Oh My Stars

beliefnet astrology matthew currie marsThe last two Signs of the Zodiac are a strange neighborhood, but those Signs are strange in different ways. Both are high-minded and follow their ideals, often aggressively (Mars rules aggression). Odds are good you’ll find one or both of these Mars placements to be a little strange. The following summations should help you get a handle on Mars in Aquarius and Mars in Pisces, and (since Mars also rules cutting, heating, and yelling) each paragraph is followed by some bellowing from Master Chef and Master Astrologer (sure, why not?) Gordon Ramsay.

Mars in Aquarius

The surest way to annoy someone with Mars in Aquarius is to tie them down, restrict them, or (worst of all) keep insisting that you stick to protocol. You are generally good at applying your intelligence to solving practical problems, even if your solutions sometimes look a little weird to everyone else. People with this placement like to apply their energies to changing and reforming existing structures and procedures to make them more fair and work better, and are often surprised when this isn’t welcome. You are generally a lot of fun and fair-minded in your relationships, and in your bedroom. Mars in Aquarius people usually have a reasonably good grip on their tempers and passions, which is usually a good thing — but can make you seem a little detached and impersonal to your loved ones.

“I have to admit I’m surprised. Perfectly cooked tenderloin, nice job on the coating, not too greasy. Good job on the onions too. Perfect. Too bad the customers ordered the f–king sea bass, you moron!”

Mars in Pisces

Mars is a little too belligerent to be entirely comfortable in the sensitive sign of Pisces. People with this placement have powerful emotions and passions, and often have a hard time keeping them under control. You may find yourself misdirecting your energies into the wrong person and the wrong project, which can make you a versatile lover and employee — or can find you unemployed and alone. You probably aren’t terribly comfortable with directly attacking a problem or issue, and will often sit around and wait until things correct themselves. Fortunately, this happens just often enough that you can keep justifying it to yourself. Sometimes people with Mars in Pisces find the best use of their energy is in helping others, or in pursuing artistic, creative, or socially beneficial goals. More than most, you understand that the best sex involves a healthy dose of love.

“Well, you almost got it right. You started out great with the appetizers, but by the time we got to the main courses you empathized with the cutlets so much you couldn’t braise them. And stop crying. Real chefs don’t f–king cry.”

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