have to guard the boundaries of your own mind by:
1.Being clear on the meanings you are applying in this, and in every situation; and above all else, don’t make it mean anything about *you *.
2.Realizing that while it hurts you to see them in pain, that in and of itself does not and can not MAKE you get depressed, too.
3.Focus on her healing, that every day she is getting better and better.
4.Keep your mind focused on what makes YOU happy; cling tenaciously to your own bliss. Remember: s/he who angers you, dominates you; you have all the tools to keep yourself happy.
5.Do everything you can to get out of the house and spend time doing things you love, or out in nature. Keep your batteries charged with happy, positive things so you can be a source of happiness and positivity for the rest of your family.

To answer your specific question: people remain stable, positive, and loving towards family members with mental illnesses by CHOOSING to remain stable, positive, and loving towards them!

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The next few months / years will be difficult, but you’ll beat it together.
Just remember, no matter what they say, it is *NOT * about you…so don’t make it about you, and don’t let it get you down.

Keep us posted on how it turns out.

What do you think she should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

New Years, New Life: Learning to beat stress and *relax*

posted by B. Dave Walters

“Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
-Hamlet

New Years Day will soon be here, so why not get a jump on those resolutions?   A big change many people want to make every year is learning how to relax, so this article will show you how to do it!

Tie a knot and hold on!

When I moved to Los Angeles a few years back, one of the things that struck me was people’s total and complete lack of coping skills!
It is not at all unusual, to watch someone allow their day to be ruined because their Mocha Soy Half-caff Frappuccino came as a grande instead of venti. And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, that is fine; since it doesn’t really matter!

That’s just it: it is all too easy to get hung up on stressing out over things that DO NOT MATTER. In the video below, I explain where stress comes from, how to know what is bothering you, and why; and how to know how to let go of things and *relax*. So here in this article, I’d like to discuss some of the hidden aspects of stress and how you can learn to manage it better.
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So first and foremost: what is stress?
From a biological perspective, our body interprets all stress as one of two sources: there not enough to eat, or something is trying to eat us.
Our physiological system has no concept of an argument with our boyfriend, or having to bring paperwork home to do over the weekend.
As such, our body responds by elevating our hormone levels and preparing for combat: fight or flight.

If you’ve ever heard of Cortisol, the ‘stress hormone’? It’s a hormone designed to give us quick boosts of energy, that is easily stored as fat. It’s a very ingenious hormone to have, when running from bears or starving through the winter, but in the modern age, it is a sure fire recipe for a big belly and back side if you don’t know how to relax!

High blood pressure, cancer, and countless other dis-eases are all linked to stress, so one of the best things you can do for your overall health and well being is to kick the stress-habit.

Because it is just that: a habit.
We’ve discussed before about the difference between being committed and being attached. In life, it isn’t what happens to us, but what we make it mean and how we react to it, that matters.

So considering this can literally be a life or death choice, it’s worth getting a handle on it now!

Everything you are, everything you have, think, feel, and believe, is the combination of your past experiences, conditioning, upbringing and beliefs. So if you have formed a habit of interpreting things in a negative manner, you can start turning it around today.
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Here are a few steps you can take.

1. When something bothers you, ask yourself: what is really going on 
here? Or to put it another way, ‘what is so’ with this situation? If you are confronted with someone who is upsetting you, look at it and see if your response is appropriate. For instance, if you find your snap at people when your kids when you come home after a long day, take the time to see you aren’t actually reacting to THEM, you are reacting to your own inner stress, does that make sense?

2. When something DOES bother you, recognize that you have TWO 
choices: change it, or deal with it. I talked about this at length before so I will only mention briefly, that all you can do is all you can do. Don’t get caught up in a cycle of endless complaining with zero action, that is a sure fire recipe for stress at least, and more likely full blown depression.

3. Realize that people do what they do.
With extremely rare exception, they are too busy caught up in trying to face their own issues, baggage, challenges, and insecurities to be trying to actively plot to hurt you. Or to put it another way: they are too busy worrying that you are out to get them, to worry about trying to get you!

4. Learn to meditate.
Meditation has been proven again and again to help lower stress levels and increase over all well-being. I wrote another article and posted a short, but VERY powerful meditation that you can find here.

