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To say that living in an awakened state is a challenge would
be quite an understatement.
After God told me that I was to write a spiritual book and
explain the true meaning of Unconditional Love, it seemed I had first to go
through a kind of metamorphosis. My vision and understanding of life had to be
transformed–from the human viewpoint to that of our True Spirit.
Up to that moment of seeing creation through my spiritual
eyes for the first time, all I had to relate to was my physical life here in
this world. I believed that I was living a life created by God. In the end, I
was going to be judged and then go to heaven or hell for the rest of eternity. As
I had been raised Catholic (I had been baptized as well as confirmed), I was
confident that I was good to go, salvation-wise. As long as I accepted Jesus as
my savior I was assured a place in heaven.
There is an expression that I remember hearing many times in
my childhood: you can’t put the cat back into the bag, and pretend that you
don’t know what is inside the bag. Having undergone the experience of seeing
Creation as a system comprised of many dimensions, I found that my previous
beliefs were in many ways incomplete. I could no longer hold the limited view
that I once held as my treasure. With the realization that God alone exists, it
becomes apparent that everyone is equally a part of God and no one is special.
This understanding came as a blow to my ego personality. My view
of, for example, my family could never be the same. Looking through the
spiritual eyes that God had opened for me, I realized that there is no room for
special relationships any longer. If God had a hand in creating everything and
everyone, then a bum in the street is equal to my own son in the eyes of God.
Understanding this truth and living it proved to be the
biggest challenge I could have imagined. Prior to seeing the “bigger picture”
there was nothing more important than my family to me.
I remember when my son was born. The love I felt for him was
so strong that I would have laid down my life for him without as much as a
second thought. After seeing the infinite journey we all share, where we have the
opportunity to have many incarnations, it became impossible to ever see my son
the same way again.
From my new understanding I recognized him as my spiritual
brother first, and my son second. Obviously this had a huge impact on our
relationship. Prior to my new-found understanding, I believed my life was much
like any other American with a Christian background. Believing that I was to be
judged when I die, I had always done my best to live a good life.
I can remember thinking that my main concern was to provide
for my own. I hoped that at some point I could retire with enough money to be
comfortable, without working or have any financial concerns. How could that be
wrong? As long as I did not hurt or take advantage of anyone, wouldn’t God want
me to have a good life? Isn’t that what the American Dream is all about?
While that may be what the American Dream is all about, it
is not the main reason we are here in this world. What God showed me was that we
are here to awaken to who we truly are, and then to transform ourselves through
our day to day life. Some in this world are familiar with the term Rebirthing; I
understand it to represent the transition from one state of consciousness to
My personal enlightenment was vital for me, but it did not
give me the words to help enlighten others. If I was to be successful in
conveying understanding to others, I realized that I had to first find out what
they knew and believed. Up to that moment I had little or no understanding of
other belief systems. As a matter of fact, I had not even read the Bible. I did
not want anything to cloud the vision that God had showed me. I decided to
write about my new understanding and see how it compared to what other things
had previously been written.
I left my job and rented an apartment to find a place of
solitude. Monday through Friday I would leave my wife and son and write, while
meditating and praying on the view of the Spiritual Life. Thoughts of prior
teachings many times conflicted with it. It occurred to me that, if I was
confused about some things I had been taught, perhaps others had the same
problem. I therefore decided that I would use some quotes from the Bible to
help add clarity. I did not want to become a Bible scholar, but rather to use
what Spirit guided me to use.
Not having been trained in writing and having read very
little, my first book proved to be a huge challenge. It took me over 2 ½ years
of meditating, praying, and writing for a minimum of 3-4 hours a day. Some days
I would write only a page or two, and then find myself rewriting the same pages
over and over until I felt it was clear enough. This process went on until the
end of 1999. When I finished, I felt a great sense of relief.
I had done it. My first book was called It Is All One
Truth. My sense of accomplishment was short
lived, however. Much to my surprise I found that most people who read my book
were not getting it. My own mother said that she could not understand what I
At this point my life had also gone through some big
changes. The business I had started and ran as President and CEO could not take
the strain of my not being there. My business partner and my wife came to me
and told me that they were in love. This led to both a business breakup and a
divorce. I was then faced with another hard decision: I could use what
resources I had to rebuild my life, or continue with the commitment I had made
I chose to trust that somehow things would work out as they
should. What I heard Spirit tell me was that I had to rewrite It Is All One
Truth, and so I set out to write another
book. That book is called Prophet or Madman.
Before writing Prophet or Madman I felt it would be helpful to know more about the
Bible. I read the complete New Testament as well as parts of some writings from
other religious traditions. I discovered that many ideas were close to my new
understanding and others appeared to be far away. I also found that my presentation
was in some ways conflicting.
Staying committed while letting go of my previous life
proved to be a challenge. I soon discovered that it is not easy to remain in
this world and be detached from it at the same time. Today, I realize that the
transformation from our human life back to our spiritual one is not easy. When
Jesus said that you must be vigilant in every moment, he was 100% correct.
The Buddha said, “Those who practice the Way might well
follow the example of an ox that marches through the deep mire carrying a heavy
load. He is tired, but his steady gaze, looking forward, will never relax until
he comes out of the mire, and it is only then that he takes a respite. O monks,
remember that passions and sins are more than the filthy mire, and that you can
escape misery only by earnestly and steadily thinking of the Way.”
Ecclesiastes 1:13 (New King James Version): “And I set my
heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all that is done under
heaven; this burdensome task God has given to the sons of man, by which they
may be exercised.”
Regardless of your path or what religion you practice, if
you wish to awaken yourself and live awakened in this world you will have to struggle.
More to come…
Love and Light,
Prophet or Madman