A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
Love isn’t a product, like shoes, or lemons. Yet people pleasers try to buy it with favors and being agreeable. I did whewn I was a DoorMat! And like many women, I was under the erroneous belief that if I catered to the needs of a guy I was dating, he’d want to stay. Women tell me they cook and clean for their guy, hoping it will get them the love they crave. Men say they shower women with gifts and expensive outungs to keep the woman.But it usually doesn’t work because you can’t buy love. It’s not a sale item.
Love comes from the heart. It builds from personal connections. Some people will love what you do for them. But that’s not the kind of love that’s satisfying. Then you feel pressure to keep on giving and giving to please the person and keep the love coming. And knowing that someone loves you for what you give them isn’t the same as someone loving you for you.
Yet people pleasers keep trying to buy love with favors, acquiescence, gifts, and more. Then they feel stressed, like I used to, about keeping it up so the person would continue to love them. This isn’t just about buying love from a romantic partner. People try to buy the love of a friend, parent, etc. If you do this it’s time to stop, like I did. When I put a lid on people pleasing, I got to see who really loved me for me and who my true friends were.
To break the pattern, focus on giving yourself love.The more you love yourself, the more you can control what you give others. Put your energy into making yourself happy, and appreciating it. Buy your own love with acts of self-kindness
Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment—“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days.” and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.