5. Focus exclusively on what you want.
Anthony Robbins says that “Stress disappears in a state of certainty – it is essential to develop empowering beliefs that let you know that there is always a way if you are committed“, and I couldn’t agree more.
If you keep your mind focused on the end result, on the thing that excites you the most, then you will automatically start attracting new and better things into your life.
And finally,

6. Be grateful for what you have already got.
It’s a common belief that if you just had ‘more’ you’d be happy.
More money, more love, a bigger house, a nicer car, but the fact is that true happiness can not, and will not ever, come from things. And I can prove it: everything you have now, you were once wishing for. And if it’s not making you happy now, then what makes you think you’ll he happy with more? So start by giving thanks and being truly grateful for the good things in your life, and you’ll find that the small stuff just doesn’t get to you at all, and even the big stuff doesn’t look so bad.

In fact, I’ll leave you with one more quote from Anthony Robbins:
“Here’s a two step formula for handling stress. Step number one: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Step number two: Remember it’s all small stuff.” – Anthony Robbins

What do you think they should do? Feel free to comment down below!

You are great, and I love you!
And if you love me back, click subscribe over on the right hand side!

B. Dave Walters
Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

The Reason for the Season; Or, Would Jesus Celebrate Christmas?

posted by B. Dave Walters

Jesus was actually 2 by the time they arrived....

On a recent episode of my radio show, Rise UP with B. Dave Walters we discussed the true meaning of Christmas, and how to deal with some of the negative emotions that can come along with it.  I got so emotional while talking about the meaning of Christmas that I cried on the radio; something I didn’t think was possible!

We have also talked about some of the more…controversial aspects of religion, such as whether or not it’s a sin to be gay or whether or not pornography or masturbation are sins, too.

So of course, now it’s time to take on Christmas.

First, let me be clear about one very important thing: Christmas is the most important day of the year, and I believe that the birth of Jesus Christ is the most important event in human history.

Just not for the reasons that you have been told.

So before we can answer if Jesus himself would celebrate this holiday, we have to look at why he *wouldn’t*.

My own personal path has evolved from rejecting any of the pagan elements of the Holiday (and there are several), to being disgusted by the commercialism of Christmas, to where it is now.  So let us look at each of these in turn, and how I see it now.

First, the Pagan elements of Christmas:

It is important to understand that Christmas trees, Yule logs, singing carols, giving gifts and having holiday feasts were done for a very long time before Jesus was born.  People have been celebrating the ‘birth of God’ on December 25th for thousands of years.  Add to that the fact that there is substantial evidence that Jesus wasn’t born on December 25th, but sometime in September.

Here is an excellent (and a little scary) video that gives a short overview about how many elements of Christianity come from earlier religious traditions.  It is important to note: understanding history doesn’t mean you aren’t a Christian, it just means you are informed.

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The fact is yes, MANY elements of this celebration were borrowed from other places; but after 2,000 years they are our traditions now.  Anyone who truly wishes to celebrate the way the first Christmas was only needs to go out and do it in a barn!

Second, the commercialization of Christmas:

It is hard to deny that Christmas is big business.

Considering most of our economy is built upon convincing you that you aren’t good enough, it follows naturally that Christmas marketing centers around trying to spend money to fight that fear.

Somewhere along the way, we lost track of giving gifts to show our loved ones that we care, to trying to buy their love and approval.   Ask yourself, when you went Christmas shopping this year, how often did you think about how much they would love and appreciate the gift, and how good it would make you feel to give it?  Or how much did you think about giving gifts because you HAD to?  Because if you didn’t, or didn’t spend enough, what would they say?

Chances are you did a bit of both, and any parent knows there is no feeling on Earth like seeing your children’s faces light up when they open up that special gift.  I would simply invite you to keep the love and appreciation you are trying to express at the front of your mind instead of the commercialism.  Rather than just give the gifts, or even writing it in a card, try telling someone how much they mean to you and how much you care.

That is a real gift.

So, what is the true meaning of Christmas?

I opened this article by saying Christmas is the most important day of the year, and I believe that the birth of Jesus Christ is the most important event in human history; now let me tell you why.

Because no matter how much has been added or subtracted to it over the years, Christmas symbolizes the fact that God opened a way for people to be able to connect with Him completely and directly.  It also celebrates the birth and life of a man who was so completely filled with the Spirit that he provided us with an example we could use to pattern our lives around in order to server God and our fellow human beings.

So would Jesus celebrate Christmas?

