I fill my large Einstein Bagel coffee cup with vanilla hazelnut. The woman next to me mumbles, “I should know never to book anything before 10:00 o’clock on a Monday morning.” She explained she got lost on her way to an appointment and missed it all together. Now she’s getting coffee and regretting the day—already.

I commiserate with her. “I just read most heart attacks occur on Monday morning. So, I’m with you. They’re a killer.”

“Have a good rest of your day,” I spout as I head out the door.

I had just driven three miles to buy the best-tasting cup of coffee I could find for my own reasons: I woke up with a dark cloud hanging over my soul and I can’t shake it.

Why? Did someone die? I ask myself.

Well, someone DID die. That young man in a freak climbing accident. A friend of Laura’s.

But I didn’t know him. What else?

Well, mom and dad are both struggling.

 But they’re still here. 

Did I read too much news before going to sleep?  That’s a sure path to anxiety.

Was I on facebook too much? The foreboding, “sky-is-falling” posts circling around can drag me down, for sure.

I can’t pinpoint the cause. I just know there’s a cloud, and it feels like fear.

I.

I sit in my car and take a few sips. Yum.

A thought floats up: I need to get on my own side.

I tell myself to stop colluding with fear and darkness. God loves me. I need to join Him. Be gentle with me.

The cloud lightens a little.

II.

Then a realization comes: I just bought a large cup of vanilla hazelnut coffee. I have a car to drive. I’m looking out on a beautiful mountain range. I have food to eat and a place to sleep. Friends and family.

I’m blessed. Very blessed.

I grab my journal from the back seat and make a list of my blessings. Then write:

God, I’m thankful for all these blessings. Thank you!!!!!!

Blue sky peaks through.

III.

Now what?

Contrary to how it seems some days, I’m not direction-less or useless or left out. I’ve got a Gift to give.

I decide to write a fresh answer to the “Why am I here?” question:

My life purpose is to help people see that who they are and the talents they possess make up a unique Gift that the world needs. My work is to inspire them to give their Gift.

 I reach for my lap top. Open it and being typing.

The cloud is gone.

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photo credit: Kara Allyson (creative commons)