A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
I was taught it’s nice to please people. And it is, as long as you don’t sacrifice your own needs to do it, as many of us do. Putting more into pleasing others than you do to please yourself is not being nice! It’s being a Doormat. Taking care of your needs is NOT selfish! It’s necessary to become a strong, empowered person. Giving more to others can dampen your spirits, even if the people you give to are happy. When I was a DoorMat I walked around with many negative emotions that are common in people pleasers:
• Anger about feeling used or taken for granted.
• Frustration over not having enough time or energy to get your own needs met.
• Sadness that with all you do for others, you get little reciprocation when you need help.
• Low about yourself for letting people take advantage of you.
When doing things for others makes you unhappy, it’s time to make some changes. The best one is to do things for you that make you happy, which builds self-love. When you please yourself more, you feel better. When you feel better, you have more to give others. When I was a DoorMat I often felt drained and my energy was low as I plodded along to help others. The more I gave myself, the stronger my self-love became. The stronger my self-love became, the brighter my spirit got.
While I do believe in what’s known as the golden rule–Do unto others as you would have others do unto you–I also believe you must Do unto yourself as you do unto others. We often forget about taking care of self in our efforts to take care of others. But each of us needs to come first in our own priority. It’s important to never forget that!
I was surprised when I realized that the more I loved and did good for me, the more I wanted to help others, just to be kind, not to buy acceptance. My ability to give was propelled by the good energy I felt from being kind to me. The more you please yourself, the better you feel. That’s the premise behind my 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge, a pledge to do something kind for yourself for the first 31 days of 2012. You only have one life. Live it with self-love! Love yourself, have lots of fun, and treat yourself with the same kindness you give to your best friend.
As you treat yourself with loving kindness, your energy will shift to a place where you can set boundaries on what you give based on what’s best for you, not the person who wants your favors. I give more these days than I ever did when I was a DoorMat, and it’s from my heart, not from a place of insecurity or a belief that everyone must like me. That kind of giving makes you feel good and enriches your life instead of depleting it. Love yourself enough to make you happy!
Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Challenge –a pledge to start your year by doing something kind for yourself for the first 31 days of January–and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.
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