Well, the obvious answer is no, he’d be celebrating Hanukkah because he was Jewish!  But, for his 33 years on Earth I am sure he celebrated his own birth; but if he were here in the flesh today he would probably do things much differently.

It is clear in the Gospels that Jesus enjoyed celebrating and having a good time, but it is also clear that he kept serving God at the center of his heart.  So whether he observed Hanukkah as an observant Jew, or Christmas as a Christian is actually secondary to the fact that he would remind us of all the tremendous blessing God has given us, and how important it is to keep that love and gratitude at the forefront of our hearts and at the center of our lives.

I want to leave you with something special: the greatest story ever told.  It’s about a young girl chosen by God, her new husband, and a tiny baby they brought into the world in the humblest of surroundings; in a barn surrounded by animals.  That little baby would grow up to teach us to love one another fearlessly; and to forgive anyone who has slighted us.

To always work to be a blessing to our fellow human beings, because God has so richly blessed us.

 

So now, I wish you peace, love, and happiness; peace on Earth and good will towards men.   I truly love you, and thank God for you every single day.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones.

The Birth of Jesus (Luke 2:1-21):

1 In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. 2 (This was the first census that took place while[a] Quirinius was governor of Syria.) 3 And everyone went to their own town to register.

4 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. 5 He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. 6 While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, 7 and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.

8 And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. 9 An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. 12 This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.

13 Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest heaven,  and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

15 When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

16 So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. 17 When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, 18 and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. 19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

21 On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named Jesus, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.”

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

Q&A: “No one will marry me because of how I act”

posted by B. Dave Walters

Do you feel like talking to her?

(Unedited) Question submitted via Formspring:

“I’m 30 female..but there is a child soul inside me,,, it makes me happy,,,but people dislike it,, they keep saying you are old old old girl you are not pretty to act like that… no one will marry you cos you are expired so grow up …tell me what to do?

Well first, I can’t ‘tell you what to do’, I can only offer my opinion!

So let’s break this down into pieces:

  1. You are a 30 year old female.
  2. You are unmarried.
  3. You have a ‘child soul’ that ‘makes you happy’
  4. ‘People’ (what people?) say ‘you shouldn’t act like that’ (act how?)
  5. ‘They’ say no one will marry you because you haven’t grown up.
  6. It looks like you *want* to get married, or you wouldn’t have asked the question.

We have talked before about how to find the right man and about the right time to get married; so no matter how you act it is possible to find a man who will appreciate that ‘child soul’.

It also appears that you are not from the United States, so there may be a lot of pressure on you to act a certain way in order to get the approval of your parents, family, or community.

There is a world of difference between being youthful and care-free, and being immature.

If you are 30 years old and you like ALL the same things you liked in High School and still dress that way; if your favorite singer is Justin Bieber and your favorite book is Twilight, those might be red flags…since those things are designed for children.

Yes, I said it ladies!

However, if you have a job, pay your own bills and have your own home (if your culture allows it), AND you just happen to like those type things, that’s not all bad.   It’s fine to like simple pleasures (I know 30 year olds who watch the Care Bears…by themselves), but only as long as you taking care of your responsibilities first.

The true definition of being an adult is when you stop relying on other people, and people start relying on you.  You’re not being taken care of by your parents; you are taking care of yourself.  If you want people to perceive you as an adult, make sure you are someone who can be counted on to do what needs to be done.  If you are not working, or don’t have your own place, then you can help with the chores around the house…or do them all.  Try having dinner ready for everyone when they come home; or if cooking isn’t your thing try having the house clean and tidy.  If neither cooking nor cleaning are for you, then start working to bring in extra money in to pay the bills.  At 30 you should be more than able to run a household.  If you realize you aren’t, start learning how to do it, since when you do get married you’ll have a house to run!

Once you start doing these things, or if you are already doing these things, then you have nothing else to worry about.  If you have a child’s heart but an adult’s brain; if you know how to have fun while knowing how to get things done, then you have nothing else to worry about.

You are great, and I love you!

And if you love me back, click ‘share’ up at the top!

B. Dave Walters

Writer, Life Coach, and Talk Radio Host

Find out more about me:
http://about.me/BDaveWalters

Ask me anything:
http://formspring.me/BDaveWalters

Pages I support:
Jesus and Buddha  — Interfaith dialog

Gnostic Theism — Religion and Spirituality for the 21st Century (Join the Movement!)

Love One Another —  A safe place to come find more reasons to smile!

       

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