alexis-brown-85793-unsplash

I get a lot of questions about what guys say versus what they really mean.  So I thought I’d take a moment to answer them, all of them, because, simply, it doesn’t matter what he “really” means.  What matters is what he’s saying to you.

Simply put, if somebody you’re in a relationship says something to you, you generally need to take it at face value.  Why?

Because life’s too short to do otherwise.

Let’s start with what this question usually centers around: it’s less about what he “really means” and more about “please tell me I’m not hearing this correctly”.  Sorry, but you probably are.  It’s an understandable reflex; everybody’s had that moment where they hear something nasty or heartbreaking or just awful and they can’t quite believe it.  That was a mistake, right?  You didn’t say what I thought you said.

Unfortunately, denial isn’t a useful tactic (really, it’s never a useful tactic, but that’s another post).  You need to deal with what’s going on in your relationship, instead of worrying about something else that might be happening only in your head.

This isn’t to say men aren’t capable of playing emotional games: everybody is capable of playing emotional games.  Despite the stereotype, if we know anybody well enough, we’re more than capable of pushing each other’s buttons.  But emotional games suck, and the only way to “win” them is not to play them.

Say he meant something else by whatever he said…so what?  You still need to take it at face value.  Communication is the foundation of any relationship: if you can’t communicate, you don’t have a relationship.  So trying to deliberately confuse things by telling a person one thing while meaning another is a crappy thing to do.

One way or the other, the gameplayer needs to learn that, and the best way to do it is to refuse to play.  If a guy tells you something awful like “I don’t love you anymore”, it doesn’t matter if he thinks he still loves you.  He doesn’t, or he wouldn’t be pulling a stunt like this.

So, in the end, whether he really means what he’s saying, or he doesn’t, take what he’s saying at face value.  In the end, what else can you do?

 

More from Beliefnet and our partners
previous posts

How to demonstrate value? Let’s answer that in a bit. Instead let’s first answer the question why is it important to demonstrate high value? Women want to be with someone who provides the best opportunity for survival and reproduction (i.e. having kids). Guys with high value show these qualities. Back in caveman day the alpha […]

Are you feeling overdrawn, energetically burned out, or drained? Do you feel burdened, resentful, or taken advantage of? The fact is our inner world creates our outer world. As difficult as it is to hear, we are too conscious to be victims. We have too much awareness to stay stuck. What we are consciously or […]

The couple who works out together…stays together?  While this isn’t quite a guarantee, it’s not a stretch.  As relationships progress, the behavior of both people in the couple tend to mirror each other – and this includes health habits.  In fact, a WowFit  study of 5,000 married couples found that when the husband was healthy […]

Your inner-game is the most crucial of all aspects when it comes to meeting and attracting women. I have never shared these insights with anyone before, as they are pretty personal to me. I’m only letting them out now because a close friend of mine convinced me that it would help guys to get to […]